Are Most Moms like Me?

Hopefully they are more like you. I was. I see a lot of moms and dads treat their children like pests, it's very sad indeed. Don't have them if you don't have the guts to parent them in a positive way, definitely not fair to the kids to be treated raunchy.

I occasionally lose my temper and yell at my dd, but I generally feel pretty bad about it later, it's not something I do on a regular basis.

You know that's a very unhealthy way to treat children. As to the percentage of what goes on behind closed doors, who knows? Hopefully it's in the minority.

Okay, I just edited my response, edited it again, now I am biting my tongue.

Wouldn't it be nice if people realized that maybe they are a good at not yelling, but not so hot at other things. Maybe people that you are looking down your nose as bad parents are sooo much better than you at being a good wife or a good neighbor or maybe it's not all black and white and they yell and swear, but their heart is more unselfish and compassionate than yours. Do you know their hearts? Have you walked a mile in their shoes? It's not "I don't yell or swear=I'm an awesome mom" vs "I yell sometimes and cuss = please take my children to social services because I am Satan."

I sound more like you. I don't think it is how many children you have either because I have 6. I think it has more to do with how mature the mother is than how many kids she has. I used to talk about how I enjoyed my girls (my oldest 2) because you always hear about moms and daughters not getting along. People used to say, "Just wait until they're in their teens!" Well, they are now 19 and 21 and I STILL get along with them great. I have a good relationship with my boys as well. Just yesterday my 17 year old son gave me a hug and said, "Thanks for all that you do." I certainly have my "other side" that can spill through from time to time as well, so I'm no saint. I think the difference is that I KNOW I'm wrong for loosing my cool when I do and I never act as though I have every right to speak to them rudely. We are human and we shouldn't get down on ourselves too much when we lose our cool, but we should never view it as acceptable behavior. How are we supposed to teach our kids proper behavior if we can't even acknowledge when we are wrong in ours? Keep on with your loving ways. In the long run, you will be a great influence on your daughter and have the respect from her that many parents don't get with their children.

Its not favorable to yell, but we all do it sometimes, even the most mild mannered of woman will. I can honestly say that since i now have two kids i yell a lot more often than when i had only one. I can also say that i will yell more when stress is high, summers too hot, and money is tight. Your sisters age and her number of kids, plus her situation can be paramount to a "walk a mile in her shoes" discussion. Instead of wonder why your sister yells, perhaps you can offer her a night out, or a home made dinner.

Hi L.,

I am shocked almost every day at how people treat and talk to their kids. No one is perfect... everyone has their "off" days, but give respect and get respect. Children are little people and should be treated the way anyone would want to be treated. I certainly wouldn't tolerate someone yelling and swearing at me.

Yes having two kids is exponentially harder than having one. Yes everyone gets stressed out. But it's not the kids' fault, and neither of those reasons are an excuse to lose it on your kids. Your sister should find a better way to deal with her stress or she's going to have it back a thousand fold in the teen years... And I don't mean to be judgy, but if she can't handle the two she has why is another on the way??

Well I don't know if there is an actual "normal" for how most moms treat their kids but I would have to say i'm more like you. I am 27 have a 4 year old a 2 year old and I'm 21 weeks pregnant. Even with all that goes on in my life I never swear at my kids. I mean don't get me wrong if my daughter does something wrong I put her in a time out etc. I don't let my kids walk all over me and yeah I have my days that I can yell and say things like "stop fighting!" or "How many times do I have to tell you we don't jump on the furniture!?!?!" etc. but I don't belittle my kids. There is a difference. So I feel that I am like you. And I do feel bad for kids who's parents don't seem to be as loving.

I don't feel it's "normal" at all. And, in spite of the fact that my thinking was compared to HITLER's tonight, I rarely speak to my child like that and if I do--I feel horrible and I apologize to him. And (I know I'll get a lot of flack on this) I do believe it's a maturity thing. (I didn't say "age"!)

No idea about normal... but I'm like you, as are all the parents I'm friends with (the whole birds of a feather thing... the fastest way to end an adult friendship between parents, I've noticed, is different parenting styles).

My son is the light and wonder of my life (don't get me wrong, he's trouble x3, and has as many faults as most kids). I'm not blind to his faults, I'm just utterly amazed by him all the time, and I cherish my role as his mother. <grinning> Even on days where I want to bang my head against a wall or contemplate a lobotomy. My husband on the other hand can be having the best day on the planet and STILL think it's okay swear at a child. At which point he spends the night elsewhere. You don't swear at my child EVER, or one quickly finds out that picking on someone your own size is not nearly as much "fun".

