Infant Baby Blues - Riverside, CA

I went through this too, for me I was just overwhelmed and sleep deprived. I agree that you need to squeeze in "you" time everyday. For me it helped to get in an early shower and do my hair and make-up, even if i wasn't going anywhere. That way, when i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, i looked pretty :o) Also, with my first daughter, i was too embarrassed to tell my hubby about my depression because i didn't want him to think i wasn't happy about the baby but with baby #2 i talked with him and he was so understanding and supportive. Give him a chance to be the support you need right now.

Totally normal. I had them with my daughter (my first). Hormones and lack of good sleep can really do you in. Find a group of young moms to join. It really helps to be among those who understand what you're going through.

Kaycee, I truly understand how you are feeling as a MAMA myself. Experiencing the BABY BLUES is downright depressing and so overwhelming, especially when you want to be the best MAMA you can be and everything becomes an effort. Have you ever thought about researching natural or homeopathic remedies for how you are feeling? There are definitely many natural solutions that can actually help with what you are going through.

I highly recommend contacting Dr. Anita Pepi who is truly an amazing Chiropractor and Nutritionist and would definitely be able to help you naturally.

Here's her data:

2950 Los Feliz Blvd. Suite 101
Los Angeles, CA 90039
(323) 666~1088
http://www.drpepi.com

If she is too far for you, please let me know as I may know of an incredible nutritionist that is closer to you.

I also recommend checking out 4 organizations validating why going the natural route is best for you and your family:

http://www.uniteforlife.org/
http://www.cchr.org/
http://www.cchr.org/mothers_act.html
http://www.labelmesane.com/

You'll also find some amazing data regarding alternatives at: http://www.cchr.org/solutions_and_alternatives/

And, please watch:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LQW23XCmOCw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qble_vQEC7M
http://www.psychconflicts.org/
http://www.cchr.org/#/videos/making-a-killing-introduction

Please free to reach me anytime at: (323) 906~2784 or via e~mail me at ____@____.com.

I'd love to help you however I can. And, I promise, there is light at the end of this tunnel! : )))

LOL (Lots Of Love),
L. (MAMA to 16 month old Dylan Orion....29 September 2007).

Totally normal!

For me it was dealing with being a single Mom and ALL that came with it. Moving home with my parents and feeling like I had failed somewhere...oh, and needing to lose like 40 lbs.

Even if you don't talk to your hubby, ask him on a day when he's home to take care of the little one and get out of the house. Whether its for a haircut, pedi/mani or to sit at the local coffee shop and stare at the wall...you need to get some you time. Even just for a hour or two. Call a friend and go shopping for shoes. Whatever will give you a spring in your step!

Just be patient with you!

At least you are taking off your baby weight a lot faster than I had! And I STILL have some to lose! Ha!

But about feeling this way about your appearance... it's normal. Being pregnant, and the aftermath, and the fluctuating hormones... really is a doozy. Don't feel "insecure" about it all... You are a MOM... be proud!

4 weeks after having a baby is not long at all. Take it easy, hang loose, and give yourself credit for all that you are doing.

Next, perhaps give Hubby the benefit of the doubt? Maybe he will be a good listener and offer you some great hugs and TRY his best to help you feel better?

For me, I was always in top shape and skinny and super toned before I had my babies. I worked out daily. My Hubby called my his Sport Illustrated wife. Ha! (It's great when they think that of you even if your'e not). But, after I had my first baby... well my body went to pot. I got chubby, and was no longer toned! Even my 'cut' abs went to seed. I got a 'kangaroo pouch' too, as the other respondent said. I had had 2 c-sections. Oh well. But I STILL felt good about myself! I still felt like I could conquer the world and I still felt fine about my appearance... it just "evolved." I am a "Mom" now. Still, even though I exercise, I am not a beach-babe. But I'm fine and feel good! It's doesn't matter to me! My Hubby, he still finds me attractive and even though he is a "guy" .... he still loves me the same and he knows he's gotten a little less "toned" over the years too! No worries. We're all the same... our bodies change. It's normal. It's OKAY.

But I would try and find some solace... even if in your Husband. Just explain to him it has nothing to do with him... but as his wife, you feel you can confide in him. And, you are experiencing NORMAL baby-blues. He might surprise you and really be a comforting shoulder you can "vent" to.?

Mainly, its all about how you feel about yourself and adjust since after having a baby. It has not been long at all. A body takes about 1 year of re-adjusting (per my Doctor), after having a baby. DON"T rush it.

Take a break whenever you can, do what is relaxing and a treat for yourself. Don't be too h*** o* yourself. You will feel more comfortable about it all.

