Balancing It All

E., I know how you feel. Do I have real good advice for you? No. Because I am in the same situation. I am the head groomer for a grooming shop about twenty miles from my home. I have three children ranging from ages of eight, three, and two. My husband is disabled and has a disease of the heart and lungs which will take his life in the end. I find it very overwhelming to keep up with work, the kids, my very sick husband being in and out of hospitals, the house, the laundry and I can keep going and going..so I just wanted you to know that I am here with you, and if you find anything that helps, please keep me in mind. And the same goes here, I will keep you in mind.

Wow! You definetly have a lot on your plate! I know its I hard to plan every minute of your day with children - have you ever heard of the flylady? Visit the website: flylady.net - This website and the flyladys are great! They get your whole house clean in a week! They break your house into "zones" that you work on each week. Every day, there are fun things to do and she even has time frames for everything! I used to subscribe to her emails when I was a SAHM like yourself. She even has flyladys for working mothers too. When its time to spot clean, you get 15 minutes to pick up, or throw away, or straighten. I found this so much easier, because if you are like me, when you clean, you have to do the whole room from start to finish and that means you dont have time to do any other rooms because it takes longer to get it all done instead of how flylady does it. She has it down great! Good luck!

E.,

A couple of practical tips that I have found useful in my own life (I work full time, am starting my own business and have a 2 year old!):
- Make a weekly schedule of when you get household chores done and ask your husband, baby sitters, etc. to work with that schedule - e.g., I always go grocery shopping on Friday morning so I ask everyone to put their grocery/drug stores needs on the list by Thursday night.
- I use Lowes online grocery shopper to preorder my weekly shopping on Thursday night and then just drive up and pick it up the following day. Saves me a TON of time and is worth the $5 service charge.
- I try to cook or prepare all the meals for the week on Sunday and then freeze things - makes things easy during the week.
- I offer my baby sitter a little extra money to help me with laundry during the week. She does laundry while my daughter is napping and gets some extra cash this way. She and I both love this system!
- I have someone come in every other week and do heavy housecleaning - mopping, bathrooms, etc. I can keep the lighter things under control myself. I asked my family to give me cleaning services for holiday and birthday gifts. I thought it was more useful than a sweater that I would wear once or twice!
- I have lists, lists, and lists of lists to stay organized. I keep a monthly schedule of things like bills to be paid on my bulletin board. It helps!
- I just invested in a PDA that I got on eBay at a very reasonable price. It helps me stay organized.
- I schedule time for myself. E.g., Sunday from 2-3 is MY time to do silly personal stuff like trim my nails. My husband takes our daughter out or does something with her then as he knows that I need that time for myself.

And finally - don't let anyone tell you you can't have it all and do it all! You can! You can do as much as YOU feel is right for you and your family.

Good luck
M.

First of all congrats on being in your senior year, I went back to school a couple years ago and when I finally finished it felt so wonderful and a great accomplishment. Now to the how to fit it all in, YOU CAN'T!!!!! Just for this year, give something up, make sure your taking care of your kids and your schoolwork, but let something else go, there will be time to get reinvolved in those other things. And like someone else said, see if there is someone you can share duties with, maybe a teenage girl could come over one or two nights a week and help watch the kids...
I had to let some things go so I could finish up my degree, and when I finished I picked back up right where I left off.
I also have 2 kids with their own busy schedules and between beign a driver to and from and school and work, well I had to give up the volunteering side of my life for just a short period of time.

Goodluck, you'll be done in less than a year and then it will all fall into place.

(Where are you located, (what state)?)

Hi E.,
I can certainly understand the situation that you are in. I too am a student with about a year left to go, just switched careers and getting ready to open a new business, and have a wonderful, active almost 7 year old daughter. I know how difficult it is to juggle work, school, family, not to mention the little challenges that daily life throws at us, and sometimes it is hard to stay focused. Give yourself a little break from getting "everything" done and channel your energy into what is most important right now: your family, finishing school, and maintaining your sanity. Try to set a daily routine, make lists of absolute must-do's, and try to enlist the help of family and friends if you can when things start getting a little overwhelming. Try and remember what motivated you to go back to school to help you get through the rough times. Enjoy the precious time you spend with your children, and block out the to-do lists from your mind for those moments. Make sure you set aside time, even if it's just 30 minutes a day, to do something for yourself that you really enjoy. Get someone you trust to watch the kids and go on a date with your wonderful husband!
It is hard to balance everything, and sometimes you just have to give in a little, or give up some things to make everything work. It was very refreshing for me to read your request and all the responses, to know that there are others out there that are going through the same types of ordeals. Keep in mind what you have accomplished so far, and stay focused. I wish you the best of luck!

