Are My 2 Year Old's Sleeping Problems CAUSED by Cosleeping or Are They Separate?

You can't really generalize about this. All kids are different. It could be related to co-sleeping, or maybe not. One of my kids really needed to sleep alone, completely unstimulated. It's worth a try to get him in his own bed.

I personally sleep better alone, and some people like to spoon all night. Yuk.

Every child is different.

Since you've ALWAYS coslept, it's tough to tell why your child isn't sleeping well. It might be due to cosleeping, and it might not. Has he always had sleep problems?

I didn't do cosleeping. Both of my boys are champion sleepers, and have been since they were teeny. I did what I call "modified CIO," meaning that I put them down awake, clean, warm, and fed...and ignored them until I could tell by their cry that they needed me. Mom's know the difference in the cry, ya know? It worked for us.

I don't know if you caused this problem. Maybe, maybe not. But you clearly need to figure out something that will get him sleeping better. What's the temperature in your room at night? How big is the bed and how many are in it? Don't bother with a toddler bed...just get a twin mattress and put it on the floor.

Best of luck!
♥Christy Lee

I don't think your 2 year old waking from a deep sleep and writhing around is due to where he is placed, unless he is being woken up by you or your husband doing some thrashing or getting out of bed, etc.

Our 2 year old often sleeps with us and when he does he sleeps the best. He rarely wakes up and if he does, he just finds mom and goes right back to sleep.

So, really, it is hard to say what is causing his waking. It could be a tummy ache, bad dreams, just a bad sleeper, the list goes on. But based upon my experience, I wouldn't say it is "caused" by him sleeping with you. Plenty of little ones sleep with their parents! It really is quite natural.

Good luck!

ETA: My little 2 year old does the same thing with regard to placing his hands on me in the middle of the night. He just wants to know you are there. I think it is sweet. Enjoy it, before you know it, he won't want to touch you at all!

Please don't let people make you think you "caused" these problems. I co-slept with all 4 of my babies and to this day they all have their own patterns of sleep. Co-sleeping is often a great way for parents and babies to get good quality and adequate amounts of sleep. As you know it can be a life saver when nursing a baby and I don't want this issue to keep you from co-sleeping with your next baby. But, if it is not working good for you anymore with this child you may want to try moving him to his own bed. It is probably a good time to do this anyway with a new baby on the way. I would not put him back in a crib, it will just be another transition you have to make down the line. Maybe start with a crib mattress on the floor next to your bed, so you are right there but each in your own space. How is he during naps? You could get his ears checked to rule it out. My guess is that this is just a phase and he will outgrow it soon. I wish you the best.

We co-slept with our son and he was also a poor sleeper. He woke up constantly and we never could figure out why. He was a temperamental baby...lots of ups and downs and now he is a temperamental 8 year old! We kind of thought maybe it was teething. At age 1 I could not take it anymore and we started trying to teach him to sleep in his own bed. We did a form of cry it out and it was very hard for me. My husband would make me leave and go walk the dog! It taught him not to sleep through the night but to sleep in his own bed for 3-4 hours before waking up. That was a BIG improvement for him. Then at age 2 we took him to a furniture store and he begged and begged for a bunk bed he saw there. We made the deal with him that if he could sleep in his room all night long he could earn the bunk bed. At age 2 and a half we bought him that bunk bed! He was not perfect at it but he was getting better. We talked to him a lot about it...about how a big boy stays in his bed and sleeps all night long. I had to not be lazy and let him crawl into bed with us. EVERY single time I had to walk him back to his bed if he got up in the night. I had to be very black and white about it. You can do it - don't take the lazy way out. Talk to your son about what he needs to do and start working on it. It's a lot of work but it is worth it. PS - I agree not to waste your money on a toddler bed. We went from crib to mattress on the floor to twin bed.

