Are Good Manners Out of Style?

Good manners are always "in style"!

But, the only time I have seen a man (or men) stand for a woman entering the room was when I was in Arkansas on business. At a catfish fast food joint, nonetheless!
And I'm 47.
And from PA.

I do expect please, thank you, you're welcome, no interrupting, "yes" or "no" (not yeah or nawh).
I think the manner you've outlined are a bit outdated, but in the case of manners, rather overkill than underkill, right?

I just want to applaud you for raising such respectful and well mannered kids! It is unfortunately becoming a rarity these days. I am trying to do the same with mine. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to see such disrespect dished out by kids, teens and adults. I see the problem a combined result from parents not teaching their kids manners but also from the electornic world we live in. Kids, people these days are so focused on texting, facebook, myspace, etc, that they are missing out on the lessons that are learned when dealing with others in the physical world. Social skills are lost thanks to all of this. Sometimes I feel as if we depend way too much on this technology and I wish we could go back to simpler times. I am one of those moms that do expect these manners from my kids and would like it from others as well. I can dream.....

My daughter's friend called my daughter on my cell phone and I know in general she is rude. I called back because I didn't know it was her and not her mom. She answered the call and said What? I almost fell over. Then I asked to speak to her mom and she said what again? And then Yea. Ugh. My kids are yes, sir or yes, maam and excuse me. I just don't get it. A lot of my friends though are not raising their kids to be polite in general and yes it makes me SO mad!!!

You keep up the Great Work! My husband and I decided when we were expecting our first child he would be raised with manners and respect, bar none! We are still at it with our third and she is putting it to the test sometimes (haha).
I was so proud this past fall when we were on vaction in Disney and after a long day both my boys (10 & 12) were tired but they didn't hesitate to give up their seats when a few women stepped on the bus. The women were a little shocked and thanked them. You could see the pride in their eyes because they knew they had done the right thing!
We hope our ways will "rub off" on others because all the rudeness in the world makes me crazy!
Best Wishes.

Yes, there are! But many people don't think such courtesy is necessary, for some reason (read on, though!)... and many more never learned themselves and don't know how to teach their children. The first may often stem from the second.

People tend more to take their courtesy cues not only from people around them but also from the media - TV, movies, etc. - which is nearly always the lowest common denominator.

Be sure to encourage your children; let them know that their mama and daddy may expect different things from them than their friends' parents do, but they'll be gladder to know what they've learned the older they get.

you're asking a bunch of moms whether manners are out of style. hmmm.

We raise our kids the same way. Well, we don't ask them to stand when an elder walks in the room unless surrendering their seat. Friends and family have always complimented our kids since we demanded they say 'please' and 'thank you' from the very start. They are polite, do not interrupt (often) will hold open doors and always address adults as 'Ma'am' and 'Sir'. I can't stand rude, entitled kids. Really, you are 10 and giving me lip? No thanks. I don't get it either.

As a MS teacher, I lament the fact that so many students are incapable of articulating intelligent thoughts (thanks to "text-speak" and the "no contact necessary communication" vehicles like Facebook, etc) let alone having good manners.

I've overheard so many students call home for things they forgot and the side I heard went like this:

"Mom. I forgot my bag. Yeah. You need to bring it. It's on the dining room floor. K. Bye."

I would blink up at the student and say, "Do you realize there was no question asked in that exchange, let alone an apology for inconveniencing your mom (mine would never have brought it - too bad!) or a 'thank you'? What gives?"

After getting fed up w/kids who would come stick passes in my face to sign without a word, I started putting my foot down about asking politely for things - leaving the room, signing passes, etc - and it was amazing and sad to see how many students had to be reminded HOW to ask for something politely. They needed a script! GOOD. GRIEF.

I want parents to know that MANNERS MATTER and make a huge difference in the way your child (and you, for that matter) are perceived. They show consideration and respect for others and WILL give your child the upper hand with his/her elders, relatives, teachers and future bosses. Please take the time to instill these habits, even when constantly reminding your kids is a pain. It's worth it - they shouldn't be a lost art!

Bravo to you, mom - I wish there were more kids out there who had been trained as well as yours.

