As many of you know I own/ and operate a preschool for 4 years. I have always given 100% to the children, staff, and parents, and for the most part have an extremely happy group of children, staff, and parents. I have an extremely wealthy family (I stress the wealthy part because I think it is a factor) that has 3 children in my care, just had a new baby, so that makes 4, and the oldest in my care is turning 4 in Nov. Mom is a stay at home mom and this is one family I have never really had much dialogue with over the almost 4 years their children have been in my care. They are pleasant people (so I thought) have never given me any grief, never complained, have always been happy with the program, and have actually recommended quite a few parents to my center. Up to one month ago I was told the 4th child would be entering my center soon. The husband works, and travels, and has a very high profile job, so after daycare one of my former employees works for them as their nanny 3 hours each evening. I have an excellent relationship with this former employee (college student) her mom still works with me. I totally understood why she left to be their nanny because the pay 50 dollars an hour. Around 3 weeks ago, one of my other employees (has been with me for 5 years, worked at another center together as well) started babysitting for this family one night a week when the other girl had class. Since this girl has started sitting for this family the situation has changed drastically. Questions regarding curriculum, questions regarding care, and a few nasty emails from the dad regarding the children. The girl who babysits one night a week had come to me with some personal things from their home, and I told her she needed to keep her relationship with the parents professional, or she shouldn't babysit. She has made comments to staff such as the mom is so lazy, she doesn't even work and her kids are in daycare all day and then come home to a nanny, why would she have 4 kids if she isn't even with them. I have to tell you this is a major consensus with my staff. Anyway,they wanted me to move their child to the 4 year old class because next year she will be attending prek4 and then their Kindergarten program the following year in a VERY expensive private school. I told them she misses the cut off date of Oct 1 and she was doing great in her class and didn't see a need to move her, but I would revisit moving her mid year. I also told them doing prek4 twice was not necessary, and she may not be challenged in her new school if we moved her.I went over curriculum with the parents, had the teacher meet with them and we assured them that she was right where she needed to be, and would be prepared for her next level of academics once she left for her new venture. This employee told me they were asking her questions at home, that upset me because this employee is not in this little girls classroom in question, and has nooooo idea what she is learning and how she is progressing, she is an aid in the toddler room. I told her in the future if she is not familiar with the child's classroom she should refer the parents to the direct teacher, or myself. She was taken back by that and said she didn't think she said anything wrong, I told her to stop having dialogue with the parents it was causing issues and causing conflict. This week has been a nightmare, the parents have turned ugly, nasty emails, complaining etc. and I know this girl has been talking to them because they told me. I expressed to the parents that I have no problem with them speaking to their child's teacher, or myself, however I do have issue with them asking this staff member such pertinent questions regarding curriculum when she is not directly involved with their child, and had no idea what is going on. in that particular classroom. I found out that this employee has now told them very unpleasant things about their current nanny (none true) So I am thinking this girl got a taste of the great money they pay (50 an hour for 4 children) and is not only screwing me, but perhaps screwing this girl out of her nanny job. Before talking to the dad, he told me he had been talking to his girl, and now he is defending her to the hilt. Today they told me they will be taking all 3 children out in 2 weeks, because they are not happy with the program. Needless to say this is why I can't sleep, and am sooo upset. I guess I could understand that if they hadn't been with me for almost 4 years and have NEVER had an unpleasant word between us. It has turned UGLY, and I have no proof why!! I am positive this girl is behind it, but now the father swears that is not the issue. He claims they love the school, and staff but they have to move on. MAKES NO SENSE to me!!! I know in my gut my staff member has crossed the line professionally, but I cannot prove it because the parents will not confirm what has been said. All I have is a beautiful letter thanking me for such wonderful care and they love the staff, school, blah blah blah, but they feel it is best for the children to move on. These children mean so much to us, that when I told the one caregiver of the youngest she started to cry. This really comes out of nowhere. I know most centers do not allow babysitting just for this reason, but I have never had a problem before. I have always allowed babysitting because I know the college students need the extra money, and also it gives the parents a sense of security to have the children familiar with their sitter. Sorry it is so long but I think I had to give the entire backround, there is more but too much to go into. Why do you think the sudden change? I think this girl has told them terrible lies, and they have a deal worked out for her to babysit. I can't shake it, and I keep rehashing it in my mind. I know this is business, but I am very upset because i invest so much into my school. I don't think it would have the success it does if i wasn't so passionate, I never wanted it to be just about business, and making money, I have always put a personal touch on it which I guess is why this hurts so much I feel betrayal on both ends. Please don't tell me to be more professional, I am professional, but I am human. Should I tell my staff no more babysitting? I don't feel all staff should suffer for one bad situation. What do you think?? Thank you in advance!! Sorry so long!!
