Baby Shower for Third - New Baden,IL

Updated on February 13, 2013
C.M. asks from Freeburg, IL
33 answers

A few friends and I got into a discussion about this a few days ago. I searched it on here and there seems to be different ideas of what is and isn't acceptable depending on what area of the US/country you live in.

What is YOUR idea of a baby shower for a third baby? Is it a celebration therefore each child deserves his or her own and the mother has the right to register if she wants to?

Or is it just a tacky way to ask for gifts?

Thinking ahead, when we have a third, I have a frend who has never had the chance to throw a shower for a friend (and had none for her 6 kids) so she really is excited about the idea of me getting pregnant so she can throw me a shower. However, I"m not. I do not want people to buy me gifts a third time around! But I also like the idea of celebrating a baby in his/her own way. I think that when the time comes I"ll suggest a Welcome Home Baby party. But....then thinking about that...when is the baby 'safe' to be around a bunch of adults/kids in regards to germs? I don't want to expose the baby too early...but then again I don't want to have people and not let them hold him/her.

Should add that we had a baby shower for my first and diaper party for my second. So IF we do anything - I'd want it to be different (and no gifts - your presence is enough - written on the invite!)

Obviously I"m pre-planning a bit on this one, but it's been on my mind so I decided to turn to you moms and dads and see what you think!

I should add that my daughter is 5.5 and son is 3.5 right they would be roughly 4.5 / 6.5 at the earliest when I have another. All of the 'baby' items (pumpkin seat/stroller) were hand me downs from daughter to son and I gave away as they were outdated (pumpkin seat) and very old (stroller). We will not be finding out the sex of the next that is another reason I would want to wait. IF people WANT to bring a gift, I'd rather them wait and buy after the baby is born. However, I LOVE the idea of having something on the invitation about All Items Will Be Donated to the Woman's Shelter!!! This is a great way to say "Come, see baby but don't buy me stuff!" LOL

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all your advice and thoughts thus far! Seems like the idea is still split amongst the majority of the group!! I am in with the 'it's tacky and I don't anyone to buy me stuff for my third" mindset. However.....with my friend really wanting to throw me one, I just wondered how you would address it.

Thanks again!!

Featured Answers


answers from St. Louis on

In my part of the world you have a baptism shortly after birth, that is when you give gifts to the baby. A shower is only acceptable for the first or big gaps between.

People also just visit or send gifts. In my world a second or third shower is akin to begging.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

A baby shower is not a celebration for the baby.
It is a celebration for the woman in becoming a mother for the first time.
It is a rite of passage.
I suppose if we started calling it a 'Welcome to Motherhood Shower' it might clear up some confusion.
You can celebrate all the kids you want - call it a 'meet and greet' or 'diaper party' or what ever - but a baby shower happens only once.
Too many people throw multiple parties as thin excuses for making gift demands.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Wichita Falls on

You could also do a shower and put on the invite that all presents will be donated to the local women's shelter. They are always in need of baby items.

4 moms found this helpful

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answers from Oklahoma City on

A baby shower for additional children says "I'm too poor to provide the basics for my coming child" or "I like getting free stuff so gimme gimme gimme".

A parent to be for the first time has the daunting task of providing a lot of stuff for the unborn child. A baby bed, high chair, a wardrobe, furniture, etc...those are the things a new baby needs.

Then it's the parents job to keep up with those items so they can be used again and again.

It "is" proper to take a new baby a gift in the hospital or shortly after. That's what should be done.

If someone wanted to throw a "meet the baby" party and anyone that wants to bring something they could do a package of different size diapers or something like formula. Those would be fun and acceptable gifts for additional babies.

But just having a baby shower for each additional child is just flat out tacky.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I think it's tacky. Traditionally showers are to shower new mothers with wisdom. After your first, it's a gift beg, if you ask me.

I gave away all my baby stuff and am due with my third in 3 weeks. I purchased or borrowed everything I need.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Louisville on

I always think that people who make a big deal about NOT wanting gifts, but insist on having parties (for themselves, no less) where people will tend to feel obligated to bring *something* - no matter how the invitation is worded - are secretly ALL about the gifts .... but just too hypocritical to come out and say so.

I mean - you aren't even pregnant but are worrying about the presents?

If people want to see your new baby, they'll visit. I think everyone's caught on by now that the "welcome baby" and "sprinkle" parties are as much of a gimme grab as a shower itself ..... just hosted by those who think they're being clever & hiding their desire for presents.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Amarillo on

The only time I think it is appropriate to have a second baby shower is if it is of the opposite gender or more than six years between the last and the current child.

