Attention Mothers of All BOYS, When Will This Feeling Go Away?

I have a girl and two boys. I'm here to tell you that not every mother/daughter relationship is that idyllic dream of having a best friend to do everything with. My daughter and I are like oil and water. She is only 11, but it's been this way since she was a toddler and I don't see it changing anytime soon. Now, on the other hand, my boys adore me. The bond between mother and son is incredible!

I have two boys two girls so I don't know what it is like to have all boys. I married the oldest of three boys, he is amazing. Oddly he seems more respectful, more protective of women than men with sisters. He has this amazing bond with his parents, equally.

Now my perspective as a mother of both. I love them, they love me, equally. I have the most amazing memories from time spent with each of them, all of them. I don't feel like one gender has anything more special. I love having both boys and girls but I don't feel like my life is better for having both genders.

I guess I am just hoping that by understanding, you aren't missing anything, maybe you will find happiness in what you have.

My grandma had 6 boys. She kept hoping for a daughter, but it never happened.

Then she got 11 grandsons before I was born! Lol.

She says that while she was sad about never having had a daughter of her own, it was kind of nice that when she finally "got" her girl as a grandchild instead. She got all the love, and could do all the bonding type things she would have done with her daughters, but without the stress and less pleasant aspects of parenting. We still have a very special relationship. :)

Give yourself time to get over the feeling. It won't go away instantly, but I am confident that it will go away.

I'm 30 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby, all boys (hence my screenname "Queen of the Castle.") To tell you the truth, I was so excited at the possibility of having a girl and was pretty sure that I was having a girl. When the u/s showed it was another boy, I was shocked that I wasn't actually disappointed. I know what to expect with my boys--constant motion, lots of wrestling, the daily battle against potty humor, etc. I know nothing about little girls, except that they have much cuter clothes than boys have, and they've got some pretty tough emotions to handle, and I am not THAT sensitive.

I don't know if I will only have boys, or if at some point we will have a 5th baby that could be a girl or a boy. I do know that I am surprised to be quite content at the idea of having all boys. I have a niece that I can dote upon, and one day I hope to be able to have a very close relationship with any daughter-in-law or granddaughters I may have. The bond between mother and son is no less precious than that between mother and daughter. It is of a different nature, but equal in value and satisfaction.

Edited to Add: When I found out we were having our 3rd boy I asked my mom her relationship between her and I/my sister was much different than that of her and my brothers--if I was going to be missing out on anything huge if I never had a daughter. She said to me, "Well, let's put it this way. My girls both moved 400 miles away for college and never looked back. My boys all live within 30 minutes of home."

I have two girls but I know my husband was disappointed to not have a boy and still makes a sad face sometimes when a firend is having a special dad thing with his son. And my friend sat down and cried when she found out she was having a 3rd boy. It's natural. Don't beat yourself up. Be sad and then like you're doing, remind yourself of your overall good luck and that even if you had a girl, she may not be e girl you imagined. My husband wanted a boy to play sports with and my dad, also the father of two girls said, he might have gotten a boy who hates sports and only was interested in stuff my husband isn't. Girls can turn against their moms in their teen years. Your boys may have a very special bond with you. It's understandable how you feel. Just make it slowly diminish in importance.

I have three boys. This was exactly the reason I didn't find out, so I would never have that disappointment over my children. I'm sure once you meet the little guy all the sadness will go away.

I love my daughters to death but I have many, many days when I wish I had all boys.
Girls are HARD, so much emotion and drama. I seriously think when they say "it's a girl" instead of handing you a sweet pink bundle they should sit a surly teenage girl on your lap who does nothing but roll her eyes and argue with every freaking thing you say, all while texting and bopping her head to the latest rap song coming through her headphones. Oh, and then sweetly reminds you she needs X number of dollars for the French class field trip or her prom dress or whatever (it never ends!) At least then you'd know what you were really getting into.
Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear, just letting you know the grass isn't always greener. Enjoy those boys!!!

