Bachelorette Party- Is This the New Normal?

You did the right thing. Her close friends decided to use other women to subsidize their fun. I will just bet you that the bride did NOT know this. Her bridesmaids/close friends put this together. She wanted "more the merrier" and invited gals from work, too. It's a shame that she didn't talk to them about their ideas in advance so that they would know that their plans to push women who aren't close friends into paying something like this weren't appropriate...

Wow, I am really glad that I am getting too old to be involved in these types of parties. Yes, that sounds way extravagant and I would have probably opted out as well... And to spring that expectation on folks 3 days before the event is dumb... I bet you were not the only one put off by this...

"So is this the new normal, creating yet another expense for friends of brides? Or is this just a group of ladies with no kids and that thing called disposable income that I used to have... "?
I'm thinking the later.
Now, I haven't been to a bachelorette since dinosaurs roamed, but I'm pretty stinkin' sure that the MOH and/or bridesmaids eat the cost--not the invited guests!
Good choice with the Lego movie!

My son was just married in April. The bachelorett party was a night long affair. Started at a nice restaurant in Chicago to which both myself and her mom were invited to. There was dinner and drinks. Bill was $28 per person. Then us moms went home and the girls went to one of the attendents homes. They had drinks and some sort of games. Then they went dancing and to a drag show. Those who did the whole night thing said they spent about $100 but it depended on how much they drank and how much they tipped at the show and that included dinner and the ticket to the show. So no I think saying $100 for a share of the ride is nuts. Sounds like those girls were looking for unsuspecting people to pay for the night.

I hope that's not the new normal because that's incredibly rude and tacky. When you invite people to an event, you do not not not inform them that they'll be paying to attend ie. chipping in for something that they, the wedding party/party planners should be paying for themselves. They should also be the ones paying for anything regarding the bride's ride, food, and drink.

You already planned to pay for a gift and your own way at this event and that should have been the end of it.

normal for me is to decline all showers and giftgrabs<G>.
this sounds over the top to me, even in a culture that seems to be increasingly about gimme gimme gimme.
an evening with the kids sounds infinitely preferable.
:) khairete
S.

I have no idea... but if it is, then I am glad I am old and all my friends are married already!! Yikes!

I understand wanting to have a designated driver so that everyone who wants to can "partake"... but what you describe is just hedonism, and honestly.. rather rude in my opinion.
Maybe an "option" for those who want to "opt in" maybe... but to ask everyone to contribute just for participating in the celebration. Wow. Just wow. I bet it's a small party.

That's one of the things I have heard about, plus multiple showers, plus multiple gifts and expenses etc. I have also heard about location bachelor/ette parties.

Kind of makes me glad I don't have any friends getting married.

I would have SO much more enjoyed going to the Lego movie than a bachelorette party!

We got a party bus, limo, whatever, but then it was split by 20 of us so it ended up being 50 a person. They picked us up at our homes so we could drink and not drive so it was just a bit more than a cab. I think 100 seems a bit much.

Oh this was not my wedding, I didn't need a mess of parties but I have been to a few.

yes because everyone is VIP dont you know? So the only way to go is in a limo WITH bottle service. And gosh that starts at $500 at the cheesy clubs and is $1800 at the IT place. You're lucky its only one night. Hubby's bro got married and it was the whole vegas thing. Ready for this 2 nights/3 days $2000! Cuz you know, he deserves the best suite at the venecian. and they were "golfing" at these great places! (Who the hell golfs in vegas in JULY?) luckily my husband knew better and I was pregnant and we had a family vacation planned for the same time. And I think the whole getting so wasted you might end up in the ER is terrible. And I think some cheap girls in the party were trying to get others to pay for their stuff. I would also not participate in the night you describe but yeah it seems pretty normal.

The Lego movie was great, huh? ;) Sounds like more fun than what the group was trying to do.... A hundred dollars for one night of drinking? (Sorry, but that's what they are trying to do, get soused in , ahem, *style* --um, I *guess*? Sounds very immature to me.

Yeah, I don't understand what your friends were needing to do.... definitely doesn't sound like my speed, for sure. That would be maybe what you described-- everyone meets up someplace, goes dutch with a little extra to pay for the bride-to-be's drinks and bring a small present.

My idea of the ideal bachelorette party would have been hanging out at someone's house, potluck appetizers and board games, LOL.

No, it's not the new normal. If the bridesmaid wanted a limo and special table, she should have specified that at the time that you were invited. And she should have been upfront about any contributions she wanted from you.

You can't just spring the idea of $100 for a limo and special table on everyone three days before the party, unless you are doing it because you are hoping they will opt out. I'm glad you decided to see the Lego movie with your kids instead.

I've never heard of that, but I guess I'm old. Last one I went to, they tried to get everyone to chip in for a male stripper, and I declined. Then I went home.

If I wanted to party with them, I would have contributed to the limo and not give a gift. I would have given a card and it would have read something to the tune of, "I'm surprised that you would rather have us pitch in $100 to you a night on the town rather than a gift".

ETA: also with all of the extravagant living showcased on Reality TV, or airy folk feel that they need to mimic that in order to show that they are living...

With shower-type parties, if you want to help host, you help foot the bills. It can be expensive to help throw a wedding or baby shower!

This sounds like a variation on that theme, but everyone shells out. There are no real guests.

Yes, you're right. It is another expense. Whether it's "normal" or not, it's in fashion, and now you know what you might expect in the near future. Look on it as just another party... one you can't afford. You can give the bride-to-be your own best wishes instead, and maybe a wedding gift of your own choice.

This is only normal for the types of people that do this-the event that is, but telling acquaintances that they need to anti up $100 doesn't sound normal to me.... None of my friends did it, and I've never been to one of those, but I know they "happen". Good job opting out!! Cheese City!!

The last bachelorette party I went to (OK, it was about 15 years ago, dang I'm old) we were all asked to throw in $30 for drinks and any bar admission fees. Now there was quite a crowd at that party so at $30 a pop the gal throwing the party had quite a stash in her wallet. At the end of the evening it was the assumption of everyone in attendance that any leftovers would go to the bride, nope the gal kept everything. Now no one was keeping a really good tab on things but we figured up that at least $200 stayed with the chick, NOT COOL.

I would have opted out as well!!!!

M

I can see that as being an option, but I would opt out. It sounds like this person had a last-minute novel idea that she couldn't support on her own.

People can ask for anything. My response would have been, "I'll meet you there."

I don't think it's always the case, but I don't think it's abnormal either. You definitely have to pay for dinner and the night out. I don't think you need to buy a gift for a bachelorette party. I never did, especially because everyone usually has a shower too. So no gift. The extra $100 doesn't seem outrageous to me because I went to several bachelorette parties that were out of town, so there were travel and hotel expenses, multiple meals, etc that we had to pay for. So $100 doesn't seem like that much in comparison. It is a lot of money and I can understand not wanting to pay it, but I think the benefits of a limo and a table at the bar are worth it for a particularly special night.

It's not totally out of the norm, but it's not so normal that it should be expected. Either way, it needed to be communicated in the invitation or it is now the responsibility of the ladies who are throwing the party. No fair to invite women to a party and THEN tell them that they have to throw in an extra hundred bucks.

You're smart to opt for a movie with your kids. If it was important to you to go to the party, I'd advise you to tell the hostess that it isn't in your budget, but simply opting out seems like the best way to go in this instance.

T.