Back to Bottle

I have a 23 month old daughter that is the same way, and now that I have my 3 month old son, it can get really bad, but I have learned that it's just attention, maybe do something creative with her. If that doesn't work I put her in time out for 2 minutes(they say a minute for each year). If that doesn't work then sometimes I realize either she is hungry or thirsty and once I feed her she is good. It is just there way of telling us either something is wrong or they feel left out. If they are way too out of control- you need to ignore her, because she can see that she is getting a reaction from you, so she continues to do it, once she realizes she is not she will get over it and move on. this may take a while but it works. Good luck! We all need it! lol

Love her, love her, love her! Try to step back and look at where the independence is coming from. She wants so badly to do things on her own- to test the limits and see where she stands in the world. Give her some more freedom where and when it is safe. Give her a few safe choices- the green shirt or the red? Fish sticks or chicken nuggets? Always give her safe choices so you can live with either answer.
Try to back off a bit and give her more freedom to do her own thing. When my daughters start pushing my buttons I realize that they need more room to do their own thing. I learned this with my first- and now my second daughter is 21 months old. I know that when she argues and whines and can't be satisfied it's usually when she feels out of control. So I step back and let her compose herself and then I give her something to have ownership of.
I try to remind myself that she is only 21 months old and that she can't control her behavior the way that I can. So I choose my battles.
Good luck. It's such a tough age. Sometimes just slowing down and putting things into perspective can be helpful.
-S.

i think it goes with being 18 months...i found that trying to keep kids where they cant get into trouble is helpful- playground, zoo, contained areas where they cant do damage. they do eventually outgrow it, or at least get to an age when you can use time outs ( i think around 2...). try to keep a sense of humor- or at least a case of beer in the fridge...they know (and like) when they drive you crazy so try not to show it does...good luck
E.
connor 5, kyle 3 aubrey 18m

I agree with the moms on rewarding the good behaviors and trying to redirect from the bad behaviors. All children are GOOD, some are just spirited. My first child, a girl who is now 5 is spirited. She has been since about 18 months. I also have a 3 year old son who is much easier to redirect and is not as spunky and a 2 month old girl, not sure about this one yet, LOL. I found that there are a few things to help with my spirited one, who is still quite spunky but getting much better as the years go by. Yes, I said years! First, get the "Raising your Spirited Child" it does offer some good points, I used it as a reference but did not read it page for page. Routine is good for my spirited little one. Playgroups and preschool 2 days a week helped alot because they can be kids there and do kid stuff. There are also teachers who can help get your child into a routine and they enjoy learning routine's with other children. Outside play is great because there are not alot of no's to be said. Spanking DOES NOT WORK it just tells the child that it's okay to hit other people not a good thing to start!!! Hands are NOT for hitting they're for HUGGING (I know you probably rolled your eyes at that one, but this is one thing that I repeated over and over, just like words are not for hurting they're for helping) Kids do learn by example so although these things may sound silly it's good to re endorse this kind of thought. Time outs or naughy chair did not start to work until about 3 years of age, before that they are too young to really "get it." I only use the naughty chair because my daughter is not easily redirected as some kids are. Less TV works too. TV causes alot of stimulation, if you have a spirited child you need to do activities that let energy out or calm their spirit down like reading, blocks, stacking, water table play or fill a large tub with cheerios or rice and get your measuring cups out and let them pour stuff. Just be careful with the rice if your child puts stuff in her mouth at 18 months. Remember there is no such thing as a bad child, just bad behaviors. All children are special and have different temperments. Be patient, as your little girl gets older she will probably have alot of personality and make you giggle alot. We all get frustrated, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Keep telling your daughter you know she is a GOOD little girl even when shed does something bad, tell her you know that she is a good little girl but that is not an acceptable behavior and you will not tolerate it. She will learn what these words mean over time and things will all be okay in your world!!! When she is 25 you'll be laughing at the stories of when she was little and telling her kids all about their mommy. Besides I always say my Spirited one who is so headstrong will be great at something someday, because she won't give up or give in. Good luck. ( : M. B.
Wow I'm really long winded hear...LOL. One more book I LOVE...it's not a self help book as much as a reminder of how wonderful it is to be a parent and how lovely it is to appreciate a child's wonderment in life...The Parents Tao Te Ching...Ancient advice for Modern Parents by William Martin

S.,

Unfortunately at this age, your options are limited. I haven't had a whole lot of success with time-outs with my 2 yo son, because he just doesn't get it. I absolutely will not hit him, not even a slap on the hand or a swat on the diaper, so I can't give you guidance there.

I work a lot with distration, just steering him to a different activity when he's doing something I don't like, and I have removed pretty much anything I don't want him to touch, to decrease the frequency of these battles. Gate off or close doors on rooms that she can't be trusted to go in safely, and safety latch everything. We've even duct-taped shut doors on things we can't effectively latch.

Our big battle is biting when he's mad at us for telling him no. The best tactic I've found so far has been to withold attention for a few minutes. I can't get him to sit in time-out, so I tell him No Biting! firmly, and then take myself into the kitchen for a few minutes where he can see me, but can't get to me, and refuse to acknowledge him for a few minutes. My son is an attention hound, so this is near to fatal for him.