I am the only daughter to my mom. I have 4 younger brothers.
We couldn't have been more different. My mother was all flowers and girly girls and I was a total tom boy. I wanted to be outside, I wanted to run and play, I hated playing all the girl games (tea party, babies, barbies) and preferred playing with link n logs, blocks, and cars.
We had a very strained relationship unitl my mid 20's.
I am a bit opposite of you. I had two boys and when I got pregnant with my last I REALLY wanted a boy. Really! When they told me it was a girl I was scared silly. I wanted to be the queen of my house, have all my boys around me! lol I shed quite a few tears too mama.
I think it's okay for us to "adjust" to the idea of having a child of one sex when we were hoping for another. I felt the same feeling you did....and in fact still do sometimes. Oh, I LOVE my daughter and would never change her.....but sometimes I look at her and am still terrified! Will we have a relationship like my mother and I did? Will she resent me and my "tom boy" ways? Will she be all glitter and hair and have a mom who is all thumbs when it comes to hair? I don't know! I will just do my best and love on her.
I just want you to know that I understand how you are feeling. It WILL get better.
L.

I completely understand how you feel. With my first boy, I was pretty ok with having a boy (of course my hubs was over the moon), but the second time around I completely had my heart set on a girl. When the ultrasound tech told me it was a boy, I cried and cried. It took a while to let it go.

Don't feel guilty. Really. I have talked to many moms with only boys and all freely admit the inital disappointment of missing out on a daughter. It passes, and you will love having three muskateers!
You will eventually get daughter in laws and maybe even grand daughters!

Since your have such an amazing bond with your own mother, your feelings for wanting that with your own daughter sound very reasonable. I don't think there is any magic wand that will make your feelings disappear. Only time and meeting your new son will set those intense feelings aside.

I do think you will be blessed with amazing daughter-in-laws one day, and your time to bond with other females will be rewarded then. So chin up, and focus on what lies ahead.

Your 3 fantastic boys are just a start.

Also, I have girl, boy, girl series, plus I raised a sister/brother. I am closest to my son. I love my girls, but they don't look to me for much girlie mother/daughter stuff. They don't want me brushing their hair, doing their make up, help them pick out cute outfits...we don't do crafts together, I have not taught them to sew or play the piano. Ugh...not much going on with that stuff. I've tried, but they don't enjoy doing that with me. They want to do that stuff on their own.

I have two boys, and a nurse once told me I was lucky, because "sons love their mothers." I have a very strained relationship with my mom, and she doesn't get along with her mom. I am actually quite terrified of having a girl. I know that's irrational. But honestly, I think you're lucky to have boys, just like I feel lucky. They may not go to the nail salon with you, but they will love you forever.

I am the mother of a son, one.

When I was pregnant, before the ultrasound, I 'thought' I was having a girl. We found out during the ultrasound that "it's definitely a boy" and so I embraced it.

To be honest, if I see a little girl in some cute pinafore, it *still* kills me. I was never a 'girly girl', but it does just slay my heart.

I adore my son. We chose to have only one (due to several realistic considerations). Never, for one moment, have I regretted having a boy. Not for a second. I was blessed to be able to have one, which I didn't think was possible, due to past miscarriages, but that is where we stopped. My life doesn't feel empty without a little girl, instead, it feels very full with the sweet boy we do have.

It's okay to feel sense of loss for not having what we want-- heaven knows, I've done plenty of that. Just be sure to live in the moment and appreciate what you do have. If you do this as you go forward, you will have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm so glad for you that you have such a good, loving relationship with your mom. That's wonderful to hear. I hope you have a chance to use this time to tell her how much that relationship means to you. I'll bet she'll be very moved to hear it.

I have two boys, and I had hoped that my second would be a girl. I grew up with a sister and no brothers, and was very close to my mom, so I wanted to have that relationship.

However, I don't think I have missed out on much at all. I LOOOVE having boys.

