Baby Shower for a Shy Girl

Updated on February 09, 2010
L.J. asks from Milwaukee, WI
20 answers

My son and his girlfriend are due in mid june. My daughter and I would like to throw a baby shower but my son's girlfriend is very shy. She hardly talks to us. We both feel that throwing her a shower would be very uncomfortable for her and the guests would think she was rude because she would not speak to anyone. I dont want to slight my son and we would like to do something but what? I know what its like to be shy and uncomfortable being the center of attention and I know it will get better as she matures but the baby is not going to wait until then :).
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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answers from Sacramento on

Keep it small. Shy people don't want large events, but if you invite just her closest friends and people from the family she knows well, it should be fine. Avoid inviting strangers just because they're family. And stick to games that don't focus too much attention right on her or that are racy in any way.

You can always talk to her directly and say you'd like to host a baby shower for her and does she have any preferences on how it's done -- at a house, local tea house, etc.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I would plan a "welcome" party for after the baby arrives... Then the baby is the focus and the conversation will flow easier... What new mom doesn't like talking about the delivery and munchkin? Perhaps also invite her to several smaller family dinner type of situations before so she feels like she knows some of the people there better...

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from St. Louis on

Why don't you talk with your son and get his take on it? He will most likely be able to get a truthful answer out of GF, and that way she isn't telling you directly if she doesn't want the shower, avoiding awkwardness.

If you do end up throwing the shower, try not to include many games that require her talking or being center of attention. At my shower, they asked me to give a speech! I was fine with it, but not all people are.

Also, try to hold the shower somewhere she will feel most comfortable, instead of at a foreign location. At her mother's or sister's house would be ideal, if they are willing. Or, if she is comfortable at your house, have it there.

One thing I think that would really help her is to have a co-ed shower. My husband and I were the guests of honor at my baby shower and that meant his friends got to come to, making it a very relaxed environment. I felt better with my hubby sitting next to me the entire time helping me open gifts and the like.

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answers from St. Cloud on

Especially since they are not married, you should do the shower AFTER the baby comes....... However, (again since they are not married) I would only invite the main relatives. Aunts, uncles, and cousins. I would NOT go out further than that. I don't know how your family is but my family is particular. Most would only attend a shower once. So if your son goes on to marry someone else and they have children, you would be throwing another shower....... (In my family, not many would come to the 2nd one.......)

By having the baby there, the baby will be the center of attention. Play games so there won't be any awkward silences. Do games and then have everyone eat WHILE she is opening the presents. That way everyone will be busy and not notice if she doesn't say much....... She truely does need to say thank you to each person as she opens their gift though OR a say a big thank you to everyone at the end. I would feel it very rude if the person who received all the presents didn't at least acknowledge that......... By the time she is done opening the presents perhaps everyone will be done eating and then the shower can be over.



answers from Davenport on

I would definitely go with a small couples shower and invite some of her girlfriends. I would do it before the baby is born. I'm not fond of getting together with a newborn and playing "pass the baby". As a new mother she may hate the idea of a bunch of strangers kissing all over her infant. Then again, that's just my feeling and I'm slightly over-protective, it may help take the focus off her if the baby is there. You may just ask them what they want to do. And doing it on her turf will make her feel more comfortable- maybe at her church, her mother's home, or even her own house- then she won't have to pack all those presents up.



answers from Minneapolis on

Have you talked to her mom to see if they're doing something for her side of the family? If they are, plan for you and your daughter to attend, bring gifts. if your relatives want to give them a gift, encourage it, and explain that you chose not to throw a 2nd shower out of respect for her.

Others' idea of a couples shower, inviting just your son, the girlfriend, and their friends, would be nice. You and your daughter could host a party for them to socialize comfortably. I'm guessing her friends aren't thinking of a baby shower.



answers from Minneapolis on

have you considered having a couples shower? then your son would be there too and any guests that are couples too. it might help her to share the center of attention.



answers from Minneapolis on

I would suggest a couple's shower. My family did that for my brother and his wife. There were very young (both 18 and six months pregnant at the wedding) and she was quite shy. I thought it was a very nice thing to do. Leave off the silly shower games and just have a small, low-key gathering where you can openly express your support for them and the coming baby, and they get some nice gifts.

I am an introverted person, and I was thrown a traditional baby shower which I experienced as a mild form of torture. I would have gladly gone without the gifts, in exchange for not having to make small-talk with the half of my husband's female relatives that showed up (the other half were fighting with the first half and refused to come).



answers from Sheboygan on

Instead of a baby shower before the baby is born, why not do a "Meet the baby" party about a month or two after baby is born? I am not a shy person by any means, but have a hard time with my husband's extended family and am very uncomfortable around them. My mother-in-law knows this, and so had a get together after our twins were born last year. That way I wasn't the center of attention, and didn't really have to worry about fielding questions about myself and the pregnancy. It was much easier on me, and it was a nice way for everyone to meet the babies without having to come over to my house afther they were born.
Good luck to you and congrats on being a gramma!


answers from Minneapolis on

I've seen people mention just giving her a shower because she deserves it, ask your son, go co-ed...

Here's something to think about. I was (still am) EXTREMELY uncomfortable around strangers and in the center of attention. I had 2 wedding showers, one from his side and one from mine, and I had 2 baby showers from the same people. I HATED them. I was miserable. Between my extended family (cousins never bothered to come so it was all my mom's family I didn't know!) and my husbands family, I only knew 3 or 4 people personally at all the showers.