I've also discovered I can stop a tantrum dead by singing his favorite song. I don't look at him, or engage him directly, I just start singing loudly enough for him to hear me start, and then lower my voice to where he has to stop yelling to hear me finish it. Works every time, pretty much no matter what the trigger was.

Good luck! Keep reminding yourself that strength of will, persistence, and curiosity are wonderful traits in a person, and you WANT her to have them later, even if they're nearly killing you now!

18 Months is a FUN time. I rememebr when 18 months came and I thought what the heck is going on he isn't two yet.
Have you tried disciplining her at all? Whether or not you believe in spanking there are so many things you DDAN do. Taking away a favorite toy when they use it as part of a tantrum but putting it where they can be reminded why they can't have it for a few days, sitting down for a few minutes(5 is about the limit for that age), lashing out try holding her really tightly on your lap til she calms down, speaking to her calmly and VERY quietly so she has to be quiet to hear you why that is not acceptable behavior. I found alot of it seemed to be their frustration. It doesn't make it right and still needs to be dealt with but they are kind of stuck between baby and big kid and often don't know how to voice things yet so they act out.
And patience. Have patience til it comes out your ears.
H.--24 years old SAHM with 2 boys--3 years and 11 months,and a baby angel, married for 5 years, and living in South western Vermont

NOTE on spanking--My 3 year old KNOWS the difference between hitting and spanking WITHOUT me ever telling him. He knows spanking is discipline in love NOT anger, and hitting is lashing out in anger--it is all in how you teach them.

My now-5 yr old is very much like that, even now. I learned to look at her headstrong attitude as a positive thing rather than something I had to fight. At 18 months, they're testing limits to begin with so you really have to be patient and simply make sure your home is toddler-proof. My own 18-month old is into everything, but rather than have to constantly tell her "no don't touch that, don't do that, no no no no no" I try to turn it all into positives and eliminate the "no." You have to expect to be tested, and when it happens, try not to view it as something she's doing "to you" but for herself.

Hi S., I too have a little girl who is very headstrong and intense. She is now 2 1/2 yrs old, but I recall from the time she was 1, her giving me "death stares" and pushing my buttons every day. The best advice I can give you is that when she pushes you to your limit, just walk away. Leave the situation, or if your little one is like mine and she follows you screaming from room to room, put her in a safe room (area) by herself until YOU have calmed down. When you're ready to calmly deal with her again, go get her. I know it may sound cruel, but it's better than you losing your cool and/or control. I hope this helps....good luck. T.

There is a spectacular book, it's called Shepherding A Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp. You can get in Amazon.com for cheap, or any bookstore. I have read many, many books and this is the best by far!
You have to have boundaries, from birth, because children are very intelligent and perceptive. They learn what is expected of them right away as long as you are always consistant.
If your daughter is testing you to the limits, then you have to have limits and enforce them, the first time.
I hope you read the book and I hope it helps you. Good luck!

Hi S.,
I think the saying here is "Pick your battles". Make sure that before you discipline, that you are willing to follow through on the issue. Then make sure you don't give in due to frustration, after starting to discipline. (I find that a firm "No", and removing my son from the situation, and trying to interest him in something else, works well, though you may have to keep doing it.) If it's an issue that's not that important, and you won't be able to follow through, don't even start, because the worst thing is for your dd to see you start to discipline, and then not follow through. Good luck!

Hi S.. My daughter is 18 months as well and doing the same thing. I think they are just learning how to deal with us, their family and their surroundings. I say take it with a grain of salt...bite your tongue sometimes (as I do). It does get frustrating, but we have 2 healthy little girls who are going to grow up to be smart, healthy individuals. lol...I can't wait for the "terrible two's"!! I think we are getting a tast of it now...

I�m there with you. I�m home (but I use to work full time). I�ve never been so stressed!!! Wait till potty training. How am I handling it, well I push back. No is no!! It�s hard after hours of saying no, don�t do this don�t do that, but you need to keep it up. I haven�t stopped the bottle or naps. They are my life line. I get to pee (alone). I also talk about it honestly. (Not in front of her of course) Good luck!! If you need to vent, write back!!

I think that it's hard for a child that age to understand things! I think the most valuable tool at this age is redirection. Find some more appropriate object or activity and steer her towards that. Also, explaining WHY she shouldn't do whatever thing is important. I have to remind myself of this a lot! They don't know why we say NO when they're throwing things in the toilet, or pulling the cat's tail. Simple, age-appropriate explanations like "the toilet is dirty" or "that hurts kitty" help them learn.

Another thing to remember is that they can't communicate very well with us. She may be trying to tell you that she needs something, (ie, more attention). I think that time-outs can be very scary at this age because they're already feeling upset and confused, and then they get isolated and they may start to feel abandoned.

Remember, in another 15 years you will be glad that she has her own will about things instead of just doing what someone tells her to do. ;) That's my mantra: "She's smart, and she thinks for herself. This is a good thing." (Mine's 19 mo, btw)

I too had the same thing happen when my lovely daughter turned 18 months old. As funny as this sounds - I used a "naughty chair." As soon as she would start getting rammy or misbehave I would ask her if she wanted to go into the "naughty chair?" Of course her response was "NO! NO! NO!" It took about 1 whole day to work; she sat in the "naughty chair" about 4 times that day, but now if I even mention the "naughty chair" she starts listening and behaving within seconds.