Here's a silly thing: I really wanted to have a little girl to dress in cute clothes. When my oldest was three and in preschool, I realized that all his little girl friends wore the oddest outfits -- leopard print leggings with rainbow stripe tees and pink tutus. I chatted with their mothers and learned that the little girls had verrry particular ideas about how they wanted to dress, and it wasn't at all what their mothers had picked out for them. Most of those mother-daughter pairs were having daily struggles about clothes. I, on the other hand, got to indulge my taste in cute preppy boy clothing. My son was like my little paper doll, and would let me dress him however I wanted. He wore the cutest outfits with colors like navy and red, or navy and orange, or navy and kelly green. He is almost 16 and I still get to pick out his clothes (he loves the clothes I buy for him), and he is a very cute, preppy teenage boy. So there's that!

Also, I'm a very affectionate person, and I have been hugging and snuggling my boys since they were born. They are 13 and 15 now, and are still very huggy and lovey with their mother. They are fun, funny, and great company. And there is very little drama!

As someone below said, you will have (up to 3) daughters-in-law one day, and they can be like your own. Be a loving, accepting MIL, and you will have your daughters at that time.

I have a boy and a girl. I think when you see your baby boy the feeling will go away.

All kids are so different. You'll have a different relationship with each one. I love both of my kids equally, and in completely different ways.

My son is much more fun to go places with than my daughter. She HATES going to more than one place, shopping, walking around and discovering new places and things. She complains and drags her feet and moans and groans. My son is my little bum-around guy. It's just their personalities. He is much more active and adventurous than she is. And he's much more easy going.

So though you might now ever have a daughter, you really might not "miss out" on all the things you think you will.

Good luck!

It's okay to feel sad. When I had my second son, I had hoped for a daughter, but it was a blessing in disguise to have another son. My older son loves his little brother and ditto his little brother:)

I have a girl and 2 boys. My girl, from my first marriage, was never a mommy's girl; she always favored her father and moved in with him during her tween years. She's an adult now and we still aren't as close as a mother and daughter should be (or at least how I thought it should be since my mom and I were close).

Now, my boys--I am the apple of their eyes:) I have a very positive, loving and rewarding relationship with both of my boys. Sure they do things with their dad, but they adore me...and I adore them. I go to their sport games and make every attempt to play sports even though I am not by any means an athlete. We play, go on walks, and they are almost always at my side. Love your boys and be the best mom you can be to them. Based on my experience, sons are way easier to raise than daughters.

Hi there.

Here is another take on the "all boy" thing. I have one son (adopted at 6 wks) and one daughter (bio). When I become pregnant with daughter, I told son that mommy was having a baby. He told me it was baby sister. So I went along and said we would call the baby "Baby Sister" and asked for a name. He gave one and I said to him just in case it was a brother what would you call him. He told me her name is a combination of both names (dad and I couldn't come up with something we liked).

Anyway, your dream of a girly girl may go out the window. I had to adjust to the fact that mine daughter was not into ruffles and lace and wanted dump trucks and dirt. Even her bedroom had to be on the tailored side with NO pink.

Over time she has become a bit more feminine but still holds her own. She informed me that I was her best friend and I don't take that honor lightly. She is now 36 and is on her own in another state.

So just because you dream of the frills and lace does not mean that you will get that. Just because you want to have the bond of mother/daughter deal does not always happen. As one poster put it the oil/water mix. You also get the mom that thinks she is the same age as the daughter deal and the clothing issue so look out! You have probably seen that too.

Enjoy your boys and know that they are who they are but that you have a hand in how the do turn out as men that are confident, loving, caring, and self-sufficient. My son knows how to wash, iron, cook, clean. Sewing is not his thing but it could have been. He has a son from a prior relationship that lives with him (16 soon) and is married to a wonderful woman. He has a home that he had built (7 years back) prior to him being married and took care of the household chores.

I relate to my son in some ways better than my daughter. I love them both equally in different ways and they are both my "favorite" child.

the other S.

It is interesting that few mothers of only boys have responded. I have 2 boys and I totally understand. I love them with all my being but I have always felt like I did miss out on the mother daughter relationship thing. My biggest worry has always been that they will not have a really close bond with me after they move out. almost all of the grown men in my life don't have super strong relationships with their mothers as adults. I really hope that doesn't happen to us. I feel like there should be a support group for mothers of just boys! I have also struggled with my girlfriends having that special time with their daughters. My boys don't share many of my interests so it is a battle to find things we can do together.
I do look forward to daughters in laws and grand children, and nieces. I also try to keep in perspective of the benefits of boys, less drama etc. I also truly believe that my personality is better suited to boys so I'm sure God knew what he was doing! My sons have made me a better teacher too! Let me know if you want to join my "moms of only sons" support group LOL!