I also had my son at 23.

I doubt it's an age thing. Young moms could be ticked at giving up their freedom or older moms could be ticked at giving up their freedom (and they've had it for longer). Young moms could have the energy and vitality to keep up with their wee ones; older moms could have the energy and vitality to keep up with their wee ones.

I think how a person treats their kids shows more about them as a person than anything about them (age, socioeconomic status, married or single, religious or not... pick a group, any group), predicts what kind of parent they'll be.

I have my good days and my not-so-good ones, and do try to take a break before getting upset at my son. I'm a 40 year old mom of one, and I too see a difference between how my sisters and I parent. One of my sisters has three boys and I've never heard her yell at them. Another one is a single mom and can get plenty p.o.ed with her son. Another is all over the map.

I don't think any of us are all 100% Even Keel All the Time. We have a myriad of stresses to worry about (not enough time, money, health, energy, brains), our own family of origin which modeled a lot of parenting for us, our own feelings about our children, our self-image, and our spouse. In some cases, education is important; if you've got a background in child development, you might understand why it's so important as parents to contain our emotions and balance our interactions. Yet I also have known highly-educated parents who shouldn't be anywhere near children, or who have such a low opinion of their children, it's frightening.

I also believe--and I know there are exceptions and that some will take exception to this notion-- that having lived a bit and 'had a life' before having kids *can* help considerably. If children were a concious choice, before conception, then a parent might fare better and look into getting resources when/if they might need them. If children are thrust upon us, no matter at what age, and we choose to keep them with us throughout their lives, we may have to do a lot more personal work in becoming the parent we want to be. I know from my own experience that, had I become pregnant in my early 20s before I had gotten married, I would have had the baby adopted by another family who wanted it, because I *knew* I wasn't ready to parent. I also knew several peer women at that time who had abortions for the same reasons. Looking back now, I cannot judge them.

I think most moms are trying to make some sense of their lives with their children and cope with the hand life has dealt them (or, admittedly, what they have chosen for their lives). Most moms do want the best for their children, they do want balance-- some achieve it and some don't. But there's no one typical emotion of mothering.

oh man, im lovey lovey lovey with my son ALL the time, he's just so sweet and amazing, but i have found that women that have children when they are not ready or have children because they think that thats what theyre supposed to be doing end up treating them like pests, im 25 and i was very ready to have my kid, for better or for worse, but i also know that the level of devotion and care that i offer, for now at least, i can only handle ONE baby. normal is a matter of majority, i find that people with education, maturity, and class, are better parents, unfortunately most people are not

I, too, am amazed at how some people treat children. As for their ages, I am 24 and find most other people in their early 20's to be extremely immature and I don't understand why.. it makes me wonder why I am the way that I am.

I would say it has a lot to do with their maturity level and off hand I would guess they had children before they were actually ready to mentally. Yes, your sister might get frustrated and that could have a lot to do with resentments if she had children too young and no.. it is not okay to treat to a child that way.

Children learn from the example you give them as parents. If I were you, when it comes to your child's friend.. I would make sure they are aware of your house rules and you could even become a very positive influence on that child.. it's really amazing how much you can effect someone's life without even realizing it.

If your sister or anybody else is rude and says something along the lines of "Not everyone is all like oooh I love my child all the time" I would be like.. if you don't love your child on a regular basis.. thats really horrible and I truly feel sad for your children if thats the case. Being polite back even though she is trying to insult you (which is kinda crazy in the manner she's trying to considering it's a WONDERFUL thing that you do love your child.. everyone is not that fortunate)

Please don't feel like it's strange of you though.. I wish more parents were as loving as you seem to be towards their children.

no, i think a lot of parents are too harsh. I hear yelling and belittling of kids in our apartment complex and wonder what the hell is wrong with people. To better understand how it would feel for a little one, they should have another adult stand on a table, towering over them, and have that person yell at them. who would like that. Its hard to turn a blind eye to, I would say something. I had a friend that gave her 2/3 year old hot sauce on her tongue. grr, I let her know what I thought of that, I think shes given it up now.

I think the answer to your question is that most moms are like you. We do our best to try not to yell and scream at our kids. We know that it can be very harmful to their emotional development.

I have 4 kids myself. I can tell you that at times it is very stressful and I do have periods where I raise my voice at them. Fortunately, it is not the "norm" in our house. I do not use profanity with my kids and I really, really try to talk to them in a way that is not demeaning and discouraging.