When I started using it - if she did not calm down when i mentioned the "naughty chair", I literally picked her up (she was kicking and screaming the whole time) and placed her in the chair - sometimes I even had to hold her there. Then I would get down to her face and tell her why she was in the "naughty chair". After about 1 minute, I would ask her if she wanted to get out of the "naughty chair". Of course this time it was "YES MOMMY"! I would then remind her why she was in the "naughty chair" to begin with and if it was because she was bullying her cousin (same age) I would make her appologize and let her go play again.

In the beginning I noticed that I was able to control the "naughty chair" more than my husband because he didn't explain why she was in it; he's doing much better now since we just got back from the family vacation. My niece was there and she too was introduced to the "naughty chair", just like mine everytime it was mentioned she would start listening and behaving within a few minutes - she likes to push more buttons (she's a baby of 3; she has 2 older brothers). So far it seems to be working for both girls and us parents too. Try it and let me know how it's going - any questions, just email me.

Ahhh, had one of those, who to encourage you, has grown up to be a lovely, persistent, self motivated, studious, 16 yr old! Yes, she still pushes, but I can tell you that CONSISTENCY is what I always used and CONSISTENCY is what pays off.
18 months--I had a tough little boy too. WHen I was taking care of my elderly grandma, he would go over to her, and scratch her soft face that he loved. I would have to tell him NO, take him to his crib and he would cry. Over and over I had to do that SAME thing. (MY Italian grandma probably thought I was SO mean!) BUT he learned what I meant by NO and understood consequences. STICK with it S.!!
And remember, The Lord has HIS loving arms around you..He sent you this precious little one...ASK HIM for help!
C~

hi S.

i feel the same way with my 19 month old daughter
i think that they feed off your engergy.. and it becomes a game to them. i usally pick my battles very carefully
and try to ignore some of the behavior that i don't really care for...its tough to do but i have found that they seems to stop pushing so much after they learn they aren't always going to get that response from you
E.

There is a great book called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Faber and Mazlish. It deals with a lot of basic parenting issues. I think the key is to make sure she knows she's heard, but that ultimately you control the situation. If you can hang in there and not give in to her and make sure you set limits and hold to the limits you set consistently, eventually she should learn that she won't win. It sounds a lot easier than it really is (and it doesn't sound easy). Good luck!!!

Spirited toddlers often grow into persistent, sensitive children. Remember, the spirit that she has to think for herself at 18 months will be the spirit that she uses to think for herself -- and not give in to peer pressure -- as she grows older. Without more information it's hard to know what's going on. What does she do to test your limits? Do you have forbidden areas gated off? Do you "catch her being good"? In other words, when she does something you like, or is behaving as you want her to behave, do you praise her and give her attention? Sometimes we unwittingly fall into the pattern of going about our daily chores and only pay attention to a child when she misbehaves. So she learns that the way to get attention is to misbehave. Also, with a brother who's older, she may be trying to act like him. Of course what's ok for a 9-year-old isn't for an 18-month-old.

Also, it's easy to fall into trying to keep one child on the same schedule as the other one. The 18-month-old who resists napping because big brother, at 9, doesn't take naps, will be tired and cranky after skipping a nap.

If you start to lose your temper, give yourself a time-out. Put the baby someplace where she's safe and then go sit for 5 minutes and take a breather.

Thank you for the flower! I forgot to add that with patience, and simple disciplinary routine, you will have her under control. I know this may sound harsh, but there are times that when my son (who is 2, not that older than your daughter) pushes my patience, I ignore him, and sometimes I give myself a time out by putting him in his room. He may scream and yell, but it works. I've been practicing this Love and Logic since he was 6months old (I took the course when he was 4months old), and I stay connected with the parenting teacher, and what it comes down to is patience, and your facial expressions. If your daughter sees that what she's doing isn't bothering you, eventually she will stop, and that is what I do with my son. Also, when he tries to get into things that aggravate me, I take the things away from him. He cries for maybe 5 minutes, I give him an expressionless look, and eventually he moves on. I know that girls and boys are different, but I should have shared my experience with you as opposed to giving you the title to a book, and I apologize about that, but you can find this book for free through your library resources as opposed to buying it. Good luck, S..

Excellent book! You can find it in the library or online:

Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years by Jim fay and Charles Fay, Ph.D

