Anyone Else Feel like They Have to Justify Formula Feeding?

Updated on January 30, 2008
D.K. asks from Stanhope, NJ
49 answers

Does anyone else feel like they have to justify to everyone why they choose to formula feed? I never thought of breastfeeding as an option for my family. No one in my family (mom, grandma, aunts, cousins, etc) breastfed and i was never exposed to it... definitely never educated about it... and my husbands family was the same way. I have an almost 2 year old, and formula fed him without a second thought. I am currently TTC and had such a terrific experience with formula, im planning on going right to formula again. All of my friends, IRL and online, make me feel like this awful person for not wanting to "try" to breastfeed. Almost like it can be forgiven with your first, but by your second you should be "educated enough" to at least try. I really dont want to, and my husband doesnt understand why im even giving it a second thought.
Am I a terrible mother? I have this severe aversion to the thought of breastfeeding... I really feel like when my pregnancy is over, im more than ready to have my body back. My son has done incredibly well on formula... hes very healthy and very advanced.

Any input? Anyone else go through this?

ETA: I DONT WANT TO HEAR Pro-breastfeeding propaganda, so if thats what youre here to add, please dont. Yes, ive read the "literature", no i DO NOT buy it. It changes every freaking week. My pediatrician, who is a very good doctor and wise man feels honestly, in this world, its 6 of one, half a dozen of the other... and breastfeeding can cause its own share of problems for mom and baby... So, no, not interested, thanks!

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J.D.

answers from Syracuse on

I can't exactly relate because I mainly breastfed my daughter but when I was out in public and I would bring formula because it was too public of a place I felt guilty. Almost like I wanted everyone to know this was only a once in a while thing. I was embarassed of giving my child come chemically processed crap when I could be giving her what God meant for her to eat. Breasfeeding was a wonderful experience and I don't understand why anyone would not try it. I have to admit I am one of those people who looks down on people who won't even try because it is what's best for your child. I think people who just don't want to are selfish and shoudl put their children ahead of themselves.

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K.W.

answers from New York on

Breastfeeding does so much to build up a child's immune system as well as other areas (nurological and brain development). It really is nature's perfect food and people tend to see it as albeit a small sacrifice (possible short term discomfort and minor inconvenience) its important to try it and offer your child those essential nutrients.
I understand your aversion to a degree but this is one of many sacrifices we make for our kids.
I have had doctors and care givers and strangers on the street comment on my sons behavior, appearnace and general attitude and they could all tell he had been breast fed.
I know there is nothing wrong with formula feeding and we each have to make our own decisions.
Best of luck.

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K.S.

answers from New York on

putting your friends' opinions aside have you looked at any of the pro-breastfeeding literature/ websites for yourself? if you're not knowledgeable about it then you're not making a choice to formula-feed, you're pressured into it, through a pro-formula-feeding culture. if you're open to learning about breastfeeding you can see for yourself if this is something you might want to try. only once you're equipped with information do you then have a choice.

sure, breastfeeding can be fraught with difficulties (as can formula-feeding) but it can also be some of the most tender, bonding moments with your child. since you don't come from a culture of breastfeeders, you don't really know what your missing out on. some women experience nursing as a burden. i would not suggest you do it if that's your experience of it because your baby will pick up on that. but it's also true that others love it... and your baby picks up on that too. it's so easy once you get the hang of it-- no bottles to sterilize, no formula to buy, no hopping from brand to brand to find the right fit for your child, no wondering if the temperature is right. it's the perfect everything for your baby every time (unless you are taking heavy meds). you have a couple of things going against you for breastfeeding though: you're not inclined to do it (the most important), you don't have a pro-breastfeeding family... these are issues bcs breastfeeding can be difficult in the beginning, to get over the hump to the smooth sailing requires a person committed to it. you would want to have a lactation consultant ready if you plan to give it a try since mom and grandma and auntie won't be much help. good luck with your baby however you choose to feed him/ her.

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I.E.

answers from New York on

Hi D.,

Personally, I am a huge advocate of breast feeding. However, I think that you have the right to do what works best for you. You shouldn't let pressure from others force you. What's interesting to me is that you seem more concerned about "doing the right thing" in your friends eyes, as opposed to doing it because of the research that clearly supports breastfeeding as the best option. However, if you're not comfortable, baby's not gonna be comfortable, so do what allows you to be happy. Nonetheless, you may want to at least consider BFing just for a little while to give your baby the benefit of the immunesystem building colostrum. Or you could even express this and feed it thru a bottle.