Its normal and okay to feel the way you do. Use this time before the baby comes to mourn the loss of your idea of a daughter and prepare to fully embrace your new son.

I'm so sorry that you're disappointed. Try to remember the old proverbial sayings, "the grass is always greener" and "it's meant to be."

I totally expected to have a second boy, and ended up with a girl. I was terrified. The teenage hormones, drama, self image, teasing, taking her through the whole "girl" journey is scary. The what-ifs .. if she gets raped, pregnant too early, etc. The unknowns freak me out.

For now try to embrace the idea of another son. I empathize with your desire for a girl; many of my friends have three boys, having hoped for a girl. But a good friend reminded me with these words: "In the end, it doesn't matter what gender you have. It's your child and you'll love him unconditionally, regardless."

Wishing you a healthy and safe delivery. And you know what to expect with a boy! Hang in there. You'll adore him. :) Hugs.

My aunt has 4 boys. With each one she hopped for a girl. When they were boys she was sad, but loved them anyway. Then she would try again a year or so later. After the fourth boy, she decided enough was enough.

Now the 4 boys are grown up and married. She has finally gotten her daughters and couldn't be happier.

I have one son. (tried for another child, but was unable to conceive) gotta say, I actually had thought I wanted a girl and even had a name picked out.. BUT. instead and gratefully so.. I had a boy...

However, since I could only have one, he's definitely the one I would wish for.. :) That said.. I think when people go into pregnancy, there is this preconceived notion that a child will be exactly as we expect the child to be. In your situation, you have a preconceived notion that IF you had had a daughter, your daughter and you will share the same relationship that you and your mother share. I really believe that when we have a preconceived idea about things, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.. Because fact is.... while I do think children are in part products of their environment, I also believe that they come into this world with a personality of their own. What's to say that if you had a girl, she'd be closer to you. In fact, could be she'd have been a daddy's girl.. so you see... your feelings in part are based on preconceived notions that haven't even come to fruition.. therefore, you are kinda making yourself miserable for nothing..

I think the best thing you can do to make the feelings go away is.... CELEBRATE what is........ what is.. you are pregnant.. what is... you are having a boy... what is... your two sons will get to have another brother..
what isn't... you aren't having a girl.... why be unhappy about something for which you have no control...

As for anger and resentment.. at what, who?? and feeling a loss for what you never had.... how can you lose what you never had?? IF anything, try and see the blessings... I think this is a self-made guilt trap... you can get out of it by looking at all the positives , for which there are many...

I know it's easy to fall into a pity party (I did when I could only have one kid) but hey.. you get over it.. it's really a lot of so what... you eventually realize this and move on.... choose to be happy.. THAT choice is yours..

I have MANY friends, with 3 boys.
The 3rd try, was for a girl.
But they all had another, boy.
They are happy but sure, they wished for a girl.
One of my friends, adores her boys so much.... they are all different from each other. But I have a daughter, and she always says how lucky I am. Don't get me wrong, she really loves her boys, but she longed for a girl. But now, 3 kids are enough for them.

Don't know if those hankerings for the opposite gender goes away.
But just know that you are not the only one.

BUT, I really warn you NOT to get or remain.... "angry" or "resentful" of your children. Because, anger and resentment, is TOXIC. AND you do NOT want your boys growing up thinking that Mommy does not love them as much as she would a girl.
Kids... CAN feel the "vibes" of their Mommy.
No matter what age.

And you can do things with your boys, that you would do with a girl.
Not that you are treating them like a "girl"...but you can teach them how to cook, how to do crafts, how to treat a girl, etc.
I have a son. And I teach him these things. And he is very boyish but yet, very aware of "girls" and because I teach him that girl or boy, they can do anything. Too.

Your imagination... is your worst enemy.
Of what you "think" having a girl is like.
I have both, and never.... do I treat them differently. Nor favor one or the other gender.