If you are in the baby making business you need to take care of what you have and not go "begging" by showers for more. As others have posted the original thought was to help the new parents with the first child. If you wear out a pair of shoes you don't go asking for someone to buy you a new pair you buy them yourself = same with baby stuff.

You can celebrate life but you don't always have to have a shower to do it. Go to lunch with the women and friends in the family and enjoy the quiet private time for a bit as you will be a walking zombie soon.

That's my take on this. Care for what you have and replace as it is worn out with your own funds.

The other S.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

I'm also in the "tacky-gift-grab" pack for a shower for a third baby, assuming there are no unusual circumstances like the first two kids are already all grown up or something like that. I like B's idea of thinking of a shower as a "Welcome to Motherhood" party, complete with gifts, etc.

What about having a "sprinkle"? I was reading about this in one of the advice columns, Dear Abby or Dear Margo or something, and at first it sounded silly to me, but the more I read about it, the better I liked it. It's like a shower except it's not necessary to "shower" the new mother with gifts. Instead, the idea is to "sprinkle" her with attention from her dear friends and family. You have it before the baby comes (so the germs aren't a problem) and you do the silly baby games and eat and chat, but no gifts (and don't register). If someone wants to send you something upon the birth of your baby, that's lovely, and anyone who asks about gifts for the sprinkle can be told that.

Personally, if I had a friend who WANTED to throw me a shower for my third baby, this is what I would suggest.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

Don't mention anything on the invite about gifts-THAT is tacky. And esp not that you plan to donate what they bring if they should decide to honor your child with a gift. THat is just plain rude-sorry. And I am not for subsequent baby showers but in your case I think that you will have a big enough cushion that if your friend is dying to have one for you that it will be find to do so. Just don't make it a huge shebang-I would call it a luncheon and invite just close female friends/family.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

How is a shower celebrating the baby when the baby knows nothing about it?

A Welcome Home party is fine as soon as you feel up to it, but again, it's not FOR the baby, who has no clue what's going on.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I would feel funny about having a full on shower beyond baby number one, unless there were many years in between. When my second and third were born of COURSE my closest friends and family wanted to celebrate but they were much lower key affairs, we just had a "shower" at a restaurant, basically a fun dinner out with about 10 to 12 women. Yes they brought gifts and there was a 'welcome baby" cake but there was no registry or anything like that.
I think it's funny when people say oh how will the baby feel knowing there was no shower for him/her, um, how would they ever know one way or another they are (usually) still in the womb!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

Haven't read any of the other responses yet, but stick with your beliefs. Unless you have a very large age gap between children, there is no need for another baby shower.

Certainly, your friend will know other new moms for whom she can plan a baby shower. It doesn't have to be for you.

There are so many other appropriate ways to celebrate the birth of a new baby. Go with one of those options.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I would skip it. Seems like ppl will bring gifts no matter what. How about just going out for girls dinner at her house

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I think it depends. If you have a boy first, and your second is a few years later, and a girl, then I think a shower is fine. Likewise if you have several girls, and then you're going to have a boy, etc. People like to buy cute baby clothes! A friend of mind had a boy, thought it was going to be her "only," so she gave away all her baby items. Then several years later, she became pregnant with twin girls! So in her case, I think a second shower was definitely justified.

I think if the mom doesn't NEED any baby items, as would be the case if you have been planning #3 for a while, why not just have a party? Like a last hurrah before you have the third child and are going to be home-bound for a while? People could bring formula or diapers if they wanted to, or they could just come and enjoy visiting with you. Why not? Everyone likes a good excuse for a party.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

IMO, a second or third shower is tacky, seen as a grab for gifts.
I LOVE the meet the baby party--hosted by the parents.
Gifts will be brought, but not in the typical shower fashion.
SO much classier.
No shower doesn't mean the baby is less special in ANY way!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

No shower. A shower = gifts so you can't have a shower and say "no gifts" because then it's not a shower.

Love the "welcome baby" party idea. I our family, that's accomplished with a party after the Christening, which would normally be anywhere from 6 weeks to a few months after the baby is born. So I would have it be a welcome baby party about 6 weeks out and don't even mention gifts. People will bring them if they want or not, but mentioning it makes it a "thing" when otherwise it's just a chance to get together and celebrate your new baby with your friends and family.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I had one for my first baby, not for my second, and a surprise one for my third. I had the same turnout both times and no one minded briging gifts. I was VERY shocked though. The good thing was that we were sure we were done after two, so we gave EVERYTHING away and were starting all over from scratch. I assume those who thought it was tacky didn't come. But my sister said everyone she invited it is what it is I guess.

