Asking a Question to Mothers of Only Boys

Updated on November 24, 2009
C.C. asks from Philadelphia, PA
17 answers

I am a mother of two wonderful boys who are the loves of my life. We have tried for a third for a while with no luck. We are considering adoption, but they have changed the laws which makes it much more difficult. Anyway, I am just wondering about something. I had really hoped to have a daughter and very well may never have one. I still get twinges when I see Moms and their daughters shopping, etc. I was just wondering if these feelings ever go away. I really do appreciate what I have, but just wondering....

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answers from Harrisburg on

I'm expecting baby boy number 4. Do I ever think about all the things that I am "missing out on"? Sure. But I get so much more in return. For example:

1. Girls get married and the parents pay. Boys cost a whole lot less, AND we can still go with to buy the dress and ask if we can help plan with her

2. Menstral flow and cycle synch....not a problem for us! We will never have multiple people in our house that have PMS at the same time, or have to fight for the last tampon. They are all ours!

3. Barbies. Sure Barbie was fun to play with when we were small....but think of all those tiny plastic high heels that can get caught in your carpet and get in in your night-time bathroom run...Boy toys make noise as you approach. I have never stepped on a boy toy at night!

4. Cute dresses. And I mean the frilly, fluffy, OMG I wish that I was little just so I could wear this dress. Problem with said dresses? Hosery. We will never have to deal with tugging up hosery over diapers and have a person complain about the saggy parts. Also, We dont' have to teach our boys to sit like "princesses" so they don't flash their underwear.

5. Bedding. If we are busy and miss washing the sheets by a few day or even a week, boys don't mind becuase they are by virtue...boys. And they love us even if we forget to wash the sheets.

6. Better shopping trips because DHs like boy things too! Okay so Cabela's isn't MY number one store, but I bet you can get your Dh to take your sons to Cabelas with him...even to just look around! That leaves you free to go unincombered to ANY store you want and to take as long as you like. If they get back before you do..." I just missed you boys so much and the house was so quiet I just had to get out!"

Okay... So I am flying by the seat of my pants here (this is all mine). But really, what we are "missing" isnt' any more then a Mom of multiple girls say about wanting a boy. All children are gifts; reguardless of gender...or how they got to be in your family. Hope my mirth made your day a bit brighter :)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Harrisburg on

Every person is different. Obviously, it doesn't mean you love your boys any less.

I have a 22 year old son. He was suppose to be a girl from the u/s but back then it wasn't as easy to see. I wasn't disappointed at the time cuz I assumed I'd have more children some day.

I have a 14 year old son. It is my husband's first bio child and he wanted a boy, so I didn't care. I assumed we'd have one more child cuz we wanted 3 total.

When it was time for #3 we tried, got pregnant, lost that one. Too early to know the sex. Got pregnant the following year and hoped hard for that girl! I think it's as natural for a woman to want a daughter as it is natural for a man to want a son. Well, we found we had triplets. I figured the chances of having a girl was good out of three. Had to wait a while for that appointment to find a sex. They scanned the first baby... a boy! Dad beaming. Scanned the second... another boy! Dad beaming. I was beginning to think my luck was running out. Third scan... a girl! Whew! Finally got my girl and had to wait 17 years to get her, lol. They are 5 now. I know I would have been upset not to have that girl, but I would have loved my sons just as much, and I do!

I think you will always have that feeling of wishing you could have a girl. I think it's natural. But things aren't final for you yet and you know that so the feelings are strong right now to have one. There are many different options for national or international adoption and you should really look thoroughly on all of that. My brother and his wife have gone through that themselves but didn't go through with adoption.

One thing I did over the years is got a girl dog, as silly as that sounds. Kinda helped balance out the testosterone in the house! If you have nieces you can be the best aunt to them as well. It really depends on how you look at it but I wouldn't give up so soon. You never know what's in your future.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

events and chat within 2 hour radius

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on


I have O. child, a boy. I was 39 when I had him, after having several miscarriages. When we had our sex-revealing sonogram, I was shocked to learn the baby was a boy. I thought, "how am I going to relate to a boy?" It seemed like I would be mothering an alien! It seemed odd to me. Why did I assume the baby growing inside me was a girl? Anyway, the baby arrived and I was happy to have a healthy perfect baby!

