At Wits End Need Sugestions

Updated on July 31, 2008
F.E. asks from Marietta, OH
6 answers

I have a 27 month old boy that I am adopting. I know they go thruthe terrible twos but he has me at my wits end. When I tell him "NO" he comes back with "No" also he tries to hit me, throws things and has a fit. He isnt my first child. I have put him time out, Redirected him from what he was doing wrong and have swatted his butt but nothing seems to help. I am open to suggestions.

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J.M.

answers from Memphis on

BE consistent, that's the main thing. Decide on a punishment for when he "talks back" and stick to it, whether its time out or spanking or taking away toys. If you always react the same way, each and every time, he will learn to predict the consequences and eventually lessen his actions. In our house use all three for different behaviors, along with a "countdown" to 5 as a warning, but my son is 4 yrs and knows which punishment follows which behaviors. When he was 2 yrs he got time out for everything (and spankings for getting out of time out). For him though, taking away toys generally gets and much quicker reaction/correction and anything else. Whatever you choose, just stick with it. Toddlerhood is difficult enough with all the normal changes. Your little boy has even stress than most so just be patient with him. I don't know how he came to need a home but most cases boil down to either bad parents or deceased parents. Both will cause him to have unique challenges. In the 1st case you've got to overcome and undo whatever he may have been through in the past. In both he is in a new and unfamiliar situation and that is scary to such a small guy. You have to be firm with him but always in a way that he knows he is loved and safe in your home. He will test you even more than normal to either make you prove your love for him or to get you leave him. It's the only way he can control his life. You must discipline but make sure he knows its the BEHAVIOR that is bad NOT HIM. Good luck and Bless you for opening your home to a child in need.

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K.R.

answers from Raleigh on

All I can say is keep doing what you are doing. Be consistent. He will eventually learn that he can't do the things he's doing now. Patience is a virtue for mothers of 2 year olds. Sometimes I have it, sometimes I don't. LOL

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A.M.

answers from Nashville on

F.--Hi, I was wondering how long you have had your cousin and what the circumstances were behind you adopting him. There is a good chance that he isn't used to boundaries and discipline or he could be having problems adjusting to the change in parental care/authority. It may take extra patience on your part to help him adjust to his new family and home. I would keep going over the rules of your house explaining that if he wants to throw or hit then he needs to go to his room or wherever you choose to put him until he is ready to come out and play nice. Don't give up and don't let him see how frazled you are or he may see negative behavior as a way to get attention and it will most likely continue as he gets older.........and I'm sure you don't want that!
Most importantly remember that this too shall pass!!!!!
Good luck!

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L.M.

answers from Nashville on

my son (almost 2 1/2) was telling me no quite often and I wasn't sure what to do. What's worked the most for me is to not get visibly upset or yell. I just tell him "you will not tell me no" or "don't scream at me" immediately followed by a trip to the corner and he stays there for 2 minutes. The "no's!" have decreased as will as the stays in the corner. Just be consistent...one day it will take and this too shall pass.

best of luck

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R.R.

answers from Stationed Overseas on

Make sure you tell him exactly what the unacceptable behavior is, and give him a warning that if he does it again, he will go in time out. (We call it the "naughty spot" like Supernanny!) While he is in time out, don't pay attention to him (of course make sure he stays there) but try not to give him attention for wailing or any other negative behavior. After the two minutes (set a timer) be very clear when you tell him why he was punished, and then give him hugs. If you are consistent, eventually just the threat of time out will stop the bad behavior. It is a rough time though, with tantrums and all. Try to keep your cool. Good luck!

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M.Z.

answers from Charlotte on

It takes time and consistency-- I know it drives you crazy but just keep at it and don't let it make you angry-- try to shug it off-- he will outgrow it. The fact that you are adopting him is also key here--- he likely has never had any limits before so it will take a little longer for him to learn the rules. Hang in there, you are doing a great thing for him by giving him limits and boundaries

Mel

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