Are You Still Attracted to Your Husband(or SO) (Kinda Tmi)

Updated on August 12, 2011
A.V. asks from USAF Academy, CO
24 answers

I mean, as far as sexually. do you get turned on by them anymore? by seeing them, or kissing them or anything? do you look forward to having sex with them? apart from hormones making you want sex.
how long have you been married?
should i be worried that i am not attracted to my husband at all? i mean i love him. but he doesnt turn me on. i dont look forward to having sex with him. kissing him kinda repulses me. Every once in a great while i want him, and its not so much that i want HIM as i am just horny.

Edit: This isnt recent.....i've felt like this for over a year.

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answers from Dallas on

I've been married 5 yrs but I've known him for 13. I love him dearly and I still have butterflies for him. Don't get me wrong, he pisses me off and I can't stand the way he kisses but I love sex with him! He puts me first and doesn't even focus on himself till im taken care of. How considerate! Do something different, change it up! I hope it works out!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Iowa City on

Yes, I am still physically attracted to my husband. We have been married for over 5 years (but it feels much longer). If this is a sudden thing and you can't get past it in a few months' time then, yes, I think it is something you should worry about. Chances are it isn't really that you find him physically repulsive but rather you are having an emotional or situational problem... unfulfilled needs, etc. Best of luck.

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answers from Dallas on

Yes. Even when I am so angry at him I could spit nails, we have a burning passion. That doesn't mean I want him to touch me at that point, but we have had some great makeup sex and even the occasional angry sex! That is one area I feel works in our relationship. We've been together since 1997. I know that's the question that was asked and you didn't ask for analysis or advice. But every now and then, I just can't help myself.

I think you are a deeply troubled and unhappy person. I saw your racist rant. That sounded to me like you despise where you live because of "the blacks." I saw your question about rejecting Christianity in favor of Paganism. I'm all for exploring, questioning, researching, but, Exactly who "Gave God to the Jews?" You are questioning your entire belief system, and your marriage. You are unhappy where you live. I think there is more going on than a lack of hormones. I think you are unhappy in your own skin. I'm not invalidating that or discounting what you are going through. I just think that you should take these other contributing factors into the discussion.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

how funny you should ask this...

My husband is the antithesis of ANY man I ever dated or even my first husband...he's skinny, messed up nose and teeth!! :) He's 5' 10.5 and I'm 5'8" - I was used to dating men who are over 6'

I'm I physically attracted to him? Not always - but I love him and have since the moment we shook hands on April 18, 1994....

Has it always been rosy?! HECK NO!!! Do we get into a rut? YEPPERS!! but it seems like we know when we're there and work to get us out...

I love kissing my husband.
I love spooning with my husband - we fit together like silverware in a drawer.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Rochester on

I have been with my husband for 13 years...married for 8.....and everytime I see him on his motorcycle...I get really turned on...just like the first time I ever saw him on his bike. :)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Sacramento on

I am definately still attracted to my husband. He doesn't have the wash board abs that he had when we were younger, but I Love him just the same!! He is MY man, and I am proud to walk beside him.

I think you need to work on being attracted to your husband. Even if he is not physically attractive, I am sure there is more to just his physical appearance why you chose to marry him. For instance, my husband can ALWAYS make me laugh!! He is awesome, if I am having a bad day, he always knows just what to say to make me feel better. He is an awesome dad, if I am sick, he takes over EVERYTHING!! I married him for much more than just his wash board abs.........

You need to start thinking about all of his POSITIVE attributes, I think that will help you to start being attracted to him again. It is really easy when we get caught up in life to start focusing on all the things about a person that irritate us or drive us crazy when there are just as many wonderful things about the person that we love. We just need to change our focus!!

Oh - and we are coming up on 15 years married, 18 years together.....

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

My SO and I have been together for 5 years now and I find I grab his a$$ almost as much as he grabs mine. Are you guys in a rut? Have you thought about all the ways you love your husband? Has he changed much physically? What's going on with you? I would be concerned if you are not attracted at all as physical intimacy or lack thereof can sometimes cause issues in relationships. Plus, I would hate to know that my partner didn't find me attractive =(

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Lancaster on

Per your last question, I imagine much of this could be due to the tension the two of you are feeling regarding the religion issue. Any big change in a relationship (and changing religions is a big change, whatever some might say) can result in this sort of apathy.

