Autism Spectrum Disorders

Updated on February 26, 2008
J.C. asks from Norwood, MA
15 answers

Is there anyone out there with experience in dealing with middle school aged child with possible spectrum diagnosis, we have a 12 year old son who is in the process of being evaluated, and in the interim is having sever social and emotional issues in school, with which we are getting no help from any support at school (because he is not officially diagnosed yet) The poor thing is having such a hard time, and he keeps having outbursts because he has no coping mechanisms and no support, so he keeps getting in trouble on top of it all. It's a vicious cycle and though we are getting help with dealing with him ourselves, and helping him find coping skills, obviously I can't very well go to school with him! Any suggestions welcome!!!

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So What Happened?

Thanks so much for all of your suggestions, we are still in the evaluation process, as far as the ASD aspect goes, my struggle really is with the school and trying to get them to do something to help him there, and unfortunately they are simply unwilling to make any effort until the evaluation process is completed. I am standing firm and making sure they complete their portion of the process, both in and out of school evaluation. Our counselor also gave us some concrete plan of action ideas for him to get through this interim period in coping with social situations at school...Will keep you posted! Thanks again ;)

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L.M.

answers from Boston on

Hi J.,

My son has anxiety, focus and academic and etc. issues. It has been a long road. I found Dr. Hauptman from the Community Therapeutic Developmental School in Lexington. He is wonderful. He can be reached at ###-###-####. I know it's tough, but hang in there.

L.

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M.H.

answers from Springfield on

The Nurtured Heart Approach is a wonderful tool to use with difficult children. A woman named Gabrielli La Chiara teaches 4 week classes in this approach and will also work privately with families in need. She is wonderful and I have found the approach very useful and powerful. Her phone number is ###-###-#### and I believe her website is www.gabrielli.org
YOu could probably also google her name with the Nurtured heart approach and any other information you may want.

Good luck.

Mara Hahn

1 mom found this helpful
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K.A.

answers from Boston on

I found this groups web site it deals with many different subjects.Its called CafeMom and if you go to groups they have an Autism/Asperger Awareness group. You can ask for advice, vent if you need to, they are the nicest group of loving people. Mostly I just read their posts and realize I'm not alone and their children have the same issues as my son. By the way, my son is 10 and was evaluated when he was 5. I always felt he was alittle different but everyone thought I was the one with the problem. His teacher noticed his "quirks" and recommended that he should be evaluated. He was diagnosed with mild aspergers and PDD. My son is a very beautiful, loving child but he has his fair share of problems in school and on the bus. I told the teachers it was as if he had a kick me sign on his back. The worst part of a child with aspergers is that since they can't read facial expressions or understand that when a child is being cruel. They get hurt alot and as a parent I fear and cry alot for him. I could go on and on, sorry. But check out that site. Really they are a big help. I hope all goes well for you and your son.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Boston on

Hi J.!

One of my friend's brother has this disorder and each case is different from what I hear. If you would like to email me at ____@____.com, and I will speak with him and see if he doesn't mind that I give you his phone number or email address. I think that it would be very helpful in your case to speak with someone that has gone through this experience directly, so that you can share your experiences. Maybe he will be able to give you advice on how to help him deal with it or maybe he knows where you can go for the best help/care. Hang in there!

~Jen

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L.E.

answers from New London on

Hi J., i'm so sorry that you and your family has to go through this. Your child may ben having some issues, so please still encourage him to do activities that he enjoys, and work school around that. Most schools will disagree with that, but keep an open mind and try to help him find himself. Don't worry about other children or friends at this point. Help your child with himself first, and then work out his issues with friends. I strongly suggest looking for another school, one that has structure which includes organized fun activities that implement learning skills as well. Try reiki therapy, it will definitley help! Please don't use any psyciatric medications, they are so wrong! Most of these meds just cover reality. They don't help the true problem, they just tone it out and make the child function like a robot. That's not what you want, just encourage your child and tell him that you love him! Also, keep an open mind with treatment options for your child too. Try reading some books, The Children of Now, and the Indigo Children. Gook luck! :)

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R.R.

answers from Boston on

I am not sure where you are located, but in Newton there is a place called The Academy for Physical and Social Development. If they are not in your area, contact them for a referral. They offer social skills groups for kids of all ages. Also, there is a woman in Waltham who runs summer camp at Regis College in Weston. Her name is Lianna Pena Morgans. She is affiliated with McClean's Hosp. in Belmont (or used to be). Perhaps the group "Autism Speaks" has some resouces as well. Basically, you want to research social skills groups. Good luck.