All the best,
Susan

Hi K.! I just wanted to tell you that it is so normal. I had the same "wave of the blues" hit me. Mine were about my loss of my old life and the overwhelming responsibility we had taken on. I finally figured it out its mostly hormones. I gave into them, cried when they hit me and then would carry on with my day. Once you see the blues for that they are, normal chemical reactions, they are much easier to tackle. Take the time to beautify yourself, a new haircut, a mani pedi, an in house massage...anything that you can squeeze in. ( I used to pay my hair dresses extra to come cut my hair at my house so thatI could be with the baby) I am sure you look amazing and beautiful...Now, go kiss yourself in the mirror!

Sweet Mama,

It's only been four weeks since you had a baby. Please be gentle with yourself/your body. Maybe take a moment to reflect on what you've been through and the amazing and great work your body has done! Look at what you have accomplished! It's normal to feel different emotions now that you are a mom and experiencing so many life changes (including all the physical ones). Some things that have helped me are 1) Getting fresh air. A little walk with baby can do wonders. 2) Making sure I am stopping to drink water and nourish myself with healthy food. You can't run on empty especially when breastfeeding. 3) When baby was old enough, spending time with other moms with babies my daughter's age. Also, if you want a little encouragement I'd recommend taking a look at the Above Rubies website:

http://rubies.articledirectoree.com/

Nancy Campbell has really helped me to approach motherhood from a place of strength and joy. Give yourself some time, surround yourself with positive people and ideas and you will get there too!

God bless you and baby ~ SZ

Hi K.,
Like the ladies said, your sadness is normal. New pressures, new body, new relationships, loss of work or temporary loss of work, isolation, is there an end to the changes.
Be forgiving to yourself, your body, your mental state. We can be the worst critic when we actually need the most self support. And I advise you talk to your husband about what you are going through. The pressures and demands of motherhood don't ease up, they just evolve and you are going to need a partner in this.
I started off with the baby blues, but it eventually became a severe depression. It was all too much, motherhood, marriage, home, work. I waited far too long to get help. My daughter was two when I finally started medication and therapy. Three months later I am off the meds but I am continueing with therapy. I need the support right now.
I wish you health and happiness, with a few tears to clense the day.

Your husband is a boy? You don't think of him and treat him like a MAN? WOW, that is a problem. Tell him you need him to tell you that you are beautiful, that sometimes since the baby you don't feel like you used to and need encouragement. You don't have to make it his fault. What you are feeling is entirely normal after birth. I felt like that too. But treat you husband like a man honey. He is.

Baby blues happen to the best of us, First thing to me being a mother of nearly 5 is this...
1) sleep deprivation alone will do things to you physically and mentally to deprive you of feeling your best. If this is your first one I am sure it is hard to even find the time to shower at 4 weeks post partum and the sudden loss of powerless ness can become quite overwhelming to the psyche. Find someone to help you take a couple hours a day to be yourself when you can this will help, My problem is that I wanted to be with my children as much as I could and sacrificed my own needs everytime. I have learned alot of lessons like this the hard way.every child is just amazing to me. You'd think after a couple it would have lost it's luster.no
i am always so excited at first. then overwhelmed again....
2) Your hormones will take a while to adjust to normal and don't forget we are simply women after all and always emotional from time to time. Do something nice for your self and self esteem. Your weight will fall off in it's own timing, It is probably the last thing on your husbands mind anyway really he is probably just happy to have his wife back to hug closer...lol. mine always is. Remember that Being a mother makes you more beautiful in the eyes of most.
3) focus on the positive when the negative thoughts come into play your able to stare at a beautiful treasure created just for you.congrats.
4) if you feel insecure and want to feel more loved etc. give more love/affection even when you don't feel like it,. Depression as I have found can have a very damaging catch 22 effect. When your sad and want more. no onne wants to be around a sad depressed person. so you don't get what you need and get more depressed waiting for others to read the signs and give you love etc,. But when you give more even when you don't feel like it. Love and affection is then recipricated. your goal in the first place.
5) Don't hesitate to ask your man for help. Especially when you need it most. They really are not mind readers and will help if they can. Hopefully. Mine gets sleep deprived right along side of me for atleast 2 months after each kid and we run on empty together. I try to do most of the parenting during the night and find it is okay to not be super mom and ask when I am sincerely overwhelmed.
I hope these tips help you If I have learned anything it is that parenting is no easy task and we need all the help and positive advice we can get. If you have friends and relatives close I am sure they can help you take some of the blues away as well. Best of luck.

Hi, K.,

It sounds as though you are coping really well. Feeling down just once a week sounds pretty good for someone at your stage of life (mother of a newborn). However, why feel bad if you don't have to? If you feel that you cannot overcome the baby blues, insecurity, etc., then I would recommend counseling. Based on what you've written, it seems reasonable to tell your husband what you've told us. One question to ask yourself is whether you felt insecure before you had your child. If you did, how strong was that feeling, and what did you feel insecure about? Sometimes life-altering events can bring repressed or suppressed feelings and thoughts to the conscious level. The stressor, caring for a newborn, might bring to light other (long-standing) issues that might need to be addressed for you to be a calm, content person. In that sense, the negative affect (mood) you are feeling might actually help you in the long-run.