I would encourage you to try to help this mom out by finding her an avenue of support with other moms (like a MOPS group). She sounds very stressed out and perhaps has some really poor coping mechanisms. I don't say that to give her an excuse for her behavior either. I only say that because she sounds discouraged.

Swearing at your kids, in my opinion, is a HUGE mistake. It is so damaging to those children. While they may not know the meaning of the words themselves, they most certainly understand that their mom is an angry- spirited woman who easily loses her temper. If that is what they hear often, they will not respect her and maybe even grow to have contempt for her.

Please pray for her. I will be praying for her as well. She definitely needs the Lord.

I never tell my kids to "shut up" or have bad language around them. I'm not perfect and I do get frusturated and raise my voice sometimes, but who doesn't? But, I do make sure to give them MUCH more love and I try to be as patient as I can be with them. I try to play with them and have fun and get them out of the house and just enjoy them. I love them to pieces!! I am with you on this

I have to say I am more like you. I am 33, maybe we mellowed with age?

Well I have a saying my mom told me, she said that two kids is more than twice as many as one. Meaning, having two is sooooooooooooo much more work. Like in a million years I would have never thought that it would be so much more difficult. I definitely have to watch my tone and sometimes I feel like a meany, of course I don't want to be that way, but then I am a little older too. I don't know your sister but I do know that before I was married I had a roommate that had a six year old daughter. Sometimes the way she talked to her shocked me!! But now that I have kids I do understand!! Now I just try my best to support other moms the best I can. You do have only one and she is well past the age of being trouble and before the age of being trouble again :D Plus all people are wired differently, we all have different thresholds before the breaking point and some people are just more patient than others. I think just being there for her and offering to look after the kids now again is the way to go. Having kids two years apart is sooooooo much work. You are on call every second until they go to bed. When I had one we did groceries on Monday, Library and a jump a roo place on Tuesday, park on Wednesday, at home clean up day on Thursday and social visit on Fridays. It was awesome. Now that I have two, 10 months and 3 years, we do shower on Monday, a few groceries on Tuesday(not a whole buy because pushing 55lbs in my cart for an hour is no fun) , Wednesday shower(maybe...), Thursday...recover from Wednesday.... and so on!!! LOL I am exaggerating a little, but not much!! I have so much less free time...it is astounding. Just give her a break and realize that as the kids get older and she is not chasing two little ones, she will calm down. For now I say try not to judge and help out anytime you can. Take care!!

it may have something to do with having more kids at a younger age. no offense to younger moms, but of course, as we age, we mature. we gain patience and appreciation for things. i am a mom of an only, had him when i was 29, so i am in your boat. i am a very affectionate mother, and my son is very affectionate in return. i just chalk it up to being happier in the life i have chosen for myself. unhappy people are very unpleasant, many times. it is sad for the kids who didn't ask to be put in that situation. it isn't NORMAL to talk to anyone like that, and i hear many mothers speak to their children in a way i wouldn't treat my worst enemy. not all young, not all with lots of kids. none of them i would consider friends.

I feel the same as you do. My sons have grown up, I have had natural problems with them and perhaps some thrown in by the rest of the world but I think my being nice to them paid off in their confidence and kindness to others. I heard parents talk harshly to their children, to the point of insulting them, I hear teachers who I am disgusted with (I'm an assistant) and am accused of being to easy. Now I don't believe I'm too easy, I believe I am assertive and can achieve the same with being kind as they do in terrorizing little ones. And I think I have some proof: Mama's I am squealing with delight today, my son just got a Bachelor's degree in Engineering. Now I'm saying that cursing at your kids, terrorizing them and acting nasty won't produce successful children, but I do believe parenting has something to do with helping them along the roads they battle in life. If you are scared of your parents or hurt by them as so many are, they may get somewhere, but not really have a close relationship with them. Maybe it's just me. I'm with you on the being kind part. The energy it takes into being mean is just too much., Congratulations. You are a wonderful Mom.

I sound more like you as well. I think I really hit the jackpot with my daughter!! She has always been super reasonable and we have been very respectful and thankful as a family. Even as a 17 year old we get along amazing.

I'm in my twenties and I would never talk to anyone like that, let alone my child. At the same time, the other moms you speak of, might have a ton of stress in their life. Not that I'm excusing cursing, or telling your child to shut up. I have a good, peaceful marriage, and we try to keep things simple financially. (staying out of debt.) I can't say I have a whole lot of stress in my home life, so I generally have a wonderful outlook towards my son and others. There was a lot of yelling and harshness in my family, as a child. As well as, big debt, and big marriage problems with my parents. I told myself I would never live, that way. However, many people only know how to function, in that kind of environment. Not saying, that I personally think it's OK, but I think there are people who do. To me, it's sad and damaging. To them, it's just life. They probably think the way they live, is just a normal way of life. I don't think it's "normal," but they probably think my life isn't normal.