Good manners are not out of style, just rare. I do think that the definition of good manners has changed a bit with time and geography, just like everything else. For instance, I have never seen a man stand up when I've walked into a room, ever. I know this is something that used to be considered good manners, but now it would more than likely confuse younger women if they encountered this behavior (at least it would here in California). However, it is still good manners for a man to open doors for women and allow women to walk in the door first, to open a car door for a woman, etc.

Here on the west coast, you really don't hear sir or ma'am very often either. I don't think it is a lack of manners, but rather simply that language has evolved in our part of the country, and to our ears, sir and ma'am sounds fairly militaristic. I certainly don't mind if someone calls me ma'am, except that it makes me feel old. Like I am too old to be "miss" anymore. :-/ One thing I do enforce is that my children are not allowed to call adults by their first names, unless the adult specifically tells them to, and even then, it's "Miss Kate" or "Mr. Bob." However I do prefer that my children use "Mrs. Smith" or "Mr. Taylor" instead. I find it disrespectful for a child to address an adult as "Kate" or "Bob" without some kind of title.

The other thing I'm a stickler about is writing thank-you notes. Both of my kids have engraved stationery, and both of them (my youngest is in 1st grade) write a thank you note with a fair amount of detail in it, for each gift they receive. Those new pre-written thank-you notes where the child just fills in the blanks, are an absolute abomination IMO.

I'm actually really interested to see further responses to this question! I would imagine the expectations of moms in different geographic areas will differ somewhat.

I absolutely expect those things out of my kids. Also, no hats in restaurants - that is BIG with me. Plus, all the manners you listed. Out of style or not, my kids will do it or else.

The standing thing I have never instilled. I do think that was is a little out dated. I would think no one would have a clue why he is standing. But more power to you!

Good job mama.

I was very strict with both of my kids when it came to manners. I hate to say it, but especially with my son. From the time he was little, when introduced to someone, he would offer his hand and jaws dropped when he opened the doors for ladies. His teachers, at the grocery store. I was definitely raised in a "proper" home where we said yes mam, no mam. Just for fun, we took a bus ride to the other end of the line to spend the day with my mom. It was an inexpensive adventure. The bus was pretty full and my son offered a woman his seat. He sat on my lap until she got off the bus.
My son is 15 and he will just go out and offer to carry in groceries for our female relatives, especially the ones that have stairs to climb. He chops and stacks wood for elderly folks. Sometimes they insist on giving him a little money, but most of the time he won't take it.
I think manners are important for ALL children, but little boys really need to know how to be gentlemanly. Little girls should know how to act like little ladies.
Being polite is certainly a virtue.
My kids are older, but over the years they have certainly noticed a difference in how I expect them to behave and the way some of their friends behave.
I have always told them that it doesn't matter what their friends say or do, it only matters what they themselves say or do.
You're doing a great job and the things you're teaching your kids will serve them well.

Best wishes.

I agree with you. Our kids are 5 yrs, 7 yrs and 11 yrs. Many parents just dont seem to think that manners are important. I dont have my kids stand for their elders ...but honestly never thought of doing it. Its a beautiful gesture. I also expect my children to give eye contact when spoken to. Its a simple act on their parts. They are not allowed to go to someone elses house ( with the expection of my parents and ask for something to eat or drink) I have told my children they can always ask for a glass of water but thats it. Organic milk is expensive and I am not going to waste it on visitors.
We have a neighbor kid frequently hang out with my kids overall he is a nice kid. I think just because he uses the word the "please" in front of something it excuses bad ettiqutte. This kid was over and asked could he please have a glass of juice. I told him we only have water. I think he should wait until I offer it. However since he is not my child I do not say anything. His mom is not approachable. Her son does no wrong in her eyes. Ugh.
Keep up the good manners. In the long run your children will be better for it.
Also I think many people raise their kids with such a high level of self entitlement. That is a completely other issue but I thought I would mention it.

I have good news! Manners are out of style in SOME families, but there are many people dedicated to instilling good manners into their kids.

Your kids are a great example to their peers. I remember when my nephew was little, he had some friends who didn't have a good foundation of manners. Even as a little one, he would kindly give direction to his peers. It was the sweetest thing! He was helping them have manners without embarassing them.

Keep up the good work!