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L.D.

answers from Albany on

I have to agree with the last poster. While it is definitely your choice, you really have to do FACTUAL research on your part. I don't blame Tara for pointing out the things she did because they were a lot of untrue statements.

There was a tape going around years ago called Dead Doctors Don't Lie and one of the things they talked about was formula and how there wasn't a one out there that had as much vitamins and minerals as even the feed that is given to farm animals. That's pretty sad. They joked that Similac had its name because it was "lacking" in all that babies really need. Then you have to think about potential recalls. When my oldest was a baby, there was a recall on Nestle Good Start.

In the end it is absolutely your choice but I don't think not being educated is a good thing to be. I just had my third child 5 months ago and we banked his cord blood. We didn't do it with our two older children because even the doctor told us not to worry about it. It wasn't a big deal. Just in the 7 years between my oldest and youngest, they have discovered over 90 diseases/illnesses that can be taken care of with banked cord blood. The day after our youngest was born, we discovered he has a fairly uncommon blood type so it has been commented to us that it was an especially good thing we banked his cord blood. While I am thankful we have banked his, I am still kind of kicking myself that we didn't do more research on it before when our two oldest children were born.

In addition to passing your antibodies onto the baby, you have increased bonding and help minimize your chance of getting breast cancer. Like someone else said though, don't do it out of obligation. It isn't supposed to be a negative thing.

You know, nobody in my family breastfed either nor did they even talk about it but I did the research when pregnant with my oldest and felt it would be the best thing for us. I loved it and nursed my oldest for 13 1/2 months, my second for 22 months, and am currently nursing my 5 month old and I have no idea when we will stop.

I wish you the best no matter what you decide.

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T.W.

answers from Buffalo on

I wasn't going to respond at all, because I didn't want to make you feel like you had to defend formula feeding...yet again. However, I couldn't sit back anymore and watch people spew these half-truths and false information about breastfeeding. I would hate to have a new and impressionable Mom read this post and be on the fence about her decision to feed, then be swayed by all of this bad info and decide to use formula over breastmilk.

I believe it is your right to feed your baby however you want, but I think its important to choose wisely. You must know all the risks and benefits inside and out to be able to make a decision, not having it be based on opinions, other's experiences, or lack of experiences. It isn't fair to your baby to be subjected to something that you haven't done the proper research on. And that isn't limited to just your feeding options! In this day and age, there is no excuse to being uninformed.

Here are some of the comments I wanted to address.

"If it was "SO" much better there wouldn't be so much formula and you would be advised against bottle feeding, right???"
Just because there is so much of something, doesn't make it better. There are "so" many McDonald's all over the world. Does that mean it's good for you? And while most people don't necessarily advise against using formula, even the formula companies are required to say...(Enfamil) "The American Academy of Pediatrics considers breast milk the gold standard in infant nutrition. That's because it's easily digested and contains all the nutrients needed for the first 12 months of life. Even more amazing, your breast milk changes to keep up with his changing nutritional needs. Breast milk is the ideal combination of protein, carbohydrates and fat. It even contains substances that help protect your baby from many illnesses. In addition, your own antibodies are passed on through your breast milk. Studies show that babies who breastfeed tend to have fewer colds and ear infections, as well as less colic and diarrhea. Breast milk even helps protect babies from certain food allergies." They are required to put on all cans that breastmilk is always best, because if they don't, its misleading and false advertising.

"I don't believe breastfeeding prevents them from getting sick or whatever." and "Breastfed babies are not necessarily healthier."
Whoever said breastfeeding PREVENTS babies from getting sick? Studies show they have SIGNIFICANTLY less colds, illnesses and allergies than formula fed babies. This is FACT, not opinion. Someone may (and has) throw out there that their FF baby has never had a cold, but their BF niece is always sick. Each person is unique and some are susceptible to certain illnesses or allergens. However, breastfeeding a child like this will lessen the effects of the condition, where formula fed babies are on their own. Mother's milk is always creating new antibodies as soon as an illness shows its ugly head. Baby may get the sniffles, but will recover faster and have less problems with symptoms than their FF peers (typically).

"My thought...how can breast be better if formula is more filling? Doesn't make much sense does it?"
Formula is NOT more filling. The reason your baby stays "full" longer is because it can't be digested properly. Their systems can't handle it. It's made from cow's milk and the protein in cow's milk can't be properly digested by their immature digestive systems. This leads to constipation, reflux, and other GI disorders. It sits in their bellies like a rock. Breastmilk is completely digestible and easy on the baby's developing system. Its used and digested quickly and therefore gives the appearance of "not filling baby up."

