Anyone Had to Deal with Parents Being Controlling

I have had controlling in laws and I am married to their oldest so we were the first to do everything, get married, buy a house, have kids etc. Nothing was easy and I noticed that when his brothers went to do things, they were less and less critical. We were paving the way for the others.

It is never an easy situation when parents are this way, however, the most important thing is that you are doing what you desire for your life, your marriage and your growing family. There are only two people in the room when a child is conceived and it is those two people who matter most.

There is a book called "If you had controlling parents" that might be worth a read. My husband and I at one point really took a step back from his family and slowly reintroduced ourselves back into their lives, this time with healthier boundaries. It was hard and a lengthy process, however, we have a better relationship and there is no more interference in our marriage or undermining our parenting.

Someone advised me once to simply say "Thanks for your input, I'll keep it in mind" whenever anyone gave unsolicited advice, criticism etc. Then go do what you know is best for your lives.

Good luck and I am sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like you have a wonderful family and want to enjoy your parenting time. I applaud you!

J.

luckily my parents are very supporive of us having a large family. we even told them i couldn't go threw with getting my tubes tied cause i wasn't sure if i was done or not and didn't want to regret it down the road. so they are actually excited that we are having another one (the are convinced we are, we still aren't sure lol)

but my aunt on the other hand... she is like my sister to me. when we had number 4 she told us how nuts we were. then we had number 5 (our only girl) she said now that you have the girl please tell me your done! your nuts, do you realize how old your going to be by the time they are on thier own? ( im only 31 so im not that old) she will always say when we tell her we don't have the extra money to come to visit ( she lives 5 hours away) well if you would have stopped a long time ago you would have the money. always making comments on i can't do it.

i have laughed it off, joked about it with her and even come right out and be rude to her. i finally told her unless i come to you and ask you to raise my kids or ask for money for something then don't worry about it and be thankful it me and not you. i think she got the point and has backed off with the comments. when we were down to visit last month she even was saying she can't believe how well behaved the kids were and i was doing a good job cause you never would have guessed there was 5 kids in the house. that was the first positive comment i had since i had baby number 2.

but i wouldn't let your parents sway your decission of having another baby or not. if this is truely what you want then go for it! if your parents start in then tell them if that is how they feel then we wont visit or bother you with the children, if you want to see them you can come to our house and see us. try the tuff love approach and stick to your guns. i wouldn't tell them that you are thinking of having another one. i would wait until you are pregnant that way they can't say much cause its already on its way here! maybe tell them this is what makes me happy and hopefully even though you may not agree with our choice atleast you can be happy for me that i am happy.
good luck!

Hi. I dont have much advice for you other than, if you have 5 already, is another one anything for your parents to be that upset about? More to love I say!!! I think you should tell them just what you said in your post, that you've grown up, maybe you just dont feel like your done yet, and that you WANT a big family. I just really wanted to wish you good luck. I'd love to have that many!

well my mother-in-law has been very controlling over me and my husband since she found out that we got married and that i was pregnant. basically all i have been able to do is try to ignore it as much as i could. my advice would be to when they are yelling or scolding or what ever they do just shake head and act as tho you are listening eventually they should get tired of being ignored. it doesnt really have anything to do with them so dont let them interfere with your family.

I am sorry to hear that you have to deal with such a negative situation. I think a couples desire to have kids, as many as they want, is completely their choice! The more the merrier in my opinion, and as long as you can provide for them I say GO FOR IT!

I only have one child right now, and I am not sure how many we will have...I have been told you know when your family is complete, and apparently you still feel like you can provide love for more--I give you so much credit! And how fun to have a BIG family!

Try not to let the negative feelings bother you. And I would tell them right away when you are pregnant, don't spend that happy time worried about what they will say or think. They don't live your day to day life!

Hang in there!