There are cultural differences and regional differences when it comes to what people consider "good manners". Obviously, considering other people's feelings, selflessness, requesting and not demanding, ect are pretty much universal. Saying sir/ma'am is more of a regional thing. I live in the Northeast an no one, even when I was a kid used that except it you were in the military. Also, "How do you do" or "I am pleased to meet you" also sound Southern. Rather, we would say "It's very nice to meet you". That is no less "polite". I have never seen anyone get up when an elderly person enters the room but they shouldn't be laying around in a slovenly way at anyone's house. What I mean by cultural differences is that I am Hungarian and thank you cards are actually disrespectful. When you appreciate someone you are supposed to tell them personally. By writing a card, you want to distance yourself and don't want to take the time to speak to them. So, let's not be so quick to judge and be more open to learn. To me, its more important to look someone in the eye when speaking to them, not disrespect their lifestyles, make sure to say hello and goodbye and observe the Golden Rule.

Perhaps some of those particular manners are, at least in PA. I would say some of those examples sound more Southern in nature.

I understand exactly why you're asking. I watched a six yr old order his father around for 10 minutes. at no time was a please or thank you uttered and at no point did the father ask for one.Mom showed up with two little toddlers and they seemed a VERY nice family who had simply forgotten about manners. MOST kids in my school are taught to say excuse me by the kindergarten teachers, they clearly have never been taught to say it at home. They learn it quickly with a few gentle reminders. The cry from young parents today is they are busier than their parents were and I think a lot of families have decided they are just too busy to teach manners. So glad to see most parents here have not forgotten that manners are SO important for their children's success in life

I was just complaining to my husband about this the other day. While some things I think are regional, please-thank you-you're welcome are universal. We were at a library presentation with turtles yesterday & my daughter was so confused because people kept pushing her. She's been taught to wait her turn, yet there were even parents pushing their child to the front of the table. Then, on the way out, I was holding the door for a younger girl(mid-20's or so) & she just walked on through like it was simply my job to wait for her. Not even a minor acknowledgement.
I'm not teaching my kids to stand when a lady enters the room or anything like that, but they are learning please,thank you, you're welcome, excuse me, and to hold the doors. Those types of things.

Good manners are needed!!! That's great that you are raising your kids the way you are, because they are good kids and will become even better adults :)

Thank God for you mom's who
are carrying on a tradition of
civility in your home.
All the Best.
You are in the minority in today's world.
Our men and women are sacrificing their
blood, sweat and tears to allow many of us, Americans,
to live here and behave like uncivilized folks.
D.

Good manners are certainly not taught in a good number of homes anymore. I'd be excited to see some of my neighbors' kids with ANY sort of manners. Kids that I don't even know seem to think it's okay to run through our back yard without asking. A small thing, I realize, but I would NEVER have dreamed of doing anything like that as a child. The number of kids that I come across anymore that constantly back-talk every adult they come across is mind-boggling as well. I wish I could come across more kids like yours!

Good manners are never out of style!!!

Late (again!) to the conversation. But I wanted to give you perspective of someone with grown children.

When my children were growing up, I taught them all the things you are teaching your children. Mostly, it all boils down to respect. It was rare to find other children who were taught the same manners. I questioned if I was doing them a disservice when they were sometimes teased; and often missed out on things because they were "waiting their turn" amongst a sea of pushy kids.

I can tell you that, as adults (31-23) my children's manners have served them well. They have each actually thanked me for teaching them manners and are pretty appalled by other people's lack of manners. Your children will do better on dates, in job interviews, in the business world and in life because you taught them proper manners. You will be glad you stuck to your values when they are older and your children will be grateful as well.

I have definitely noticed this trend. My little guy isn't 2 year, but I definitely want to make sure he is raised with good manners. I lived in Miami before moving here and was APPALLED at how some of the teens behaved. I was 9 months pregnant and almost run over by a shopping cart... there is not common courtesy anymore... My husband was the first man to open doors for me... I definitely want to impart that to my son.

Keep up the good work! ;) There could be more moms in the world like you.

