I recently posted that I am happy with my life as it is and that I have no desire to be in a relationship. I am independent, successful, and financially stable. I have a son who is 6 and I find myself seeing that he is getting older. I don't want to have another child when he is too old to make memories with his sibling. I don't want to wait until he is 12 or something and basically start over. I have been a single mother to my son his whole life, so I know what single parenthood is all about. So, I have been researching artificial insemination. This is 2011 and there are so many different types of families in this day and age. I recognize that there is more than one way to start or continue a family. I really know in my heart that I want another child.
My question is does anyone else know about anyone who has chosen this option for their family? What words of wisdom can you give on making the decision to choose to be a single mother? I realize this is a controversial topic, so if you have some other words to say, please be kind or take the old advice of if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I am just considering this option at this point in time. I recognize there is still lots to think about. I recognize that it will be difficult to explain to my family and friends if I go down this road. Any thoughts or words of wisdom on this topic?
I know someone who did this 20 years ago! She had twin daughters via an anonymous donor, and those girls are the light of her life. At the beginning she had tons of help from family & friends, which made a big difference.
You already know what it is like to be a single mama, so I say, go for it!
I'm sorry I do not have any words of wisdom or know someone who has done this. I do wish my sister would as I know she'd be a fantastic mom and I'd like to be an aunt, however she gets down saying she's not in a relationship and would like to share it with someone.....
Anyway - best of luck to you - please keep us posted as to your decision and how you progress.
Yep! While I don't agree with some of the nontraditional family arrangements these days......I do 100% fully support women who reach a point that why should they be denied a family because they haven't met that perfect guy to share that with......
My friend who is single did AI as she was a year shy of 40 and didn't want to wait....she's a good Mom and very happy. I recommend getting a donor you know. makes it easier to explain to the child. Plus you know what the Daddy looks like :). I think anonymous donor is harder but you do what you gotta do. I say if you can support your child and not be on the welfare dime then go for it...My cousin adopted 2 boys on her own since Mr. Right for her never showed up.
Didn't read all of the other answers, but wanted to lend you my support.
My partner and I have tried this a couple of different ways (PM me if you would like more info), unsuccessfully unfortunately, at this point, but I have several friends who have children now via this method.
I think that if you really want to do it, you should. Being a mama is wonderful, as you know. Yes, it will be much harder with two kids, but with your son being six now, you can do it. (Now I went back and read a few responses...) I don't agree with the whole "you shouldn't have a kid without two parents" philosophy. Some of the greatest mothers I know are single parents without the father in the picture. Is it ideal? No. Is it doable? Absolutely. This world is made up of all different kinds of families. Yours is no exception.
GOOD LUCK!
Hi E.,
I think that you're asking yourself a lot of the "right" things. It's not only important to think about whether or not you can emotionally and financially support another child, but why you'd like to have another child. I'm a single Momma by choice and have never regretted my decision. I would have loved to have met a wonderful guy and shared this experience with him, but it didn't happen (yet!). In the meantime, I consider myself to be one of the luckiest people in the world to be the Momma of such an amazing little person. There are pluses and minuses to choosing an anonymous versus a known donor (I think that you can access some things to think about via the single mothers by choice website), and only you can decide the right path for yourself. All the best!
From a quick glance, it sounds like you have many tools to support another child and you are giving this a lot of thought before acting. If only MORE people would consider their career, financial stability, home life, physical and emotional capabilities before getting pregnant... I think you're actually doing things in the correct order and doing your best to set up as successful of a situation as possible for a potential child.
I know of someone who chose to adopt as a single mother. (I'm not saying this because I'm suggesting that's what you should do; I'm saying this because I know of her situation and how wonderfully being a single mother has worked out for her.) She was established in her career as a lawyer, had her own home, had financial/emotional/physical support and security. She also knew that it would be unlikely that she would be finding a mate and settling down anytime soon, yet she knew that she wanted to form a family. Thus, she adopted from Guatemala. For her, it has been one of the best, most rewarding choices she has made in her life.
I think putting this question out there for people (or people who know of people) who have gone through something similar is a great place to start gathering feedback for your decision-making process.
Search your heart and good luck with whatever decision you choose to make! I'd love to hear updates!
I say that if you want it and you can afford it - you should do it. Why have regrets? I know that lots of people say that a kid needs two parents - but I think that 1 happy and secure parent is better than two parents who fight with and hate each other. Good luck with your decision.
I'm not for it at all. You have been a single mother but the father is still in the picture and paying child support. This would be completely, 100% on your own and from what I read this probably wouldn't be a good idea for you. I think a child deserves a shot at having two parents. I am divorced, have been for fourteen years but we are involved with my daughter's father on a DAILY basis and he lives a mile away. I'm not a single mother, I am a divorced mother but I wouldn't make the decision to be a single mother with no communicaion/input/guidance from a father. I am very happy only having one child, there are many perks to it and that is far more important to me. Just because I want something doesn't mean I should follow through on everything.
I understand you are comfortable being a single M. and you desire to have another child, but try to think long term for the sake of your child and the emotional stuff they will have to deal with after you are long old or gone.
Will they be happy not having a father, will they succeed financially, spiritually etc. I know nobody knows the future, but from the little trends we have these days, try not to make life harder for them later from the choices you can make today.
No words of advice. I just want you to know how much more difficult it is with 2 kiddos vs 1. I think the joy of having a sibling for your son might be outweighed by the stress the new baby/kiddo would bring. It's so, so, so much more demanding. I suppose it depends on the kids though. Both of mine are very challenging (but still pretty young). If your 6yo is mature and cooperative for his age, he might be able to help more than hinder.
Much luck to you with either decision you make.
This is a huge decision to make and I would do some serious soul searching. If you are happy the way you are then why do you want another child?
The only advice I have for you to think about is the extremely increased chance of multiples through insemination. You might want one baby as a single mom and end up with twins or more.