I grew up in a house of girls. My Mom and a sister of mine.... HATED each other. Oil and water. They did NOT have, that "imagined" Mother/Daughter relationship. At all. And they still don't.
So, it is not all peachy.
It is what YOU, make of it and WITH your child.

The only way, your hankerings for a girl will go way... is if YOU... do it. And by no means, never ever.... say you WISHED for a girl instead... to any of your sons.
It is hurtful, to them.

At least you are venting here and admit your feelings.
But then, at some point, you need to overcome it.

I have two boys. I think you will feel better soon and certainly after the baby is born and you meet him. However, there is always a twinge here and there--like when our church has a mother/daughter banquet. Similar to you, I found out during a Level 2 ultrasound that our second was going to be a boy. I was a little disappointed, but did not shed any tears over it or get angry or resentful. I was age 35-36 so I was considered "advanced maternal age" and my first son had been born a month early after a month of bed rest. My OB/GYN doctor had me somewhat paranoid about my age, although I know a lot of people having babies at 40 and up. When the ultrasound showed a healthy baby boy feelings of relief overwhelmed any disappointment. It was also fun to buy some new baby clothes and pick out boy clothes. We didn't find out the gender with my oldest so most of my newborn sized clothes were that minty green or yellow. Pick out a cute, special outfit for the new baby boy and that might make you feel better too.

There are a lot of advantages to having kids of the same gender. We've been able to hand down boots, snowsuits, bikes, etc. We were able to stick them in a bathtub together and share hotel beds on vacations for longer than we would have been able to with a boy and a girl. Both of my boys play baseball and we already knew the association, system and many of the "baseball people" by the time our youngest started playing. You know what to expect with boys. My youngest is a bit of a drama king, but in general there's less drama with boys, especially in middle school. Generally no battles over clothing and what to wear. Easy to shop for! My youngest is in middle school and is still affectionate and gives hugs.

I have a 9-month-old niece, the first girl in the family. I can't wait to do things with her and buy her an American Girl doll! I like having boys and I am embracing having a niece.

Congratulations on a healthy baby.

Updated

I have two boys. I think you will feel better soon and certainly after the baby is born and you meet him. However, there is always a twinge here and there--like when our church has a mother/daughter banquet. Similar to you, I found out during a Level 2 ultrasound that our second was going to be a boy. I was a little disappointed, but did not shed any tears over it or get angry or resentful. I was age 35-36 so I was considered "advanced maternal age" and my first son had been born a month early after a month of bed rest. My OB/GYN doctor had me somewhat paranoid about my age, although I know a lot of people having babies at 40 and up. When the ultrasound showed a healthy baby boy feelings of relief overwhelmed any disappointment. It was also fun to buy some new baby clothes and pick out boy clothes. We didn't find out the gender with my oldest so most of my newborn sized clothes were that minty green or yellow. Pick out a cute, special outfit for the new baby boy and that might make you feel better too.

There are a lot of advantages to having kids of the same gender. We've been able to hand down boots, snowsuits, bikes, etc. We were able to stick them in a bathtub together and share hotel beds on vacations for longer than we would have been able to with a boy and a girl. Both of my boys play baseball and we already knew the association, system and many of the "baseball people" by the time our youngest started playing. You know what to expect with boys. My youngest is a bit of a drama king, but in general there's less drama with boys, especially in middle school. Generally no battles over clothing and what to wear. Easy to shop for! My youngest is in middle school and is still affectionate and gives hugs.

I have a 9-month-old niece, the first girl in the family. I can't wait to do things with her and buy her an American Girl doll! I like having boys and I am embracing having a niece.

Congratulations on a healthy baby.

I have 3 girls and 1 boy.I have to say when my 3 girls were born i really wanted a little dude.The i got him

I have one of each.
When I was pregnant with my daughter I went in to Babies R Us. The worker there told me that just that day, 5 dads had been in there to exchange stuff. They had been told they were having girls and ... out popped boys. One family had even bought a pink crib that had to be disassembled and returned!

So there is always hope. ;)

As for being done without one.. I am sorry if you feel disappointed.