MomofM I do respect your answer and thank you but I screwed up because I was babbling in the middle of the night. This child was leaving anyway next year to go to a prek4 class in this expensive school to secure a spot in their Kindergarten the following year. I should have made that clear sorry!! The other 3 children were remaining with me until they were 4 as well. That is why I am so upset, from a financial standpoint, and also personal. In my business you cannot help but become attached the children so sometimes you are not always professional. I do not want to fire this girl so she can collect unemployment my plan is to cut her hours to practically nothing so she will quit. My question is do you all think she is behind this sudden change even though the family will not admit it. Thanks again
I completely understand why you are feeling the way that you do. You can only speculate as to what actually happened. You can talk to the parents again, but I suspect you really won't get to the root of the issue. You have to be very careful with this employee....start documenting any issues. Be factual. You cannot really fire her unless you have documented proof that she has done nothing wrong (although gut says that she probably did).
I know you've been through a lot lately, so I hope my response to this doesn't sound unsupportive, but here's my honest take on what the problem is:
"they wanted me to move their child to the 4 year old class because next year she will be attending kindergarten in a VERY expensive private school. I told them she misses the cut off date of Oct 1 and she was doing great in her class and didn't see a need to move her"
The above paragraph is actually where I think your issue lies (or at least begins) - not with the babysitter.
These parents are planning on putting their child in kindergarten next year. Consequently, I understand their desire to have her in a Pre-K class with four year olds who will also be making that move next year (not with three year olds) . You are sticking to an Oct 1 deadline which is obviously not a deadline that their Kindergarten will be using. If the child is unable to keep up with the older class, or does not have the maturity level that the other children have, then that is something the parents need to see and experience and understand for their child.
But your choice is to keep her in a class with three year olds, and then send her off to kindergarten next year (where she will be suddenly placed with all older children). I can see where the parents would have a problem with this.
I don't necessarily agree with an Oct 1st child starting kindergarten before turning 5, but since that is the parent's intent, it seems you are not supporting that. Even if the curriculum is sufficient -- the child is not getting the social interaction with older children that she will need to be prepared to function successfully in kindergarten.
I can also understand why the parents , given that they are frustrated and confused by your placement of their child this year -- might want to find out more about the school/curriculum from the babysitter/teacher who happens to be there in their house. She isn't their child's teacher, but she is a teacher at your school. For them to ask her questions about the school,classes etc, is just normal.
And again, I hope you don't think this sounds too harsh, but I just think your response to the parents sounds controlling and reprimanding: " I expressed to the parents that I have no problem with them speaking to their child's teacher, or myself, however I do have issue with them asking staff such pertinent questions.
i think it's perfectly acceptable for you to have discussions with your staff about boundaries and about being circumspect in their off campus conversations (especially since they sound like a gossipy group) -- but I think it's just not going to go over well if you tell parents they can't engage in a conversation about school/classes/curriculum with a teacher in their own home.
Bottom line, I think these parents will be taking their children out of your school not to be with a nanny full time -- but to be in a pre-school program that they feel works in tandem with them to best prepare their child for kindergarten.
I think they probably feel that you have made a decision for their child's placement this year that is not acknowledging of their needs and plans. I know you offered to revisit midyear , but that could be perceived as more disruptive than helpful -- as it doesn't give the child the kind of continuity she will need the year before kindergarten. I know I wouldn't want my child uprooted mid-year and put into a new class where she'd have to adjust to new friends, and a new teacher prior to doing that all over again in kindergarten.
I do think you will want to change your policy about staff members babysitting because it blurs lines and does allow for a gossip mill to churn. But if the parents didn't have the pressure of Kindergarten and the basic conflict with you over how their child's last preschool year unfolds -- I don't think the situation would be what it is today.
As a preschool director, your judgement calls about what a child needs and their maturity level I'm sure are well informed I would also not recommend kindergarten for a child with an Oct 1st birthday who will not be 5 when starting -- but given that is their goal, I just think the parents felt you were working at odds with them and that's the root of this problem.
But I'd certainly watch that gossipy employee as she seems quite happy taking snipes at everybody.
Good luck with this. Parents get very crazy the year before Kindergarten, especially if they are applying to exclusive schools. You want to make sure they feel you are on their side and working with them
Perhaps the parents (or maybe just the father) are rich and arrogant enough to think of your preschool program as their own personal childcare service, and that anyone "providing a service" for them should do exactly as they desire--so maybe your decision to keep their 4 yr old in the same class until mid year infuriated them more than you might know. Now that kindergarten at an expensive private school is on the horizon, they probably are becoming more serious/anxious about it and they quite possibly have rich friends with children in other hoity-toity expensive preschool programs. And those people are likely hyper-competitive and insecure and go on and on about the program their kid is in and how great it is and how most graduates end up at Ivy League schools.
