According to my husband, our 5.5 month old son is at home crying unless he is being held. He was held a lot Saturday day and night at my dad's 50th bday, a lot of family and friends that were meeting him for the first time. Then he was held a lot yesterday, we took him to his first Cardinal's game and there is no where else to go with him but your lap. He slept normally last night, however now he is extremely upset unless he's being held. I told him to check his teeth and temperature and he's not grabbing his ears. He's only happy when being held. I will double check everything when I get home. I had a feeling this might happen because of the last two days, but how can we "fix" it now?
Thanks for your advice!
C.
Please let me make more sense of my question. I definitely give my baby boy tons of love, I am constanlty loving on and playing with him, etc. I have to remind myself to put him down for a while. When I said try not to hold him too much, I mean not 24/7. After I sent that I knew it would be taken differently than I meant. Most of my frustration is with my husband who has never been around babies more than a few minutes at a time before we had Tyler. He is concerned with Tyler getting too attached. I will cry when the day comes he doesn't want me to hold him anymore. I just spoke to him, Tyler went down for a long nap and now he is back to his happy self. I have told him what you ladies have told me, hoping he will understand a little better. Thanks for listening.
I am happier if I am held all day, too. Who wouldn't be?
You will fix this by letting him be unhappy, but not held. Or, you could try distracting him by playing with him on the floor, in the tub, wherever else he can have fun, but not held. It's a new habit that will be easier to break now than if you wait a single day.
I suggest buying a sling (NON-padded) or a mei tai so you can carry him. A 5 month old cannot get too attached.
I wish my babies were that age again. How sweet they are, and how wonderful they can feel in your arms. I was taken a little back by the comment that you try not to hold him too much so he does not get attached. There will come a day very soon when you wish you had the chance to hold him. Let him get attached and hang onto ever minute you can. Hold him and cuddle with him and let him feel your warm body next to his. Getting attached is what having a baby is all about. When he starts to move about on his own, walking and then running, he will wiggle out of your arms at every opportunity. My advice to you and your husband is love this little guy, hold him and cuddle him, some day you will wish you had.
Babies learn quickly...so you should be able to "fix" this but it wont be pretty while it is getting fixed!!! You are doing the right things, making sure he is not teething, running a fever, wet, hungry...etc....then you can just put let him learn to entertain himself a little bit. Now I am not saying let him scream himself into hysteria...just let him know that his crying does NOT equal instant gratification!!! We have our first grandson and I feel like our daughter is letting him dictate too much to her...but that is the way she chooses to do things so I am not going to say a word. In a few months, when your son starts really noticing things around him and interacting with his world...it will be a lot easier to let him have time on his own but now you are laying the ground work for that and I think that is good. Just dont let him feel like he has been abandoned...be there in the room with him...let him see you and hear your voice...he will adjust.
Good luck!!!
Just get him back in his normal routine and he will be fine. Sometimes little ones need some extra snuggles after a hard weekend and lots of over stimulation. At this age, they still really don't know how to deal with all the emotions that are thrown at them in the kinds of situations that you discribe. Please don't think I'm trying to say that you did anything wrong. Sometimes there really are no alternatives but snuggling is his known comfort and if he needs a little extra for a day or two, that is normal and ok. Once he is in that secure zone again for a while, he should go back to normal.
I agree...once back to his schedule he'll get back in the groove. Visits can be stressful and he may need a little extra TLC for a few days. When my daughter was that age, she went to a sitter she adored Mon and Tues each week while I worked, and I realized that Wednesdays, she was stuck to me like glue! Had to be held and cuddled a lot. By Friday, she was back to her usual schedule.
So my advice? Hold him if you can, while you can! My daughter is now 15 months old and I am so glad that I enjoyed all our cuddle time because now, all she wants to do is RUN!
Good thinking for checking to see if he is clingy because he is not feeling well. That was my first thought. If he's fine otherwise, maybe you could sit on the floor and put your legs in a V position and set him in the middle between your legs with some toys on the floor in front of him. This way, he would still be leaning up against you but sitting on the floor also. Or, sit/lay him on the floor in front of you and hold his hands while playing pat-a-cake, or other songs. Or lay him down and hover over him while being silly and making him laugh. Basically, any way you can put him on the floor while letting him know you are right there with him should help him be more comfortable again. You could do this for small amounts of time and gradually increase the time as he gets used to it.
Maybe if he has been around a lot of new people and strangers lately, he may be just wanting some one-on-one mom and dad time. Or, maybe he's trying to adjust back into his old routine after maybe being a little off schedule for a couple of days.
I think babies need to be held a lot anyway and there's no harm in holding a baby. But, they also need floor time in order to develop muscles and to learn that they are safe even when not being held. I think it's best to find a good balance. Sounds like you're doing a good job of that!
Don't worry, I don't think you never hold your baby. Isn't it hard when so many people are quick to judge us (moms) but are slow to help? It sounds like your little one was held by a lot of different people all weekend & just needs some Mommy & Daddy time to reassure him. Let your husband kow that there is nothing wrong w/holding him a long time. Look at Dr. Sear's website to find articles for your husband to read. If you have to, print them out1 ;-). Let him know it is a myth that you can hold your baby too much. If he is worried about things not getting done in the house, remind him he can help you out more or you can switch off holding the baby while the other does the chores. Some things can be let go for a while. Maybe your hubby is having a hard time adjusting to all of the changes he didn't expect. Your son is at the age where he might need one of you more than the other. By not meeting his needs, you can make him feel insecure & actually need you more. So holding him now will make him trust you & become more confident & independant. It sounds like you know what your baby needs, so go w/your instincts. If you can't work out the extra help from your hubby, seriously consider some sort of baby carrier like a sling or pouch. A pouch like a Hotsling is pretty easy to use. If you live in St. Louis go to Cotton Babies & try on the different baby carriers w/you son with you. They have people there who can help you. I know it is hard to work all day, try to get things done, AND deal w/your hubby. So, don't worry, you did not 'break' him, so there is no need to 'fix' him! :-)
Hang in there mommy, you CAN get through this! Follow your instincts. You can do it.
