Balancing Relationship and Mom Time

One thing my husband and I do sometimes is make a late dinner for ourselves after the kids are in bed. Just sit at the table together and talk over a glass of wine (I'm preggo now so no wine for me for at least 9 months). Then we'll watch a movie together and snuggle on the couch. We watch a movie together at least once a week. We have three kids and one of the way so we don't get to get out of the house too often but we love sitting together at the dinner table and watching movies. It's our little date night at home :)

I am not sure how things work when people are not married, but for married people one's spouse should come first. Newborns obviously have a lot of needs and parents have to meet those and it can make us sleep deprived and cranky, but our husbands or wives are still important. It is okay for there to be less "spark" with a 3 month old infant in the house. When our first son was about 2 months old my in-laws came over and stayed overnight so we could go out to dinner and to a bed and breakfast for our third anniversary. It was nice to get away and be "grown ups," even though I had to tote along a rather unromantic breast pump. "Date nights" are a great idea, but they can be very expensive and impractical for a lot of people--if there are family/friends she can swap babysitting with it can help and a cup of coffee is pretty cheap. Those first few months go by so quickly it is hard for me to remember what it was like, but I have always felt very close to my husband.

well, my situation is a little different. i went from being a single mom to living with my boyfriend and having his two sons every other weekend and a few nights a week. that was a big transition. we like to have some special time after the kids are in bed, we'll sit on the couch and watch tv, or sometimes we'll sit together but be doing different things on our computers. but we make sure to cuddle in bed each night when possible. the other thing that helps is we get at least one night every other weekend alone. so we make sure to have some adult time that weekend.
with her daughter being so young, she might not feel attractive, but keeping the sex life active and in good shape will definatelyl help the relationship. sneak in a little naptime fun here and there. it will really help. another thing that i think would really help is to spend family time together. make plans for things to do with the baby and him. keep him involved.

You have to remember to keep yourselves FIRST in the relationship just as it was before the baby came along. The baby requires a lot of attention but if mom and dad dont take care of themselves first and let the child start running the household you can lose yourselves completely. Being a united front with each other and realizing you now have that added distraction to attend to should keep you in sync. Training your baby to fit your schedule and not vice versa is the more emotionally healthy way do it.
When you do have those quiet times together (which can be few and far between if you let baby rule) make sure you talk to each other, maybe play a game of cards.... don't let just sitting in front of the TV be your together time... you have to keep talking and communicating on a daily basis. Try to leave the baby out of the conversation on occasion to avoid the monotony. Husbands and wives are just as important as the child, don't kick one another to the curb just because a child has moved in.

Finding a "balance" in any relationship is going to be difficult. Impossible no, but difficult yes. Babies are high maintenance in that they are very demanding. If this new mom has trusted family and/or friends to watch the baby for an hour or two a week, it is a good idea to stay connected with the spouse by having a date night. Love doesn't die but attitudes towards one another can and often do change. Keeping a relationship alive takes work and BOTH partners must be willing to keep up with the changes that each person undergoes whether a baby is involved or not.

21 is young. They are both still becoming adults and taking care of their own needs and so yes, I imagine having a deep, caring relationship with someone else can be difficult.

So...What to do? I would recommend that any young woman in this situation continue to pursue her life. Education, Education, Education. Which hopefully leads to meaningful, successful employment. I would recommend that she keeps connected to strong, savvy women friends. Having an emotional network of mature women to support you is important. Pursue old hobbies and try out new ones. Read books and the newspaper. Go for walks or runs. Volunteer.

What the heck does this have to do with her relationship with her SO? Well...

A.) She remains interesting, change-able, attractive to others and vaguely elusive to him. Men love the chase.

B.) She continues growing and maturing and eventually outgrows the man who is not ready for commitment and ends up finding Mr Right.