I had two c-sections with complications in bearing my two sons. No matter how slim I make myself, I have a kangaroo pouch with a six-inch long scar and a brown (darker than my normal skin color) two-inch wide strip of skin above the scar. Nobody would miss it. I hated it at first. I thought about getting a tummy tuck to get rid of the pouch, even though I am not a fan of cosmetic surgery. For various reasons I decided against it. (I didn't want to go through more temporarily disabling, painful surgery, and I didn't want to spend a lot of money on surgery just to make me look better that could be used to provide others necessities, such as food, shelter and life-saving medical treatment.) Now I think of my new body as proof that I am a mother, a role that was very hard for me to assume. (I went through several rounds of very expensive, painful, high-tech fertility treatment and two miscarriages to get to motherhood.) As much as I dislike the appearance of my abdomen, I wouldn't trade my deformity for my body before kids if it meant I would be childless for life.

Good luck,
Lynne E

Hi K.! Feeling a little "blue" is totally normal. It does take time to feel yourself again. I find that if I don't get enough sleep, am not eating right, and am not taking care of myself, it will intensify my feelings.

However, the word "overwhelming" in your post is a red flag to me. After my third baby, my family went through a lot of stress. When I started to feel depressed, I tried to ignore it. I knew it was normal for my hormones to be wacky, so I just went day to day trying to "tough" it out. I ended up falling into a very deep post partum depression to the point of being nearly suicidal.

This is what I learned. Your hormones go through huge shifts after giving birth. Breastfeeding helps mellow these shifts. If you are switching to formula, you may feel a drop. These are normal, and under normal circumstances where you are taking care of yourself, you should bounce back pretty quickly (that doesn't mean you will always like what you see in the mirror or have complete confidence in your new mommyhood, but you shouldn't feel terribly "overwhelmed").

However, if you are having additional major stresses that are keeping you from sleeping and eating in a healthy way, your body is not able to do what it needs to "recover". If this happens, then your chemistry goes way off track and it takes more to get it right.

I'm not trying to scare you, but only you know the extent of your "blues". If you are feeling really down and doing things to uplift your mood don't work (getting out of the house, taking a bubble bath, putting on some make up, buying a new outfit, etc), then please don't hesitate to get some help. The sooner you do, the sooner you will get back on track.

Find a girlfriend to do something with on your blah days. Even if you just go wander around Target or the grocery store.
It will give you a need to be up and "pretty" and women always need girlfriends!

My family science professor explained that women and men have different needs and communication. Men never do figure out some of the ways we help each other. Women ALWAYS need girlfriends. Being with other women causes us to secrete serotonin which is a calming hormone.

If it gets worse than just feeling "blue" or it happens more than twice a week TALK to your doctor. No sense being blue if you don't have to be!! and it's always better to be safe than sorry.

Good Luck!

Hi K., it sounds like are having post pardom deression, it is very normal, especially for first time moms, your's sounds like a mild case, compared to others I have known, plus my own with my first baby, it will pass, how long I don't know, but it is different with different women, and it is OK to share this with your husband, I belive he should always know what you are feeling, especially when it comes to your family. You want to talk more I will share my experience with you personally. J. L.

K. G.

Firstly, congratulations on your little girl, she has a very good mom. Sounds like you need to speak to a counselor about this feeling. If it continues you could possibly go into a form of depression that is common with new parents or adults with several children. Maybe you should get your husband involved with the care of your new baby, and seek counseling as soon as you can for early intervention. This type of depression can be avoided and your emotional state can be restored as best the counselor can do, and this will give you someone who you can relate to and discuss your feelings with complete confidentiality. Your husband can join you if you feel he should, but this also can be discussed with your counselor. Since your feelings of being overwhelmed have lasted for a short time, it would be wise to ask if you should be seen right away or if you should wait to see if these feelings subside. I have a BS in psychology and we did study one of these types of cases, the outcome of the situation we discussed did not have a good ending.
Please seek counseling early so as to avoid any further feelings of being overwhelmed. Remember there is nothing wrong with a new mother feeling overwhelmed as I have had three children and felt the same way, but with help and support from my family at the time, I made it through the first six months very well, after that it is a cake walk. My children are grown now and I help them when I can, although my grandchildren are all between the ages of 8 and 21 now. Good Luck! My prayers are with you and your family.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Hopefully you've gotten a lot of support from the mommies on the site. I would also like to encourage you because you are doing the best job. You are caring for you beautiful baby and you it's all so new. Please do not even consider taking any psychiatric medication. The side effects are horrible and it's not the solution. If you need any more info, please let me know.