I'm guessing there is more than just cursing and smoking weed in the house. Is she dressing kids appropriately for weather? feeding tehm nutritious meals? If she cant be bothered to talk appropriately and she actually believes she IS appropriate when swearing at her kids then she is proabably not a good parent. and add in the Dad's smoking and I think Family Services should get involved! Call them if you love your nieces and nephews-you know there will be more stress in that house when another baby comes! they wont take her kids away (unless there is more) but they will probably force her to go to parenting classes. She needs someone other than her sister to tell she is wrong!

You don't say what kind of temperament your sister's kids have but that could play into the situation. We are not all blessed with easy going little ones. There's no excuse for cursing but with some kids you really can't be their friend and expect to parent effectively.
You should offer to take them occasionally. You'll be giving her a much needed break and possibly getting an eye opening view as to why she yells so much.

My kids are grown, so I hope I am remembering this correctly lol,
we had the manners rule- whatever manners you have outside the home you have inside, with each other. After all who is most important? Family, of course. So where do you have your best manners. At home. That is what we worked to do.
Who would say "shut up " to a co worker? So shame on that mom, I think.
best, k

Oh, it so breaks my heart when I hear mothers speaking harshly to their children. It is so wrong. When we are in public and I hear a mother yelling at her children, I think, "Gee, if she is like that to her children in public, what is she like in private?" It gives me chills to think about. Those poor little ones! I personally think it comes down to self-control, patience and selfishness. The mothers who yell are self-absorbed and their children are requiring something from them that they don't want to give (like time, discipline, parenting). I also think that many learned this behavior from their own parents.

I haven't read any of the other posts too closely but, I would like to point out that kids are just little tiny sponges and if they are treated poorly when being "nutured", they will in turn treat others in the same manner. Yes, it is a struggle to hold your temper (I have 2 and 1 on the way), but you have to do it - if only for their sakes. I grew up in a house where although there was not any cursing, there was a lot of screaming. I have always made a conscience effort to be aware of how I interact with my children - getting down on their level, speaking in even tones or disapproving as needed, etc. - so that I don't repeat what I have felt were "mistakes" my folks made.

Since you don't feel you were raised that way, I would seriously wonder where this influence has come from. Depending on the sister relationship, you may never find out (or be able to speak to yoru sister about these changes) and all you may be able to do is continue with the positive healthy relationship you have established with your daughter and hopefully, be able to show your nieces/nephews that there are other ways to behave and that you value them as a person.

For the kids sake, try to stay involved in their lifes! Good luck.
~C.

PS. I think "special" trips with one child at a time is a healthy thing. They need to learn and understand that it not always a package deal. Your sister should learn the same thing...

I was like you with 1 child, and now with 4 I am not who I want to be with yelling or talking harshly. I wish I were better!
I swore I would never be like this, but it's not how things worked out.

My sister has 3 herself- 7yr girl, 5yr boy, and 3yr boy. Neither her nor her husband would curse at the kids. It is bad enough when my father curses in front of them. Sure she gets frustrated and raises her voices and sometimes, when necessary, they get a spanking, but never a curse word or 'shut up' for that matter. She is an elementary school teacher too, so she is around little ones ALL the time. And her 3 are some of the best disciplined and respectful kiddos out there- at least as much as you can expect at their ages.
I certainly hope this is not the norm... what a horrible way to grow up. Children strive to please you and make you approve of them. And this whole smoking weed things worries me... I've seen products of those parents.
Thank you for loving your little girl the way you do- the way a momma should. My mom has always loved me, even when I was in my most difficult times. She may have yelled at me here and there, but she NEVER cursed at me (Dad didn't either, but his words were more cutting for sure). My sis and I were both difficult kids (I am very persistant, as is my little girl) and rebellious as teens, so I know we were by no means easy for my mom to handle.

