Asthmatic Child Exposed to Smoke

My son is asthmatic and we have had to deal with this for a few years now. My father does not smoke in his house when we are visiting and I have no qualms with asking smokers to put out their cigarettes. I usually do it politely, but have been known to be kinda rude if they don't. I usually approach them and say, "Excuse me, but my son has really bad asthma and smoke sets it off, would you mind putting that out or smoking farther away from him?" It usually works.

If we are somewhere where smoking is prohibited, I will say, "Excuse me, but smoking is not allowed here." It usually gets them to put it out.

Honestly, my son's health is more important than a smoker feeling put out.

Yes I would because you are the only one that can protect her and the way that society is tightening down on smokers they should comply.

Just a thought, what about putting a sign on her stroller or chair, that says, "asthma, please no smoking near me."

Hi R.,

Tough situation, but here's the thing....not only will people smoke around you, but they will also do other offensive things too, like major "affection", foul language, etc... It really is our job as parents to make sure we protect our kids from anything that harms them or offends our sensibilities. I say it's worth the effort to simply move away. We can't police the world, as tempting as it is sometimes!
I hope your daughter does well with her treatment for allergies. I know it can be a rough road. Take care and God Bless!!
J. :)

I am an ex-smoker. My husband still smokes. ANd we both cannot stand it when someone is smoking around us or around our children. It is rude! My husband makes sure to always leave the surrounding area especailly if kids are present and find a place to do it. I think it is perfectly okay to politely ask someone to please move especially if you explain that your child is allergic to it. I know at the Detroit Zoo you can only smoke in designated areas. So I would remind those people of that. It is like that at a lot of places now.

R.,
YES! I have done that very thing in the past, and every time the smoker was very polite and moved right away. I wondered at first too, but my #1 job is to protect my children. We have to speak up. I think people should be considerate of smoking around anyone, especially children who may not be able to get away from it,(we wouldn't want our children taking off!)but mentioning asthma seems to get immediate cooperation for us...so far. Best of luck with your daughter's health.
A. E.

Hi R.,

My daughter had horrible asthma and was even hospitalized a few times.. two out of the three were due to smoke exposure. The last time was the incense on the altar at my brother's wedding. She was a flower girl.

I have always asked people politely after explaining to them that I was sorry to have to ask, but that my daughter has asthma. I have never had anyone tell me no, light up anyway, or refuse to move or put it out. I think in general if you are polite to them, they are polite to you.

You are a wonderful mother. Don't be shy and don't worry about how others will react. You'll see its easier to ask and get results than you think.

L.

If you were in your own home I would definitely say you have the right to ask people not to smoke. But outdoors in public places, that's not your right. It's your concern so you need to be the one to move. When you look at from the standpoint that you're protecting the health of your children it's not that great a hassle to move your stroller down a bit.

I have to deal with both sides of this one. My grandson was born with a diaphramatic hernia, meaning no diaphram, so all his organs went into his chest and his lungs didn't develop. They will never get to full size, he can't be around smoke whatsoever. Then I have the rudest mother on the planet, who smokes. She's an RN to boot. Anyway, she doesn't care what anyone else says, its her right to smoke, where ever she feels like it. Her feeling is, if you dont' like it, go somewhere else. She gets upset that we won't come up to see her, and she knows why, but won't stop, just tries the old guilt trip on how she never gets to see us anymore. When in public, I just move and totally stear clear of smokers. If I see someone getting into their pockets or purse, I watch to see if they are lighting up. Even fire works are an issue if the smoke comes in our direction. I've just learned to really watch my surroundings, for the sake of the little guy. His life is alot more important than anyone elses as far as I'm concerned. I've never smoked, but I grew up with it and hate it. Good luck.

I think a lot of smokers come under quite a bit of scrutiny, and therefore some of them are more than understanding while others are more than rude about it (see the post about the lady yelling at the 4 year old about "smokers rights")

With today's society, and the government trying to protect the health of innocent workers in bars & restaurants, the smokers are getting more and more on the defensive.

I used to smoke, but quit when I got pregnant with my son. He is still my motivation to stay quit.

I get very bothered when his father's family smokes around him, but I don't dare ask them to stop because we are in their home. However when you are out in public it's a different story.

Maybe try to get a place nearby other families with children, and if a smoker lights up - explain that there are better places to do that instead of right in front of the children.

Good luck... I have to admit, if someone asked me to put it out (while in public in a place that I could smoke), I would have a problem with it. But then again... that was before I had a child! :)

R.,
You'd think it would be okay to ask someone to put out the cigarette. But these days with all the smoking/non-smoking controversies and arguments, everyone wants their rights. I mean I understand your dilemma. It's almost like even public places like the park or beach will have to be divided between the smoking and non smoking sections. Except that the wind does change now and then and it'd blow over to the other area. It's a no win situation. I honestly see the point of the consummate smoker too. They'd like their indulgences too and it's like they're being herded away and persecuted. I guess in a way they are. But they're a small part of the problem considering factories etc.
Scope the beach out before deciding where to sit. Assess the direction of the wind. Will you be upwind or downwind? Scope to see a large 'collection' of cig. butts so you can avoid that. Or find a more secluded spot away from the crowds of the beach.
Good luck!

