Balancing Baby and Personal time...please Help.

Hi S.,

I am a 27 yr old mama of 3, one of whom is just 8 weeks. I have been through what you are going through, as I had babies 14 months apart while I was in school and working full time. My husband and I worked opposite shifts so we wouldn't have to pay for daycare (still do) so we were on our own with the kiddos all the time. First, know that this stage will pass. When your daughter is a little bit older she will be able to entertain herself just fine while you take a shower etc. For now you need to first figure out a safe place for your little one to be during your shower, whether it is your room, her room etc. Make sure she is confined to it and give her a little snack (such as cherrios), a few toys, or even throw on a dvd for her. Then, get dressed and sit on the floor with her while you do your make-up. Always get yourself ready FIRST, then get her ready. Otherwise she will always manage to mess up her hair or get her clothes dirty before you leave and it will cost you even more time. I have found, esp now, that if I am completely ready to go before I even begin to get the kids ready it is so much easier. If you have to, wake up before your little one gets up and get yourself ready. Make sure all of the things you need to take with in the morning are ready to go the night before. That way it is one less thing to do and you won't forget stuff. And last, buy a coffee pot with a timer on it so that there is a cup of coffee waiting for you when you wake up :P lol! You can do it mama, and don't beat yourself up for not having it "figured out." Someday if you have another baby, you will look back at this time and realize that with just one, you were more of a pro than you thought. :)

Whenever your Hubby is home, he has to help you and help run interference, plain and simple.

Perhaps, can you shower at night instead, before bed or something, then that way you don't have to do it in the morning. Just a switch in habits. Or, get up earlier in the morning, before your daughter wakes up, and shower then. If that is an option.

Also, it can't be helped if you need to get ready, and you have to put her down and if she screams a little. It's just for a couple minutes... or, put on a video or something on the TV and sit her down while you get ready.

Also, organize things the night before, and get everything laid out and ready as much as possible the night before. Including, putting whatever you will need IN the car, the night before. Always do whatever you can, the night before. THIS really helps, for the next day.

Also, give yourself about 1/2 hour EXTRA time to get ready....meaning, don't wait down to the wire about timing yourself & your girl for getting ready in the morning Just wake up 1/2 hour earlier, and then that way, you don't have to "rush" and hurry around. I always "plan" 1/2 hour extra into my "schedule", then that way, we can actually leave on time, and not rush... and even with the usual transgressions in timing/getting the children ready... I am "still" on time. Because I planned 1/2 hour extra into my "getting ready" format.

ALSO, you are a student, Mom and wife. That is a LOT to do. My Husband works full-time AND goes to school/college. The Academic Advisor talks with each couple before a spouse commits to school... because for people who are married and with children... it can REALLY put a hardship on the family/spouse/children.... because the "going to school" Parent will not be available and will be very busy. And it is very busy. The College Advisor has said that she sees MANY MANY couples with Children just go bonkers, because a spouse is back in school....and they get very stressed.

For me and my Hubby, with him in school & working, I am like a single Parent.. I manage everything and the kids. Because my Hubby goes to school and when he is home he is studying.. so even if he IS at home, he is not "available." Studying is VERY important. It is a commitment. PLUS, we have 2 young children...they don't get much face time with him....and they miss him too. But by now they "know" that Daddy studies....and can't be disturbed. No, it's NOT easy. But it's the way it is.
BUT, when he does have time now and then, he takes over and helps with the children. But yes, it IS stressful... and hard.

For you, your Hubby HAS TO pitch in, and help. You are going to school... that is a DOUBLE duty...PLUS, you are a Mom and Wife. It's a LOT of pressure. You should really sit down with him and talk about it... and delegate "duties" for him, or lists, so the house-hold and child duties can be "organized" and perhaps thereby creating less "stress" for all.

School will be at least a couple of years commitment. Your child will always be a child, you will always be a Mom and Wife....still. BUT... you need help. THAT is what needs to change... and hopefully, BOTH Parents can contribute to that...and be a "team" effort.

All the best, have to cook dinner now!
Susan

Hi S.! I feel for you! I am a full-time student (graduating this December) part-time worker and mother of a 3yr old and a 7 month old. You have to multi-task, multi-task, multi-task!!! Preparation is key. Pick out what you and your daughter are wearing the night before. Pack lunches, snacks, diaper bags and do everything you possibly can the night before. In the morning, shower with your daughter. I shower every morning with both of my kids. This way they both are clean and I have no worries about where they are or what they are doing and they love the extra mommy time. (I don't do night time baths) Can you distract your daughter with toys while you get organized? My kids like to be in the same room as me, but they don't have to interact with me to be content. They love playing with toys and allow me to get caught up on house work while they are playing. If not, can you take your daughter for an extra day to day care so that you can get caught up on organizing from your move? How 'bout have daddy take her out for an afternoon? Once you get organized at home, you'll probably feel better on a daily basis. I have to admit, with my crazy schedule my husband and I give up a lot of time with each other. We don't have a lot of "us" time, but we do try our best talk often even when not together. We do set aside time for ourselves, just not much. Something has to give. There are only 24 hours in a day. You have to decide what is worth it to you. Good Luck with the juggling!!!

Take a deep breath and tell yourself, it's okay not to have the hang of it...'cause honestly, I have a two year old and don't know if I will get 'get the hang of it'.