I have two children and I was in my mid-20's when I had them. I do not curse at my kids but I do sometimes raise my voice...I prefer to call it 'projecting' to get my point across. I do not screaml at them and I love them more than life itself. I tell them so all the time and show them with my actions. I do not agree with another poster saying that it is your duty to call CPS on those you are referring to. I think that we live in a time where some people just need to mind their own business concerning things like this. My best friend has 1 daughter and I actually believe that she is too soft on her child. Her daughter is sweet but spoiled and is rude to others including myself and my children. That's where I step in and tell her that her behavior is not acceptable. My friends response is "Well, I just don't like to see her upset when I get onto her about that." I bite my tongue but my thought on the whole matter is that she's hurting her daughter more for allowing that behavior. Each to their own. Everyone parents differently and so long as the children are well adjusted, behaved, and seem loved then it's really none of our business how someone else parents. Just have confidence in your own mothering abilities because it sounds like you're doing a great job! Oh, my kids are 7 and 4 and (pat on my own back) I get compliments from complete strangers and my oldest's teacher at how polite, nice, and well mannered my children are. It does get stressful and frustrating at times...that's when I put myself in 'time-out' just so I don't scream at my kids when I'm upset over something stupid like spilled milk (literally).

***Just read the next part. I was just stay away from the whole drug thing. Offer to help your sister but I wouldn't go over there. I still wouldn't call CPS on them but would invite my sister over and have a talk about how she is in danger of losing her kids...it could happen if someone else called.

Keep doing what you are doing with your kids! Sounds like you are an awesome mom. No one is perfect, (like you said), and we all screw up but I really think some people do not know how to parent and simply are doing the best they can. Keep modeling to your sister and she may pick up your good parenting. Believe me, treating your kids with respect and love, is what it is all about to me.

Updated

Keep doing what you are doing with your kids! Sounds like you are an awesome mom. No one is perfect, (like you said), and we all screw up but I really think some people do not know how to parent and simply are doing the best they can. Keep modeling to your sister and she may pick up your good parenting. Believe me, treating your kids with respect and love, is what it is all about to me.

It depends on individual situations. I know my dad (he raised us on his own) tended to yell sometimes... but that was the only way he could get our attention! When my mom walked out on us, we were ages 5,4,2, and 6 months. He had to work 2 jobs, and had a LOT of stress on his plate, and sometimes just lost his patience. But we knew he loved us, even through the yelling. We never doubted it for a minute. Especially when other people are around... kids tend to push the limits more, and when you have a horde of children to keep an eye on, sometimes it's more expedient to raise your voice than to have them walk all over you. While you are calmly explaining to one what is they did is wrong or whatever, the other 3 could be wreaking havoc! lol. But I think this is one of those situations that you can't possibly know how you will act until you are in the situation... My cousin used to always tell everyone how when HER kids were older, they wouldn't be allowed to watch TV, and how she would NEVER yell at them. For quite a few years, she didn't... until she baby #3 came along...

All parents treat their children differently and what is "normal" for one is not for another. The best we can do is do what is right for our own family and not finger point at others for doing things differently. Of course, I am not suggesting you are finger pointing at anyone but nobody likes others to accuse them of doing things differently or "wrong" because it's not how we do it. For me personally, it breaks my heart to hear parents using foul language towards their children. I was in our local Kmart with my two children one day when I heard this mother in the next aisle calling her son very bad names. It was so bad, I had to move myself to another aisle to shield my own childrens ears from what was being said to this very young child.

the best thing you can do is to get your sister some help in dealing with her anger. its ok to be overwhelmed but its not ok to yell at your kids like that. and if she doesn't have the maturity or capacity to help herself she needs your love and support to find the tools to cope. she may resent you for helping her so be sensitive and encouraging and not judgemental. I dont know your relationship but hopefully you can lean on eachother in tougher times and not be adversaries. good luck.

I am like you and I am hoping to develop friendships with moms like me.
I noticed if the yellers are around to see calmer voices in action, they sometimes pick up new behaviors which makes everyone happier.:-)

I think it's a sad thing if you aren't the 'norm'. If you think about it, how we are introduced to ourselves and the world around us during the first 10-12 years is through our immediate family (after that peers matter most so hopefully the family set us up good and relatively prepared!). If one's introduction is being cursed at or otherwise verbally abused, this is how you view the world, and yourself. You know all those grumpy and unhappy and mean people we've all encountered from time to time...maybe their view of self and others had a rough start. You only get one childhood.

For those of you who vent from time to time with your kids...you are right, it happens and is human. Forgive yourself and know it might happen again and again. Normal and ok. BUT it is YOUR obligation to repair whatever unintended damage may have occurred while you were frustrated. Just as we teach our children to "be nice" and "get along". If they don't or can't it is our JOB to help them repair. Otherwise we are setting them up for many more and worse interpersonal conflicts.

