Aunt and Uncle Might Get Their First ADOPTIVE Baby!!!

Updated on February 20, 2010
C.P. asks from Plano, TX
10 answers

Let me start off by saying I am sooo excited right now! This will be my first cousin on my moms side of the family. My Aunt and Uncle start the process of adopting a baby about 1.5 yrs ago. Last night they got their first call back from a birth mother who has narrowed down her decision for them to be the adoptive parents. She is due next month with a little BOY!!! Can any of you help me think of something special for them? I am going to send them an email but also wanted to do something unique and special for them since this is their first and only child. They are going to be the BEST parents!!! They call is tonight at 7:30 and if it is God's will we will have another member to join our growing family!

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answers from Dallas on

I wasn't going to respond but got to. I was an adoption counselor. Take it easy and slow - birth mothers can and sometimes do change their minds leaving a family really crushed and with a room for a boy or girl all set to dismantle. I think it's easier for the new parents if people share their joy and happiness by telling them and plan for showers and parties after the baby is in their house. It's such a difficult process for all concerned but so incredibly rewarding when it happens. I also believe that you gotta pray this through - there are so many ins and outs and it's like walking a tight rope. Pray, pray and pray some more! I'll send one for you, too!

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answers from Dallas on

I think a baby book especially for an adopted child would be great. We adopted both our sons and have two of those kind of books. I'm sure you could find one on the internet easily.

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answers from Dallas on

Hi C.,

First let me say Congratulations!!! Adoption is such a an amazing journey. We adopted our daughter at birth. She's been such an incredible blessing and joy. She's almost 2 now.

I completely understand how excited you are for your Aunt and Uncle. Every one should be excited for them and support them and share in their joy. However, as a couple of the other ladies have said, be cautiously optimistic. An adoption isn't "sure" until birth mother AND birth father relinquish their rights. Before that, they can change their mind and it could be devastating to your Aunt and Uncle. (I had a friend who had even taken the baby home only to have the birth father step in and assert his rights when the baby was a month old.)

My suggestion would be to send them a card or maybe flowers if the call went well and the birth mother chooses them. At that point, it should be an official "match". That will let your Aunt and Uncle know that their family is supporting them and excited for them.

My suggestion would also be to hold off on showers unless your Aunt and Uncle agree to it before any planning is done. Your best bet would be to talk to them and find out what THEY want regarding the timing of any showers. A baby shower is every one's first response to such amazing news and it is a natural and wonderful response. But it can also hold painful memories if their adoption is "disrupted". We asked our friends to hold off until after the baby was born and we were home. Because we were in another state when the baby was born (and had to stay for 2 weeks for all of the paperwork to go through between the 2 states), the birth mother's rights were relinquished and they had every thing started with the birth father. Our daughter was 6 weeks old when we had a shower for her. It was actually pretty great to do it that way because every one got to meet her.

A baby book is a wonderful idea. I did buy one for us before our daughter was born and took it with us for her birth. I kept it tucked away and didn't start writing in it until our birth mother's rights were relinquished. I found ours on Amazon. It is "My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families" by Zoe Francesca and Susie Ghahremani. I checked Amazon this morning and there are more now. 2 years ago that was the only one. Even on Amazon. It is wonderful because it is specifically for adoptive families and their journey.

Again, congratulations to your family. I wish them the best of luck in their adoption journey.

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answers from Nashville on

Throw them a baby shower! They will need it, and it will show how you want to welcome the new baby. One thing to think about (so sorry to put a negative on this wonderful news) but there is always the chance the mom can change her mind. I would consider waiting until the baby gets here. Make it a "meet the new baby" shower. My mom is friends with a woman who has adopted several children, and someone did this for her, but they waited until after. You can also make something for the nursery, like paint the letters of his name to hang on the wall or something. Congratulations!



answers from Philadelphia on

First of all Pray. Pray for all involved. I don't know the laws in Tx, but often times birth mothers change their minds - just being honest, not trying to pop your balloon. When you know it is for CERTAIN, arrange a baby shower for them! They will need everything for their new baby! I will also say a prayer for your family.



answers from New York on

I would be joyful, but cautious right now. Until all of the papers are signed, a lot can happen.

My mother is adopted (she was 4 at the time) and my grandparents' friends had a "welcome" party about a month after they were officially adopted. I would suggest doing the same in this case.

In the meantime, a heartfelt message along with an offer to help arrange the nursery and get things ready is the best thing you can do! As a family, you may want to purchase a few things like clothing and bottles to get them through the first few weeks, but I would hold off on a shower until you know that the birth mother isn't going to change her mind!



answers from Columbus on

I agree with Krista, be joyful but cautious. Adoption is such a blessing in the end, but there can be many disappointments before it actually happens. You may want to wait until they know for sure that they will be adopting this child. Best wishes to all!


answers from Richmond on

Oh WOW!! I totally have my fingers crossed for your aunt and uncle that everything goes smoothly, and congrats!! That's so great :) I can't even think straight bc I'm so happy for your family. I don't know them so I don't know what you can get your aunt and uncle, I just know that that baby is going to be SO LOVED!! I have 3 biological children, but I think adoption is sooo wonderful (and I've looked into adopting to add to our family.)... Biological children are the one's God chooses for us as parents... but adopted children are the one's the parents chose themselves! CONGRATS!! *fingers crossed!*



answers from Washington DC on

Congrats! What great news!

For the Dad, I would get him a little pair of Nike's. For the mom, I would get her a mother-child necklace or figurine.

If you want to have a 'Congrats' baby-shower before hand, ask people to bring gift cards to Babies R Us or Target, etc, instead of an actual present.
Or everyone chip in for a infant carrier / stroller, but leave it unopened.
Then when the baby does come home, they have a way to get him home, and then family can run to the store and buy the other things that are needed.




answers from Detroit on

Congrats, as the mom of an adopted child, I love adoption stories!!!
As for a baby gift, get them somethingh personalized once the baby is born and officially theirs.

I do want to say that I did have a failed adoption prior to getting my daughter, I think the lady that was an adoption counselor hit the nail on the head, adoptions are very stressfull and emptional for everyone. WAIT till the baby is born and the papers have been signed before you get them anything!!!!

We planned on getting a baby for 6 months, had the nursery ready, clothes the whole nine yards, only to find out that at the last minute mom changed her mind. Needless to say, I was crushed and couldn't even go near the nursey. Luckily one month later and after countless prayers we were blessed with a new birthmom and an amazing baby!!! So for now, just get your aunt and uncle a card and some flowers!!! I am sorry if I am being a "negative nancy".!!! I'll cross my fingers and toes that your aunt and uncle have a smooth adoption journey!!!

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