Asking One Child to Come over to Play but Not His Siblings... Rude??

Why is a 11 and a 2 year old playing with a 5 year old anyway. Seems like you are just an easy excuse to get rid of all her kids. I'd send the other 2 home if they come back. I mean, I don't want to be responsible for somebody elses toddler, and i don't want people stealing out of my house either. I mean, seriously.. Who send a two year old to play with big kids????

I don't think it's rude to invite only one sibling.
My daughter is 10 years older than her little brother. I certainly didn't expect him to get to go everywhere she went.
You have a 5 and 6 year old who are friends. I don't understand why that means you have to have an 11 and 2 year old over as well.
The 11 year old is taking liberties and the 2 year old needs to be watched constantly as well.
I would send the other two home next time.
That's just me.

Eleven is old enough that you can just send him home, nicely, and two is young enough that you can do the same thing. Anyway, a 2 year old can't just show up on her/his own -- are the parents just dumping him/her on you and leaving?

Also, the next time the 11 year old borrows the Wii, tell him if he doesn't bring it back the same evening he will not be allowed to borrow it again. Eleven is old enough to be straightforward with. And tell him if he ever "borrows" money from her piggy bank again, he will not be allowed to come over. Someone needs to teach this kid, since his parents are not.

But you are free to tell them, "Not today, Billy."

I don't understand mothers who send all their children over to someone's house when only one was invited. When my youngest (or any of them for that matter) is invited somewhere, I sure as hell don't send all four. That's just rude!

Next time you invite the one child over, talk to the mom and say "Can Johnny come over to play at 4?" Then, if all three show up, walk the other two home and tell her "Sorry, I won't be able to watch the other two today. That's why I only invited Johnny."

If she sends the other two over next time you ask if little Johnny can come over, then take the other two home and don't bother asking him to come over again.

Why in the world would a 2 year old and an 11 year old be coming over? If your daughter is 5 and her son is 6, you have the 6 year old over. Having the 2 year old over is babysitting and it is just plain weird to have the 11 year old over if you don't have an 11 year old for him to hang with. That doesn't even address the fact that he is stealing!!! There is no way I would have a child at my house that was stealing from me! And just as a warning, little brothers learn A LOT from big brothers, give the 6 year old another year or so and he will be stealing too.

Just have the 6 year old over and if the mother asks why, just tell her. You are not being rude, you are having a friend for your daughter. I also would not let my daughter go over to their house. If her oldest is behaving that badly and she is laughing it off, what else if going on over there.

Good luck!

I agree with the majority here. It's a bit ridiculous to send over the other kids. Especially the 2 year old, really mom is just trying to get them out of her hair. Just invite the the six year old, if you want to be diplomatic about it,
"I was calling to see if Johnny could come on his own to play today. I really have a difficult time keeping track of all four kids."

If you don't want to be diplomatic then send the other kids home if they come over.

There is no reason for the 2 year old and 11 year old to be there for a 5 year old play date. Let the mom know that only the one child is invited, and if all three come, send the other 2 home. I am sure she sees it as a way to get you to take all the kids so she can relax, but taking care of her kids is not your responsibility.

Nope, as a mom of three kids very close in age, I wouldn't expect anyone to take all three of my kids if their child is only friends with one of them (let alone expecting someone to take three kids that are so far apart in age). I have a friend with twin girls (so they have lots of similar friends) and even she understands they sometimes both girls are invited & sometimes only one.

You are being taken advantage of, girlfriend! Put a stop to it now. Next time you invite your daughter's friend over, specifically ask if that child can come over to play. If they ask if the others can come & you don't want them to, then just let them know. If the parent says it's an all or nothing kinda deal - then say that you're sorry that the playdate didn't work out. If they just show up, send home the uninvited. Yes it will be hard, but you are not being rude - they are. You are inviting a friend of your daughters to come play, not offering to babysit their kids - they need to understand the difference.

What? No way!

If you invite a 6 year old, why on earth do they think a 2 yr old and 11 year old are also invited?

What are the parents like? Clueless?

Next time be very specific that you are inviting the 6 year old because he and your daughter play so well together "since they are closer in age".