You should talk to your doc. I had it really bad and I suggest you call your ob immediatly! Its scary how bad it can get. Call me if you want.
E.
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first off, congrats on the new arrival! And secondly, it's hard to confide in your hubby but I know that hearing my husband's thoughts and encouragments actually really helped!

Time will heal. After each of my two babies was born, I didn't feel normal until they were 3 or 4 mos. old. By then, they were almost sleeping through the night, they were on a good schedule, a lot of the weight was gone, and I had more time for my appearance and started to work out again. I think most new moms don't feel good about themselves for quite a while. Just give it time. Try to join a playgroup, even though the babies are young, you can still become friends with the moms and that helps with how you feel. THe playgroup I joined saved me, and it's so cute to watch the babies grow up together and start playing together. Then you have "moms nights out" with the moms and that also helps with how you feel about yourself - time for you! Good luck! (p.s. find out about playgroups if you google parent connection - if you live in San Diego.)

I ran into this. Focus on loving yourself. When you find yourself thinking or saying negative things about yourself- STOP! And turn it around. tell yourself the complete opposite, even if you don't believe it. Ex: You look in the mirror and think " Look at this loose lump of skin that used to be my tight, sexy belly." Counter with: " Look at how amazing my body is. I was able to make and give birth to a baby. I'm sexy because I have life experience. These stretchmarks tell a story, show where I've grown. I'm a beautiful, awesome mother." Think about attractive mothers you know. Think about all the people you've met who were sexy because of who they were and not how they looked. And think about the people you've met who looked good but had 0 sex appeal because of their personality. As far as your man goes, treat him like a man and he'll act like one. Men don't understand women at any age, so you'll have to spell things out for him when it comes to explaining how you feel. I recommend reading The Woman's Comfort Book by Jennifer Louden. It's loaded with practical solutions for dealing with emotional issues. I love it!

I had a case of baby blues but did not realize it was postpartum depression really. I did not talk about it with anyone and it got extremely bad. I always thought I would know what what post partum depression was but did not and thought this is normal since I just had a baby. I'm not saying that's what you have but in my case my biggest mistake was not telling anyone expecially my husband. I just could not explain it and felt very alone. I did not have an appearance issue however I should have talked. I think it would have helped so much. If you don't tell your husband talk to your doctor, close friend, mother or counslor. You will find it will help tremdously. They can help you work through it. Good luck.

I was right there with you , babe! There is so much going on in your life right now that every once in a while it hits you! If you can take a little time for yourself to feel pretty, do so. If not, start looking into baby groups in your area. Your little one is almost ready to get out more and it will do you a world of good to hang and talk with other moms that are going through the same period with you! Congratulations on your little girl.

K.:
If you are feeling really down, be sure to talk to your doctor right away, they may have something that can help. I really felt fat and gross after I had my son. LUckily one of my friends wanted to lose weight too and was staying home so everyday we walked with our babies. We'd walk like 2 or 3 miles and talk. It was so great. We would always stop at Its a Grind or something at the end of our walk and get ourselves a coffee or tea or something and nurse the babies if needed. The pounds just came off after that and in a few weeks I was feeling a lot better. I also went and got a pedicure. that helped too. Take care of yourself and get a friend or family member to help.
S.

Hi K.,

I too had a beautiful baby girl 4 weeks and 3 days ago. She's wonderful! However, I too have experienced the baby blues. When I first came home from the hospital (after being there for 5 nights - 1 night of labor and 4 nights after having a c-section), I had the blues pretty bad for a few days. Since then it's gotten a lot better. Occasionally I still have my crying spells, but after talking to lots of other moms, I hear this is normal especially with all our hormones. Feel free to write back, but I just wanted you to know this is normal and will pass in time. Take care. L.

I just wanted to say that I have been there also. In fact, I still look at my body some days and remember when my stomach was solid.
But those were also the days before I had my beautiful daughter. It's a trade I'm willing to make. And now I remind myself that I have to learn to love myself so I can raise her to be the kind of woman who loves herself without the harsh judgments of society seeping into her brain.
Take a walk, take a bath, take a nap. And really, when I feel fat, I tell my husband and he snaps me back into reality. Yours may be able to do the same.

The first 2 months after I had my son I was a weepy mess. I got so bad that my OBGYN put me on antidepressants. All that you are feeling is normal after having a baby. Your whole body just went thru 9 months of changes, and then you dleivered a beautiful baby, now you are getting used to being a mom and so much more. Reach out to those around you who can give you some mental support. I found that making sweet notes for myself picked my up on the down days. I also journaled about what I was feeling and it helped me as it felt as though I was getting it out of me by writing it down. Feel free to send me a message anytime you are feeling down. Us mommy's must stick together!!