Baby Shower for 3Rd Baby ? - Lenexa,KS

Updated on October 27, 2010
S.S. asks from Lenexa, KS
49 answers

I am pregnant with my 3rd baby and I am wondering if it is ok to have a baby shower? My first 2 were girls, I had a shower with both of them - thrown by different friends. This time I have not had anyone offer to throw one, and I was kinda bummed but then I started thinking about "what if I threw my own?" I dont want to look like a loser, or look like a gift greedy mama :) Its not about the gifts to me its about the celebration. Both my girls got a "celebration", and I made scrapbooks with pictures and momentos from the party ..... I just want the same for my 3rd baby. Is that wrong ? I do not find out for 2 more weeks what I am having !!! I have had a friend tell me that your not suppose to have a shower for more than one child, I dont want people to feel obligated to buy gifts since some of them have attended one or both of my showers already ! I just want my children to feel like they are each important . . . I dont want anyone left out !

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So What Happened?

A simple "No" from some of you would have been just fine. I feel very insulted right now. I was asking a question- NOT looking to be critisized. I feel that some of you just read the title and not what I wrote... I said it was not about the gifts... I also said my hubby and I were already planning on rebuying everything. I also never said anything about a registry and personally I don't think people should put big expensive items on their registries. For my 2nd shower I put things that were under $20... I was not even planning on doing a registry this time around even if I have a boy. Some of you I think were quick to judge me as some gift greedy person... I AM NOT at all. There is a golden rule... If you don't have anything nice to say then say nothing at all. Some of you talk about proper ediqite but what about using manners when speaking to someone. I might be coming across as mean right now but some of you really hurt my feelings today and that was not I was looking for!
Thank you to all the mama's who were nice, even if you didn't agree with multiple showers!

Also - about keeping onto all baby stuff... For one when is a good time to let all your baby stuff go??? Do we have to hang on to the clutter( that is not being used that maybe someone else could get some use out of it) go? Do we wait until menopause, or must we get out tubes tied ??? Because those are the only ways besides not having sex to make sure you don't have a baby. Plus just because one gets rid of their baby stuff does not mean they will get pregnant and is not a good reason to hang on. Also cribs over 5 years are not suppose to be used and the same for mattress' ... Things get out dated and become a safety issue. Plus a lot of the stuff I had is now recalled so if I still had it all should I have used it anyway?
Plus before you judge someone maybe you should think to yourself that maybe they had a reason for getting rid of all their stuff. I got rid of most of it for safety, and clutter reasons... I was trying to sell my house and a lot of it took up way to much space, plus I needed the money too... I didn't even save the baby clothes... Wouldn't have helped even if I did since I had 2 Summer babies and this one is coming in early April... So the clothes wouldn't have fit with the weather. I am not a dumb woman nor am I selfish and how does wanting to celebrate my child make me selfish???
I just don't understand how people can be so blunt... I would also NEVER say NO or throw away a baby shower from a friend just because they are having their 3rd same sex child and they put a registry card inside. That is just mean and childish ... You should never treat your friends like that. Friends are a blessings we receive in life... We should treasure them!

Wow ... I am getting both sides here :) I thought about having a meet the baby thing after he/she will be born but I am seriously picky about germs and smokers coming near my babies. I had a brother die from SIDS when he was 2 months so I am over procautious. My friends and family who smoke are not as procautious as I am with that stuff. My parents will just light up a cigarette right in front of me while pregnant without a second thought. And, they will not, not have a cigarette on the way to my house or have one while they are here ... and I wont allow it ... the smell alone is too much ! So with all of that I just dont want alot of people in my house afterwards, plus it is time for me, hubby and my 2 girls to spend with baby alone :) My 2nd daughter got meningitis at 4 weeks old and it came from a simple cold from a vistor to my house.

Oh I also do not have anything for baby. We had already sold everything down to the crib ! After my 2nd I decided I didnt want anymore :) well that has changed .. but my hubby and I were already planning to rebuy everything !!!

Featured Answers



answers from Boston on

Honestly I think its lame and rude to have a shower after the first one unless expecting multiples or the births are many many years apart.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Myrtle Beach on

I say go for it!!!! We have one girl who is almost 4, if I were to get pregnant again, yes, I would like another shower!!! :-) Have fun!!!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Topeka on

It's customary to only have one baby shower for the first baby... at least that is what older people were telling me when everyone was throwing me 3 baby showers for each of my 3 children. haha!