E. -

I have been in your situation as well. I had two children while attending college. In order to balance all of the things going on in my life, I took college at a slightly slower pace. Instead of taking 12 credits each semester, I took 6 or 9. It took me 6 years to finish but I wasn't willing or able to afford to send my kids to full time daycare to get it all in.

Just remember that this is a temporary situation. Just keep in mind your priorities and remove or reduce those things that are low on the list. Also, it is very helpful to have a supportive husband who is willing to pick up the slack.

Hi E.,

Thanks for asking this incredibly complex question. I'm now a student at UNCA. I'm taking 9 hours and working 35 hours while trying to accomplish the world. It seems nearly impossible too. I'm so glad that you asked this question and I was able to read the "advice" from all the Moms. I believe everyone is right, prioritize, remember it's very important to finish school and it's only temporary. Thank God you have a supportive husband!

S.

E.,

I am a stay at home mom of 4 (two are on their own now). The two still with me are 16 and 13 with social calendars of their own. I am also in my senior year of college. I watch our 3 month old grandbaby during the day. Together, my family and I have worked out a plan that works for all of us.

Do you have the "extra" money to perhaps bring a sitter in while you do some work? Perhaps a neighborhood girl?

Also, are there some things that you might be willing to let go of...at least for a while?

Keep me posted...

Please take time to re-evaluate your priorities. If you are feeling overwhelmed...give something up for your sanity. You will not regret giving something up when you feel better about the things that you hold on to.

Deb

Hello E.. I am also a mother of two, my oldest daughter will be 2 on the 30th, and I just had a baby on Mothers Day. I am also a full time student and stay at home mom, and I Always feel overwhelmed with trying to balance school, family, and home chores. I have three quarters left of school, and it has been a huge challenge. I got myself on a schedule as best I could with two young children, and rountines do help a lot. I am also very determined to finish school, so when I get too overwhelmed and think about quiting, I just remind myself that it will all be worth the trouble I face in the end. But trying to keep a schedule for all my daily activities helps alot. When you start to think you cant handle anymore, just think about anything you want badly enough has to be worked at. And soon enough, you start to see results.

Give up the fight and learn to accept that you can't do it all. Trying to fit it all in will make you crazy.

I spent a year trying to "find balance" and worrying about it almost cost me my marriage.

Once I decided to let go of trying to keep all my commitments and started to prioritize them, life got much easier.

About me: 31 with a 2 1/2 yr old, a "high visibility" company job, 2 practice kids/dogs, and a great husband.

You're a SAHM mom of 2, full-time stu, writer, and pol activitist and wonder how you can fit it all in? I wonder how you did it BEFORE the 2nd baby!!

My advice (having done the single mom, working full-time, full time stu, highly social, highly involved thing) is prioritize your life. What is the most important thing to you? If it were me, it would have to be a choice bw the mom thing and the student thing. Having enrolled in and paid for (im assuming) your last year of college (whether it be undergrad or grad school), and it being ONLY a year, that would have to be my first priority. Now's definitely the best time to complete your degree before the babies get any older (start school, etc), but you can only do that if you're serious and if you have help. Meaning, your husband would have to be very understanding and just as dedicated to your degree as you are. He will have to take over the parenting as much as possible and you should let him.

Also, I understand that writing and politics may be important to you, but how important? I would dump those activities as soon as possible to focus on what's most important: your degree and family. You sound overcommitted...if so, decide what's sapping most of your energy, call the person in charge, and apologize for leaving them in a lurch, but explain that you simply cannot fulfill the responsibility as takes too much time and attention away from those things most important in your life, that more than likely its only for a year, and you hope to be able to work with them in the future. If there are two or three acitivities that keep you sane (ie, provide adult conversation outside the home, social interaction), make an effort to take of yourself and sanity in that way. But disengage yourself from anything and everything that doesn't support your #1 priority, whatever that might be.

Being a mom, wife, housekeeper, etc is a full-time job in and of itself. Being a full-time student requires nearly the same amount of time and attention if done correctly (which is why we are encouraged to complete an education prior to marriage and children - not that that stopped me either). You can't do everything. Despite what anyone tells you, one cannot be everything to everyone, be fullfilled and have it all without becoming overwhelmed, incredibly stressed, and ultimately depressed. We weren't made that way.

Good luck!