There are times when I am talking to my friends who have girls, or talking to or playing with friends of my son who are girls, and I feel an odd twinge of...envy?...loss? I don't know. BUT recently, at the Kindergarten halloween pre-parade dressing, I found myself in the bathroom with five little girls, five pairs of tiny tights, five glittery pairs of shoes and ten sweaty little feet and I thought to myself "Boy, do they have the WRONG mom in here doing THIS!" LOL
My point is, I truly think I am more suited to being the mom of a boy. Really. I don't have "longing" for a girl. I think I understand and appreciate the personality, emotions and intellect of a boy and am really quite happy with mine! I wouldn't have it any other way. I also think my husband would have been a horrible father to a girl--super overprotective. And I wonder if he could relate as well to a little girl. He & my son share SO much.
Summarizing, I think the guy up above knows what we need and gives us just that! If you feel strongly, go ahead and look into adoption. There are other options as well to give you a special girl bond: Big Sisters, mentoring, etc. I hope you find the right balance for you and your family! God bless.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from York on

hi C.. i am a mommy of 1 girl. so i wont pretend to know how you feel. when i was pregnant they told me she was a boy. circled "it" and everything. when she turned out to be a girl, i was thankful for her obviously and all that good stuff. but part of me misses, or longs for that boy that i never had. i know "he" was always a she, but i felt like i bonded with my little boy while pregnant. my hubby isnt sure about more children, so part of me feels really sad about that and maybe never experiencing a relationship with a son vs a daughter. i dont ever normally talk about it though b/c i feel like i am just being silly.

i know you asked for only moms of boys responses. i was not at all offended by that or anything, its just your personal choice of what you wanted. my aunt had a son and always wanted a little girl. she tried and tried but was never able to have another baby. she was very close to my sister and i for that reason but i could tell it always bothered her and i dont think it ever went away until.... she became a grandma to an awesome baby girl. things had a way of working themselves out. not how she had originally wanted for herself, but she was able to have the slower paced, grandparent, spoil you rotten relationship with her grand baby then.

just thought i would share. i hope you dont mind me responding. i just thought of her when i read your post. take care and hope it works out for you.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi C.,
I have 4 boys, ages 7, 4, and 1.5yr old twins. To be honest, every time the ultrasound revealed that boy, I was disappointed. When I found out both twins were boys, one of my first thoguhts was, how many more years of pee all over the bathroom??! That's definitely one of the drawbacks. But there are some pluses:
1. No fashion dilemnas. Everybody wears what I pick out for them without complaint. I hear moms with girls describe their dramas when the "wrong" princess dress was purchased and think, you have got to be kidding me.
2. Respect for mom, she is the lady of the house. A wise mom I know with 4 teensage boys says that nobody argues with her, there is no competition for being the lady of the house.
3. You get your money's worth out of clothes and toys! (And the best toys, sticks and dirt, are free!)
4. Similar interests. The kids are more likely to enjoy some of the same activities.
5. There is something special about the brother relationship. I love to watch it.
6. I think about how some young women find it hard to find a good man to marry, that young men have not been taught how to have good relationships. I know this is a ways off but with the Lord's help my husband and I plan to send 4 great young men who know how to be strong reliable men, treat a lady, communicate, cook, do laundry, and be a great partner off into the world!
Of course I can honestly say that I fell in love with all my little boys and would not change a thing, and, as I reflect, I really do not have a desire for a girl. I can also see that for many people there could be that small part that would have like to to have the "other" kind of child, even while being content with what God has blessed you with. And I don't think that's wrong. Maybe if that keeps growing in you you could foster a girl as otehrs have mentioned. But either way, raise those boys up to be great young men and someday you will have lovely daughter in laws (and maybe a granddaughter or two!)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I completely understand your feelings! I have two boys and I grew up thinking I would have a girl. I never thought that I wouldn't! Silly, I know. I agree with Denise P. I couldn't imagine what I would do with boys when I first suspected I was having one, then two, but I find I am PERFECTLY suited to raise boys. I think God gave me what I would be best with. I did feel a twinge for a few years each time I would see little girls, but my husband and I had risks to have a third child, so we decided against it. My husband asked me this, "Do you want another child, or do you just want a girl?" I had to be honest about it and weighed the risks and decided not to take chances.