Caused? Not likely. I have two very different boys, both of whom co-slept since infancy and nursed for two years, who have very different sleep patterns. One is very intense, while the other is very relaxed. The intense one sleeps in tight ball and wakes up numerous times throughout the night. Every night. The other throws off his sheets and blankets and spreads out like a sea star. Once settled, he can sleep through the night without moving. ...if I caused one, then I am certainly taking credit for the other! lol

I coslept with my daughter as needed. However by 8 months she had moved to her own crib. I only moved her because she moved too much at night and neither of us were doing well. Your doctor might have to weigh in because by 2 - ideally he should be able to sleep through the night... My daughter sleeps quite a bit - up to 13 straight hours at night. But she's an exceptionally good sleeper - not the norm.

It sounds like you need to get to work on sleep training. It's ok if they wake up - but you might need to put him back to bed in his crib . All sorts of things can mess with their sleep - so it can be hard to pinpoint. Just keep working at keeping him sleeping in his own room....

At 2 don't buy a toddler bed. He's too big for one now most likely. Just skip up to a regular bed. You can put it on the floor if you feel the need but he'll be just fine with a frame or without.

He's probably just a restless sleeper. My granddaughter sleeps like that. She feel asleep on the couch one night and I was watching a movie so I left her. She rolled off the couch, got back on while sleeping, rolled off again, rolled over under the desk, then back towards the middle, eventually she ended up curled around the legs of the piano bench under the piano. She slept there the rest of the night. I found her there the next morning.....

Some kids just sleep like that.

I have a 4yr old who co-slept and when we moved her to her own bed slept all night, with no problems. Our 2 yr old has ALWAYS been a fussy sleeper. We co-slept as well, more due to her multiple wakings than anything else, and still in her own bed wakes frequently. Just 2 nights ago she woke up 7 TIMES. UGh!!! Some kids are poor sleepers.... it wouldn't matter if you co-slept or not.

I would say though.... stop bringing him to bed with you the first time he wakes. I always go to my daughter, but I give her a kiss, tuck her back in and tell her to go back to sleep. Some nights she doesn't wake until early morning and some nights it's up to 7 wakings... but she stays in her bed. I know how tiring it is, I'm due with #4 in 4 wks. But you shouldn't co-sleep with a newborn and a toddler.... Oh, and my now 4 yrs old was in the crib until she was almost 3. Just keep him in the crib.

Every child is different. My son sleeps so much better when I co-sleep with him and he is 4! Some kids really should be sleeping alone. Your issue seems a bit complicated but what is does sound like is that this arrangement is not working for either of you. I think you should experiment with some different methods and see how it goes. I would cut out milk completely since it sounds like a milk protein intolerence.

I agree with Scarlett. This doesn't sound like co-sleeping is the problem. We co-slept until about 16 months. Our boys now start off every night in their own bed. If they wake in the middle of the night they can come to our bed. They both did this regularly until the were 2 or 3. Now it's occasionally. They both sleep like a rock in our when in our bed. They just feel more comfortable and safe.

Wish I had ideas for you. I might start by making notes about things throughout the day - meals, naptime, other events - and see if you notice any other patterns.

Good luck!

we co-sleep with our kids and my son who is turning 8 still sleeps with us (we have to double beds pushed together) He has his own room but hates to be a lone. We also have a 5 year old and we all sleep together. First thing--the milk--I highly suggest to get some soy milk for your son. My son was allergic to milk so soy made it better.
My daughter had a bad time with teething. She kept getting fever during this time was up all hours because of her teeth. Get some teething rings for him to chew on, and some popsicles (the ones in the plastic tube kid)

Maybe his tumming is just bothering him too much. (switch to soy milk. My son loves silk vanilla.) My son had allergy all over his face when he was a baby. So, you son could either be having tummy trouble, which is keeping him awake, or he might be having bad dreams and having you right there soothes him. There is nother wrong with co-sleeping (families have co-sleeped for centeries and nothing bad has happened.) It could be jsut the way he is. Is he taking in a nap during the day? And what time is he napping? If he does nap, look at the time--you dont want him to nap too early.

Hope any of this works.

@Sophia, You go girl! So awesome for your babies that you still co-sleep!
(soy isn't the answer, check out Weston A Price. org for more info, though.)

Yes Mom, this all sounds normal. And before I forget, you might want to make sure he gets some good clean fat at dinner before bed - it will help him with the energy to stay asleep. Avocado is a good choice; coconut oil or butter are good fats too, as long as they are clean sources.