I think it is just fine to have a shower. And if they don't want to give a gift, they shouldn't come. After all, that is what a shower is for. To shower the baby with gifts.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Fort Collins on

Hi there. I suspected after reading this that you would get lots of negative remarks. But I just want to say that I totally know what you mean about wanting a celebration for this baby, as much as you wanted it for your other children. The scrapbook, the memories, the fun times with your friends anticipating the birth, etc. It shouldn't matter which child you are on, and I think there are ways to have a "celebration" for the baby, without calling it a "shower", where people assume gifts are required.

I'm also pregnant with my 3rd (I have two boys and this is a girl), and my friends were so excited, knowing how much I wanted a girl, and offered to throw me a dress shower :) I would never say no, because I too want to celebrate this little girly, just as I celebrated her brothers!

Perhaps at some point one of your friends will offer to throw you a shower, and you can specifically say on the invite "no gifts" or something like that? People will probably still bring them, because who doesn't like to shop for baby clothes, but at least you won't seem greedy.

Good luck - I'm sorry you had such a negative response.


4 moms found this helpful


answers from Amarillo on

Well, I am from the old school of where you keep some things even after you have "had" all the babies you want. Too many times like you when you get rid of everything you wind up pregnant.

With today's economy it might a hard sale to have a shower. Also what is the sex of the baby if you know it? I would go ahead and plan to buy what I needed for the new one and leave it alone. Sorry you feel bummed out about not having a shower. People every day give birth without a shower and survive.

This might be best since you did mention in the what happened section that you have several hangups about smokers, your brother's death and your other daughter's illness at four weeks. You could be surprised that people will bring you something after the birth.

May you have a happy preganncy, a safe delivery and a healthy baby.

The other S.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

I'm not going to read all the responses but I did read your entire post and your "what happened" (one reason I'm not going to read all the other posts). I have 3 kids. First 2 are boys, born in the winter. Third is a girl born in the summer. There are 8 years between my first and 3rd, 5 years between my second and third.
I had to get rid of a lot of the baby things from my first 2 because of recalls, it broke and after 2 boys worth of use some of them were just too icky to use any more. I had kept almost all the clothes, mostly out of lack of time or energy to sort through and get rid of it. Almost all of it was unusable for my third. It was either the wrong season or far too "boyish" (sorry..not putting my little girl in an outfit that says "Little Prince" or "Thank Heaven for Little Boys" LOL) We really needed to start over in a lot of ways.
We had several showers for our first. We did several special things for my child, making him a special wish blanket and other personal items during the shower. They weren't all about getting the gifts, we were doing special things to celebrate his coming and we did special things for me for labor, decorating candles for friends and family to burn for a safe and smooth labor and so on.
We didn't get a shower for my second. We tried to make up for some of the special personal things at his first birthday like the wish blanket but it was a mad scramble.
We got a shower for my third. I did make a registry up with anything and everything we needed/wanted. But it wasn't for gift giving as much as a place to put everything for ourselves. We bought our own crib, mattress, stroller and other such large stuff. We never expected anyone to buy them for us. We put them on so others could see what the nursery was going to look like if they were picking up anything for her room and wanted to match. We got things like diapers, girl summer clothes and other little things we needed. Some of the disposible things you don't keep hold of like diaper trash bags for on the go and diaper cream. We did a few special things for her as well, unfortunately she didn't get a wish blanket yet, we were recovering from our house flooding and getting ready for a baby all at the same time.
There is no reason to not have a party for your coming child. It's not all about the gifts and anyone who says so is wrong.
I wish we had been able to have something for my second son, I still feel like he was jipped. He was a Christmas baby which was part of why he didn't have a shower, everyone was so busy with the holidays :(

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

I never knew that you only got one shower until I was pregnant with #2. I always assumed it was about celebrating the baby, but in reality the shower is about the gifts for a new Mom. A shower of gifts is tradition because babies are so expensive, and you need so much stuff. I have 3 kids, only had one shower, and my kids are special and celebrated everyday.

I wouldn't throw my own shower. Have a prebaby party and specify no gifts if you want to have a celebration before baby comes.

Tag it as a "Mom's last hurrah before baby" and have some light appetizers and snacks and enjoy your girl friends.