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T.C.

answers from Boston on

The Seacoast Child Development Clinic at UNH specializes in it, the waiting list is long but if you need help in the meantime you can ask for resources, also call the IOD at UNh, they are fantastic. You might need to get an educational advocate too to help you get the services, is he coded at all?

C.

answers from Hartford on

I am outside of your area, but seek out a local ASD support group or special needs school to get you in contact with families that have gone through similar situations. Each child is different, so it is really hard to give general advice. There are some great books out there, that while geared towards younger children, have suggestions for coping mechanisms that can be used at any age. I am fond of one titled Overcoming Autism. You may want to make a trip to the bookstore & look at some recent titles that are appropriate to your child's needs.

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K.V.

answers from Boston on

Make sure that this is not just a puberty problem. Some boys have a very difficult time, sometimes up to two years! Be cautious of jumping into something serious that will cause labeling, when in fact it is puberty. Talk to his primary doctor first. Hormones are strange things and cause strange behaviors.

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R.B.

answers from Boston on

Have you requested an evaluation from the school system, or are you pursuing an outside evaluation? You can do both simultaneously. I would contact your special education department, and I would speak with the Sped Director regarding his problems. I would request, in writing, an evaluation at school. I would hand-deliver your request, have it date stamped and receive a copy from them. (This is important as the school has 45 days from the time of your request until you meet regarding your son's eval. Keep in mind that the 45 days is 45 business days or school days. Unfortunately, this works out to be a very, very long time for a kid who is experiencing problems.) I would speak with the special education department regarding what can be done in the meantime to help your son. Have you spoken with his teacher regarding when these "meltdowns" occur or if they occur in school? Is he making progress in school?

I ask about the outside evaluation because the school cannot diagnose your son with anything. That must come from a medical doctor. They can only identify areas where he needs help. They cannot say he has Asberger's or anything. The outside evaluators can help assist you in your pursuit of services from the school system. You can bring anyone you choose to a team meeting (just let them know ahead of time if you do). If that person cannot attend, they can write about your son and all the reasons why this child needs services and what types of services he should receive. You can then bring this to your meeting with the sped department.

I do not have a child with Autism. I am secretary of our local PAC, and I do have a child who has received services since she was 3. I will do some investigating as to how parents here have gone about obtaining services for their children with autism. I hope this has helped so far.

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W.S.

answers from Hartford on

It sounds more like Attention Deficite Hyper Activity. There are many Syndroms that can cause difficulties with socializing, not just autism.
Has your child had difficulties with socializing all his life or is it something that just developed this year? I have a friend who's son develeped severe symptoms when he was around 12, class clown, flipping over his chair, dropping books, anything to get a ruckus going on in class and was always in trouble. She cropped up with the same type of symptoms when she was around 12 as well, her school used to lock her in a closet, she was suspended when she was 12!
Her son was diagnosed ADHD and was placed on ridilin. This was a mixed bag, it did help the symptoms and his concentration emensly but there are drawbacks as well, nausea, insomnia, stunted growth. It helped calm him down but it didn't help with the self esteme. It's all a mixed bag. Good Luck

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K.M.

answers from Hartford on

I think the 1st step, unfortunately, is the testing that is required for diagnosis. This can be timely, tedious and an obvious hardship as you endure the waiting game. Be as supportive as you can (and it sounds as if you are) and make sure all the teachers/people who deal with your son thru the day know your concerns. I work with children ages 4-12 as a pediatric psych nurse, and growth and success IS possible with the right tools and support from loving people such as yourself. Hang in there!