"The companies that make formula are constantly working to make it just as good as breast milk. But you know what, if someone doesn't eat healthy then their breast milk isn't healthy anyway. In a lot of cases it's probably better for a baby to have the formula." and "now a days with science and tecnology the formula is equal to or even better then breat milk."
This is just beyond untrue. Formula will never ever be "just as good" or better than breastmilk. It can never be duplicated. It's a living fluid! You can't duplicate or put a living fluid in a can. It just doesn't work. Also, a Mother can have a diet from hell, pizza, Burger King, Pepsi, have a few beers before bed, smoke a pack a day and still have her breastmilk better than formula, so it is (almost) never better for a baby to get formula over breastmilk. The only time breastfeeding would be advised against is if the Mother has HIV (and this is even debatable), she is on some sort of drug for a serious health or mental condition, or she has some sort of health condition that makes it unsafe. And even if that were the case, the next best option would be to get donor human milk. If that is unavailable, THEN formula should be used. (this is straight from the World Health Organization, not my own words)

I'm sure I'll be hailed as the Breastfeeding Nazi, but please understand this is not my intention. I just hate to have bad information out there. This is why so many women get turned off to breastfeeding because they hear this sort of stuff and believe it. Its a shame, really...for the babies, yes, but for the Mother's as well. I think it would be wonderful if every mother could have the satisfaction of nursing her babies. My sister FF her first 2 and never considered BFing. After much research and talking with me, she decided to try it out with her 3rd. These are her words exactly "I can't believe what I was missing out on. I had no idea, and I always thought it couldn't be that much different from bottle feeding, but it is and you never know it until you do it. THEN you understand what all the BFing Mom's were talking about!"

In closing, BFing is truly an amazing thing to offer. The biggest obstacles out there for Mom's are 1) a lack of support and 2) lack of knowledge about BFing. Like I said before, you choose whatever you feel will be best for your baby. But know enough about the choices you make that its an educated decision. That's all I ask. Then again, who cares what I ask, it's none of my business. For your OWN peace of mind, make an educated decision. Then you can rest easy knowing that you DO know all the risks, benefits and alternatives and you chose wisely. Then you have nothing to defend. Good Luck!

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J.M.

answers from New York on

It is your choice. Your baby gets many benefits from breast milk though. There are many immunities to diseases your baby can only get from breast milk. Why rule something out without giving it an honest try? After a few weeks you can change your mind and go to the bottle if that is better for you. You might surprise yourself and enjoy it.

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C.R.

answers from Syracuse on

You should never have to justify to anyone except yourself and your husband how you parent...you are raising a happy healthy child and it works for you...GO WITH IT! Nursing is not easy, it's painful, time consuming, and limits your diet. That being said I breastfed all of my 5 little boys and I loved it...It made me take the time to sit down, hold and enjoy my baby...that was my personal choice...and it worked for me...Do what works for you and don't be bullied by any one ...that's the great thing about being a parent...you choose!

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O.S.

answers from New York on

D.:

For what is worth I don't think you are a bad mother at all and I am increadibly pro breastfeeding, it was my favorite thing to do as a new mother. You do what works for you. We all have something that we do that other mothers don't approve off, for me my baby slept on her tummy most of the time (Big Gasp :o)) as it was what worked for me and to keep her from startling herself and wake up. You have no idea how many comments I got for that, like I was trying to kill my child with SIDS. I remember telling someone yes, that is what I'm trying to do that will save from College tuition. Probably the wrong thing to say but I got soooo mad, however it cured them from ever saying anything again. She is a gorgeous 11 mo old now. As a new mother I quickly realized that you do what works for you, and guess what that is the right thing to do. You read and educate yourself and then you take what works for you and your family.

I am sure everybody's opinion is well intentioned but trust me I understand how you feel. When people have children somehow they become an expert and have the right to give you every kind of advice that while well intentioned doesn't come across that way, it is more to make you feel incompetent. As a new mom I was given direction from how to change a diaper properly, (I didn't know you needed a degree for this) and get this from someone that just became a new mother about 1 yr before I did. Then my more politically correct answer to everthing was there is not a right or wrong way to parenting there is your way and it is right as long as it works for you.

So laugh it off and don't give it a thought. The only critic you should care about is your child and as long as you feed him he won't care where it is coming from. :o)

O.