My older sister got married in November and we had the typical parties for her, which annoyed me because they have been living together for years.

My younger sister is getting married in May and we are giving her a shower and bachlorette as well. She and her fiancee have been living together nearly 5 years and my niece will be 4 in yea, again, it rubs me the wrong way. But both of my sister's think it's okay...and if their friends do too, that's not my business.

How long since your last baby? Different gender?

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Albuquerque on

I think baby showers for a second or third kid are tacky. A baby shower for the first is a way to help the new mom get the basics she doesn't already have. (and it's a fun party to celebrate the mother to be) But by the second or third child, she already has the basics! I can understand a baby shower for an opposite sex child... ie, you already have two boys and you're having a girl. But other than that - nope. No shower.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Miami on

I haven't read the other answers yet, but I'll just remind you that something tacky OTHER than having a 3rd shower or a shower for a 3rd baby (not the same thing, btw) is telling your friend who is SO excited about the possibility of giving you a shower that you think it's tacky for her to do it.

Sometimes you need to let your friends fawn over you.

I actually would not like going to a shower where the invitation said you were going to give my stuff away, as if what I purchased wasn't good enough for you. Now of course, I know you didn't mean it that way in your post, but someone WILL take it that way.

You could consider having a Diapers and Formula shower (if you aren't going to breastfeed). Some ladies have "sprinkles" instead of showers. And your friend can send out emails or notes for "save the date" that say that the celebration will be after the baby is born since you aren't finding out the sex of the baby until the happy day.


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kalamazoo on

Shower for the first one only. Unless there are some special circumstance, like its been over 10 years or its your first baby with your new husband, I think its tacky. Just because someone gave away or threw away their baby stuff, doesnt mean people should be expected to buy them more stuff. Honestly I wasnt even really a fan of having a shower for the first one, and all I got was a bunch of ugly pink outfits that I promptly returned to the store so I could buy my carseat. My family is nothing but drama though so dealing with then is always exhausting regardless of the occasion.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

If someone wanted to throw me a shower for a 3rd, I might rename it and call it a "diaper party" or "baby party" or something - necessities only - diapers, wipes, onesies, because you need ALL of that. That way, people can bring presents, but no one feels obligated to go crazy. If they want to, that's their choice. :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Youngstown on

I had a shower for my first baby not knowing she was a girl so everything was neutral colors. My second was a boy born exactly 2 years later so everything still worked and I didn't need a shower. My #3 also a boy was born 4 years after his brother and we had sold everything. My church threw me a diaper shower and it was great. My mom bought us a crib and high chair and my sister gave us her stroller since we were starting over again.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

I think every baby is worth celebrating and I don't see a party as begging for gifts.
We did special things for our children at the shower like a wish blanket where a blanket went around the room and everyone tied a knot in the pre-put in yarn and made a wish for the baby.
When I get invitations for baby showers I like to get something personal for the baby in addition to the usual baby fair. I do this because each baby is an individual and worth celebrating and having something of their own.
I really don't like this new trend of having "meet the baby" parties for any after the first. I sure as heck do not want to host a party with a newborn and all my other children that I'm taking care of. How inconsiderate to the new mother! I think this is tackier than a shower before the baby.
I say celebrate and who cares about those that don't like it, they're the ones missing out on all the fun!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

My answer will likely be unpopular. I do not like showers that ask for gifts. I think that it indicates that you have chosen to have a baby and would like for others to finance that decision. A gift is not a gift to me if it is solicited. I think that that is tacky.

If someone insists on giving a gift and wants to know what you would like to have, I do not think that it should be too much for you to answer this question each time it is asked, since gifts are not mandatory and you should be gracious and show thankfulness for someone even caring enough to want to gift you/your family. Including gift information with invitations serves to make people feel obligated to do something that should be strictly voluntary; it removes the spontaneity of being moved to make an offering to someone who might need or appreciate said offering; it makes people feel bad when they are not able to rise to the task. All of this diminishes the true meanings of gifts in the first place. It just gets you the stuff that you don't want to buy yourself.

I like the idea of requesting the presence of people who are special to you, in order to surround you and baby with love and blessing, pre- or post pregnancy. If people insist on imparting material things, that is bonus.

