Baby #2...I'm ready....He's Not!

Updated on January 03, 2008
J.R. asks from La Porte, TX
7 answers

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years, we have one child, a boy who will be 3 in July. I'm ready for another baby! I think a 3 year difference will be great and would really like to start trying, my husband on the other hand says he doesn't want another baby! WOW!!!! What a shocker to me!

Has anyone else ever been in a position like this? What did you do? Any help or advise would be great!

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S.

answers from Houston on

Yes I have !! I was taking the shot for BC & my daughter was "3" and I told my husband lets have another child, well he said he only wanted "1" child also, well of course I did not like that answer !! well I decided when my next shot for BC was due, NOT to do it anymore and just let nature take it's course ! well within a few months I was pregnant again ! and I told my husband and he was like what !!! well he just had to deal with it ! & eventually everything was great ! and do you know we had a beautiful dark haired, dark brown eye'd BOY ! & he looked just like my husband !!! & too this day my son has been a blessing JOY to my husband & (me also) & NO regrets ! so we now have 1 girl & 1 boy ! & my son is wonderful & a great hitter in Baseball (which my husband really loves that!!) some-times you just have to do what "you" want ! Good Luck ! & let's here back if you get PG ! Have a great day !!.......

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A.K.

answers from Dallas on

If he's not wanting another...don't push it. You certainly don't want to "talk him into it". For some people, they don't want to share their time with another child and quite honestly for some people they don't realize how much work having kids is. I can also say that #2 is much harder than just having one. It was a big adjustment for me and I wanted one! Feel blessed about the miracle that God gave you and enjoy him.

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K.C.

answers from Dallas on

I would definitely take his opinion into consideration. I would not advise proceeding without him (previous advice)...he is your partner and marriages are fragile. You would not want him to make such a big decision without considering your wishes. Do you want another child at the expense of your marriage? I would suggest sitting down with him and talking about all the pros and cons. I was in the same position until I pointed out all of the advantages of our son NOT being an only child. God Bless!

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T.R.

answers from Dallas on

Its your body and you will be the one mostly taking care of this. You both need to sit down and discuss your reasoning. Having a baby is a privledge for women and no one should take that away.
In my situation I didnt even ask him if he wanted another one. I just told him I wasnt taking birth control anymore and if he didnt want to have a baby he would use birth control.

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R.P.

answers from Houston on

We both had previous children; My husband had a 2 year old daughter, and I had a 9 year old daughter when we got married. I wanted more, and made that clear. He didn't want more, he made that clear. I told him that I was going to stop BC, so the rest was up to him. I was pregnant with our son within three months. He mentioned abortion, but now our son is the joy of his life. He SWORE he was done, but just before our son turned two, he was ready for another. Here we are, with another baby on the way.

I guess my point is that things can change, quickly and dramatically. We really had to discuss WHY he didn't want more, and WHY I wanted more. It has to go beyond "another baby." It has to include what you want your family to look like, what your plan is. He has 3 siblings, and I have two. Neither of us wanted small families for our children.

If you wait until you have more time, more money, more energy, it will NEVER happen. It is hard in the beginning, when they are small, but so worth it when you consider the long term plan. Good luck!

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T.M.

answers from Victoria on

We have a 3 yr old and a 9 month old. My husband wants another one, but I am done.

So I guess I could offer that point of view. :(

I had two babies that were super fussy. Son #1 was colicky for nearly 10 months and never slept more through the night until he was two. We just got him out of our bed at 3 yrs old.

My 9 month old is the same way and I am just pretty tired of the baby stage.

Babies take time and money and that is usually what is on my mind when I think about it.

My hubby has a big family, I don't.

I am 29 and if I have another baby I will be nearing 40 before I can get some "me" time.

SO - that in mind - is your hubby older? Worried about money? Tired of sharing you? Haha...

I really hope you guys work this out, as I hope my situation works out. We aren't at a breaking point - but I know eventually - it will be a more serious discussion.

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V.B.

answers from Houston on

I haven't been in this situation, but if I were, I would try to talk to hubby about why he only wants one child and see if it is open for discussion. I agree with another poster in that you don't want to "talk him into it", but you should at least be able to understand his reasoning and explain yours. Who knows, maybe you can come to terms with it or agree to try again.

As for just quitting birth control without telling him, I think that's dishonest and could cause serious problems for your marriage. I am happy to hear that it worked out for the previous poster, but I wouldn't recommend that approach. If you're going to make a decision that impactful to a family, then it should be agreed on together.

Best of luck to you!

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