3 moms found this helpful


answers from Lexington on

I guess I am old-fashioned. I was taught a baby shower is a party a friend/family/social group organizes to prepare for the birth of a first-born child. It is a community effort to help a new family get off to a good start. New mothers are often bewildered, and this shows the mother new things - it is a time for sharing and bonding. It is also a learning experience. It wasn't meant so much as a celebration of the pregnancy but as what I just stated - a social group helping get the new family off to a good start.

The term "shower" represents a shower of presents, support and sharing of time and knowledge all in support of the new mother. Society usually has limited time and resources and the showering of gifts and attention was supposed to be for a *new* mother - not an already experienced one in an already established family (unless it is still her first baby she is having herself or adopting).

That's the way I learned it. But obviously from some of these other responses I may be out of date, and it has come to have a different meaning.

Personally, I have been to a shower (picnic) for a baby that was not the mother's first but it was the first the couple was having together, and there was a large age gap between this baby and the woman's previous children, and a different gender, and the circumstances were such that they really did not have money. It was just family and *very* close friends. We really wanted to help.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

I think this may be a bit repetitive of some of the posts, but I wanted to send you a "polite" post so you wouldn't feel so insulted! I had a shower for my first, and "sprinkles" for my 2nd and third (mini showers -- more about the food and games, not gifts :), and a full blown shower again for my 4th since she came 8 years after my third!! It was so nice of all my friends and each was truly a celebration. I agree with you, that the focus is on a shower being a celebration of the baby to come - part of that celebration is giving gifts. I would suggest either (1) asking a close family member or friend to have a party for you (and you can always say no gifts, or place a limit on amount, or what the heck, just let people buy what they want :) or (2) wait for the baby to be born and have a celebration of some sort (if you belong to a religion that has a sacrament or such for a new baby , great; and if not, have a "welcome to the world" party). You can always wait until the baby is 4 or 5 months old if you are worried about germs, as I am too (I had my 4th baby's baptism party when she was close to 5 months old, and no one thought it was too late.)

Just as a side note -- On not having anything because you gave it all away before - I can totally relate, and have gotten a ton of stuff (other than car seat and crib) on craigslist and ebay. Very good deals!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

This is kinda late, but I am prego with my third as welll....due in January. We are having a girl, 5 years after my last son and 8 years after my first son.
I AM having a baby shower!! Yipee! My son's godmother offered to throw it and at first I was a little hesitant. I said something to the affect of what you were saying....I don't want anyone to think I am greedy, I don't want anyone to feel obligated....that I just want people to come and celebrate that we are having a GIRL and how excited we are! Some butt paste and nipple cream and I am happy. :)
My godmother put me straight...and maybe it's because she is latina as are a couple of my other friends that I expressed that too. They said, "every baby is special! We celebrate every one!" Good for me since I have only saved ONE bag of special clothes I loved (and a breast pump) and it turns out that I can't even use the clothes anyways!
I went and registered and Babies R Us and nothing was over $20 (except diapers...and I already have about 5 Costco boxes, but you can't go wrong with those!). We got all the big stuff already from various garage sales throughout the summer.
I almost don't want to read the other responses (since I read your "what happened"), but maybe I will so that I can feel blessed by the friends that I have that are excited to celebrate this babies life with me! And I wanted YOU to know that you are not the only one that is struggling with the 3rd baby shower question.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I am also pg with baby #3 and my first 2 were boys. I can't fathom throwing my own shower, but neither can I picture having more than 1 shower unless there is a huge age gap.

I think it would be best to wait until the baby comes and then a few weeks later have a "meet the baby" party. Don't register. People will naturally bring gifts like outfits or receiving blankets, which is really all you need after the first 2 kids since you likely have all the baby gear already.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Appleton on

I also think proper etiquette is to not have a baby shower for your 2nd or 3rd, and I would especially not throw one for myself! That being said, maybe you could have a "baby brunch" where you would just invite everyone to come celebrate the little one. I would definitely not ask for gifts or register though! If they want to bring a gift, then so be it, but registering just seems a little tacky to me (if it really is all about the celebration...and not the presents!).

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

To have a celebration for the 3rd baby is great. Throwing yourself a shower is not. It is tacky. Throwing yourself a baby celebration bruch as Megan suggested is wonderful. Most people will bring gifts but do not register for them. However you could write down a list of things you want and tell folks when they ask you and cross it off the list (like a personal registry). Congrats on that new baby!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Denver on

I am getting in late on this... but ignore mean people! Sites like this let them feel like they are all powerful and can say things they don't have the guts to say to people in person.