ISBN: 1-930429-00-2

www.loveandlogic.com

i JUST WANT TO ADD THAT THE tEDD TRIPP BOOK-SHEPHERDING A CHILDS HEART IS A GOOD RESOURCE, AND ALSO GETTING TOGETHER WITH OTHER PARENTS-OUR CHURCH (DAVISVILLE.ORG) LIS DOING A CLASS ON DISCIPLINING-AND RAISING-"ALONG THE VIRTUOUS WAY'-WAS CALLED GROWING KIDS GOD'S WAY-AND IT HELPS TO CONNECT-IF YOU CAN TRY THINGS LIKE THAT-IT HELPS. tRY TO READ THINGS ABOUT ALL KINDS OF KIDS, SO YOU DONT THINK YOU ARE THE ONLY WAY-THE SAME APPROACH DOESNT WORK WITH ALL KIDS AND ALL FAMILIES-YOU HAVE TO SEE WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOURS. DARE TO DISCIPLINE-DR. JAMES DOBSON IS ALSO A CLASSIC, AND THE ADVICE YOU HAVE ALREADY HEARD ABOUT LOOKING AT IT AS A GOOD PERSONALITY TRAIT, AND TRYING TO STAY CALM ARE ALL THINGS THAT HELPED ME. TRY NOT TO GIVE IN TO AVOID CONFRONTATION, OR EMBARRASSMENT, YOU TEACH THEM THAT WHAT THEY DO WORKS-i HAVE A GREAT 13YR OLD, AND PRETTY TERRIFIC 16YR OLD-NOT DONE YET, BUT SO FAR SO GOOD-SCARD BUT HAPPY!

I think sometimes it is just in the child's temperament to be strong willed. My daughter is 21 months and is like this at times, too. Sometimes I feel at my wit's end. I think the important thing is just to remain calm and be consistent with your requests. Also, pick your battles. If it's something that's really not important and it won't hurt her, sometimes I will let my daughter do it rather than causing World War III. I subscribe to babycenter.com and they have lots of good hints about all aspects of parenting. You might want to get on there and do a search for behavior techniques because you'll get lots of good suggestions from experts and other moms who have been through it. Good luck! I think it's just something you have to deal with sometimes.

I think I have the same child!!! Mine is three now, and I have not had any other children yet because I don't think I can handle it. I'd suggest some play groups, such as my gym or a city sponsored group. I've totally been there! Mine doesn't nap, and never has, there is never a break! Could you get her around some other kids, just to give you a break? There is a program in Portland for his/ her age group that meets twice a week at the Arts and Tech high school. My daughter was involved in it. Its a coop program in which the Moms assist the teacher once ever 6 weeks or so. It gives you about 4 hours of freedom a week. Plus, it gets them into a structured, educational setting. It was 60 a month and worth every penny. Good luck, and write back if you'd like more info!

What kind of testing does she do? Is she just testing her boundaries? She is still too young to be acting rebelliously. When my son (26 MONTHS) ignores my corrections or directions ususally if I get his eye contact and repeat myself he responds cooperatively. I know it is hard but consistancy is the key to good discipline. So come up with clear boundaries, and set consequences (sitting for 2 minutes, etc...) If there is something she really likes you could use it as a reward system for good behavior. We used candy (M&M's) to potty train my daughter. We use match box cars to get my son to smile for portraits. Maybe it's a video for you. Once you find out what works use it wisely because if you use it too much it will stop working & you'll be back to square one. Hope this helps. Raising children through the "terrible twos" is a very trying task but children do bring much joy to our lives. You may need to watch your beautiful daughter sleeping peacefully some night to remind yourself of her innocents and potential. We actually stopped eating out as a family for about 6 months because of my daughter's behavior. There are many good take out places. Just keep in mind this phase will pass. We prayed a lot too.

We just went through this stage with our little boy...it's all about control and autonomy. I suggest first, pick and choose your battles. If it isn't a big deal--don't sweat it. I also found that I had to change my approach to Ivan. He was very interested in doing things for himself and doing "grown up" things. I involved him in just about everything I do & talked a lot about stuff and that seems to help. It may take a bit longer to cook dinner but, he has a hand in it and at 19 months could go in the fridge and find the ingredients for salad dressing by just saying that we were going to make it. Finally, stay calm because it is oh so rewarding to the behavior for them to see you geting steamed up. May I also suggest time out--it it is hitting or other dangerous behavior. I started it around 15 months for outlets and stairs. I told him once and if he did it again he was put in his crib. It seems to work and he is such a well-behaved happy guy now. Good luck! Oh, almost forgot...provide alternative behaviors. For example, my little guy liked to tinker with the radio--expensive radio--so, I'd say, "No thank you Ivan, you may push buttons on your truck or on your telephone." Then if necessary, I'd gently guide him to the alternative choices.

Your daughter was about the same age as my son when we introduced "the corner". If he was misbehaving he had to stand in the corner. At first we had to stand there with him to make him stay. But it wasn't long before he got the hint. All we'd have to say is "do you want to stand in the corner?" and he knew what it meant. Now he's 2, and he mostly stays there by himself. He knows it's a punishment. You can also put her on a naughty stool, stair or mat. My son got it pretty quick, a week or so. She is smart enough to know what buttons to push with you, then she's smart enough to learn what pushing those buttons might bring.

I found with my son - who is now 5 - that if I "ignored" him (as long as he wasn't putting himself or anyone else in danger") he tended to stop what he was doing a lot quicker than if I responded by scolding or punishing him. Good luck! It's a very trying time, but patience always pays off in the end.

HI S.,
DID YOU EVER HEAR OF A BOOK CALLED 1 2 3 MAGIC?? IT'S BY DR.PHELAN, IT TEACHES CONTROL BY NO TALKING, NYELLING OR EMOTION AND EVEN THOUGH YOUR DAUGHTER IS YOUNG IT'S NOT TOO EARLY TO LEARN THOSE THINGS AND ESTABLISH A SYSTEM NOW. OF COURSE ASIDE FROM THAT YOU MUST BE CONSISTANT AND CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTS CAREFULLY. GOOD LUCK....C.