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V.E.

answers from Albany on

If I were to say to you that I am not going to let my son take piano lessons and baseball even though he really wanted to, and although I had the money an time to do it, you would ask me, "why not?". The answer is "because it would take up my time and extra spending money, and I am really ready to keep that time and cash for myself." He is healthy and advanced, so there is no problem, right?! If you think that there isn't, then do not breastfeed, and continue your thought pattern. I won't judge you or make you feel guilty, and no one else should either- it IS YOUR CHILD. However, if you think it would be wrong to not let my son do those things even though they are well within reason and reach, then you should think this through a bit more, and learn a bit about the benefits to YOUR body and the baby's. Your thought on breastfeeding and my hypothetical one on lessons are one in the same, and please don't be fooled into thinking they aren't. I do wish you good luck, and God bless you and yours.

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C.M.

answers from New York on

Ok. The choice is yours and not anyone elses. You are stressing yourself and your family out over this which does neither of you anygood. Enjoy your time with your baby regardless of weather you breast feed or bottle feed your baby will love you either way. Don't worry about what other people think I'm sure your a great mom and you will make a decision that is right for you and your family not the status quo. I breast feed my children but I have friends who were either unable or decided not to and I know that they are wonderful moms and think no less of them for bottle feeding. Stop upsetting yourself over this and stop letting other people influence your decisions.

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A.J.

answers from Albany on

Hey D.! Although I breastfed my 3 I still hated hearing that I was making the right decision, that's best, blah blah blah. I do not feel superior for having done so.

In fact I hated it and couldn't wait to stop. Why'd I do it? Peer pressure I suppose you could say. Yeah, I caved. So you are in fact better than me for being stronger and true to yourself! ;)

I eventually supplemented with formula and you are so right about people (esp. online) making you feel like less of a mom. Well, you are NOT!

The scare tactics brest-nazi's use makes me want to formula feed exclusively should I have another.

Don't let 'em get you down. You nuturing your child(ren) your way and loving them is the best.

WOO! It has been a while since the breast vs. bottle debate has gotten to me like that. I hate people telling me what they think I should do.

Your child, your choice!

My best to you!
A.

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D.G.

answers from New York on

Personally, I am also an advocate for breastfeeding and I breastfed my son for as long as he and I were comfortable with it. But on the other hand, I think that NO ONE has the right to criticize anyone for the choices they make with thier children. My mom never breastfeed me and I am a healthy, vibrant adult today. I say, if you want to formula feed your child from day one, that is perfectly fine and if anyone tries to make you feel bad about that, don't listen, just look at your wonderfully healthy kids and know that you made the right decision for you and your family. Hold your head up high!

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K.M.

answers from Syracuse on

The companies that make formula are constantly working to make it just as good as breast milk. But you know what, if someone doesn't eat healthy then their breast milk isn't healthy anyway. In a lot of cases it's probably better for a baby to have the formula. That said, I too felt like people would look down on me for formula feeding. It's such a personal choice. With my first 3 children I breastfed for a few weeks, and just couldn't handle it. The sleep deprivation killed me. I would sit up in the middle of the night crying while I was nursing the baby. If someone came over during the day I felt like I had to hide while I fed my own child. That's why I only nursed them for a few weeks, and then switched to formula. I completely hated it! With my 4th child I never even attempted to breastfeed. He was on formula from the beginning. The only thing that made me angry about that was that they gave him his first bottle in the nursery because I had a c-section. I wanted to be the first one to feed him. Or they could have at least let my husband do it. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. It's hard because people can pressure you big time about not breastfeeding. But ask them if they are going to come clean your house while you nap because you are left with no energy since breastfed babies wake more often to eat. My thought...how can breast be better if formula is more filling? Doesn't make much sense does it? If we have anymore babies they will go straight to formula as well. Good luck dealing with the peer pressure. It's all your decision!

