My two year old is a bit of a mystery to me....He was fairly easy going and pretty happy until he turned about one. As a baby he wanted to be held a lot, was very hard to get in to his own bed for night time sleep, but he was a happy baby. Since he turned one he has progressively turned into a "screamer" we have tried many approaches over this year, stuck to them all for quite some time and none have worked. ;Completely ignoring, putting in TO's until he stops, we even tried a dab of hot sauce on his tonque that he ended up liking.
He also usually preferes to be "alone" as far as playing. I try to sit and read to him, color with him, play blocks or w/ his brothers action figures that he loves and he either very quickly walks away or he gets annoyed or mad at me.
He has no signs of autism, I have checked in to sensory processing disorder w/ his Dr. and that doesn't seem to be the case either. My mom has told me that two of my uncles, and a cousin of mine were just like this as small kids. And for my unlces, my grandma was a total no nonsense lady and my mom rememebers that nothing worked on them they "just grew out of it" (the screaming and moodiness) Thoughts? My older two never did this so Im baffled and pretty tired. I don't want to hear that it's lack of discipline on my part as far as the screaming. I've tried it all. Even swift swats to the bottom.
I just wonder if it's tied into his "loner" personality. He does talk, not a ton. But can say quite a few words. Maybe as his vocab increases the screaming will decrease? I due 100% ignore him in the car now, and he still does it. Anyone experienced a similiar "moody" young child?
He is seen by his Dr. on a regular basis for well child checks and also on the occasion he is sick. She always checks his ears, and thats never a problem. He screams if he's playing with toys and maybe something is "stuck" or unreachable. He screams if he wants a drink, a snack, a blankie, etc. I always get down on his level and tell him quietly and calmly to "try and use words" and I'll repeat it to him "Juice?" or "snack" etc and he can say most things he's wanting. But his instant initial reaction is to scream. But he also screams in the car. All the time we never know why. And I think maybe he doesn't like being confined but obviously that is not an option. Most times however I have no clue why he's screaming. I had thought maybe I needed to spend more down on the floor play time with him, so Ive been making a big effort but as Ive said, it seems to annoy him. If I try to read to him and show him the pages, he closes the book and tears it out of my hand. Try to color with him and he just gathers the crayons and plays that way but usually gets down and walks away. Or.....throws them all over the floor. He thinks thats great fun LOL He can be the sweetest little thing in the world. But unfortunately we get more of the screaming screeching Pteradactyl :(
"One time on mamapedia..." I heard duct tape worked. i'm trying to remember the name of that wise woman....oh yea Jo...the store here even has ones with designs on them now=)
***kidding (i put this disclaimer in there in case you are desperate enough to try it=) )
have you tried sign language if he doesnt have a broad vacab?
He might be having teething pain. My dd was in horrible pain between 1-3 with teething. I would occasionally give her liquid childrens ibuprofen and she would turn into a different person (i.e. no more screaming and much nicer). Much happier when the pain would subside. She also had a few ear infections which are very painful. Pain causes people to be irritable.
Sure, lots of kids are just generally more introverted/sensitive, just like us adults! Sounds a lot like my second child. I will link to Dr. Sears discipline advice that helped me a lot with my boys. He is an expert in this field and he has lots of really great ideas on discipline tactics in general, and then advice for specific scenarios:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/botherso...
My second son had chronic ear infections and never showed any symtoms except for extreme irritibility. He was also a late talker, because the fluid build up behind his ear drum affected his hearing, therefore his speech. So, between his irritability about the pain in his ears and the frustration over not being able to communicate he was pretty difficult. Once he had the tubes put in his ears he was happy and developed speech quite quickly.
Well, it has been long studied and documented that "personality" is inherent. Meaning it's determined before birth. Anything after birth is simple affected by life circumstances.
So yes, is the short answer. Some kids are just genetically built to be moodier than others.
Our neighbor was like this as a kid. SHORT FUSE and screamed a lot. Just seemed unhappy. His dad is a manic depressive, and a quiet guy, so we're figuring it largely comes from him. His mom has been able to curb the behavior as he's gotten old enough to understand social expectations and consequences (he's 4.5 now). But years 2-3 were pretty tough.
A few thoughts:
Yep, kids are born with a variety of personality traits. Sometimes these traits become more pronounced as the personality matures.
Sometimes when personality becomes "more" or "less" of some characteristic over a fairly short time, or when the personality appears to change in some significant way, there is a physical cause. Ear or tummy issue?
Another problem that's becoming alarmingly common is toxic exposures to the myriad chemicals we live with today. Many household cleansers, laundry products, air fresheners, etc., are loaded with toxic ingredients which can cause physical symptoms, mood changes, or both. Some figures suggest that more than 1 child in 5 is now affected negatively by chemical exposures.