I would try time outs. That is what I did with my son. If he didn't stay i would say ethan sit down you wouldn't listen to mommy and i would try to get him to stay for a min. If he would do it again i would sit him back down and tell him what he did wrong and repeat giving him a time out.

I hope this works for you...

I Liked Mary's advice and calling her child spirited. In that frame my daughter is also spirited. You are definately not alone. My daughter is now 2 and she has always been, what I call determined. Since before she was one, when she was focused on something that was it. There was no changing her mind. I found for me I had to evaluate each situation for what it was and remember a few things. One as the adult, I do know better, two in the sceme of fights and battles how important is it and three it's not personal. I have found that there spiritedness or determination was not a matter of "doing to spite mommy" it was a matter of trying to show who they are. A few of the battles that my daughter and I have deal with her hair, her clothes and the potty. All things that she is trying to show control over and show who she is by it. For example, I would love to have my daughter keep the hair out of her eyes and have her hair tied back. She hates it with such a passion that it becomes a major power stuggle. She is very much like a tom boy and wants nothing to do with her hair and please keep in mind that my daughter is my first child but does attend daycare. I usually don't push the issue unless we have somewhere important to go. Another example is her clothing. At 2 (which totally kills me) she wants to decide what she is going to wear for the day. I try to let her win about 75% of the time because I think it can express indivuality, Most of the time her selection is not bad but there are times she wants to where her jacket and it will be 85 degrees outside. Sometimes I can convince her that "it's too hot outside" but sometimes no way no how she will take it off. The last big issue for us, which is a HUGE power struggle is the potty issue. She is over 2 and she knows exactly what to do but refuses. And I have tried EVERY thing in and not in the books. And she is determined not to use the potty. When she does want to use it we will be out somehere and as you know, a location where the potty isn't a quick access or very clean and yet that is when she wants to use it. So for the sake of encouragement, I drop whatever and take her. In our struggles sometimes she wins and sometimes I win. But in the end it's a learning experience for both of us. I hope this helps and best of luck.

HI S.,
ALL KIDS ARE DIFFERENT...LUCKY US WE HAVE TO KEEP WORKING ON IT! I'M SURE SHE'LL COME AROUND SOONER THAN YOU THINK BUT HERE'S A TIP. WHEN YOU ARE SPEAKING TO YOUR LITTLE ONE COME DOWN TO HER LEVEL. MAKE EYE CONTACT. SPEAK TO HER IN A CALM VOICE TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS. IF SHE SEES AND FEEL YOU GET EXCITED SHE WILL REACT THE SAME. (KIDS DO NOT LIKE TO BE TOLD NO!) TRY TO DISTRACT HER WITH SOMETHING ELSE TO PULL HER ATTENTION ELSEWHERE.

GOOD LUCK!

hmmm... 18 months is 18 months! There just out of control. The good news is that she will get older and maybe even worse. As she gets a little older, she will start to mimic her big brother and listen and comprehend more. My advice to you is.... be patient.

K.

Well it seems as if you have gotten a lot of advice so I will keep it short.

Have a behavior chart broken into Morning routines, play time, lunch, afternoon play time, nap time, dinner, eveing play time, evening routines.

Now when she is good during that set time period she gets a star or a sticker in that block. If she is bad, she gets a black x. (Don't warn her, just give her the x she will get the idea). If she gets all the stars for one day, she gets a special one on one time with you (because ultimately that is what she wants anyway). Then when she gets the idea, let her know she has to get so many stars in a week and she can pick a special activity. It worked for my girl who hit her terrible 2's early too. My son was a lot easier.

Good luck.

I know this probably sounds a little naive- but keep in mind that she's not behaving like this because she's consciously decided to. First of all, her intellect isn't that developed yet. Secondly, she's not doing it because she's mean or a bad kid. She's simply doing what she knows will get a reaction- and she's looking for a reaction- she doesn't care about whether it's good or bad. Take some time for you- walk away and breathe by yourself for a minute. Even going into the bathroom alone (even if she's outside the door screaming) will help. Putting her in her room for a minute will help. If you're not at YOUR wits' end, she'll chill out. Plus, she'll age out of this as she gets more language and can tell you what's going on that's making her frustrated. I am a working mom and my girl (2 1/2) seems to save all her bad stuff for when I get to her at the end of the day-so she's a handful sometimes and I'm at my end too because I'm tired after working all day. I keep hanging on to the fact that someday she won't be a toddler anymore! Good luck!!!!!!!

I understand how you feel. My daughter started the "terrible two's" around 18 months. I have found that time outs work wonders. I put her on a naughty stool, explain why she is there, and since she is now 2, she sits there for 2 minutes. I do not interact with her in anyway while she is there,a nd make sure that there is nothing that she can play with. If she gets up, I place her back on it, without saying a word, and her time starts all over. It is hard at first, but keep at it, and she will get the point. Also, I was at the Dr's last week, and she started to act up there, and I gave her a warning. And the Dr informed me, not to let her know that she is pushing my buttons. If I react, she will react. Keep this in mind. Reward the good behavior, and firmly respond to bad.