So your question is, do these twinges go away? I think they do! I have a neice I plan on spoiling. I already bought her Disney barbie dolls for Christmas and I can't wait to give them to her! I also secretly hope for granddaughters some day.

Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. It is natural. Just don't let it take over your thoughts. I think I did that for a while. Think on this, talk to your husband and pray. You will make the best decision for your family!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Harrisburg on

I know that you asked for moms of boys only to respond, but what about those moms of only girls who have the same feelings as you do about wanting a boy.
I am one of those mom's who wants to have a boy.
My brother is one to only produce girls it seems.
I really feel that is goes both ways(the feelings). I do agree about fostering a girl. There are tons of children who do not have a "real home setting". I hope you can determine what is best for your family. I hope you have a girl of your own very soon.:)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Allentown on

Hi, C.:

Those feelings will always be there. Is there some way you can be a foster parent to a girl in need. In PA there are 20,000 children out of their homes.

I am sure, you can find one girl out of all these children to love along with your sons and husband.

Good luck. D.



answers from York on

Hi C.,

I know you got many responses so I hope you don't mind one more. I have 3 boys myself and I must say I was disappointed too to find out during the ultrasound with the 3rd that it was another boy. We had no problems getting pregnant with the first 2, then it took 2 years with the third so now they are aged further apart that I wanted; 12, 8, 2 - BUT I believe I have 3 boys for a reason, I just may never know why. I think I always had an instinct that no matter how many kids I had they would all be boys but I still hoped my third was a girl.

Now, to your question. I think everyone is different but for me, I think I will always long for a little girl; even though I know this is what God intended and I am so blessed. I wouldn't trade them for the world, they are very busy, active, and always on the go. They are healthy, energetic, and challenging. My neighbor had a little girl the same time I had my third (she has one of each). Every time I see her little girl in pigtails or in cute little leggins or dresses I do get teary eyed. I do hope these feelings go away, but whose to say. I also struggle with not having anymore. I knew we would only have 3 and I don't want anymore, but I feel I will always long for more (that probably doesn't make sense). With each milestone of my 2 year old brings tears of joy but sorrow b/c it's the last time I'll ever experience it.

If you want to adopt and you can choose the sex, why not choose a girl? I don't see anything wrong with it. Whatever happens will be the way it's intended. I believe that everything happens the way they do for a reason.

BTW, I must agree with the one who responded - no menstural cycles to deal with. I can't imagine 2 of us going through PMS at the same time. I did save all my Barbies though and it's time to get rid of them. Also, on the fashion subject, my 12 year old wants certain brands, I thought that only came with girls too.

My biggest struggle right now is a 12 year old "tween" attitude, mouth - how to discipline? A middle child with anxiety and anger issues who tries to act like his big brother. And a 2 year old going through terrible 2's and all that brings.

Good luck in whatever you decide. I don't think anyone has the answers. We can talk to mothers with both boys and girls and they'll say "you are so lucky you don't have girls to deal with". Well it's hard for them to understand the longing we have. Just like mothers of just girls long for a boy.

Take care,
M. :)



answers from Philadelphia on

I feel for ya, I really do. When I found out my second was another boy I bawled! I felt like it was going to be the same thing over again: more cars, trucks, bugs, burps, and other fun bodily noises. I got used to the idea pretty quickly and of course I love him without measure and he is very different from his brother.

I don't feel like I'm done yet. In the hospital after having Thomas I was saying "I could do this again"! I'd like the next one to be a little girl, not just for me but for my DH. I would like to see him have a tea party with her or braid her doll's hair. He would also have someone to walk down the aisle.

In the meantime I dote on my nieces. I love buying clothes for them and I can't wait until they are old enough for me to be the "cool Aunt" that lets them do things that their Mom won't.