And next time. No, the older brother should not take money from your house or anything else he really sounds like he has issues,

You are the adult. Do not let these things get out of your control.. Some kids and parents just need to have very direct interactions or they will walk all over you. I am sure you are trying to be polite, but I do not think that matters to them, they certainly do not act like it.

You invite, only that one child.
You say so.
That other Mom is sending ALL her kids... so you can BABYSIT, her kids.
It is obvious.
So obvious.

You say: "My daughter and I, want to invite Johnny over, because they are the same age group. I CANNOT... have your other children over. Sorry."
And that is it.
IF all the kids come to your home anyway, SEND them home.
Why not?
It is YOUR home, YOUR rules, you invited ONLY "Johnny." And that is it.
Or you do not invite them over, anymore.
And you explain... to your 5 year old.
When my daughter was 5... I had no problem explaining to her, about people/friends/rudeness and why and how come. I explained it to her, not making excuses. She is now at 8 years old, very wise about people and friends.

You explain to your daughter. It is a life lesson.
And I am sure your daughter will have other friends too.

I'd tell the Mom flat out, only the 6 y/o is invited and if she gets bitchy or angry - tell her you aren't a free babysitter for her 2 y/o and don't feel like having to deal with the stealing by her eldest.

Absolutely not. I have two kids, 7 & 9. We have three families on our block with kids the same age range, my kids are friends with all. One of the families always send their kids independently, whoever we invited, same as we do. The other two have older boys with younger brothers. They always send both. One mom calls to make sure it's ok, and since she called I typically say yes. The other family the dad won't let the older boy come over without the younger one, and he's a holy terror. He's a year younger than my daughter but she refuses to play with him because he's rude and mean. They don't come over much because my son knows that the younger brother isn't invited just because the older one is.

Stick to your guns, if the other two come over send them home and tell their mom that there's really nothing for them to do since they don't have anyone their age to play with.

I think you are not rude. It sounds to me like the parents are lazy and wanting a break. Anybody who laughs off theft is not being an active parent.

I would say, "Since 11yr old can't stop stealing and 2 yr old is too young, only the 6 yr old is welcome." If that causes the 6 yr old to come to play less, then that's unfortunate but you need to put a foot down. It's not even like they are similar in age or really your child's friends.

There are plenty of times when just one kid should go - we don't always send both kids somewhere and we don't always take all the kids from a family, especially when they are older. It is rude to dump all your kids on someone when the invite is only for a particular child. I think it was the Dilley family where the mom once said that she had to explain to her kids (6, all the same age) that you can't just trade a Dilley. If the invite is not for you, you get over it.

If we invite multiple kids, there are reasons. Like the brothers are 2 and 4 and my daughter is 3 and plays well with both. Or the sisters are 3 and 7 but the 7 yr old plays well with my child and the parents are good friends of ours. But if there's a party (say my niece had a sleepover) and SS was not invited, we didn't send him anyway. THAT would be rude. There are limits to "package deal". It's good for kids to have their own things and own circles of friends.

That age range has no business hanging out! The baby needs to be home under mom's supervision. Yes, it's rude.

I would likely tell mom flat-out that your daughter really likes playing with their 6 yr old son, but that it's too much for you to supervise the baby and the older child at the same time. If she sends all three over next time, by all means send the two "outliers" home. You gave her fair warning!

YOU are HER babysitter! No it is not rude. I think that children need to learn that they cannot always do the same things as their older/younger siblings. It teaches them to foster their own independence and make friends of their own age.

With the age gap with your neighbor's children, I don't understand why she thinks sending the 2 and 11 year old is ok in the first place. A 2 year old's interests and play abilities are different that a 5 & 6 year old, and why the heck would an 11 year old want to be there in the first place? She's using you to watch/entertain her kids.

I'd make it clear to her that only the 6 year old is invited next time. If she questions it, tell her you don't want to chase down money or wii games that "disappear" everytime the 11 year old comes over, and that you don't have the ability to entertain the 2 year old. If she doesn't like your answer, oh well.

This situation requires very direct, clear communication. When you call to invite the 6yo over, let the mother know that the invitation is only for the 6yo. If the other kids were closer in age it might be expected that they can all come, but with that age spread DEFINITELY NOT!

