Babies Visiting Homes for Holiday Events with Large Dogs.

J., my advice has nothing to do with whether your brother is bringing a Pit Bull or a Chihuahua or a (insert breed here). It has everything to do with the safety of your children, & the fact (as you presented the story) that your brother's dog does not have experience around children.

Dogs who have not been raised around kids cannot be trusted with them. Children smell funny, move unpredictably & make loud, sudden (often high-pitched) noises, all of which makes unaccustomed dogs very uncomfortable.

Too many people do not "read" their dog properly to know the signs and signals that are being given that a dog is not comfortable in the situation, until it is too late. I cringe watching the videos people post of their dogs fighting with themselves to -not- lash out & bite children, while the owners comment on how "good" the dog is with their kids.

In this case, your brother's dog will be out of it's element, in a crowded house with lots of activity, and 2 beings it's never met before, much less been trained to behave around.

I don't know the reasons for your brother bringing the dog. Is he traveling, & staying with your sister? Just can't bear to be away from his pooch for 4 hours? Doesn't matter. You will need to be very careful with your children, and if there is any sign that the dog is stressed, then it needs to be secured in a different location, whether that is in a crate, or shut in a bedroom.

Signs of stress - panting, whale-eye (showing the whites of the eye), refusing to look @ the "object" (children), retreating, whining, tucked tail, "tight-lipped" mouth, raising fur, growling, showing teeth, etc.

Let me be clear about one thing - a dog showing stress signals around children does NOT mean that the dog has a poor temperament. It is NOT a reflection on whether or not it is a "good" or "bad" dog. It means that the dog is not familiar with children, does not know how to respond, & is going to protect itself first. Some dogs do this by retreating, others by asserting themselves. Dogs that want to retreat & cannot, will assert themselves, out of protection of their space.

So, I urge you to talk to your brother & express to him that the safety of your children and the comfort of his dog must come first. At 7 months of age, if they are in carriers/pack n play/etc. they should be fine - I would refrain from letting the dog around them unsupervised. If they are crawling around, the dog should be removed.

Depending on how often the dog might be around your children, you might want to allow for introductions. But honestly, if it is 1-2x a year, it's not worth it.

One very important message - do NOT reprimand the dog for exhibiting stress behaviors. The last thing you want to do is have the dog think that they are not allowed to growl, etc. & have them suppress this response & lash out with "no warning".

For more information on how to safely handle dog/children interactions, check out this article. http://doggonesafe.blogspot.com/2012/01/my-dog-growled-at...

You might even want to show your brother this post & open a dialogue about how to best handle the situation. Good luck! T. :)

It's not your brother's house either. Ask your brother to leave the dog at home. At 7 months, the children are right at dog-level. They cannot push the dog off or tell him no. They deserve to feel safe.

Even if it's the sweetest dog in the world, it's going to play "alpha" over your babies. So, it's either the dog is locked away in another room while you're at your sister's or the dog stays home. But don't be afraid to speak up.

Just call your brother up and ask him to leave his dog at home.

I have a Saint Bernard. He is the sweetest, gentlest creature I've ever knows - my kids use him as a floor pillow :) BUT when my best friend comes over with her kids, we crate him. Her kids are TERRIFIED of ALL animals and I would never want to make them uncomfortable by keeping my dog loose....even though I know he would never hurt a child (my 8 month old nieces once were on the floor with him and were sticking their fingers in his nostrils. He just looked at me like "really?" before we moved them lol).

ETA Tara made excellent points!! She forgot to mention when a dog is stressed? Their ears will pull back against their head...

I cannot stress communication enough!!

J..

Welcome to mamapedia...

Pit Bulls are wonderful dogs!! I'm sorry you have had a bad experience with one...I have a Pit Bull...and our neighbors have Shih-Tzu's and guess who attacks MY pit bull?? Yep..that's right - the Shih-Tzus!!!

Have you thought about ASKING your brother NOT to bring his dog? You might not feel comfortable doing it - but you will NEVER know unless you ask.

Dogs - ANY BREED - as well as kids - will pick up on your nervousness and react to it.