So it's possible that the parents are just freaking out! They probably made their decision to pull their kids out of the program before your employee started fielding their questions. The fact that she came to you and said that they had been asking questions about the program seems to me to show that she was looking out for the school's best interests by informing you that they are questioning things. If she was conspiring against you and and your school, she wouldn't have shared that with you.
But then you order her not to talk to them about the program at all, saying that its causing issues because of the conflict. It sounds to me, and probably sounded to her, like you were insinuating that she had said some stuff that added to their dissatisfaction. You said it yourself that she was taken aback when you had said that, and told you she hadn't said anything wrong.
I think your quickness to assume that your employee was spreading bad information is pretty unfair. There is simply NO WAY you can know for sure all the motivations of any of the players in this game--not the parents, not your employee. But by reacting to your assumptions, you are actually creating more rancor and negative feelings, and possibly attracting negative consequences.
i do understand why you're upset, but i think you need to take a deep breath. you are running a business and offering a service, and yet you are taking this decision of theirs so personally. approach this from a professional standpoint. you have the nice letter, and you have a business to run. take a few private moments to shriek and punch a pillow, and then put on your professional demeanor and assume (whatever is being said or whispered or inferred or hinted at) that they too are making a professional decision about what works best for their family and go back to work.
khairete
S.
Yes, I think she is behind in al this and not only has cost you income, will end up costing the other gal (current nanny) her extra income as well. Deinitely start cutting her hours - heck, she just handed you the perfect reason since you just lost so many children in one fell swoop. The other employees deserve to be moved around to fill in on those hours since they do not have an extra job like this girl has....you're just giving her a bit of KARMA!
I have my own business too, You can't allow an employee to jeopardize your relationship with a good customer. Have a sit down with the parents,address the problem, if they still want to remove there kids, fine you did your best. After the dust has cleared fire the little B who started the nightmare. And no more babysitting unless it goes through you as a service, that way you have control can limit contact.
Good luck.
I am truly sorry you are upset over this. You sound like a nice and professional person. I would not allow your staff to baby-sit out side of the school.
I think she is behind this. I send my son to Daycare, I could see how this could happen. Who knows she maybe watching them full-time for that price.
I worked daycare during college. Our center had a strict policy that you could not take babysitting jobs from families that were part of the facility. It was obviously not something that could truly be enforced, but it did discouraged many of us. It was also included in the parent handbook, to help discourage parents from even asking.
This family has been there for 4 years. And they are letting one girl they only met a few times as a babysitter ruin their happy experiences with you? Good riddance to them, I say. Really, not happy with them program? Then you calmly say, "Oh, what are you unhappy about? I am sure we can work these things out or clear any misunderstandings you may have."
I totally understand. You have had parents come and go and that happens in the business, but this is four spaces emptying at one time so there is a financial situation to consider. Then you feel your character has been besmirched and that is a terrible feeling, especially when you don't feel you are in a position to defend yourself against unwarranted accusations.
Sometimes you just have to let go and let God. I would curtail the babysitting on the side, just to avoid future occurances. I would fire the girl that caused the drama. You don't have to give her proof. You can just let her go.
Buck up, there are always parents looking for good childcare for their kids and this is a learning experience that, while difficult now, you will be eternally grateful for.
First I would speak to the girl who's causing these issues again. Ask her right out one last time what has been said, and let her know that the family has decided to leave based on recent issues. Then, take one last stab at talking to the family. Hopefully they would hear you out, and especially if they've been with you for four years, they should lend another ear. As another poster said, they should trust you over some girl they just hired as a fill-in babysitter. They probably feel like they're getting inside dirt on the center. It's possible this girl is out for the nanny position and intentionally throwing you and your former employee under the bus, but that's hard to prove too. Although, if you truly feel this employee has hindered your relationship with this family for whatever motive she may have, maybe it's time to let her go or at least reprimand her in some way especially since you have asked her not to speak to them about the center already. In the future, because of issues such as this, you can modify your babysitting policy somehow to help reduce problems (are those specifics listed in the policy, ie prohibiting discussion with the family of center information while babysitting outside of work hours?). If in the end you end up losing the employee - you were probably better off. And if you lose the parents after all, it will be their loss as they're choosing to take their children from a good center and a place they're comfortable with. At least it would all be behind you if it happened. It's not ideal to lose a good family. It's hard to see good kids and any business go out the door, especially in this case. But sometimes things happen for a reason, and perhaps in due time you'll know why it played out the way it did. Good luck with everything. Sorry to hear about your bad day. Have a glass (or three) of wine and take the weekend to relax and unwind. :)