If the other 2 show up with the 6yo, be polite but direct with the 11yo. "I am sorry, but this invitation was just for ________. Please take your little brother home with you now. Maybe we can plan an activity all together another day." Be direct each time you invite your daughter's friend. And then on a day that you have time to supervise invite all of them over for an hour.

You are totally within reason to tell her only the 6 year old is invited. I have twin stepsons and even with them, we treat them as independent kids who have their own friends. I've had other parents ask me if it's OK to invite one to a birthday party/sleepover/playdate and not the other -- I always say OF COURSE! Even without the really wide age range you're talking about, your daughter wants to play with only one of the siblings, and that's OK!

I think it would be different if the siblings were closer in age, but the 2 and 11 are too old and too young to be coming for your 5yo. I would invite just the 6yo. If the mom has a problem, then she can just not send him either.

I can relate with the thief child. I have one in the neighborhood...the parents condone the stealing as I know the younger sibling stole shoes from a bowling alley and they allowed her to wear them out places. The older was always "forgetting" that she put such and such in her pocket. This included items that were GLUED on to a picture frame that she had to rip off of it!!! The end was finally when she stole my dd's MP3 player. She also stole from my dd in school. School did not tell me it was her, but other kids told me and dd.

Something is wrong with that mother, keep your eyes open. I could understand if the kids were close in age, but they're not. Why is she so desperate to get rid of them? is alcohol or depression a problem? There is more to this than laziness.

I do not think that a playdate should automatically include siblings unless the other mother is attending also. It is not your responsibility to babysit her children just because you want to invite one over to play.

Have you ever talked to the mom about it? Maybe she doesn't realize that allowing them all to come over is a burden for you. Explain how taxing it is to have to watch four kids and say that only the six year old can come for a regular playdate. If she wants you to babysit the other two, she can pay you for it.

As for the 11 year old taking things, I would talk to him directly about it - gently, and in a non-accusing manner. Explain that if he's going to borrow things, he needs to ask you first and get approval, that he can't just walk out of your house with your kid's toys and money. If you have to, stop him at the door and search him. Continue to tell his mom EVERY TIME he leaves with something he didn't ask for - sooner or later, she'll have to stop laughing it off.

Not only would I send them home but I would tell the 11 year old that he can't play over there since he doesn't respect your daughter's belongings. Stealing money from a bank shouldn't ever be laughed off and he should learn he loses out when he does it. I would tell him this. Rude is when you invite one child over and all three comes and then when one steals from your house the mother doesn't make it right.

My stepsons are only 13 months apart so they were typically a package deal - but they were 2 grades apart so as they got older, it became more common for them to hang out with separate friends. There is such an age gap between 11, 6, and 2 that I find it surprising that the 11 year old apparently doesn't want to just hang out with his own friends. The 2 year old coming over without the mom is you being a babysitter. My brother and I are 4 years apart and growing up he had his friends and I had mine. I would just put my foot down and let the mom know that it's okay for the 6 year old to come over to play with your daughter since they are friends but the other kids need to either stay home or have something else to do because you are busy enough without having to supervise all 3 of them.

Here is a question on the same subject.

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/8669836310799843329

At our school we had several moms pulling this. Most people detest these moms now and their kids never get invited anywhere except by other moms who dump their kids off on everyone. I also instituted an age policy for my only child's playdates. No one over 2 years older or younger. My life is much more relaxed and joyful now. So is hers.

Who sends a 2yr old to the neighbors to play? What the heck?

I would be clear when they all show up, "I'm sorry, this invitation was for Susie only, please take Jimmy home and we will be outside to all play later"

An 11yr old shouldn't want to play with a 5yr old anyway, and a 2yr old shouldn't be playing away from mom, thats just weird they would send him.

Poor you. Sounds like Mom has no respect. I would be mortified if my 11 year old took someone's Wii, definitely old enough to know better!!

You could give it some time and then invite the 6 year old again. You could say something to the mom like "just Robbie, he and my daughter play so well together but I cannot babysit the 2 and 11 year olds".