What makes you think that his dog will attack your children?? You know that pit bulls were the nanny's of many kids before stupid people turned them into fighting dogs?? my dog?? He's not a fighter.. you look at him cross ways and he tucks tail and runs...

COMMUNICATE!!! COMMUNICATE!!! COMMUNICATE!!! Don't live in fear...tell your brother your concerns...

I'm just totally against people bringing their dogs to holiday events with kids around or not. If the person hosting has a dog that is one thing, but bringing a dog to someone's house is just crazy to me. The dog is not a human and would absolutely be ok, if left alone for a few hours while the owner has dinner with family.I have a dog, that I love to death, but I'm not taking him to Thanksgiving at grandma's.

You should explain your concerns to your brother. However, be prepared for him to tell you how "Cujo" is the friendliest and would never hurt anyone. That's usually the last thing you hear before someone is suddenly attacked. Dogs are unpredictable around people, especially kids. I would not chance it.

We adore our animals and treat them like family but I never forget that they are animals. Sometimes unpredictable, driven by instinct and have no ability to have their feelings hurt by human decisions.

We follow this rule People (especially babies) over Pets, ever single time.

If it were my brother I would just call him up and ask him to leave his dog at home. You have TWO new babies to think about that's enough to deal with at someone else's crowded home during a holiday. Your peace of mind should be more important to him than whether or not his dog enjoys the holiday.

I am an animal lover and I have 2 dogs (10yr old English Cocker and 8yr old Toy Poodle... both spoiled rotten).

In no way would I be upset if someone asked me to keep my dogs in a certain area if they were visiting me due to allergies, babies/children, fear of dogs, etc. We already limit the areas of the house they are allowed in on a daily basis. I would just set them up in my master suite and make sure they got the attention they needed while guests were visiting.

I too, would feel very uncomfortable with babies around a large dog (some known to be aggressive but not all of them are) who is not accustomed to children or babies.

I don't think I would not go to the dinner or demand that someone not bring the dog. I believe the host should mention something to the effect that the dog is welcome but not welcome to roam inside the house with other guests. Then, the host have a secure location for the dog to stay during the visit.

You should not have to not go and not have family meet your children. There should be some sort of compromise here. ANY responsible dog owner should respect these wishes.

I love my dog and love dogs in general but you are not crazy to be concerned. We have a sweet, non aggressive breed dog but even then, if a relative had concerns bc of their young kids and it was not my house, my dog would not come or if he did, he'd stay in the garage. Not abnormal at all. So tell your sister, if brother is bringing dog in house, we can't come. Not worth the risk. Your brother should get that even if he rolls his eyes behind your back. It's not a week. It's a meal together. The dog will live. And I say that as someone who pampers my dog like crazy.

I am going to hope answers will not be based on breed. What I will say is that I 100% agree with Christy Lee on this one.
Speak up....your brother should understand and if he does not then do not go. your children come first.
I never understood why people bring their dogs to family events with a ton of people.
I have a 3 year pit bull and she is great but my gosh I get a dog sitter when we are going to an event or someones house. My sister in law has a little dog that she brings everywhere, bugs me to no end.
Many blessings.

This is a sore subject with me. I'm allergic to dogs (and cats, and horses and...) and I don't understand people that invite you over and keep their dogs inside while you are there. I have literally had to push dogs away from food set out on the buffet, pushed them away while I'm trying to eat as they are trying to get to my plate and generally just trying to keep them away from me to I don't break out in hives all over. This is even when they KNOW I'm allergic and see the dogs not leaving me alone. I have not gone back to these peoples house and we are no longer friends.

If I were you, I would call your sister and tell her you are concerned about your brother bringing his dog and can she find out because if he is, you will not feel comfortable bringing the babies. I wouldn't even go if he said he would keep them outside or in another room. Saying it and doing it are two different things. And it has nothing to do with being a Pit, small dogs bite too. Of course, Pits and Rotts and the other no-no dogs don't bite as a warning to you, they attack. So yes, stay home and enjoy your babies if they choose a dog over you and don't feel guilty about it. JMO. Good luck!