Hi C., Could your little guy have been over stimulated the last couple of days? When my daughter was a baby if we took her anywhere that had a lot of pople and she got passed around she would be really cranky and want mom or dad to hold her for a couple of days after. We'd just have to let her cry some so get her back in her routine. then she'd get back to "normal". But with mine any big divert from her routine really messed her up for 2 or 3 days. I'm sure he'll be fine soon.
C. and Mr. Mom, Tyler is only 5.5 months and is due another 4.5 months of intense contact. Try a secure back or chest pouch. Giving him the warmth/heartbeats/voices/enclosed motion
now provides an awesome basis for independence later on. Call me whenever ###-###-####.
Can you blame him? He is only 5.5 months old and he knows it feels warm and secure when someone is there-breathing on him and cuddling him. Hey he was in that place for 9 months and he remembers how good it was. It is really hard for some little "guys"/"gals" to give that up and move on especially on their own. give him time and talk to him-he will come to an understanding that he must do some "alone" time. Yes it will not happen over night and there will be some very mad, noisy, tired times but we all go through it-some of us still have those moments and where are those warm cuddles when we need them. Love that little guy with all youv'e got he will be 14 and onery before you know it. :)
Mommies/daddies love their babies, but mommies/daddies need a minute sometimes too. You can't DO everything while holding a child...as dear as they are to you. Things need to get done, too. Finding that balance can be hard for mommy/daddy as well as baby in your case. Whenver we go on vacation it seems like we have to start all over again with their routine. Do you have a snugli or baby carrier of the like? I loved mine when my children were smaller. Also I have a doorway bouncer that my boys LOVED. My favorite brand was the Graco bumper jumper. Some of the other ones squeek or make noise. The Graco one looks most comfortable to me and even has a pad that goes around it to protect your door frame. Try it if you haven't already.
We went through this about 3 years ago when our son was born. I was very ill following his delivery and spent about 4 months in bed and since he was so little and I couldn't get up to get him, he was with me all the time. Needless to say, he wouldn't let us put him down at all and needed constant body contact from one of us. At the time, it drove me crazy, but I look back now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything as now he is active and happy and I have to beg for those little hugs. Savor the special need that he has for you, get a sling or body carrier of some type, and let him tell you when he has had enough cuddles and is ready for some alone time. You can't love a baby 'too much' as I believe that they cry to let us know that they need something. I ended up using slings, baby backpacks, front carriers....whatever made him the most comfortable. Today, he is happy and healthy...sleeping in his own bed (which was no fight at all...he did it on his own) and, I believe, very emotionally content. Don't get frustrated......your little guy just loves you so much that he doesn't want to let go.
Well, it might take a bit, but the best thing to do might be to set him down with something he likes and stay close so he knows you're there. Not to set him down and leave. Maybe lay him on the floor with a toy while you sit next to him with your hand on his tummy or back until he gets used to not being held. Or if he really likes his carseat lay him in there for a while. My daughter really liked her changing table, and if she wouldnt let me lay her anywhere else that was the place she felt comfortable. You know your baby the best, you know what he likes, just stick close to him without holding him if possible unless he's really upset. Good luck!
I'm all about holding my babies but when it comes time that I need to get something done or dinner started, I put them down. If they start crying, so be it. I've got stuff to do, also. I'm a wife first. One time Emme was doing the crying when put down thing, and it got SO bad that I put her in her crib where I knew she was safe, and just shut the door. She cried for a long time (maybe an hour) but never acted that way again...She's my best little buddy and by no means was she scared from that. She's a great snuggler and is great at playing/entertaining herself.
My baby is the same way, but has been since birth! Have you tried a baby sling? I got mine from http://www.slingcarrier.com and love it. It lets you meet his needs (being held) while allowing you to get things done at the same time. It might take a little getting used to, but once you and baby get the hang of it, you'll love it. My four-month-old falls asleep in his sling all the time. (:
I hold my 6 month old daughter a ton. She will play on her own but after a couple "busy" days like you describe, she won't let me put her down at all. Lol, I have even taken her to the bathroom with me! I think it is ok to hold babies alot. "They" say it acutally fosters a more secure sense of self later in life. They, in this case being Dr Sears and other attachment parenting advocates. If you want to know a little more about it, go to askdrsears.com. I hope this helps.
If there is nothing obvious wrong, it sounds like he may be a bit over stimulated and insecure from the weekend. I would just hold him and help him and reassure him for a day or two and gently work back to his normal routine. My daughter has always been very sensitive and had a particularly hard time when she was a baby if too many people held her. She would seem fine and then later she would just suddenly need to be in my arms constantly. I carried her a lot and reassured her that I was still there to meet her needs and she calmed down and got back to normal within a day or two.
As far as coping until he is back to normal, it might help to try transitioning him to being set down by staying right next to him and continuing to touch him for a few minutes before moving back. Remember, touch is very comforting to a baby and your son is still trying to figure things out.