At around 13 months old my son started to want ALL of my attention and I couldn't even go pee without him following me to the bathroom. As a working Mom, I have to be ready and out of the house by 7:30am and my son's Dad picks him up for their morning visits at that time...so, our morning routine consists of a very tight schedule. I've got his sleep schedule so, he's up by 6am and we do breakfast and a show in the family room and then 6:30am I take a shower while he watches NOGGIN and eats the rest of his breakfast. When he was younger (13 mos.) I had a toy bin in the bathroom to keep him busy and put a clear shower curtain up so he could see me, and not that he didn't still fuss and make it tough but he got used to the routine and we had little problem after about a week or two. I included him in the morning routine so, he knew he wasn't missing out on anything special. Would blow his hair with the cool setting on the blow dryer and let him brush his own teeth with a infant tooth brush and play in the sink while I did my makeup...it was a tough juggle but, I could stand behind him and he was happy. After a while, he would only stick around for the hair and teeth and leave me for his morning TV time.

I have my own routine down to about twenty minutes...it's not like you have to rush, and I do have time for makeup. Truly, it's just about finding a routine that works...for the time being anyway...it will change as often as you change the toilet paper roll!

Don't worry, and give yourself a break!!

i do child care and have to be at the familes house by 8:30am. what i do is at 7am i get up and get the shower running then i wake her up (if shes not up already) and give her her morning cup of milk. then we both take a shower together. i then get her dressed and give her breakfast. after that i pack our needed things for the day. then by 7:45 we are out the door. my daughter is 18 months and i can take a 20 min. shower and she will sit and play in her room. maybe try giving your baby a bath at night so all you have to do is feed her and dress her before your out the door. i also agree with setting up a safe play area while you need to shower so she is safe. good luck!

I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 10 month old - this is how I get ready in the morning and it works really well, maybe some of these methods will work for you:

I put a Disney DVD in the player for my 2 1/2 year old in the bedroom (where my bathroom is also) and sit the baby on the floor outside the shower with several toys at her feet. I have a baby gate on the bathroom door and also one on the bedroom door - so I know my son is enclosed in the baby-proofed bedroom and my daughter is enclosed in the bathroom, where I can actually see her the whole time while I'm in the shower...then I shower really fast.

Then, I literally throw some cheerios on the floor for my daughter in a bowl near my feet, and put my son on the bed with a bowl of cheerios too, and a cup of milk, while I throw on my clothes and put on my makeup. My hair gets a fast blow-dry.

Then, we all march into the nursery where they both get clean diapers and fresh clothes for the day...

This whole process takes 20 minutes, and my kids are pretty much happy, and safe the whole time.

Good luck, I hope this gave you an idea or two you can use.

It will get much easier when your little one is 2. Trust me about that.

Hi S.,

Lots of moms gave good advice already... I just wanted to pinpoint in on the move factor you mentioned. We moved when my son was about 9 months old and he was clingy and crying a lot for a few weeks in our new place. It drove me bonkers because I wanted the place put together as quickly as possible so that it could be baby proofed and we could find things so I was extra stressed on top of all the normal things. I didn't figure out until later that because his surroundings were different he was feeling insecure. So for that aspect of things, it may just take some time for your daughter to get used to her new surroundings before she'll start to be more comfortable.

It doesn't seem to get any easier getting ready to go anywhere, does it? Planning the night before definitely helps. I shower at night now, mostly because that is one less thing I have to worry about. Yes, it makes for some bad hair days, but that's just something I'm willing to sacrifice. I also try not to let my son watch a lot of TV or videos, but gosh those are a godsend on the difficult days! On the better days, I'm able to distract him by asking him to help me with things (e.g. can you help mommy put this in the hamper? Can you brush your hair while mommy gets ready? Can you get mommy a red truck? a blue truck? etc...) Also, I find it helps me to focus on one thing at a time if at all possible (i.e. we eat breakfast, I get myself ready first, get everything packed up, and then get my son ready). If I get my son ready first, he is more impatient to get out of the house than if I just leave him in his jammies for awhile.

There's no magical answer as it will never be easy, but I feel for you especially going to school. Hang in there, you can do it!

Hi S., Don't think you should have the hang of it by now, cause things change as our babies get older. Understand sweetie that you don't have to give your daughter all your time, have quality time with her, but don't allow her to control your schdule, or enable you to do the things you need to do like take a shower. You can put her in her crib, or a playpen and take you shower, that' what i did, I was a stay at home mom. but always liked be prepared for the next day, by setting the kids clothes out at night for the next day, when my first born started kindergarden, ipacked his lunch the night before, set out the clothes for my family even my husbands uniforms. I understand you daghter is attached to you, but you want to try and get her just a little more independent, meaning that she will play in her room while you get things done, and In the evening have daddy interact with her so she gets used to not always having to be attached to you. Remember you are the parent, so you make the rules, and at 16 months she can start to learn those rules, S. as wife's and mothers, someboday always needs us, but as women we need our own time that is just for us, and when we get that we are even better mom's and wife's, so make a routine of things for your daughter so you can take a shower, get ready for school, then get her ready for daycare, maybe your daycare provider once a week can keep her maybe an hour longer so you can have some me time, I'm a daycare provider, I do that for my moms when they need it. My husband always made time for me to have my me time when he would get home from work, also an hour or 2 on a Saturday so i could go shop, get my nails, or just occupy the kids so i could get things around the house done, and I know it made me a better wife and mother. Hope this helps. J. L.