Baby Shower for 2Nd Baby

Personally, I think every baby is worthy of celebrating. I was lucky enough to have a group of close friends who wanted to throw a shower for me when I had my second son (2 1/2 years after the first), and I only invited very close family and friends (and it sounds like you fit into this category for Mary). No, I didn't need any of the big stuff, or even many clothes, but I didn't go into the first pregnancy/shower with expectations of big gifts either - the point was to get together with the people I loved, have fun, and focus on the upcoming birth.

Do you know how hard it is to write thank you notes when you are hormonal and pregnant? I dont even remember what I wrote because I was crying while writing them....point is...don't be so judgemental. If you get an invite and dont want to go, gracefully decline, and if you don't get invited, maybe this is just a small shower for her friends to celebrate the new baby coming.

If you don't want to go, then don't go. I'm not sure why you included all the info about Mary not being married when she had the first child, who she lives with (etc.). If/when you receive your invitation, simply RSVP "no" if you do not care to go.

If you receive an invitation to an event which you do not wish to attend, simply send your regrets and do not attend. It is that simple.

I agree I think that it is tacky to have a baby shower for the second child. A baby shower is to help a NEW mother out not someone who is already a mother. Close family members and friends will already be giving somethig for the baby in most cases. I don't blame you for not wanting to go. I also feel the same way with people getting married for the second time they should not have another bridal shower. To me it feels like these people are just selfish and want gifts.

Ugh. The dreaded facebook invitation.
I declined to have a 2nd shower thrown for me. It was another boy and I really felt it would be weird.
If you do get an invitation, maybe you can just send a nice card with congratulations.

All of the major baby gear and clothes should be fine still if her first daughter is not even two years old yet. If it is purely for a celebration, and not to get baby items just to "have something new", I don't see the problem with it. That is just my opinion though.
As others have said, send your regrets, and let it go.

If you are that set against it, you shouldn't go. I don't think anything about this situation is tacky, even the facebook issue. It's become a cultural norm.
I am going to go out on a limb and say that the reason you only received one generic thank you is because being a new mom is EXHAUSTING and even trying to get out of your jammies is a struggle, let alone pen elaborate thank yous.

I am all for celebrating each baby. No matter the circumstances. Generosity is never in bad taste.

Um where is all this info that you supposedly included about Mary not being married when she had her first child and who she is now living with? I read your post several times and I don't see it anywhere? What is Mom LK talking about?

As far as your post I have to agree with the other mom's. If you just don't want to go then tell them you have other plans or something. Or just simply say "no"

Everyone has their own opinions and that is what makes life so interesting! Don't feel obligated to go if you don't want to. Do you what you would have done for this baby regardless of a shower being held (if anything at all).

I have no problems celebrating each baby and am disappointed when a party isn't thrown for the baby (either before or after it's birth). The types of gifts for a shower/party are always up to the sender anyway. It could be a card, a package of diapers, or an elaborate item.

I also enjoy getting "real" invites and thank you cards, but can understand if that doesn't happen "properly." At least you got the one thank you card the first time. I am guilty of not getting about 1/4 of my thank you cards out after our wedding. We moved into our new house (and had it remodeled) the same month we got married and that 1/4 of the cards disappeared in the chaos and I didn't find them for over a year and half. I felt like a total heel! Life happens.... and especially after having a newborn!

I say, give her a break and do what you feel is comfortable for you.

if she had one a year ago. she shouldn't need a second baby shower unless she had a 10 yr difference or so between the sibs. she should have everything from her first baby shower knowing this one is a girl as well. i would not go. do not feel you are obligated to attend.

Umm..very tacky! Especially if she is having another girl. I had this same situation about a year ago. I didn't even go to the shower. I got a gift for the baby to take up to the hospital after she was born. That is as far as I would go :D.

It is becoming more common to have a second shower. I personally don't think a baby shower is to just help new mothers out, but for celebrating a new life...each one is worth celebrating!! I do think if she registered for big items just for the sake of having new things would be tacky. I do understand about the thank you card issue tho. I think if you are so bothered by it don't go!

A. Baby Showers for 2nd babies are unneccesary and somewhat tacky. Having a 'shower' is actually requesting gifts/supplies/wisdom be 'showered' on a new mother. Without unusual circumstances, this shouldn't be needed. Some kind of celebratory party may be appropriate, but that is not what is indicated here.
B. Throwing a shower for yourself (or even your immediate family) is tacky. You do not ask for gifts for yourself. Ever.
C. Facebook invitations are usually tacky. They definitely are for baby showers.
D. Of course everyone is tired after having a newborn, but that doesn't mean it is okay not to write a personal thank you note to those who took the time to give a gift. It is almost never okay to do this. After a newborn we usually cut some slack for tardy thank yous. That's about it!

I'm afraid you are right on. If you do not care to go, don't. If Mary's mother is someone you are terribly close to, you may want to go to preserve that relationship. However, you do not need to justify your not being able to attend. An "I won't be able to attend" is sufficient.

well although i think a second babyshower is a little off (especially so close in age) you would still send her a gift for this baby right? so since it is your best friends daughter, i think u are stuck and need to go.

My family does a baby shower for each baby---each baby is special and unique, therefore the occasion is a blessing and should be celebrated. With that said, it is the reason why we don't do big over the top expensive showers. The first might include a registry. Usually any after that in the same family, gifts are in the $10-$20 range depending on the relationship to the mom-to-be. It is a wonderful time for us to get together, visit, and celebrate a miracle. My first shower was at a restaurant because my mom took care of it---everyone was invited. The second my bridal party friends threw in my own backyard with my hubby's help. It was just for immediate family and close friends. My co-workers threw my a baby shower each time . First one in a local restaurant in NYC, the second in the office board room with food catered. It's funny because the people who told my MIL that they don't believe in baby showers at all--thinking it's bad luck---were the ones eating and drinking the most LOL!!! People who didn't come/get invited to the second shower, still send or stopped by to visit with a small gift or bond anyway. Same with the christenings. If you feel it's inappropriate, you don't need to attend. The expectant mom should be insulted by other's beliefs.