I'm in agreement with most of your answerers. Their mother is the rude one. My brother and sister were very close in age and still never went along if only one of them was invited. To make the assumption that you can just dump your kids on your neighbor (and with such a huge age spread that they would have no interest in doing what your daughter and the 6yo are doing) is pretty terrible. And the theft is grounds enough to not allow the 11yo back in your house for a looooong time. Good luck! Can be tricky with neighbors.

I agree with the others.....11 year old playing with the 5 & 6 year olds? And a two year old being sent along?? She is totally trying to get rid of her kids. Does your daughter ever get invited to play over there? Next time you call I would say would you mind if just John comes over to play today? Tell her that you would just like to have John come over because Mary and John play so well together. If they all show up I would send the 11 year old home with his little two year old sibling. Tell the 11 year old that you told his mom that Mary just wanted to play with John today. Can they play outside? Maybe that would help? Before the playdate happens all of our Wii games would be put away. If the big one asked to play I would say sorry we aren't playing that today. I can say that I have never had the problem that if my daughter asked for a playdate with a friend that any of the moms expected to drop the rest of their kids. But, my girls have had playdates and the girl next door (who is younger than both of my daughters) will see them outside and just comesover to play without being invited. She then proceeds to push kids off of "her swing" (she has a favorite swing in our yard). I think I put a stop to that behavior. The girls want me to put a stop to her coming over whenever she wants and I want them to tell her. :)

Personnally, I would be very upset with HER! When you go over to collect the money and WII games, let her know that you are not going to have the 11 year old and 2 year old over anymore. Let her know that you do not appreciate the fact that you are having to chase down items that are being taken from your home. Also, let her know that you are not equipped to entertain a 2 year old. If she is offended or upset I would just let her know that you are offended and upset as well. You do realize that the 6 year old won't be coming over anymore, right? I just don't see this ending well.

either the mom is sending the 11 yo over to keep an 'eye' on the 6yo, or she is sending them both over to get out of her hair. she will probably get mad if you tell her that you only want the one. i wouldn't get mad, but it seems like she is the one sending them over?

Did your DD agree to letting him take the money/games? Sometimes my sons say people can have their things without actually realizing what they are doing. The 11 year might be manipulating her in asking, knowing that she doesn't really understand, but she might be agreeing, and not really understanding the implications of what she is doing (and not fessing up b/c she know's you are mad about it).

And I agree - you ask one, you should only get one. I'd just ship 'em back.

Whenever my daughter has gone a play date the other parents have brought there siblings. I've never seen it any other way. One weird one the mom kept yelling at the older sister to stop leaving the little kid out and she really wasn't being left out lol.. Usually though everyone plays well together.. My daughter has another friend same thing the younger sister always meets us but she usually goes off and skates with her friends and my daughter and her friend plays. I can understand that the mother can't just leave the younger with a babysitter for a playdate. Now accross the street. Mom probably doesnt want to have to go over and watch you so sends the older to watch so since the older watches the 2 year old you get them all. If the older kid is stealing from you then you need to not invite them over. Let them play outside together. You'll have to sit out there with them but there is no help for it.

Not rude at all I would never dream of sending my other two kids on a playdate unless they too were invited. The other mother is the rude one...

Sounds to me like the mother made you her babysitter. Why would you ever send over your 11 and 2 year old to play with a 5 year old? An 11 year old in a year can baby sit that child by law for goodness sake. I had 6 brothers and sister and we didn't tag along to anyone else's play dates. My children are nearly 2, 8 and 9 .... and they don't tag along to one another's play dates.

I think she's using you as a babysitter. Heck she proves she doesn't respect you by not doing something promptly about the theft of the money and not to mention treating you like "oh so what."

Like the child or not I'd be done with that family. With friends like that your child won't need enemies in the future. I mean the 11 year old learned that behavior somewhere. . . Guessing it's the mom. Won't pry be long before the 6 year old is acting similar more than likely. IMHO

My kids, 6 and 7, are a package deal. So are my BIL's (they're like 10 and 13)... when I was a kid, my brother and I were a package (we're 23 months apart)... I would never ask for one sibling to come over and not the other. I know the hurt associated with being left out. Usually, having 3 kids playing together sucks, because 1 gets left out, BUT, the exception to the rule is siblings :)