Your son will almost certainly scream less when he's able to communicate more. It's incredibly frustrating to want something that you can't manage yet, and not be able to even express your misery with words. The MOST wonderful and helpful book on the subject is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. It won't conflict with anything the parents do, and the wisdom in this book will make it a resource you reach for again and again. We've use these techniques with my 6yo grandson for the last four years, because they work brilliantly.
Just one example: Punishment for unacceptable behavior, or physical rewards and charts for good behavior are not as effective as when adults remark with calm admiration when they see the child do something positive. Examples are, "I noticed how carefully you put that together." or, "That was hard to do, but you kept trying until you did it!" or, "It felt so good when you told me thank you." or, "Hmm, how did you figure that out?" or, "I see a boy who picked up his game without being asked." or, "You chose your outfit today? I like those colors together." or, "I'll bet you can figure out a good way to do this – will you please help me?" This book will coach you on ways to deal with YOUR particular child's needs. Try it – I can promise you'll like it!
This is only one of numerous tips and techniques – there are ways to get the child involved in solving his own problems, ways to present your needs to him so that he can recognize and respond positively, ways to find "natural" consequences for mistakes, and more.
Using this book has eliminated the need for virtually all punishment from my grandson's life. He'll occasionally take himself into a sort of time out when he needs to get his emotions under control, but that is his choice. He's polite and cheerful, and super-motivated to be part of a family team, because he understands the family is on his side. I think you'll agree that How To Talk/Listen could be the best investment you've ever made when it comes to working with kids.
Wishing you well!
i second the ear infection possiblitiy. and teething stinks too
can you describe the behavior more??
Like if he come over to the sink and point to his cup for water, does he not give you enough time to respond before he screams. or do you mean if you say no he can't have water, then he screams and doesn't redirect??
good for you for checking out the autism possiblitiy and glad he seems clear for it.
I have a moody girl and it's rough. I can't tell if i ever see her clearly because she is so puzzlign to me.
I would be concerned that his screaming is either him trying to communicate or to express his frustration at being unable to communicate (which should lessen as he becomes more verbal). Then he is being punished for being frustrated. Which will likely only worsen the problem. Hence - the failure of time outs, being ignored and hot sauce.
Have you tried simply distracting him when he screams and giving him something he can do. We also made a point with DS that screaming was for outside. If he was screaming, I said - oh, screaming. That's for outside. Do you want us to go outside now to scream? He almost never did and generally just stopped screaming and we moved on to something else. If we did go out to scream, it usually just got silly and ended up as giggling, not screaming.
Also - what Peg said.
There's some good recent research that shows that our personalities are mostly set by age 3 months. So, yes, some kids are born moody.
My youngest was a screamer. I wouldn't call him moody, though, he just screamed a lot. It didn't really bother me. He grew out of it.
But yes, kids are born with their base personality, for the most part, which, as Peg says, will become a little more, or less. So your son will probably never be the happiest person on earth, but that's okay. Some people are just more sunny.
He's the youngest. He most likely doesn't have to talk alot because everything has bustled around him and he's had his needs met as a baby. Now that he's bigger he is still acting like a baby. He screams to communicate because that's what he knows. When he wants something, tell him to "use his words". Don't give in. Before you give him food, make him say please and thank you. Talk to him and ask him questions about his day, or how he feels. Encourage more talking and pay attention to him with talking. Give him positive re-enforcement; smiles, stickers, hugs, tell him it "makes you so happy when he uses his words". It will be frustrating and a battle at first. But, eventually he will see that he gets results and praise for using his words. Toddlers are crafty and need boundaries. They yearn for direction and praise and information. Teach him well now or suffer the consequence when he uses that ill behavior in the coming years.
Regardless of his disposition, I would REALLY try and teach him how to communicate.
From about 2 years old, I began to teach my kids the names of feelings and how to say, what they think or feel. And it really helps a TON.
I also have a son.
And I really nurtured his sense of self-expression. Meaning, I didn't want my "son" to grow up thinking he has to be all strong and silent and to think that "boys" can't have feelings or say it, etc.
So anyway, along with my daughter, I just really taught him and my girl, how to say things and their feelings, and the names for it. ie: happy, sad, grumpy, frustrated, etc. And that even if they are "grumpy" they can tell me.
Sure, maybe its his personality for now. He is only 2. And 2 is a hard age. But... 3 and 4 are also hard ages. For me, it was harder than the 2 year old stage.
Maybe your son, would benefit from learning more about how to talk and express his feelings.
Emotions are not even fully developed at this age.
Mine WAS born moody. She had colic from hell for 5 months, and now if the attention isnt 100% on her, shes not full, clean, entertained, etc, she SCREAMS!!! And Lord forbid you take your cell phone away from her! She scares me!
To top it all off, she doesnt even like me and her dad is the best thing since sliced bread.
I think your son is going through a phase. I think it will change a lot when he is able to converse with you.
At least that is what I'm hoping is going to happen to my child. :)
Ugh, at least they look cute doing it right? Good luck!