Anyhow throw yourself a Baby Sprinkle... it is before baby comes (no worries for germs after baby) and it is just more of a gathering and celebration. Google it and you will get lots of ideas.

Good luck

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

I was given a shower for my first. I was given a casserole shower for my second...everyone brought a casserole to freeze and we were able to eat for over a month after she was born. I don't have three children, but in my Sunday School class what we do is give diaper showers. How about since no one has offered yet to give you a shower you have a party after the baby is born. A celebration of it's birth. You can put diapers welcome or gifts welcome, but not necessary on the invite. This way no one can fault you for wanting to have some sort of celebration. Hope this helps. Goodl luck and God Bless.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I'm pregnant with my 3rd also and my sister in laws are already planning me a shower. I told them I wasn't sure if I wanted one because I already have a 3 yr old boy and a 13 month old girl so I don't really need anything. I said maybe we'll just have a diaper party!! My husband's family celebrates every baby with a baby shower. His cousin had 4 boys and each one of them got a shower. I registered for both of my babies and will register for this baby too because everyone asks me what I need already. I don't need much, just a few small things. I don't feel it's tacky and I am not greedy! Talk to your friends about having a baby shower, or you can even have a Welcome Home Baby party after the baby is born--every baby is a special gift and should be celebrated!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Wichita on

I always try to err on the side of caution when it comes to manners. Since you stated "I dont want to look like a loser, or look like a gift greedy mama" and some people may think that throwing a shower for yourself for a 3rd child would make you seem that way, I wouldn't do it.

My family had a shower for us for our first child. We did not have showers for our 2nd or 3rd and we had different sex children w/ 9 years between the 1st & 3rd. However, we did celebrate each baby's birth. My husband and I host a meal & reception in conjuction with baby's baptism. Depending on your religious or personal customs, you can host an event after the baby is born either in conjunction with a religious rite or just as a meet the baby party. You can register for smaller gifts, if you like, since many people will want to get a little something for the baby. I wouldn't send registration cards in the invitations, but you can pass along the info if someone asks. Since most registrations are online, people will be able to find your registry even if you don't let them know where you are registered. The meet the baby event is then all about celebrating the new baby and no one can think you're being 'greedy' about that.

In your follow-up, you mention your concern for germs & smoke. We used the older siblings to help with these issues. Grandma, grandpa or auntie/uncle will find it adorable when your older children ask them to use purel before they hold the baby or tell them not to smoke around the baby. They will find it less offensive than coming from you or your husband. This really helped us and gave the older siblings an 'important job' helping to take care of their new baby. You might also put a cute or funny sign on the door asking them to not smoke and to use the anti-bacterial gel/foam.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

My sister had a shower for all 3 of hers...she wanted the same for each. (first was boy, second and third were girls). Only family that wanted to brought gifts for her...she didn't ask and it was alot of fun!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

I have a friend that was pregnant with her 4th girl. Her husband sent an email to everyone on their list that she was registered at Target and Walmart a couple of months before the child was due - now that's tacky.

If you want a celebration of your child's birth have it... And most definately have one if it is a boy... I was dissapointed when I adopted my grandson that friends didn't have a shower for me - obviously I didn't have any baby stuff laying around. I should have done it for myself just for the fun.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Enid on

no one threw me a baby shower with my first(boy), so when i got pregnant this time i didnt just wait around till no one had one again, i threw my own. and once my in laws found out i was doing it all on my own they helped out alot. my grandma was the only one upset. she told me how rude i was and she didnt come, but no one else seemed to mind. everyone knows how busy i am and that i did it when it was a good time for everyone.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

Recently I had a friend who was on 4th child have a baby shower... Our group of friends were happy to throw her a shower. I dont think its wrong to want to celebrate your third baby and you shouldn't feel bad about wanting to have a celebration in honor of your 3rd baby. I say go for it. If you end up having a girl and you have kept all of your things from your previous babies ie: clothes, blankets, etc. Then have just a simple diaper party instead of a full blown shower. =0) Hope this helps!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