S.,

Have you heard of the description of "Spirited Child." My son is spirited (now 4), and at 18 months I thought I was going to completely loose it. There is a book called, "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Kurcinka which talks about the children who face life with more persistence, sensitivity and energy. I'd highly suggest you try to get your hands on the book and see if your daughter fits the description.

Important things to remember - give more attention to positive behaviors than negative ones, try to stay calm, get down to her level when you are verbally disciplining her, and let her know there will be negative consequences to her behavior. Actually, I think 18 months may be a little early for time outs (I don't think I started until 2), but at this age, letting her know you're disappointed in her behavior may yield more results as she wants really hard to please you, even if this behavior is all about her excercising her independence from you!

Good luck!

Try spanking her hand, use newspaper, it is time to train her to show who is boss. I have a 20month old and a 8 year old girl. I wish I can stay home but unable. I know your frustration. My son is head strong, touching everything and that is the reason why I am working. You need a break and attempt with a cool head.

Seems she hit the terrible two's a little early? My second child did the same. Here is the advice i got - you are never to loose a battle. If she thinks she can work you into getting her way - it will just feed on her bad behavior. Also, catch her doing/behaving the right way - give her some kind of reward for good behavior and minimalize the attention she gets when she acts inappriopriately. I used stickers and made a big deal about her good behavoir when dad came home and anyone else that happened by. The worst thing you can do is let her see how crazy she might be making you. all this advice is well and good but when you are home all day it is very hard not to yell and loose your cool! sometimes the best thing to do is ignore her, go into a room and lock yourself in - but do not speak to her in anyway and when you come out do not acknowledge her until she does something you can praise her for. this takes practice! my oldest son has sensory integration dysfunction which can make behavior modification a real challenge - you may want to ask the advice of a physcial/occupational therapist to see if she might have this.

S.,

I am the mother of TWO spirited, tough girls who are growing into the nicest kids. The second one seemed to be more spunky than the first (or maybe I just forgot how hard it was to have a toddler). I agree with Diana...get the book "Raising Your Spirited Child", it is full of strategies that will help you handle your daughter in a positive way. Another great book is "The Discipline Book" by William Spears.

K.

Hi S., My daughter, now 2 and 1/2, has always tested me, but has gotten much better. For me, it was because she was very advanced emotionally and was simply exploring her power and needing me to set limitations and stick to them. I had to explain things as if she was an older child, give her consequences for her actions and carry them out. It required alot of patience but paid off. Good luck!

I never had a consistent problem with this but I have had a few incidents with three daughters...Sometimes just not reacting or barely reacting at all works best...I remember my oldest child having a temper tantrum in public when she was two years old...it was a complete meltdown...I stopped and stared blankly at her on the ground kicking and screaming...after about 3 or 4 minutes she began to settle....I asked her calmly if she was done....she said yes, got up and we calmly went to our car...she never did it again...keep kool...and good luck!

HI S.,
I TOO HAVE AN 18 MTH OLD DAUGHTER WHO IS VERY HEAD STRONG, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE IS A SECOND CHILD? I HAVE FOUND THAT IF I GET HER TO HELP ME WITH TASKS OR CHORES, KEEPING HER BUSY MAKES HER LESS DESTRUCTIVE. ALTHOUGH, YOU STILL HAVE TO HAVE EYES AT THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD. A LITTLE ABOUT ME, I'M 41 YRS OLD WORK PART TIME AND HAVE SON OF 4. THERE IS ALSO A VERY GOOD WEBSITE - WWW.BABYCENTER.COM THAT GIVES REALLY GOOD INFORMATION.
REGARDS
D. OF SCRANTON

Hey S.. My daughter is very head strong as well however all kids are different to how they respond to certain things. My first advice is whatever you choose to do in response to her behavior is be consistent. Your daughter's behavior is typical but may just be to a different degree than other kids her age. She is also trying to make sense of the world around her too so I guess you need to pick and choose as to which behavior you want to address ( i.e. which one is most important to get under control). I have heard people use the time out chair around this time. A book I have read is Happiest Toddler on teh Block. It is a little weird but makes sense. Good luck!

Hi, Boy do I remember this feeling! I was thirty with a six year old son and a toddler, Alex, with a new husband. Stubborn, headstrong, and adorable. First things first. It's ok - this to shall pass. He's now 16 and wonderful.

The key is to be consistent. Not just you, but everyone in the house has to follow the same guide. Time outs didn't work because he'd get up and start throwing a tantrum. What did work was if he was playing with something he shouldn't I'd take it away. Explain that this was wrong. When he started to rev up into a tantrum I would walk away and completely ignore him. If he came to me and started hitting my leg, I ignored it. I made like I couldn't see him. This is hard in the beginning but it really does work. As soon as he stopped I would start to talk to him and give him one of his toys. I literally stepped over him during tantrums. Soon he realized that he got no reaction from me by this behavior and he stopped. It's not easy but it's worth it. Like I said, time outs didn't work for me and I think spanking would have just made a tantrum worse.

You're doing the right thing by reaching out. We all have different ways to get past this stage. This was mine.