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J.F.

answers from New York on

You should not feel like a terrible mother because you choose not to breastfeed. I was unable to breastfeed either one of my 2 little girls. I was on medication with my first and my second daughter was in the NICU. I also choose not to breastfeed. I figured I was going back to work and my job wasn't very understanding about pumping I just didn't feel like it was really worth the headache of it all. Both of my daughters who are 4 and 16 months are very healthy they have hardly ever sick. You should do what you feel is best for you baby and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. If they try to push breastfeeding on you just say I choose to use formula and thats that and I really don't feel like discussing it. As long as you love your baby thats all that matters.
Jenn

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A.A.

answers from New York on

Dear D. - Absolutely been there! Like becoming a mother and trying to do it well isn't hard enough, you have people (some you don't even know!) making judgements about you because you don't want to breast feed! I had one woman who was relentless, and I dubbed her the "breastfeeding nazi". I loved being pregnant but for some reason I had absolutely no desire to breast feed, I actally had an aversion to it. At times, I felt I had to make up excuses as to why I wasn't breastfeeding and then realized that was just ridiculous. I did what was best for me and in turn my kids and they were on formula. They thrived! Now are very healthy, happy, outgoing and very advanced for their age. I hope this at least lets you know you are not alone in feeling the way you do. Good luck - A.

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J.S.

answers from Utica on

I find your statement about more than ready to have your body back, completely true. and any one who argues that fact is being ridiculous. If people cant understand that, well... thats there choice. I had a hard time breast feeding with my 1st son, so i didnt. I breast fed my last and I enjoyed it for about 6 mos. but I did both formula, and breast. I couldnt keep up with him also daddys like to share in the expeirence of feedings too. If you have ever used a pump...OUCH and what a mess so yea. I think it is YOUR job as parents to decide what is best for your children and family. not what ANYBODY else thinks. you raise your child as you see fit, not as people say you should.ew that stuff irritates me!

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C.S.

answers from New York on

i went through the same thing-w/ my baby. everyone outside my family kept pushing breastfeeding on me. this was especially true at the hospital after i gave birth. the nurse nearly forced my baby to my chest even though we had told EVERYONE present we were bottle feeding. there is no good response to this pressure. the best thing is just to know that you are doing the best for your baby by making the choice that is most comfortable for you. my sister tried breastfeeding and like MANY new moms, had so many problems w/ it she had to give it up after 3 weeks anyway. during those 1st 3 weeks, she was upset, sleep deprived, worried, and generally miserable because she wasn't producing enought milk for her son, who was born early. the baby picked up on her misery and screamed at feedings and was also miserable. she switched to formula and never looked back. her son thrived and she recovered her senses. good luck and keep your chin up!

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T.S.

answers from New York on

D.--don't stress and don't let anyone stress you--make the choice that is right for you and your family. I was incredibly lucky to have a pediatrician that supported me 100% when I breastfed my first, and then not my second! That was a gift. I was ill in the hospital with my second, so I couldn't have her. She was quite attached to the bottle and formula by the time we got home. My 2 yr old was screaming the baby was biting me, and my baby didn't want to do the work for breast milk--I was an emotinal wreck--falling apart!! The same pediatrician who taught me to breastfeed (it's not as "natural" as we've been led to believe) gave me the gumption to just do what worked!! I did return to breastfeeding for my third, but I am neither a rabid advocate for or against! I just did what worked for me!! Thank God all three are happy & healthy--aged 20, 18 and 16!! It's a personal choice--listen to your hubby and don't stress!!

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B.C.

answers from New York on

You don't need to justify it to anyone! It is no one's business and there is nothing wrong with not breastfeeding. I have two girls, now 17 and 21 and did not breast feed. They were both happy and healthy babies and are wonderful, healthy young women. There is no reason you even need to discuss it with anyone! Be strong!!!

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D.

answers from New York on

Honestly, the choice to breastfeed or not is a very personal choice. I breastfed my son until he was 9 mos old and I am currently breastfeeding my 4 mos old. But I work full time and I can't pump enough to suppliment fully on breast milk alone so my kids got formula as well. Yes, breastfeeding is the top choice...BUT it doesn't work for everyone. It's not what's right for every family. And you have to choose what's right for your family. And if that is formula feeding then that is all that matters. It doesn't make you any less a mother, it doesn't mean you love them any less then I love my kids, or that your not keeping your kids best interest in mind. You are still a great mother. And formula is a perfectly healthy choice for you and your kids. Yes our mother's generation didn't breastfeed. But they were pushed away from it (I think because of the whole women's lib thing). I've talked to my mom about it and the nurses in the hospital actually steered her away from it (Why would you want to do that?). But I chose to breastfeed my kids and that was my CHOICE. What was right for ME. And I know that may not be right for someone else. I hate women who are that pushy about breastfeeding. Don't let other people affect your choice to bottle feed. It doesn't make you any less a mother.
P.S. about the body thing...you burn about 500 calories a day breastfeeding. And I lost 36 lbs in 3 wks (this is not typical) mostly because of breastfeeding. I gained 24 lbs with my daughter and lost 45 lbs total since she was born. I lost 40 lbs within 4 wks of my son being born. I was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes within 2 wks of both of their births.