I do expect good manners.
Especially please and thank you!!!!
I don't think it's out of style rather out of parents not bothering to teach their children. A lot of adults are rude these days. It's a dying breed.
I love that you have tought your young son to stand when someone enters the room. Now with that one, I will say that I think he will get teased. I think I'd let him off the hook w/that one. :)

Our kids are taught manners and are expected to use them, but yes, it is uncommon. Our son has been taught to open doors for ladies + elderly people. Our kids also must wait to eat until the "lady of the house" (me @ home or the hostess at someone else's house) has taken the first bite. This counts for meals as well as dessert. They notice that their uncle often finishes his dessert before their grandmother starts. Not much I can do about their uncle, but I'm glad my kids are civil. lol They must HANDwrite thank you notes...the list goes on. I'm thinking your children and mine will rule the world some day! :)

My children are polite and use manners, although I don't have them use the same antiquated terms you've taught your children. :-) I'm usually complimented on their manners and behavior, although kids being kids I do sometimes have to correct them in public. I have a 10 year old daughter who thinks she knows everything. I have an 8 year old special needs daughter with Autism so socially, it's a struggle anyway but she's come a very long way. My 6 year old, well, I wish I could clone her.

They're good children and they care about people. It shows in their attitudes, their language, their behavior, and their manners. And isn't caring about other people's feelings really the basis for manners?

I don't take it quite as far as you do, but I definitely ensure that my children are well-mannered. I have been told over & over again from friends, to family, to complete strangers how well-behaved my kids are and that they have such nice manners. I will admit, they are not always well-mannered or well-behaved when we are home, but at least I have instilled what is expected of them outside of the home & apparently it shows.

For me, I've noticed that many parents are teaching these things to their kids, but not modeling the behavior themselves, which is what irks me. My son has manners by watching/repeating my actions. At 2yo, he was saying hello while holding out his hand for shaking. We were always taught manners, and I thought it was a northern thing, after living in the south for 18yrs and not seeing the same actions in others. If I ever heard ma'am or sir, it was always in sarcasm (yes Ma-AMM). I also think some things have nothing to do with manners/respect.

For example, the standing when an elderly person enters the room was new to me, after meeting my husband. It was always tsk'd and commented on how "she didn't even stand up". Meanwhile, I'd never saw it before, most often I was on the floor with kids entertaining them and keeping them out of everyone else's way, and sometimes even injured. Their b*tchiness about me failing to stand at attention had nothing to do with respect, which was ironic. Its also ironic that in 11yrs, I'm the only one who's ever thanked for gifts in person/writing and RSVP'd to their events.

So, while I do see some things as respectful/kind/courteous, I see others as a bit over the top. (No offense intended, because I'm all for families doing what works for them.)

My kids are only 1 and 3 but we do model and expect them to have good manners. The 3 year old almost always says please and thank you when out in public. At home, we model good behavior during meal times. We also think it's important that they say hello and goodbye when guests come to visit, especially grandparents.

Manners are not out of style at all, it's just that not every parent enforces them the same way. I do believe that it does teach them good social etiquette for when they are older and that they will get much more respect from others because of it.

My daughter is 18 months old and I am teaching her to say please, thank you and your welcome right now. I definitely am planning to teach her manners, as I think it is just the right thing to do. It teaches about respect for each other and others, builds character. I don't see anything wrong with what you are teaching your children. Good for you!!!!

I sure hope good manners never go out of style. As you especially know with 6 children, it takes time to teach them. Also, most kids will model what other kids do so that they don't stand out. Unfortunately, kids can't do what they haven't been taught. However I have seen several that figured it out for themselves as they grew older.
Good for you!

I do think some of it is regional. We moved from Georgia to Pittsburgh and now one here says "ma'am" or "sir" and many people actually get offended when you do say it. Is that bad manners on their part, or is it bad manners on mine to impose my way of doing things? I haven't decided. I am teaching my son all the things you mentioned, but I'm a little uncomfortable that I'm making him stand out here. On the other hand, I hate to lose those niceties. I guess this isn't much of an answer, but just a way of saying I understand what you mean.

Its not out of style... it is just a different cultural thing now. Enforced or not in today's world.

Good for your kids.
That is terrific.
You did a good job!

Manners are a core in society.
It is what makes, civilization.

In our society, opening the door and the man letting a woman enter a building first, is considered good manners. But in some cultures, long ago.... it was the MAN that entered a door/building first. Because, in those days, there could have been 'enemies' (ie: samurai or gun slingers) about to pounce on you. Hence, the man always entered a door/building first, in order to "protect" the woman.

I don't think that good manners are out of style, they just aren't taught anymore.