Good luck.

my oldest was vey much like this. (she's 4 now). I think it's very important to do your best to keep perspective. She's only 18 mos old so try not to set you expectations for behavior too high. Redirection was very effective for me with both my kids. (My son is 2) I also tried to eliminate the things that were bound to cause trouble, like breakables out of reach and such. For my 2 yr old if he is acting out I give him a short time out in his crib. This works for us because it contains him without me needing to restrain him and it separates him from the fun. by the time it is over, he's moved onto the next thing. Another thing I noticed with my daughter is that she was very effected by hunger and sleep issues. I always check the clock for the last time they ate and give them a snack if they are suddenly unreasonable. It's amazing how often this settles them down. I hope this helps. Good luck!

A.

S.,

First of all, you should know that you are not alone. There are other parents out there with kids like yours, and she is not from another planet (although it may seem like it at times).

Some good reading resources: The Fussy Baby Book by William Sears - sounds like she's not a "baby" anymore, but I got A LOT of good information from the Sears'. I just checked and here is a link to some of their support stuff: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050100.asp.

Another good resource as she ages will be "Raising your spirited child". It is just good to know that there are others out there who have a child who is not a "by the books" child.

More immediately, you will probably find that you have to be 100% consistent. A boundary tester will continue to test the boundaries at every possible instance. If, at any time, you are not consistent, she learns that she just has to be persistent (something she is probably already good at), and she will get her way. This is probably the hardest thing to do. You get tired. You just want her to stop. At some point, you can reconcile your dreams of a easy child are just dreams, and that there will be times - days, hours, months, when it is all OK, but then she will likely start testing again.

Patience will be your fortifier. Find out all you can online about "spirited kids" (that puts it in a positive light - something that both you and she will come to appreciate). They will also be labeled "difficult" children, etc.

Good luck!

H.

I'm the mother of a super-sprited nearly 9-year-old boy and a much calmer, although very stubborn 6 year old boy as well. I've been married for 12 years. I've both stayed home and worked.

Hi S.,

Please consider purchasing Dr. Karp's book The Happiest Toddler on the Block, his suggestions really work. As Dr. Karp says the "terrible twos" (We like to say "terrific twos") starts around 18 mo. not two years old. His techniques may seem a bit different at first, but it's amazing how they work. My daughter at one point was having three to five tandrums per day. I ran out at 9pm to Barnes and Noble and bought the book, read it and started the techniques the next day. Within two days she was down to one tandrum per day and they were gone within a week. You can check out his website too. He is also famous for his book, The Happiest Baby on the Block. Also think about is any of the behavior related to teething (molars and eye teeth seem to be the worst). They are usually trying very hard to control their world at that age too, so if you can offer her some choices in most situations, that may help too. Good luck, from another stay-at-home mom!

All that I can say is that it must be the girls. I am also battling this with my daughter who is 22 months. She is very strong willed and will do anything to push my buttons. I have just been trying the great time out thing but i make her sit on my lap and not move. If that doesn't work i try to take away her favorite toys. Hope it can be some help.

what kind of out of control? What a lot of people underestimate is that kids that young in age aren't aware of what they are doing, and that's totally bogus.

If you have found anything that works, please let me know. My daughter is 20 months old and sound very similar to yours. I wrote the post about the bully!! I have tried everything too...so let me know if you find something that works! I am at the end of my rope...

Oh my...You are not alone....My daughter is one, and she is CRAZY....LOL....She throws the loudest tantrums that i have ever heard....It annoys me that she could have been SCREAMING in the car, and seconds later when we get to my work to pick up things that i need...I tell them how she has been, and they think i am the crazy one....she turns it on and turns it off like a light bulb......The weird thing is, is that when she is screaming sometimes...I will not look at her, and then when i do for a split sec....she giggles, and then sec later screaming like she is in a differnet state of mind....I just laugh at her.....She is not like this every day, just when she feels left out....I am with my daughter everyday/24/7...I think she needs to be with other kids, and to be involved in a play group....I think that is what she needs...Mine and yours...LOL

My kids are all grown up now and I don't have any grandchildren, but I found that the best way to handle a kid that just insists on having their own way is to just firmly say "No!" They will seem to ignore that, but if you keep on saying no to them they will get the idea. The Bible says spare the rod and spoil the child. That means you can take something like a paddle, never your hand because your hands are for blessing not for punishment. Use the paddle or whatever it is you have handy and tap them as hard as you need to to make it sting. This sounds like your being awful mean, but I had to do it and my kids did learn. They are very well behaved now of course they are 19 & 28, but you have to be consistant with the punishment. I think the spanking thing has had a bad rep over the years. We have made spanking a thing of the past and now anything like it means we are abusing our kids. We aren't abusing them. They need disipline and when they grow up they will appreciate that you did because it builds character. They may not feel that way at the time you are giving them the punishment, but after they grow up some they realize that you did that for a reason to teach them that they aren't always going to have their way and will thank you later for it. You may not hear the words, but growing up to be good adults is so much worth it. Just remember to be consistant and don't give up. You may get tired of saying no, but it will be worth it in the end.

S.--you are not alone. My daughter is 13 months and is out of control. I can't believe the tantrums she throws when she doesn't get her way. If she's like this now, I can't imagine what 2 will be like.