YES, I am still insanely attracted to my husband. Every time I see him being a wonderful father to the kids, every time he cooks dinner "just because", every time he comes home from work tired and wanting to fall into bed, but stays up to help me with the kids and the house....When he's sweaty, or working hard, or kisses my neck while I'm cooking, or just SMILES right...It's "Mommy and Daddy" time!! I'm pregnant with our seventh child, so I shouldn't be surprised. I CLEARLY love being with my man. ;)

We've been married (and having sex) for 15 years. We've known each other for almost 18. I'm still as attracted to him as the day I said "I do". YES we have gone through dry spells. Though I've never been repulsed by him, sooo...

I would consider couples counseling? You don't have to go to a Christian counselor, though your husband may request it. Just find a good therapist. And you should go, yourself. They'll be more able to help you than us moms here. :)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Cleveland on

Heck yeah! My husband is the sexiest man around and I love him!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Yes, I am still extremely attracted to my husband. I love him and I like him. We've been married 10 years. Yes, you should be concerned that you are not attracted to your husband. Are you attracted to someone else? I think you should seek the help of a professional to help you get to the root of why you are no longer attracted. From what I've seen it can be any number of things going on with either of your that can cause you to get that way. I hope things turn around for you. Best wishes.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

I am EXTREMELY attracted to my husband... one of the main reasons I stuck around with him - since his thick European accent bugs the hell outta me!

As for sex... it's a hit or miss. Sometimes I want him so much, other times I'm fine if we don't have sex for 2 weeks.

Have you always felt this way about your husband? Has kissing him always been sort of repulsive?

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Richmond on

Remind yourself what you used to be turned onto. Just stare at him like you've never seen him before... really check him out ;) My guy used to have a 6 pack... not so much anymore, but his skin is still so silky smooth and tight and he always smells like soap and it makes me melt! Look into your guys eyes... try to look past his eyes into his soul (then make out like crazy!) WHY don't you like having sex with him? Did he gain weight? Did you? Is he not hitting the right spots? Re-teach him! Or try something new. Look at his good points (physically) and play off of them. Maybe you love his legs... request that he runs around in tighty whiteys, LOL! (LOVE when my guy wear's them, he looks ridiculous with his little ridiculous stick legs but DAMN he's got a great butt, HAHA!)... make it humerous. I think it's positively HILARIOUS (yet sexy!) when my guy jokes around wearing church socks and nothing else. Our awful sense of humor is probably one of the biggest things that attracted us to each other, so there's a lot of that nonsense in the bedroom ;)

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answers from San Francisco on

Yes I am still very attracted to my hubby of now 5 yrs. I look at him and see the hot man I married. My sex drive goes through dry periods since I had our son but I still love kissing and cuddling etc.
My concern with your post is that kissing him repulses you. That is a red flag for me as kissing is so much more intimate than sex.
Wishing you the best and try to have a snogging session with your hubby.
B. k

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answers from Houston on

My husband turns me on more now than he ever has. Ive been married 8 years but ive been with my husband for 11 years and known him 18. I mean hes the father of my children now, and my hard worker, he homors a real commetment towards me and in his gray hairs i find him sexier than when we were carefree and he was "mr mysterious"

I think you should be worried that you are not attracted to your husband, You should re-evaluate your feelings for him on a cellular level and try to figure out if its a phase you are going through or its permanent. You owe it to him to be honest.

I mean can you imagine knowing your husband wasnt sexually attracted to you and he was merely doing it with you for a sexual release?