I'm not sure I'll have another baby and with my luck it'll be another boy; and though I'll miss not having a little girl, I really like being a Mommy to boys.



answers from Scranton on


I have a 3 year old boy. I love him more than anything. As you said, he is the love of my life.
But, yes, I want a little girl. I am a single mom and I'm not dating (I want to) and I'll be 33 years old next month, so....Well, you get the picture. I think it's normal for moms to hope for a girl after we get our boy(s).
Like the post before mine said, can you foster? So many children need loving homes. Give it a try.




answers from Pittsburgh on

I want to start by saying that I LOVE my 2 little boys more than anything in the world and would not trade them for anything. I had always wanted a little girl as I am very girlie myself. I was definitely disappointed when #2 was a boy. But now I realize that I was meant to raise boys and not girls. Just from seeing how most little girls behave I can tell it is not in my personality to raise a girl. I would have very little tolerance for the "girl drama" that I witness daily. Boys are so much more laid back about things. They are much more adventurous and fun loving also. Plus there is a special bond between boys and their moms that I never realized could be so strong.

However...I have to admit I sometimes get really sad when I think about the things I will miss out on like shopping together, talking about fashion, boys, hair, etc. , getting ready for prom, planning a wedding and most of all just having that "best friend" relationship that you hear so much about. What scares me the most is that my boys will marry and then I will be second fiddle to their wive's families. I see it happen all the time and I think its just natural. That will definitely crush me.

The thing is though there are no guarantees in life. Whose to say if I did have a girl that she would be all those things I had hoped her to be? So I will just thank God for what he HAS given me and keep on fostering the special relationship I have with my little guys.



answers from Philadelphia on

I am with celeste...what about us? :) I am a mother of four who would love a son. I am pretty sure that we are done having children though. Every once in a while the thought crosses my mind and i have a little twinge of sadness. (especially since both of my sisters just had their first and they were boys!) Just wanted to let you know that it does go both ways. My mother had five boys...her mother had 3 girls(one stillborn)...i guess i have no!

I wish you the best of luck in your journey :)



answers from Philadelphia on

I think everyone is different, so you won't know if those feelings will stop or not until they do. I have to say that I was a bit upset when baby number 2 was another boy, but now I am completely happy with my two little monsters. Sure, there are times when I hate being the only girl in the house, and I look at all the girl clothes in the stores and wish I could buy them. But I am very happy with the family I have.

And to another poster, (Jamie I think) - Thank you!! Your points are so true. I never really thought of it like that, but you are right!!!



answers from Philadelphia on

I always... and I do mean always pictured myself with a girl. When I got pregnant, I wished for pink, but dreamt very early on that I was going to have a little boy. An ultrasound confirmed that a month later. I absolutely adore my son but had him in my late thirties and unfortunately, I do not think another child is in the cards. Recently, my sister in law had a little girl and asked me to be her godmother. I know it is not like having your own, but I plan to be cool Aunt T.. :)



answers from Philadelphia on

Hi Candance,
If you ask the moms who only have boys alot of them will tell you they would only want boys and that they are easier than girls to raise. I once read in a book a quote"boys will reck your house ,girls will reck your mind"
I have one son and when he was little I would go clothing shopping and after go to look at the liitle girl clothes.
I had come from a girly girl family so I thought I really wanted to have only girls.When my son was born I felt sorry for anyone who had a girl.
You are blessed to have 2 wonderful boys. Enjoy them as they make a mess of your home but will show alot of affection to you for alot longer than the girls




answers from Pittsburgh on

I have 3 boys ages 6, 3, and 5 months. Growing up I always dreamed of my children that I would have and the little girls to dress up in tutu's and tights. I was crushed to find out that that dream will never come true. I am done having children. I can relate to you so well. I want to be the mommy with a little girl too. I would never want to get rid of one of my boys for a girl, but my heart still yearns for hairbows and sparkles. I don't know if it will ever not hurt, but everybody tells me be thankful girls are a handful. Maybe one day far down the road I will get that Granddaughter to spoil. I hope you know you are not alone in those feelings.

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