If I were going to have a party to welcome baby home, I would likely wait a couple of months to have more than immediate family around all at once.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

The shower is not to celebrate the baby, its to get a new mom and dad started with the things they will need to raise a family.
I would refuse any second baby showers and call it something different if you want an excuse to celebrate and get together. Personally a mom pampering party sound more like it to me considering the rigors ahead.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

Hell I am worried about offending people with my FIRST baby shower! A couple of my friends had mentioned doing one for me, but it will have to be in April after the birth due to me living out of state. They haven't said anything more about it and I started to wonder if maybe it will be too much of an inconvenience. I will be really sad if that is the case, but I hate imposing on others. They just threw me a bridal shower in October, so I feel like it's a lot too close together.



answers from Miami on

I did a registry for my third. I've only shared it with family but wanted to make sure we didn't get a bunch of stuff we already have and don't need. Only did a shower for my first and got a bunch of stuff I never really used.



answers from Minneapolis on

I'll just throw this out there - I took my kids out and about pretty quickly after being born. Two were born in the early winter, and I couldn't handle being home all the time in our tiny house with a toddler (or a toddler and a preschooler as it were) so we just went out.

My second son was AT a baby shower for a friend when he was 5 days old.

So - I would have it be a meet the baby shower, and schedule it a few weeks after your due date so that baby is a week or so old (or if you are like me and you go over each time - schedule it 3 weeks out).


answers from Grand Forks on

We didn't have showers. Showers are a party for parents to receive gifts. We had a party for friends and family to come and meet the baby when babies were about three weeks old. I exposed my babies to everything from the very beginning. We were out and about at playgroups and everywhere else as soon as we were home from the hospital. Friends an family were all welcome to hold the baby from the beginning. When the babies were really new we reminded people to wash their hands. I always buy baby gifts for close friends and family, regardless of whether there is a party or not, and close friends and family bought gifts for my babies.


answers from Dover on

I think it depends on the situation as to what is acceptable but each child does deserve a celebration for their pending arrival.

First child is a given that a shower should be're happy and you NEED everything. Second child (if close in age to the 1st) is still going to need a few things...diapers, wipes, baby care products, a few clothing items that are theirs/new is also nice, another carseat (either because big sibling will need to move up or their old one has expired). If the 2nd child is a different gender, they will need even more clothes. If there is a large age gap even more items are needed (if they weren't saved or were too worn out). Same with third child but again it depends on the age gap.

An example would be I was 19 with my son and needed everything. Most of what I had was used or hand-me-downs (crib, high chair etc) but new clothes. With my daughter I was 34 so none of what I had was still useable because I had nothing (15 years apart, different gender, etc and I had given the old stuff to others who needed them years ago) so I again needed everything. At this point both my sisters were now adults too so they threw my shower and went in to get me some bigger items (highchair and swing that I wanted) and I still used a used stroller.

One idea would be still a baby shower but make it a diaper, outfit, and/or book theme. It would be ok to register for few items you know you need and want (carseat, stroller).


answers from Houston on

I don't think subsequent showers are tacky but that is just me. I try not to think the worst of people. When I get invitations for birthdays, baby showers, weddings, etc., I don't read 'hey, buy me gifts.' I read 'come celebrate with us.' If you are worried about offending people, then do a Pampers party. Everyone brings diapers in assorted sizes (or wipes or other must haves) and come to celebrate the baby. Win-win if you ask me.


answers from Washington DC on

but then, i hate showers.



answers from Seattle on

A shower by definition is gifts.
"Showered with Gifts"

Its not a Mom2B party, or first time parent party, or celebration of life, or welcome, baptism, christening, bday, etc. Its the ONLY party (in our culture) that is -by definition- a party where people bring gifts. Baby shower = presents for baby. Wedding shower = presents for couple. Bridal shower = presents for bride. Etc.

Which is why its never hosted by the guest of honor, even if at their house, its put together by family or friends.

Whether its tacky TO have a shower, or tacky NOT TO have a shower is a regional & familial thing.

In mine... Its tacky NOT to.

Why its tacky NOT to:


- low class ... Deliberate snub on parents & new baby
- niggardly ... Cookies cost $2. If you can't even spend $2??? & future favors are free. Neither $2 nor an hour of your time? Talk about completely unsharing & miserly!
- callous ... To show your disapproval on the pregnancy
- disregard ... Obviously, you don't care at all about this family if you're willing insult them in such a way.

Matron of Honor or Couple being honored

- the attitude that we have everything we could possibly need both flaunts wealth (which is always low class) & insults ones friends and loved ones (intelligence in coming up with something needed, and heart in presenting tokens of affection whether necessary or true tokens of goodwill)

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