I used to bring my dog with me to my mother-in-laws home. He is a German Shepherd, and I'm very aware that he isn't very friendly with strangers and other pets. I keep him crates the entire time. It keeps the dog secure and safe, and keeps everyone else comfortable and safe. Now that he is older he stays at home( where he is secure and safe). My pup loves to play once he gets to know someone or another animal. However, I would never allow him near babies. Anyone with good judgment would agree. its just a recipe for disaster. Regardless of breed or size. Tell your brother to leave the pup at home or keep him crated.

This is also a pet peeve of mine! My sister and brother-in-law do that and now my nephew. My Sis and BIL used to have a large hunting dog and then a small scottie. The big dog has passed, but that little one is really mean and aggressive! Add to that, my nephews lab mix and St. Bernard, and it's a recipe for disaster. I'm not even going to her house for Thanksgiving this year because I am tired of being bombarded by dogs all day. They keep them ALL in the house with about 20 people and it's just a stress fest! I do not understand why people can't leave their pets at home and understand that not everyone is in love with their "babies."

Anyway, that's not what you asked. This is your brother - I would think that you could nicely ask him to not bring the dog this time or if he does, maybe the dog can stay outside. If that doesn't work, I'd stay home!

The proper thing to do would be to call the host(s) and ask if the dog will be present. If so, then you have the option to stay home if you don't want your kids around the dog. If not, then off you go.

The tricky part comes when the host says "I don't know."

That's when diplomacy comes in. You need to express that you need that information in order to determine your plans. I wouldn't call the brother with the dog, I'd only call the host. It is their home, and they get to determine whether or not the dog is welcome.

It's simple.

You say "Jack, we'd appreciate it if you keep the dog "downstairs/outside/at home/in the kennel/cage/at home" since the twins are so little and your dog can be aggressive with/is not used to kids."

I've had a SIL tell me this for a holiday dinner and out dog was not aggressive--just not familiar with kids. We were happy to oblige.

J., I came late to this question and read your SWH addition. Your brother is behaving with extreme immaturity -- "love me, love my dogs" is a childish reaction. I only hope that the rest of your family truly does agree with you and doesn't bring this up to you at the holidays. If this becomes a topic of discussion, be prepared in advance with what you'll say. If anyone tries to grouse that you "kept him away," know what you will say to them, or better yet, let your husband do the prepared speech about how your children are still infants and you're not asking brother to stay away--you're asking brother to put humans ahead of his DOG.

One thing here: Your sister, as the hostess, should have been involved here in telling him that he was welcome but his dog was not. That was her role as hostess. If you didnt' involve her and ask her to speak with him - next time this comes up (and it will, since your brother puts his animals ahead of humans), do involve her or whichever family member is hosting an event. Deal with your brother yourself, too, but ensure that the host or hostess is also clear with him about not bringing the dog--any dog.

My dear friend has a pit bull, and says he is very well socialized and loving dog. She is a big advocate for pit bulls and for fighting their bad reputation. But she would never, ever bring him to someone's home. She never assumes that everyone should treat her several dogs as equal to humans or should just bury their own concerns because SHE says the dog is fine. She values people's feelings. Not all dog owners are as self-centered and oblivious as your brother is.

I would ask your brother not to bring the dogs and tell him you will not be coming if he does. It is NOT worth risking your twins getting injured. PERIOD. It is incredibly rude to bring your dog to someone else's house anyway. Weird. If your brother brings the dog because he doesn't have a place to board him, then he can crate the dog at your sister's house. A baby in a wrap/carrier is just a temptation for a dog to jump - they are NOT safe there. A dog can take a child out of a pack n play - children and dogs should not be left together unsupervised. Certainly not 7 month olds and a dog who doesn't live with infants.

If people are bringing pets then stay home and make your own holiday.
Once you have kids it's just better to stay home and have a few people over to your house rather than dragging the kids all over hells half acre.

If you're not comfortable, don't go. You aren't telling your brother not to bring his dog, you are simply telling your sister that you aren't coming.
If she asks why, tell her. It will then be up to her to decide if she wants the dog there, and to say something to your brother if she wants him to leave the hound at home. .