My friends' son was ill when he was born so no one could see him until he was a month old. Then his parents threw a "Welcome to the World, Baby Jack" party. Since they didn't find out what they were having before the birth, we (friends and family) were able to give "boy" gifts. No one asked us to bring a gift but most of us did because we wanted to.
Good luck and congratulations.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

I would only have a shower for more than one if they are far apart (like 5 years). But there is no reason you can not simply have a party, like a BBQ, for the baby while making it clear it is not a "baby shower", and so no gifts are needed or expected. It is kind of tacky to throw your own actual baby shower, especially for a third child.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I totally understand where you are coming from on this. We decided not to have a shower for my 2nd boy, and afterward I felt guilty that he didn't get the same celebration as his brother. I had planned on doing a meet n greet or celebration of life thingy for him too, but it was right at the height of the h1n1 last year and I opted out.

What we did decide to do was a HUGE smash for his 1st birthday. I don't know if you already do big birthday's (we generally don't) but that might be an option for you. With my first we just invited close friends and family. With my 2nd we invited whoever we felt like it and I went all out with the decorations & stuff.....Just a thought ;)

Edit: Oh ya I wanted to add, even though we didn't have a 'shower' for my son, many friends and family still asked if we needed anything, and many sent congratulation gifts after he was born. I got lots of diapers and gift cards, they all said it was b/c they didn't know what I already had. So you can do as others mentioned collect those types of gifts and have your immediate family over, have some cake open the gifts and take pictures...Wouldn't be exactly the same, but your LO will have the memories and pictures to show he was just as loved as his/her siblings :)
Good Luck on this one ;)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Redding on

Since you are weary about having people to your house after your baby is born, perhaps you could invite people to a brunch or gathering before the baby comes. Kind of a last social wing-ding before the delivery and before you need rest and settling in time. I wouldn't ask for gifts though. This way you can have friends over, take photos for the baby book and have a lovely gathering of friends and family. By the time you schedule your brunch, you may know what your baby is and can announce the gender on the cake.
People who are inclined to do so will likely buy a little something for baby after it's born.

"You are cordially invited to a celebration brunch (or bbq or whatever) to help us share in the excitement of our impending new arrival. No gifts, please."

Yuo can purchase matting for a photo frame and have your guests sign it so that when the baby is born, you can put a photo of the baby in it and have that as a reminder of those who attended the celebration.

I know how it feels to want our kids to have the same things, but that's not always possible. They can be celebrated in their own ways.

I hope you find something that works for you.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Bakersfield on

Maybe you and hubby can throw your own shower and take pics of you opening the stuff you bought? If you tell your friends that you are throwing a shower so that you have the scrapbook and babybook pictures that will probably be enough to get a few of them to invite themselves to your unorthodox celebration.
I didnt know there was a rule about baby showers. I had one for both of my kids.
Don't feel slighted that no one has offered to throw you one yet, it's still early in the game. I'm sure someone will get to it as your belly gets bigger and you know the sex of this baby.
After reading your "what happened" I can see that you are pretty much eliminating a lot of people and maybe they all already know this about you so throwing a shower is not something that sounds desireable to any of your friends and family. Too many conditions. I'm sure an after party might be the better option. Most people will bring you something when they come to look at the baby I assume. It sounds like you really dont want any germs around the newborn so you might be better off not putting people in that position. Its very hard not to want to hold and touch someones baby, especially if it's someone you care about's kid. Keep antibacterials handy and have everyone use it before they hold your baby. MY DIL was very paranoid about my granddaughter... I was never like that, but I do have the respect not to reek of smoke before visiting. You might have a talk on that subject with your parents, they are being rude about that for sure.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