I grew up around smokers and my husband is a smoker. I think that if you first explain that your daughter has allergies and asthma and that cigarette smoke can make it worse and then ask if it is possible for them to move down the street just a little bit that you should be fine. I do find it rude when someone says "Hey, can you finish that cigarette down the street" a bit rude - depending on the tone of voice. But most smokers understand that there are people with medical problems and can't be around the smoke, so most should be agreeable to moving - if they understand your not being a prude or worse. I know that my step-sister has allergies and asthma and when she is at my dad's all of the smokers (her mom and my father included) have to go outside. They understand that, and don't have a problem with it.

If you are outside, I think it is completely rude to ask someone to stop smoking, move, etc. They are outside already!
It is just as easy for *you* to move, as it is for them to move. It seems that most people would rather inconvenience someone else instead of themselves, which is also a selfish move, IMO.
Take care of the things *you* can control - i.e. where you sit, and who you sit by. Do not make it someone else's issue.
I like the one mom's idea of purchasing the masks. MOST smokers will see the outward sign that something is wrong & move away before they light up, or not light up at all. The mask is an obvious sign of a health issue - kind of like most will not light up around a person who is pulling an oxygen cart. BUT - there still may be someone dense enough to not notice or care --- wvwn though you might be ticked off, just move your family. That is in YOUR control. Don't impose your issues on other people in public areas.

This is from a mother of 2 boys, who smoked back in the day, but no longer can handle the gross factor of it.

Yeah, I have to agree with the others who say..."If it's in a public place, your only option is to move yourself!"

I think there are rules for everyone to follow here and smokers can no longer smoke in certain places either. But when they are clearly in a place where it says they CAN smoke, it is the non-smokers who should move!

I do also think that the sign idea is way cool. That way, if people who do smoke see the sign, hopefully they would consider your child and move on... :) Hope everything works out for you!!!

I quit smoking 7-8 years ago, and although I would't think of smoking in a crowd, some people do. Here are my thoughts; if those people are rude enough to put your little one in danger, then why should you worry about being rude right back?!?! They aren't giving a rip about your feelings or your daughters, so you shouldn't be concerned with theirs! Ask them to move...Im sure in a crowd, you'd have LOTS of people to back you up! Yes, they do have a right to smoke...but your daughter has a right NOT to!

~L.

I do it all the time. People are NOT suppossed to smoke at the Zoo and I've asked several times (nicely) for them to move away from my children. ONce a the ZOO BOO this man was smoking inside a tent (besides the smoke inhallation issue, not an especially safe place to smoke). I asked him to stop, and he gave me a dirtly look and was about to say something back, but his wife stopped him and he put out the cigarrete. I ALMOST ALWAYS get a negative response, but I really don't care.

We were at Zehders on Mother's Day and since there is no smoking inside there were lots of people sitting outside smoking. My 4 year old inocently said something like, mama smoking is stinky these people should't be smoking, of course he said it in his loud 4 year old voice (and of course he is right). This lady went crazy and started yelling at him that smoker's have rights, yada yada. We just walked away.

My view is smokers have the right to smoke in their homes/cars when children are not present. As a non-smoker and mother I and my children have the right to not be exposed to a carcinagin.

Protect your daughter and ignore the nasty people.

Okay or not, if it is endangering your childs or yourselfs health don't be affraid to speak up. I have asthma and run into the same problems, and I always ask if they could please put it out or finish it some where else and I explain why. Some people are nice and will do one or the other, but then you get people who could careless about your health. Don't be affraid if it is going to offend someone or not. Smoking is disgusting and you shouldn't have to be by it. Sorry if this is blunt, but it's the truth. I honestly don't care if it is polite or not, I'm not going to let someone hurt my health or my childs.

I would just like to say, that as a smoker, I would have no problem at all with someone asking me politely (that is key) to move away from their child, I try not to smoke around other peoples kids anyway. Also, keep in mind that if you are outside in the open air, a little smoke nearby probably wont hurt her, even though you can smell it.

My 5 year old has asthma/allergies since 2 years of age. This has been an issue for us as well. Usually, I just try to keep my son out of the "line of fire" of the smoke, if it's really impossible to get his face out of the smoke (diffused smoke in the area is not that bad outdoors as the wind carries most of it away and the smoke has a much larger area to diffuse in) then I have gotten the smokers attention and politely informed that my son has asthma and asked them politely if they would mind just blowing the smoke the other way. It's a tricky situation sometimes, a lot of smokers feel very defensive about thier right to smoke right now. But I have had pretty good luck.