I might suggest in your sisters case she is unhappy and has some unresolved issues that make her so angry. Wait til her kids hit adolescence and you will see what her parenting does...either through poor behavior with others, poor self esteem, eating disorders....the list goes on and on and as someone with extensive experience with high risk youth, I guarantee parents like you sister ensure I WILL ALWAYS HAVE A JOB.

Your sister is over burdened, undersupported, and very unhappy. It makes my heart hurt because she is missing out on the beauty of her childrens development and the beauty of parenthood. She should seek counseling to figure out how to find joy and how to manage her anger...maybe even discover WHY she's so angry because I guarantee it isn't the kids fault. Why have kids if when they act like kids you get pissed instead of recognize the learning opportunities? Take a break and if that doesn't work, look inward.

Keep doing what you're doing and model to your sister. If she finds humor in belittling her children, belittling love, and belittling respect....she must be fine when her husband or boss or sales clerk or post office employee or driver that cut her off and gave her the finger...because all those things are acceptable and funny too????

Negativity towards anyone is more of a reflection on the instigator than victim and in my view, your sister and parents like her are bullies. Real tough...picking on children. Keep it up mama's who endorse, accept, tolerate, and participate in this abusive behavior. Keep it up. Because of YOU I get to help homeless and runaway and foster youth discover their value and learn how to thrive DISPITE their parents. I get to feel the reward of seeing your children excel better without you. I get to watch them flourish in education and relationships through full awareness of how NOT to treat them selves and others based on how their parents treated them. I get to see resiliencey.

You know what you get? A life without your adult children to spend X-mas with.

Sorry. I'm done. Just take L.'s lead and love your children. Please.

I had two kids in my twenties and another at 37. I have often thought that I am a much better parent now then I was then. I am a lot more patient and I really enjoy myself. I think that is the key to finding happiness in most things. Most people do not enjoy being around themselves and then those negative things tend to come out. I never swore like that at my older kids but I can remember being very frustrated.

Poor kids.
I will admit that in my 13 years of being a parent (I'm also a young mom, had my oldest at 17) I have told my kids to shut up once...I immediately apologized, but I still feel guilty about it!

IMO, cursing at children is simply unacceptable, the parents are the adults and are SUPPOSED to be teaching their children the proper way for ADULTS to behave. My guess is that if these moms were to speak to a boss of other adult in such a manner there would surely be consequences, like loss of job or friendship.

I did not read any posts but wanted to say I think its horrible. Continue to do what you do. If her kids dont listen, maybe she will realize there is a better way to connect with them. She will see that through your silent influence. She is not ready to change yet. When that time comes you can have a heart to heart with her. Im sure having that many kids IS stressful, but its getting to her in the wrong areas of her life. The kids are being scarred with her behavior, it wont come out until they are much older. I hope there are times that she does get down on their level and says "I love you" to them.That might take away some pain from it. Or the kids might fess up and ask her straight out such a thing. Or ask why do you talk to me that way? My daughter sometimes tells me, to ask her nicely to go brush her teeth instead of demanding it from her. She says asking would work better. (all i did was have a strict tone when i told her). I please her and she pleases me. I wouldnt have it any other way.

I'm definitely like you. I can't even imagine screaming at or cursing at my son. He is the love of my life and even thinking about him being emotionally hurt (by me nonetheless!) makes me tear up. I've wondered myself when I see parents putting down their little ones how they could do that to their own child. I'm sure that having more children affects how patient and nurturing you are (my son is an only) but my thought there is that you need to stop having kids at the number that you're able to handle. So if 2 kids you're loving and 3 kids means you're a monster, stick to 2 =P

i have to agree with one of the other posters about different children responding to different parenting. I only have one child but she is a handful! I love her sooooo much, and treat her kindly and try to be as understanding as I can ( she is 2), but she is one of those outspoken, demanding, headstrong, loud children, and I often do have to raise my voice just for her to pay attention to me. I would never swear at her or demean her though. It is strange that your sister acts that way when you and her didn't grow up with that in your life, I wonder if their are other emotional things going on for her, maybe she needs to speak with a councilor or something?

All moms lose it. I find myself a bit of yeller sometimes now that i have 2 kids ( 15mth and 4yrs). My oldest has my personality and stubbornes so we can clash a bit. But i believe it is NEVER acceptable to curse at a child. Multiple kids does strain your nerves a bit but those moms do need to take it down a some. Record some of their less than perfect moments or repeat it back. They might not realize what they are saying.