I was hoping that people would not be so RUDE and CRUDE, however, some moms on here just dont have the nice bone in them on this topic. I remember a while back a mom asking the same thing and she got more rude comments and people being just plain mean to her, than actually supporting her in what she wanted to do. I know someone has posted recently about how people are rude on here far too much. This is a supportive site, not a place to make people feel crappy about themselves and get upset because what they want to do is something great. I understand that everyone has their own opinion but, my goodness, learn a nicer way of saying it!
I was going to say that it is YOUR baby, if you want to have another shower (and go ahead and call it a shower) then go for it. I will have one for each one of my kids (i only have one right now and I am a single mom, so whenever I find that Mr. Right and decide to have another child, i will be having another shower whether it is the same sex or not) If people get offended that you invited them to ANOTHER shower, then they shouldn't have been invited in the first place. Like you said, it would be a celebration of the new life that you and your husbands created! It is a blessing that you get this chance again (it is Gods way of saying, "Its funny that you thought you were done having children, but guess what, Im not!" he does things like that!) So back to the topic at hand, I think it is a GREAT idea, and if you want to do a registry then so be it, it is a guide for if anyone wants to purchase something for you. Or you can include something on the invitation that says if you are dead set on buying something for the baby, contact me and I will tell you the absolute needs.
You are not selfish because you want to celebrate your child. I would be concerned if you did not want to do this. Well I guess I I have rambled on and on about this, so bottom line DO IT! It will be something that you can remember and can show all your children the people that really loved and cared about them when they were little babies. (Oh and I would not do a meet and greet thing after the baby is born, Like you I am wierd about germs, so i would just do a shower before the baby is here!)
Good luck and CONGRATS on the new edition to your family!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

No. I'm a pretty firm believer in showers are for first babies. Our first daughter was born and died a couple months before my shower was planned. I'm pregnant again and adamantly do not want a shower, even though I've never had one.

Having a third shower, and especially throwing it for yourself, will definitely make you look like a gift grabber, even if that's not your intent. I have
I'm also due in April/May, and I don't have a problem with a 'meet the baby' small celebration. It's not as if it's in the middle of flu season. If you don't want to do anything after the baby is here, you could do a celebration only party, and say please no gifts on the invitations...I've also heard of women having "diaper parties" or "book parties", where guests are asked to bring a pack of diapers or a kid's book. Still, I wouldn't throw that myself. But if someone asks to throw a shower for you, I think that's a reasonable idea.

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answers from St. Louis on

I'm sorry you had to deal with mean people. You just asked a question, sheesh! And it is entirely FINE for you to want to celebrate your baby! Every child is a gift and special and someone to celebrate!
You might just do a little party at your house before the baby is born, a Come help us celebrate our last days as parents of 2 party or something :) Tell people no gifts, because friends and family will probably want to give you something anyway. I didn't have a shower for my 2nd or 3rd, but I had all boys and had the space to save our things. Plus, they were all close enough together that expiration dates on car seats wasn't an issue. But most of the family, aunts and uncles and grandparents, gave us a little something anyway, pack of diapers, wipes, something! Our church even threw us a diaper shower and collected diapers for all of our kids over a month's time :)
Don't let the mean people get to you. Enjoy your time, 3 is crazy :) But totally worth it!

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answers from Kansas City on

Sorry people were so mean about this. I think everyone got hung up on calling it a "shower." I don't think there is anything wrong with celebrating the birth of any child.

I did not have a shower with my first, and I regret it. I wanted a shower for my second--- and for the same reasons you do... not the gifts, but the celebration. I have some wonderful friends who are throwing my baby and me a party, and while I insisted that the invitation say NO GIFTS, there are some who actually have a problem with that!

We called the party a mother blessing/baby shower. The first part of the party is the mother blessing, which is all that I really wanted. It's not something that is customary in the US, but I think it is super cool (you can google it to find ideas). The second part is more for my friends, and will consist of baby shower games and gifts.

Mama, if you want to celebrate your kiddo, go ahead and do it. I think to avoid looking "tacky" I would just call it something other than a "shower".

Good luck & congrats on #3!


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Medford on

It sounds like I am in the minority here, but I think a celebration for each baby is a must. Each baby is special and deserves to be celebrated. You just need to do it a bit different.

Call it a celebration, not a shower. Specify on there that you don't want/need gifts (or not, its your choice, I don't care how many babies you have certain people will want to buy a gift). This baby deserves special things that were given with love to just them not hand me downs.
Just don't include a registry, after all its a celebration, not a shower!

Even if you do a traditional shower, who cares?! If they find it rude, they won't come and chances are you won't want them there anyway! :)

Best of luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Cincinnati on

No! It's not ok. Sorry. If it were me, I would never in a million years throw my own shower. It's selfish and yes, tacky.

On the other hand, have a celebration. Have someone, a sister, or friend, plan a luncheon where everyone brings you something small.(An outfit, a package of diapers, something personalized.) Not large items, and a registry for a 2nd or 3rd baby is a no no. I was once invited to a friends shower for her 3rd girl, and when I got the invite and the babiesrus card was inside with the invite, I threw it away and did not attend. I know that makes me sounds so rude. But really? How greedy can you be?