All I wished for was to sink into the ground and I was NOT thankful at all. I may have enjoyed it more if I had needed things and registered for things (I already had everything I needed and then some) but when it came to my showers, they were definitely more for the people giving them rather than me...

If you throw her a shower and it is nothing she wants, she is not going to be thankful to you and may even get angry with you so make sure you ASK HER FIRST!!!

Now let's see if I can get my husband to believe me when I say "Surprise party for my 30th? You do that and I turn around and walk right back out the door."



answers from Portland on

Every new mother deserves a shower REGARDLESS of marital status! I would suggest a co-ed shower. This would include your son, and may put her at ease. It would also make a great opportunity to meet the his/her friends and take some attention off the mother to be! Sometimes an "AFTER BABY" shower is appropriate, but I tend to lean toward the "BEFORE BABY" shower. Reason being is, usually a shower is to "SHOWER" them with gifts to assist in preparing for baby. If a shower is thrown after they may get doubles of items they already have since they needed to buy them to use immediately. Another option is doing the shower in a Restaurant setting. It keeps moving around and time frame limited. Also she would be seated next to people she "is" comfortable with. Cheers!



answers from Appleton on

I would invite her over for a small party at your home to introduce her to some family menbers. Explain to them that she is very shy and doesn't talk a lot. Discuss the idea of a baby shower with her at the little party and explain that she will need a lot of stuff for the baby. You could offer to be a buffer between the more extroverted family members, explain to them that she is really sweet but very shy and they need to tone it down a bit.
I would also compliment her often. It sounds like she may be really insecure and have low self-esteem.



answers from Dallas on

Do it anyway! No matter how uncomfortable she may feel, she will appreciate it later! Be sure to ask her for the invitation list, though. That way, she will have people around her that she knows besides your relatives and friends. They will need all the help they can get with baby items, even if they don't realize it now.



answers from Dallas on

Well, where I do not see why it would matter if they were not married, I think the coed thing would be a great idea. I have never been a shy person, but at my baby shower I did not know alot of my husbands family that attended. It did help that my husband was there, but it also made me feel a little more comforatable around them. It wasnt a big affiar. Eating cake while opening presents does help take some of the attention off of her.



answers from Minneapolis on

Throw a "couples" shower...One that includes women and men...That way your son will be there to make her feel more comfortable. Give it a "tool" theme. After all, a diaper genie, wipe warmer, breast pump could conceivably be thought of as "tools".

Added bonus -- What father wouldn't like to be as involved in the whole road-to-parenthood experience? I may be biased. I am the mother of boys and so really feel like I will miss out on sharing these sorts of events that I would've had if I'd had a daughter. I definitely plan on hosting wedding and baby showers for my sons.



answers from Chicago on

I would keep it small and make it a coed shower so she can bring your son. She will probably feel more comfortable with him around. Not putting her on the spot or making her the center of attention is a good idea too. Im sure she would love it!



answers from Des Moines on

A smaller shower/party without games or a couples shower or "meet the baby" party are all good ideas, but I would recommend suggesting a couple of these options to the mom-to-be (and your son) and then, please, listen to their wishes. I didn't want a shower, but finally agreed to one and luckily my sister-in-laws were considerate of my feelings, kept the guest list small, and although they had games, they weren't any that caused me to be the center of attention, measured or otherwise gawked at, which I really appreciated.



answers from Wausau on

We didn't want to know the gender of our 1st, so we had a shower 2 weeks after he was born - trust me baby was the center of attention, not me (but please don't hold baby the entire time -my mother-in-law did that & some guests were slighted that they didn't get to hold the baby) You could pass around hand santizer & they it would be ok for everyone (who isn't coughing) to hold the baby. My 2nd was another boy, so a few close family members brought gifts by, but when our 3rd (a girl) was born I knew more people would want to bring gifts/see her, so we sent out invites right away for a 'meet the baby party' & that was even co-ed. Having baby & your son there would really take the presure off of the shy mommy. Good luck!



answers from Des Moines on

Maybe you could throw a co-ed shower and invite your son as well. She's bound to be more comfortable sharing the spotlight with him.



answers from Miami on

Oh Boy this is a toughie!!! I too am quite shy and don’t like anyone to make a fuss over me but I have to say there is something about a baby shower that gets everyone talking!!! Might I suggest a keepsake that they WILL treasure forever and she does not have to speak at all during it....LOL My BFF did this at my baby shower and then I got one for my sons baptism...they are by far my favorite keepsakes EVER!!! Well next to my wedding album....LOL!
It is a binder, that you can add pages to that your guests fill out with sweet fun things like advice or due date predictions, weight predictions or mile stone predictions. You can design the pages to say whatever you want. It has pages for the guests to sign in and gift logs (makes for easier thank you card writing). After our son was born we went threw the book and picked out the person that was the closest prediction wise and gave them a nice framed photo of our son. We took it to the hospital with us as well and had more people fill out pages as they came to visit us in the hospital also helped with the silence in a small hospital room (again had them fill out the guest pages). We still to this day get a great laugh out of it!!! As far as games go as a quite person I did enjoy games at my shower but ones that did not directly focus on me…..Like the toilet paper measure of my belly, or making a hat out of bows. Stuff like that is too much for me. But I have played the white powder game and baby shower bingo is fun during the gift opening, nursery rhyme fill in the blanks…etc…I’m sure you get the idea….But please know us silent types do appreciate it all and sometimes these are the things when we can finally open up… :o)

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