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Spokane on

Hubby and I have been together 16 years and married for 9. YES, I am still very much attracted to him. When he is being tender and sweet with the my kiddos, when he is in his uniform, when he comes in from mowing the lawn or changing the oil and is dirty, when we are working out and he is sweaty, when he kisses me on the neck....those are just a few of the times when I can't keep my hands off of him. Have we had "dry spells"? Yes, we have but we always seem to work through it but I've never not been attracted to him or repulsed by him.
I'm sorry to hear you're having some issues with intimacy. Have you tried reconnecting with him on another level? I know if I am feeling "disconnected" to my hubby my hormones aren't quite as high. Do you guys have any common interests? Like bike riding or hiking or working out? Do those things together. Go on a date. Make time for the two of you. You may find everything else will fall back into place. Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

Err your statements contradict each other. I love my friends but don't marry them and what you describe sounds like friendship love.

Towards the end of my marriage I didn't want sex with my husband because I hated him not because I couldn't be attracted to him.

I don't know I guess I see your problem as a real issue that needs therapy or something.

So far as my husband goes, yeah I want him. We have been married only a few days but we have lived together for almost two years. There are times I don't want sex but only because I am dog tired. If I had the energy I would be all over him like a cheap suit. :p

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I am so deeply in love with my hubby that just thinking of him, gets me hot--lol. I think if you write down everything you love about him inside and out, it will help you. Are you having marriage troubles? Try to view him as your Hero and Knight and Shining Armor--or some fantasy guy--it will change how you view him now. If he has let himself go, encourage him to work out and eat right and you do the same---dress up and look pretty every day. Find things you can connect on- Best wishes~!


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Cincinnati on

I've been married 8 years, and I can relate to what you're feeling. I love him. He is very attractive. He works hard. Great dad to our 2 kids. But yea, no desire to touch him most days. I think I may be going through some hormone issues. Some days, the thought of kissing him makes me gag. Isn't that sad? I wish that I wanted him more. I want him to feel loved. I think its definitely something I need to work on.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I've been married to my husband for 17 years, and we've been together for almost 20. I always think he's incredibly attractive, but through the years we've had times when we've had sex more or less often than others. Some years I didn't want to have sex much at all, usually because my children were young and I just didn't have much energy left for my husband. Sad, but true. We were always affectionate with each other, and talk all the time, even in the limited sex years. Other years we seem to be more in the groove. It's easier now that the kids are older. I do think that sex brings people closer, so if you aren't ever having sex, it can hurt other areas of your marriage.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

What you are feeling is normal, there are so many things in life that can cause this and Hormones are usually the number 1 culprit. I sent you a private message with more information. Love isn't always about sex, it plays a part but it isn't the most important.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Very much still attracted. I totally feel like the honeymoon "phase" for us is... eternal. We have been together for 10 years, known each other for 15 years- since I've known him and to this day, I get butterflies when I see him!

I was majorly attracted to him from the beginning- in more ways than one, but I will admit I have not been more physically attracted to anyone more nor have I thought a man was more handsome (seriously, name ANY celebrity- my husband beats them hands down in the looks department, IMO). But it isn't just his looks- it's him, and the more I know about him the better it gets. So, the attraction keeps growing.

As for sex, a "dry spell" for us is a week, MAX. SO, that's our situation...

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I have been married for 9 years and yes, I am still turned on by him. I love being close to him and sex is a way we bond and feel close to each other. I love to kiss him and just snuggle on the couch and hang out with him. We were 19 when we met and we do not have our little teenage bodies anymore that's for sure, but we do work out and try to look good for each other and I think he is WAY hot! I would be worried about it if I were you. Maybe talk to your dr about it.



answers from Savannah on

i've been with hubby for 13 years now. we have our slow periods of maybe a few times a month to really active periods of most days of the week/multiple times a day. it averages out in the end to a healthy sex life. i've changed body shapes since we met as he has. but sometimes all it takes is feeling his stubble on my shoulder in the morning to get me going. is he perfect? no, but he's great at what he does.

one suggestion: make a wish list of fantasies or tricks you'd like to try. encourage him to do the same. no you don't have to do all of them but it opens the lines of communications.



answers from Boise on

When you are unhappy in a relationship, you will not feel sexually attracted to your partner. This is truer with women than men, but relationship strain is very harmful to every aspect of a relationship, including sex. The reason you are not sexually attracted to your husband is because he treats you and your child poorly.

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