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Reliv nutritional products have an extraordinary track record in helping with a variety of problems. They are patented, developed by the same scientist who developed ProSoBee and Enfamil baby formulas (Dr. Carl Hastings, an icon in the field), and tested beyond belief in many clinical trials and through independent labs. They support the immune system and detoxify the body. Since autism is poorly understood but seems to have some connection with environmental toxins, thousands of kids with autism (all along the spectrum) as well as many other problems (asthma, allergies, attention/focus issues, mononucleosis, flu etc.) have had dramatic improvement. For the price of a daily Starbucks latte, dramatic improvements are possible and frequent. This is FOOD, which will not interfere in any way with other treatments, although many autistic kids are able to reduce and even eliminate meds. There is a kids' health conference call you can participate in every other Sunday night which is also recorded for subsequent listening, and many personal testimonies you can be linked with. If you are interested, let me know and tell me what town you live in.

Good luck whatever you decide!

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L.S.

answers from Hartford on

First off i want to say that i am appaulled by the way the middle school is handling/or really not handling your son.

I would make an appointment with the principal and your son's team of teachers and the special ed director ASAP

This is what we did, when problems arose out of the blue.

Write a letter of your concerns and recent problems and have it sent to them registered mail that would require a signed piece of paper{start the paper trail} that they recieved your request, they then have 5days to set up the meeting from the date of your request.
WE have done this with all 3 of my kids, it sends a message to them that they can not bully you and your child anymore.

There is no-way he should still be getting in trouble after this meeting,{honestly i am appauled that the school has not set up something already, waiting for a dx should not really have such a wait, for benefits to be put in place} things will be set up to help him/the vicious cycle should stop.

OH, AND YOU CAN VERY WELL GO INTO THAT SCHOOL, DO A WALK IN AND REQUEST TO TALK TO THE GUIDANCE COUNCELOR OR ASST PRINCIPAL, MAKE YOURSELF VISABLE TO THEM SO THEY KNOW YOU MEAN BUSINESS ABOUT GETTING YOUR SON HELP. Do not push this under the carpet you pay town taxes/right and their salaries???
I realize that this might sound harsh, but this is how they are treating you and your child, you and your son should not be dealing with this alone. I have used an advocate in the past, they are usually free and/ and its someone else in the room during the meetings that listens to whats being said so that you don not forget all your questions and yada yada yad. You also can call the state board of ed and chat with their autism specialist and see if the school is in direct violation in the state you live in. I have used this for years even after our dx of moderate autism, mild mr, and 3 paragraghs of problems when my son was 3 1/2yrs old, he is almost 20yrs.
They helped me in this way, they told me what to say to the different school principals and how to say or write it , what the law is in the state you live in and what the school is responsible for/for your child. If they are unsettled by what you tell them the problem is they might just call the school themselves and request a meeting, this is the state board of education and there are guidelines and laws as to how they have to act, the schooldistrict you live in could also get fined and not be in the good with the state.
Ps i am thinking autism also, but there are many dx's your son could fall under, the outbursts i know very well

good luck to you, i will follow your story and you can always chat with me, i am here to help you and anyone else with this dx

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L.D.

answers from Hartford on

My daughter, now 12 was evaluated when she was 5, so we have been dealing with it for some time. She had been evaluated by a pedi neurologist (who thought she might have aspergers), a psychiatrist, and had many years of counceling that didn't help much. Never diagnosed, but we have had many social and coping issues with her, daily. The only thing that ever helped her was when she was evaluated by a physical therapist, who determined she had sensory defensiveness. Particularly, proprioceptive. She went for sessions for like 2 years, and the change in her was so remarkable for like 24 hrs after each session. We also did some of the excercises at home, including brushing and joint compressions. They always calmed her down and she could fall asleep right away when I did that with her at bedtime.
I strongly recommend you try this route first, because once he is 'diagnosed', it's a label that he will have forever, and they will likely want to medicate him. I suppose some do need that but I think it should be a last resort.
Also, my daughter really benefits from taking the herbal drops, 'Valerian Super Calm', from herbs for kids. She gets relief in about 20 minutes from that, then she can think straight again. Once it kicks in she even tells me, "I don't know why I was so upset before", and can recognize that she was overreacting and/or being irrational, and can cope with the situation very well ( relatively!).
Do whatever you can, the school prob. won't help much either way. Good luck. Feel free to contact me directly if you wish. ____@____.com

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