I do think a lot of it stems from having a sibling close in age. My son is almost 3, and she wants to do everything he does.

I totally agree with Crystal. My 18 month old, Daughter tends to behave in the same manner. She acts out a little more in public than she does at home. It can be extremely frustrating. The best method is to try not to entertain their bad behavior. My method is similar to Crystal's method. I place my daughter in her play pen for some alone time , dim the lights and play soothing music or something nice for her. I leave her alone and let her deal with herself. after she's calm I let her out to play again.
Children can be testy at this age. I've found that doing a little research on child development and exploring calming techniques, can help you deal with the behavior.

Hi S.,
I know how hard it is to deal with an 18 month old. I have a son 21/2 and a daughter almost 15 months, and they test me all the time. My biggest issue is the whining, I can't stand it and it drives me crazy. The thing I have learned is that I need to change my "buttons." My kids know what makes me mad or frustrated and they seem to go right to it. I try to take a deep breath and act as if what they are doing no longer bothers me. If it gets too bad I take a time out and give myself a break. I have learned that I need to pick my battles, and as long as they are not in any danger, I may just let them do something even though I disagree with their behavior. I hope this helps.
N.

Hire the Supernanny.

When my kids throw a tantrum, I walk out of the room. Then they know they don't get what they want by throwing tantrums. My son is 20 months, and he was the same way. He saw a tantrum as attention. It is, negative. Praise her when she does something good, play with her, but ignore those tantrums. They will eventually stop. If you feel pushed to the limit, put her in the playpen or crib, and go outside for a minute or 2. Crying won't hurt them. Sometimes those 2 minutes of fresh air can do you a world of good. Good luck.

All I can say is- Welcome to "Mommyhood"! :] My son will be 17 months old soon, and it seems like over night he has become quite the little "man" who thinks he can just do whatever he pleases-when he pleases. I work nights so I'm home with him almost every day, and there are times when I haven't gotten much sleep at night that I find it hard not to lose my patience. It's exhausting, to say the least, and I think it's pretty much a known fact that whichever parent spends the most time with that child during the day ultimately loses some of their "authority" as far as the child's concerned. By the end of the day (sometimes it's all day!) my son is pretty much ruling the house- screaming at me when I tell him no, throwing his toys (at me usually) and just throwing tantrums. I've quickly learned when he's testing me to either ignore him (as long as the situation is safe) or I try to distract him with something he enjoys- but I try to not let him know I'm bothered, or it gets worse! If he's doing something unsafe then I either become stern with him and remove him from the room, or if he just wants to continue to torment me I put him in his room where he is safe and free to have his tantrums and cry if he wants until he calms down. I just know that it gets worse for both of us if I lose my patience and try to punish him when it doesn't seem to phase him in the least. They know when they have the upperhand with us, and it can be frustrating for us as well as exhausting to be fighting with a toddler all day! But boy, when daddy comes in at night he can just say the word "No!" once and my son knows he better stop. It makes me mad, but I try to remember that if it was the other way around, and daddy was home all day,I would then have more authority :] So I'm sure it seems like I don't really have any good advice to help- but I have learned that I can't lose my patience and punish my son unless it's absolutely necessary. He does know when Mommy is really mad- that's usually all it takes. But I generally have to be creative when he's being annoying and pushing my buttons and do the opposite of what I would like to do. And sometimes it turns out to be more fun for both of us! But good-luck, I hope some of this helped..

well my baby looks like yours. but she is just 12 months...

I'll appreciate our advices.

Thanks!

I have a child with ADHD, 8 yr old son. He really tested my patience. I had to realize that I was the one who had to make the changes and not really him. i am not sure if your daughter has the beginnings of ADHD but every child is dif and we need to adjust to them. there is a really good book if you like to read called redirecting children's behavior by kathryn kvols. You may need to talk to a doctor regarding her behavior. It may not be something she can help. dont be afraid to try dif things.

I hope this helped!
T.

hi im a 25 year old mom of too little girls one is 3 years old and one is 5 mounths i went through the same thing with my 3 yeart old and still do sometimes but not really anymore only when she wants it her way the thing that i did was what my mom says.....take a breather,if they are throwing a fit let them throw one cuz they now when it upsets u they will keep doing it to get your attion even though they always had it sometimes they dont understand that they do and like i saw in one of the other comments was that they really cant say what is wrong and that age but all u can do is be strong and dont let your girl see that u are getting upset if she pushes when u tell her no then do what u need to but dont let her see u get upset that is the biggest thing and i know its hard to do but i was able to do it and i think if im able to do i think just about any women can....if u have anymore qestions about something that i had said or that u dont understand write to me and i will try to answer them the best that i can

I think at this age children tend to try their limitations. We, as parents have to stick to the same rules all the time. My son is 21 months and he's at a very similiar stage, they call it "terrible twos". He's learned that when mommy says no she means no and he'd better take a step back. I also had to realize that parenting can sometimes get very frustrating and take us as parents to a place we never want to go with our kids. So be patience and explain to her why she's not allowed to do certain things, along with the occasional spanking, it works very well for me.

Best of Luck!!

I am having the same problem with my daughter and she'll be 4 in 3 weeks. Shes been acting this way since she was 2 and still don't know what to do. If you get any good advice that works please let me know.