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answers from Kansas City on

I've heard of people calling smaller baby showers a "Baby Sprinkle". This would be perfect for a 2nd/3rd/4th. If you did throw it yourself, I would definitely put "no gifts please" or something similar. If a friend were to throw it, maybe you could come up with a cute poem and ask for clothes--since clothes are cheap. People can get a $5-$10 outfit from Carters, Old Navy, or Target.

I would not do the "meet and greet" until baby is at least a month. We are heading into cold and flu season and it's just too risky (IMO). Plus, you may not feel up to visitors.

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answers from St. Louis on

First and Foremost: Do what makes you feel good.

I have four children and I had 8 showers. 4 at home and 4 at work. My kids are all 4 years apart and we donate things to charity after our kids out grow them. It was our way of paying it forward.

It was also nice to have new stuff for the next baby. My family, friends and co-workers had a ball throwing the showers. And it made me feel so special that they cared enough to through the showers each time. I felt blessed and loved.

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answers from Cleveland on

I'm sorry you had such a negative response as well, S.. I didn't have a shower for my second baby (had two for my first). They were 3.5 years apart. I did have one for my third (and at work they threw a diaper shower), likely since she is 12.5 years younger than my second! I think many still have old-fashioned notions about what is/is not acceptable. Many may just think you would still have things. Others may not realize just how much things have changed (recalls, bpa, etc.). I know it is disappointing for you.l Whether or not you have a shower, know that your new little one IS a celebration, even if for just your family.

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answers from St. Louis on

I really don't think that your kids are going to think that they weren't important because they didn't have a baby shower thrown for them. I have 2 kids (boy/girl) and wasn't given one for my second (girl) - she is now 3 and of course still doesn't care or have any idea. I think by the time they understand it won't be a big deal - and that's if they actually look at their baby books.

I have often heard that etiquette states that you do only throw a shower for the first child. If one of your friends or family want to throw a shower that would be fine but I think throwing one yourself will seem a little odd and possibly a little selfish. Whatever you decide, as long as you are happy with it. Good luck.



answers from St. Louis on

Your children will not know if they have a shower or not. It is not appropriate to have your own shower. Our friends just hosted a Sip N See for us and our first child. We adopted so the party was held after he was a month old and we had our first court date. This gave everyone an opportunity to meet him and most brought a thoughtful gift. It was not the type of party where we got major gifts.



answers from Pittsburgh on

I would suggest sending out invites to a "Meet The Baby" party after the birth and include "no gifts please" on the invite! Congrats on #3!

A baby is not going to feel "unimportant" or "left out"!



answers from Harrisburg on


I personally do not believe in 2nd and 3rd showers but that is just me. I understand that you are just wanting to have a celebration as you did for the other two but in my experience most people do not even have a second shower.

I was reading further down and saw your concern about the smoking and having a party after the baby is born. Most people have their children baptized within the first month, I did. I was worried about the germs but here is what I did: Anyone who was a smoker was not allowed to handle the baby and anyone who did handle the baby must use purell. My husband is a smoker and he was not even allowed to pick up his son unless he washed his hands and changed his shirt. I understand that it can be scary to let other people around your newborn but it is manageable.



answers from Kansas City on

I was just reading about this in my Parents magazine. Throw yourself a Sprinke Party. Put on the invite- No gifts! (many will bring anyway but that is there own polite upbringing)- and advertise drinks, food, celebrations and stories. Instead of games, maybe do a labor reminisising (spelling-sorry) among guests, a 'what was your favorite bring to the hospital item' and things along that line--you know, something that people with kids can relate to and those without kids could learn from.

If you find out it's a boy, then maybe you could ask those mama's what is different between raising the boys and girls.

In short, make it a celebratory gossip session with food and drinks. Don't go overboard and just have a great girl time moment.

Or maybe, just throw a family BBQ where friends and family are invited that way it's not as intimate as a baby shower.