The smokers may not think it's socially acceptable but so what??!! It's your child's health at stake. I have asthma. And I didn't say it often, but when someone's cigarette smoke is definitely going in my face, I would simply say, "Excuse me, I have really bad asthma. Can you try to keep the smoke from going in my face?" or "the smoke is going in my face". And USUALLY, people were kind enough to say, "Oh, I'm sorry" and make adjustments. It doesn't always work but you know, the rude people just don't understand or care about anybody but their "right to smoke". I agree about finding a "child friendly" spot to sit but sometimes that doesn't work either since some other parents don't care much about their children's wellbeing.

Good luck!!

My child also has breathing problems, so I avoid smoke as well. I've never had to ask anyone to stop smoking - but as long as your polite and explain the reasons, you can ask. Of course, they can say no - but, at least you tried before moving. Whenever we go somewhere, I really explore the area before settling in - you can sometimes really spot the smokers before they light up. Also - for parades and things, consider just removing your child from the smoker by taking a little walk - no one is going to smoke forever.

I think that no matter how politely you ask you are requesting someone to move you are going to upset them. A lot of smokers are somewhat already disgruntled that they have to move outside away from a building to smoke and now in thier opinion yet another person wants them to move. I think your best bet in an outdoor public setting is to just move away yourself.

A friend of mine had the same issues with one of her children. Check with your local pharmacy or ask your doc where you can get some small hospital masks. Usually they are white so you can have your daughter decorate it with crayons. It worked for them and was a lot easier than putting you in an strange position. I remember when I was with them the smoker would see us getting out the mask and would apologize or move.

I support your statement to ask the person to move, or put the cigarette out. I am a non-smoker. I personally get ill and cannot go to a restaurant--even in a non-smoking section. Its kind of like having a swimming pool with a non-peeing section.
Second-hand smoke has proven more dangerous than smoking a cigarette directly.

Being from another state which has enacted a "no smoking in public' period law, I cannot tell you HOW NICE it is to go to a restaurant, public event or other outing and not be bothered by smoke. I hope everyone here would consider supporting the proposals brought on by the Michigan legislature to ban smoking--for ALL our sakes, especially the children who usually can't get out of the way. (Incidentally, all of the businesses that were complaining that they would lose business if they lost the smoking customers, (Mainly restaurants and bars) have doubled their customer base.)
hope this helps.

I have twins, both had lung conditions. If you ask someone polietly and give a simple explanation. Most people are more then willing. It all about how you ask... :)

~G

Hi R. B,
I can understand what you are saying because I have an 8 year old daughter with asthma that is caused by allergies. She only has flare ups maybe once a year now. She was diagnosed with it when she was two. Her dad and I (split up) both smoke and my boyfriend smokes. We were always told to smoke outside. That's what we have always done. I mean we don't sit there next to her and blow it in her face or anything. But that's what we were told by her doctor. I guess I don't understand what you mean. I don't understand how it can be harmful, if it's outside and not going directly into her face. Maybe that's because my daughter's isn't as bad. Don't get me wrong, I get defensive when someone who knows she's ashmatic lights up inside around her, I can't blame you there. But one thing I used to have to remind myself (I still do) is that asthma isn't always visible, and not everyone will know that she is asthmatic. I may be offended if someone asked me to move. If you choose to ask someone to move, perhaps use a gentle tone. That way it doesn't seem like you are the bad guy and people won't think that you are being rude or snotty. I know it's not easy, trust me, even though I am a smoker, I have been there.
Good Luck!

Why not?!! I probably wouldn't have the guts to, would make some "comment" out loud to my husband so the person would hear, and hope he/she'd get the hint. However, it would be much better just to politely say something. Maybe practice what you will say first, so it doesn't come across too harsh. Most likely, the smoker will just move away. If not, you've got to give it a shot anyway... we're talking about your daughters well-being here.

I'm a smoker. I have a few friends that are smokers. I am also a mother. The most important thing with asking someone to not smoke near you is to be nice about it. If you're snotty or uppity about it, they may not comply so nicely either. Just say, in a nice manner (like in a voice you would use to ask the time or to borrow a pen or something) say "I'm sorry, my boy here has asthma really bad and we'd appreciate very much if you could please finish your cigarette where the smoke won't reach him." A pleasant voice and a polite request will get you a pleasant and polite response.

I would like to say something. I was pretty ticked last week. I have three kids. two of which have ashtma and my youngest is always sick. Well My little one 29 months was very sick but I had to take her out last week. I was sitting in the car while my oldest was at baseball. She was restless. So i took her out a moment. i went to the bleachers. a man lit a cigarette next to me. She had one of those crazy scary asthma attacks and he puffed away. I made a scene. Ok I smoked for many many years. I never ever would have lit a cigarette near other children or in a place like that ever. He knew he made her sick and he didnt care. to be honest i had sick thoughts. i cant tell you how i would have felt if someone told me to put out my cigarette. but at the same time there are some times you should not smoke at all.