He's going to be tired because he's been waking up to find you 'gone', missing. He's uncomfortable on several levels (mine didn't have eczema, but his teeth were coming in (and nursing through that saved may a sleepless night!) and the occasional nightmare/other night issue (can't remember the term). Being there is really important for him - you've built that trust - and babies are used to having their needs met, and you were meeting his by co-sleeping - awesome for him. Awesome for you too, because you have not only 'done it the way nature intended' but you saved yourself the grief of pushing away that natural baby bond.

He is looking for you because he expects you to be there. You are co-sleeping, it is a matter of trust you have built with him. Simply be within touching distance, or put your hand on his belly while he is sleeping (fall asleep that way) and you will sleep better too, once he can trust again that you are there.

You haven't ruined his sleeping. But you need to look up co-sleeping and possibly Dr. Sears and his recommendations for how to work with terminating it when you are wanting it to stop.

Ideally, you would co-sleep until HE is comfortable going to another bed. You might get a mattress now, put it next to your bed, and say NOTHING about it. You might pretend that it is a camping expedition and build some daytime play around it or you might say, hey, this is YOURS, not with the expectation that he want to move right away (which he won't want, I assure you!) How do you want to make it yours (sheets, blanket, etc. although he probably doesn't like a blanket yet or pillow, probably not until he's almost 4ish.)

You can't make him less dependent on you. You CAN ruin that bond of trust. Others will say 'oh, don't let him rule your life', but really, going with the La Leche League take on this - you opted to do just that when you conceived. From nourishing during pregnancy to really, age seven, they are looking to you to fill their needs unconditionally, not just for unconditional love.

Mainstream thinking will have you worried about 'letting the baby rule' and other goofy co-sleeping/bed-sharing myths. And they are myths, and using them as reasons for curtailing that position of trust is only detrimental for you two.

Lack of sleep is just that - but it isn't forever.

Look at a piece of string - add an inch for every year your baby is expected to live. Color in the years your baby is absolutely dependent on you - and you will see this is not only NOT forever, but not very long at all. On the other end of sleep deprivation, it can make you make decisions that cost you closeness in your relationship.

So so much I would urge you to not only keep the close co-sleeping arrangement, but continue it - with the infant on one side, baby on the other - toddler between you and husband if that is your arrangement. Get a side car for the infant if you worry about having room or anything else.

That way you can nurse your infant on demand (good for him and your milk supply and for you - so you don't have to get out of bed!) and also be the comfort for your son.

You might find your oldest sleeps better once the baby has his cry in the middle of the night. He hears the baby being comforted by you, and in turn, goes back to sleep - auditorially soothed by love and attention given to someone else, almost as good as being able to touch you.

You might, for his health and for teething, consider unweaning him (consult La Leche for guidelines for this if you need to, or KellyMom or Dr. Jack Newman (sp?) so you don't think you're moving backwards but instead are helping him - and you - make it through his teething years).

(you might have the bed down the hall, and just wait until he gets into it on his own - it won't happen all at once, but one parenting couple did it this way, and found their 2 year old simply deciding to sleep in her bed on occasion. They found that the nights she did - THEY missed her.)

So much to co-sleeping that no one ever told me. I wish someone had told me when I was in the position you are in, because I am up at o-dark-thirty answering your question instead of sleeping, and when they wake, they are not only unhappy, but screaming because I am not there. I am tired, but can't sit and look at the ceiling or stare at a game on a cell-phone forever while I am trying to get back to sleep - and a flashlight and note book aren't going to work with the 2 lightest sleepers in the world. And mine would go through the day misbehaving because of the lack of sleep - and just now is starting to recognize he needs a nap in the afternoon sometimes (read that all the time : ) but he has more energy when he has more clean fat included in his meal before bed.

It does get better, but before it does, I'm going to have to conquer this and get this middle-of-the-night-starving-need-a-whole-meal-and-wide-awake-need-to-get-work-done THING out of my life!

Good luck, Hope your son gets the relief he needs until he's ready to wean from your bed,
M.