Either way, enjoy your bundle and forget about the 'rude and tacky' people who are trying to tell you that you're rude and tacky!!!



answers from Hartford on

Hi S., I think it depends on the length of time between children. Some of my friends are on their 3rd and 11 or 12 years have lapsed since their 1st, so they are having showers. It is expensive to buy gifts for baby showers and if most of your friends and family have been to 2 in the last 5 years or so, I would say skip it. Usually you do not throw your own baby shower, however my husband and I did. It was for men and women and more of a party then a formal shower, although we did get gifts. I have no qualms attending all these 3rd baby showers because so much time has gone by since the last.



answers from Columbus on

Why not do a "sprinkle" instead of a shower. You could also wait till after baby comes and have a get together to meet baby. I wouldn't recommend throwing your own shower, but maybe just a lunch get together.

Congrats and BAby # 3


answers from Dover on

You can not throw your own shower. I do believe that each child should have a shower or at least a luncheon to celebrate their arrival with any after the 1st being a little lower key/smaller.

I suggest having a celebration as is..."Come help us celebrate our expected precious arrival".



answers from Johnstown on

Well, I look at it this way: IF there is a significat time span between the children and IF you know FOR CERTAIN you're having a boy, then just send out a birth announcement. I personally don't feel that it is appropriate to have a shower for multiple children of the same gender, especially if there are only a few years between them. I honestly wouldn't throw myself a shower just because this is baby #3 and you should have all of the necessary items (aside from clothing) regardless of the gender. Simply do what I mentioned above: send a birth announcement after he/she arrives, and you will most likely be surprised with the # of gifts you're showered with anyway. Congrats!



answers from Los Angeles on

If you want to celebrate, why not go out to a nice lunch or dinner with your friends? Don't call it a shower, just say you want a chance to hang out before the baby comes and takes up all your free time.

If you send any sort of formal invitation, put "no gifts please" so they don't bring stuff.

You could also do something after the baby is born. A couple of my friends had open houses where people could come on a certain day from 12-3 (or whatever time you pick) to meet the baby. That can be your celebration. Again, you can put "no gifts please" if you don't want them to bring stuff.

Congrats on # 3!

K. - Got kids? I've got toys! Check out the fun, educational toys, games, books and CDs that I have to offer you this holiday season.



answers from New York on

I personally believe in only a shower for the first child. I also don't think it's appropriate to throw your own shower. IMO it makes them look like a greedy mama. I agree that every child is a blessing and should be celebrated. I frequently buy a small gift after the child is born.

If you're concerned about a celebration, have a "celebration party". Invite guests but include on the invitation "no gifts".



answers from Atlanta on

If you want to have a celebration, then wait until the baby is born and have a sip-n-see where you invite people over (kind of like an open house) and they can see the baby. Have light appetizers and a cake and drinks. It's absolutely tack and very poor etiquette to throw your own baby shower or to have a 3rd shower! Showers are definitely for gifts as well as a celebration. With a sip-n-see, you're not being tacky and some will still bring a gift, but some won't. It's not an occasion that "demands" a gift. At the sip-n-see you can have a guest book, pictures, etc.for your baby to see in the future.

***I just read your update. If you feel you must do something before the baby, people have started having "announce the sex" parties. I think it's pretty silly, BUT you would have a party and find a clever way (color of cake or something) to announce if it's a boy or girl. They definitely aren't gift-giving occasions, so this could be a solution for you.


answers from Rochester on

I think it is okay if someone else offers to host one. I cannot imagine throwing a shower for myself, even with my first child. I didn't even have a bridal shower (and I had bridesmaids) but since nobody thought to have one, I was not about to ask for it.

My co-workers have already indicated that they will have a small shower at work even though I am expecting my third. (People I work with love any excuse to buy things for kids and eat cake. I don't think it is necessary but they hosted one for my second child anyway.) I have had other people randomly tell me (strangers, not people who would be part of it) that people often have showers for each child and that is considered normal these days. I am not expecting it one way or another. We also gave everything away after our second and now need everything again, but we're just planning on finding things on Craigslist, at garage sales, and on clearance. I don't think that not having pictures from a baby shower will make a child feel any less special.



answers from Atlanta on

Usually, if your kids are far apart in age or of the opposite sex. Other than that, it comes across as needy or greedy. I organized a "Tea Party" for my second shower and one of my girlfriends hosted it. I was pregnant with my son, but it was for the girls. We all dressed up in nice hats and had a large variety of tea, fruit, cupcakes and cookies. I had a professional photographer to capture everyone dressed up in their hats.

It was more fun for the girls than an actual "baby shower" I didn't need anything, except boy clothes because we had everything else from our daughter.

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