Are You Ever Attracted to the Man in Your Couple Friends?

Updated on August 31, 2011
J.T. asks from Oradell, NJ
21 answers

Another question prompts this. My husband has lots of friends and it's suprised me that I've never found any of them particularly attractive. Some are quite good looking but then there's a personality issue I wouldn't like. Or I dont think they're physically attractive etc. Of the families in our neighborhood, there are no husbands where I think 'hey, I could see having married him." So for the past 10 years or so, there have been very few instances when I've come across another man and thought that if I were single, I'd want to date him. Now there's a newish family in the neighborhood and I have to say I find the husband attractive. I like his personality and he's good looking. I really like his wife too. Don't worry - I don't plan to pursue him or anything like that. But it makes me wonder if this happens to other women too. Do any of you have friends whose husbands you think if the world was starting all over and you didn't meet your husband but met this guy you could see being with him?... And please don't scold me - again, nothing will happen, I will make sure to keep it all in perspective etc. But I can't be the only one who's met a guy who is interesting to you or am I?

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answers from Washington DC on

My husband has a few friends that I find attractive...not just physically but mentally...there have been a few men that I have met along the way and said to myself - what if I had met you BEFORE Bob? There's no harm or foul in that....

I know what you mean - it's not a fantasy and it's not "oooh I need to conquer him" thought - it's just a THOUGHT - that's it!!!

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

There was a guy that my husband was friends with that I used to think 'yum' whenever I saw him. Don't get me wrong-I love my husband like crazy and would never, ever cheat on him but this guy was so my type and if I had been single I would have taken a run at him. Not only was he physically attractive but he was sweet as pie and southern to boot (that southern accent- double yum). But the more we hung out together the more of a big brother feel I got from him and the yummy thoughts dissipated. So yeah, there have been times where I thought 'man if I was single you'd be in trouble.' LOL But I don't envy anyone I know because of their man- I got the best one of the bunch!

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Los Angeles on

Not me. Never met the husband of another couple that I've been "attracted" to. ;~))

Sorry, I couldn't help it. I hope you smiled.

Good luck to you and yours.

13 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

Sure! I'm married, not dead....other men can look attractive. They're ALL attractive until you're washing their underwear! :)

10 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

Honestly, no. I think it is another reason I *know* my husband and I should be together. But, we also haven't been married as long as you and your hubby.

I always thought those corny sayings of "I only have eyes for you" were so ridiculous, now I am living them. We are like a love song come to life. OK, that was a joke.

I have come across a man that I thought, oh, he is good looking. Then, he talks.


6 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

OMG -- you're a married woman with a kid -- your attached but it doesn't mean you're dead. :) You will hopefully continue to find people attractive throughout the rest of your life. No big deal. People have work crushes, subway crushes all sorts of crushes all the time. Recognize it for what it is and be happy that it makes you happy. if these crushes force you to put on clothes and not look like a shlumpadinka -- even better -- your hubby will appreciate it, you may glow after receiving momentary attention and that's all. Don't beat yourself up about it.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

Everyone looks.
The difference is our imaginations... and where that takes you or not.
Real or not.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

There was woman I knew when I was single, that I envied her life. But it wasn't covetous, more of an aknowledgement that she did good when she married him and it gave me hope. She was overweight, lazy and uneducated. Her house was always a mess and she didn't take time on her appearance. He was a good looking athletic scientist with a great job. He adored her and treated her like a queen. He was an involved dad. He had a good sense of humor and was an easy going, nice, helpful guy to be around. I could totally see myself with a guy like him. I wasn't attracted to him. I was attracted to the idea of a man like him.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

ALL Of my husband's friends are really attractive and nice - and if my husband were to ever ask me if I would consider a 3some (another man) there are many I could give him names for! LOL Sadly, probably never happen!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I have two friends that have hot, successful, athletic, and great personalities. I can totally see why my friends were attracted to them and they are exactly the kind of men I would date. My friends and I actually talk about it, but we always know that we would never cross the line, and the thought of crossing the line is a little yucky to me. Sorry, I don't want to go where my friends have gone.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I love my husband more than anything and I would never consider any other man,, but yes.. there are two men that my husband is friends with that I would have considered dating if I had never met my husband.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

This has absolutely happened over the years. It's just my mind wondering and not so much wandering. We are basically animals (homo sapiens, yeah?) and our attraction instinct doesn't turn off. Our human instinct to pair for life keeps us from pursuing that, although not all humans can control that unfortunately. We are totally normal and I'd say, extra imaginative.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Toledo on

Sure we are human, I have meet many attractive men and are completely turned off by their personalities. I would never cheat on my hubby either but it is nice to look.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

Funny, I just read an article about this in Redbook last night. It's perfectly normal. The author of the article said that you know you're in trouble when you purposely avoid telling your husband when you run into the other man you find attractive. Then you need to investigate your feelings and consider what might be wrong in your marriage. If it is just a crush, enjoy it and use the excitement you feel when you see the man to give your own marriage a jump start. The article was a promo for a book called CHEAT ON YOUR HUSBAND WITH YOUR HUSBAND.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

no not really. I mean of course there are good looking guys out there, but I think my husband is pretty hot! I have never thought that any of his friends were attractive though and we have been married for almost 10 years

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

there is one guy who is friends with my husband and his brothers (he has 2 brothers and they're all close and have the same groups of friends). My sisters in law (their wives) and I ALWAYS joke about one of them, Kevin. He is SO gorgeous and we are always jokingly cat calling at him and trying to set him up :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dover on

I know exactly what you mean.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

Sure I have seen quite a few men that are attractive. Do I imagine myself with them? Nope. I am perfectly happy with my man. :-) I don't think about the what if's in this catagory. 'what if i were single would i be with him' what if's. There's no way.
It's ok to acknowledge a handsome man. And for men, it's ok to acknowledge beautiful women. For me, I don't think past that.


answers from Dallas on

Its human nature to find people attractive eve
n if your married. I agree with joanna. Yes some of my husbands friends are attractive but my husband is the nicest if the bunch so I consider myself the lucky one!



answers from New York on

I've been married almost 21 years and I find other men (not necessarily from couple friends) attractive all the time. I don't flirt with them, pursue them, sleep with them or anything. I simply notice them and indulge in my own thoughts. Being married means that you're not supposed to date or sleep with other people, it doesn't mean a switch turns off and you don't find others attractive anymore


answers from New Orleans on

My husband's friend. Actually we all knew each other High School. I had a crush on him since I first met him. He actually, supposely hooked my husband and I up in high school at the time.(We made it final before he said anyting). Then he kept joking around with me in class and said I had a crush on him,and I told him yea,I do.(He thought he was some big thing at the Then when we broke up in school a few months later,then I realized my(boyfriend,my husband now,was the right person for me) His friend was really mad and wouldn't talk to us for a while. Years later my husband and I got married and had kids and lost touch with his friend. A few years back I ran into him in town then he called me one night and was talking on the phone while my husband took off with some of his friends. His friend was telling me that he wish he got to know me better. But to the you the truth,I did like him. But the way he acted like he was some big shot made me not want him as a husband or boyfriend. He's has a girl friend(which she has 3 kids from a previous relationships) and him and her are expecting their baby together soon. I don't know if he had a thing for me still. But I'm happy with my life as it is. I have a wonderful husband. He's a caring and loving daddy and husband.We have alot in common. I still wonder what it would been like if I married with his friend,but its all in our mind,and is perfectly normal to wonder. Its probably lust over a person then actually love.

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