ETA:
@Osohapi:
I will keep my dogs, cats, and rabbit inside when I have company because they live in my house and company does not. My dogs are also trained to not jump on people and to not beg for food.
Furthermore, putting the animal outside will not stop you from having an allergy attack. The dander is everywhere in a pet household - on the furniture, in the air.

My family has big dogs. When we have company over, our dogs are in our bedroom (if it's cold or rainy) or behind a baby gate.

It doesn't matter what breed the dog is. If the dog is not used to that many people, it will become anxious. It can't talk like a human and say "I'm scared". I'm sorry to read that your brother won't be coming. If he was a responsible dog owner, he would listen and hear your concerns and realize his dog is just that, a dog.

Our dogs are like our family. We also realize they are animals and can react in ways we do not expect.

Your sister should be open to your concerns, as should your brother.

Oh dear, i would feel extremely uncomfortable as well! If you have a good enough relationship with your brother, call him and tell him your fears. If he is a good brother he will respect your wishes. I don't get how people feel ok with bringing dogs to other peoples houses? My good friend did that to me a few years ago. She brought her little lap dog to my house and even tho he was potty trained i still thought it was rude. I mentioned something before she brought him in the house and her response was "oh he isnt going to do anything". Well no, you are probably right, but it is rude! Good luck!

Unless a Pitt Bull is trained to be aggressive, they are very mild mannered dogs. But any dog will get aggressive with other dogs, trying to be the alpha.
I have a good friend who is a Vet. she has many dogs and loves all animals. However, she also says never trust any animal to be alone with a small child or baby.
I feel it would be safe to go and take the twins even if the dog is there..... BUT ........ do not leave the babies unattended. Tell your brother in advance he is completely responsible for his dog. He must either stay in the room with his dog or lock it in a separate room or leave it home.
In my family babies are never unattended at family events. We tend to play 'pass the baby'. Everyone wants to hold the baby. The poor kids get lovin' to the max.

There's no way around it, all you can do is ask him not to bring the dog. If he refuses, then skip out on this one. At worst (and most unlikely) something terrible could happen. At best you will be anxious the whole time, not enjoying yourselves one bit, on top of feeling resentful (if your brother refuses). If it's a short drive, invite relatives to stop by your house at some point to see the babies. Best of luck!

Why can't you talk to your brother and let him know your concerns?

We have two dogs and they don't join us when we go out for holiday dinners. They are pets not people. We may bring them a treat home but they don't get to tag along.

If your brother isn't willing to leave his dog home or restrict the dogs movements around your twins you may need to consider leaving early or not going at all.

In either case make certain you have some food cooked at your house.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours I hope.

What Tara said

Updated

What Tara said

Talk to your brother. Nothing can be done unless you do. I would think that since they are babies, he would be willing to either leave the dog home or at least put him somewhere while you are there. I see nothing wrong with him bringing the dog but having the dog around during dinner is rude. Growing up, our dog always stayed in the kitchen or on the back porch if it wasn't too cold while we were eating and everyone was over.

If he is totally unwilling to work with you on this, then I would talk to your sister and l let her know your concerns. Just be sure you talk to him about your concerns, not present that he needs to leave the dog at home.

it's a shame your brother isn't being considerate here, but it's not up to you to try and be accommodating with BABIES.
i'd decline politely.
khairete
S.

It has to do with the temperment of the dogs. My aunt has german shepherds. One ignores all kids, one hides under the bed when the kids come over, and the other one licks the babies like it's her job. I'm not afraid to take my kids over there, unless I'm worried about them being licked to death.

My grandmother, on the other hand, has a little, aggressive dog that dislikes kids and while she's never bitten, we're also not willing to risk it. Grandma has never complained, just kenneled her in her room or the garage (depending on the temp in there) whenever we're visiting.

Your brother should be asked not to bring the dog. Let your sister know you're not trying to issue an ultimatum, but you aren't willing to risk your children around the dog and so you want to know if the dog is going to be there, and if so, you wont. That's just all there is to it. There's no reason to use your kids as guinea pigs to see how the dog behaves around babies.

Talk to your brother about your concerns, I am sure he will be receptive to them.

really? i dont blame your hubby..stand up for your family-