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S.C.

answers from New York on

Hi, D. --

As my sentiments echo what others have already said, I won't beat a dead horse. But I did want to offer you some insight based on personal experience about breast vs. formula.

I formula fed my daughter. Like you, I was formula-fed and as the first among my friends to have a baby was never exposed to breastfeeding. My OB/GYN never brought up the subject and I never considered it. My daughter is now eight years old and has the constitution of a horse. She barely ever gets sick. Her school attendance record has been stellar for the past four years.

My SIL started out breastfeeding her first at her husband's insistence because HE felt that breast was best and nothing else would do (of course, he's not the one who had to breastfeed). But my SIL literally broke her back giving birth and needed surgery when her daughter was two weeks old. The pain meds would pass through her breast milk, so she had no choice but to formula feed her daughter.

She breastfed her next three children, including a set of twins. Fast-forward to today: her oldest, now seven and the only one who was formula-fed, never gets sick. Her three younger siblings get sick all the time.

It's your body, your child, your life. Now that you're a mother, people are going to feel compelled to weigh in on your every decision and action you take regarding your child. Ignore them, go with your gut and stand behind your actions; you know more about parenting than you think. 99% of it is instinctual, anyway.

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P.M.

answers from New York on

This really bothers me. No one should make this decision for you except you and the dad. It is a personel decision . No one has the right to impose BF on you. Stress is the number one reason BF doesn't work, if you are forced to do it, it will not function properly. There is nothing wrong with formulas, babies grow storng and well, most adults today were not BF and we all turned out ok.

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C.S.

answers from Albany on

I'm a grandma who went thru this. I was blonde and was told like my mom that fair hairded women have a hard time breast feeding which I did. But my two daughters had no problem. They were well prepared and determinted and did great and it is the only way they would do it again. Maybe education and conditioning (can be painful unless conditioned before hand) is the problem. I cannot answer since I tried and could not.
Hope this gives you some advise.

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S.C.

answers from Utica on

I just wanted to offer you some consolation. I've only had one child and I did breastfeed him...BUT all my friends formula fed their children and I definitely saw the benefits of doing so. I watch a little boy and started watching him when he was just 3 months old so once I got used to the whole bottle thing with him I could really see how nice it was, especially when I had to take him out somewhere. Yes, I'm a big advocate of breastfeeding, but at the same time I don't judge other people for choosing to use formula. I think you need to do whatever you are comfortable with and don't second guess yourself. This is YOUR child and you can do what you feel fit. Don't let other ppl make you feel bad about your choice.

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K.B.

answers from New York on

I formula fed all three of my boys. I only really had issues with people giving me a hard time with my third, but my response was the same every time. Anytime people would ask if I was nursing, I'd tell them no. Then the 'look down the nose' comments would start. Sometimes it was even nasty. My response was always "When you give birth, you make your choice. This is my child." As mothers, we are constantly having to make choices for our families. You are not putting your child in any danger by feeding formula. I have wonderful, loving relationships with all three of my sons. I don't think they would be any different if I had breastfed them. Do what works for you and your family. THAT'S what will make the difference.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

You have to do what is best for you and your child. Most people react this way because breastfeeding is what's best for your baby. No doubt about it. But a happy mom make a happy baby so you have to have confidence in what you choose to do.

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T.C.

answers from New York on

Hi D.,

I know how you feel. My daughter was born in June and I was having such trouble the first few days of breastfeeding on top of adjusting to motherhood that it left both me and my newborn frustrated. I swithched to formula and in reading blogs and hearing it from my friends, I was made to feel like an idiot. But when it comes down to it, you're the parent! Have faith in your decisions. If some women want to breastfeed-GREAT, however if other choose not to--still GREAT. Good luck, remember have faith in your own parenting. And by the way, my "formula-fed-daugheter" rolled over at 4 months sat up at 5 months and is now begining to crawl at 6 months and her weight is within the range for her age.

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M.Z.

answers from New York on

Hi, D.!

It almost sounds like you're asking others' permission to formula feed. You don't need anyone's permission or approval. As Eleanor Roosevelt and Gandhi wisely said, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

This question that you ask: "Am I a terrible mother?" suggests to me that you *may* have doubts about the choice. (Not saying you do, just saying what my gut is telling me; I've been wrong in the past! ;) ) I know that for me when I feel that something someone has said has gotten under my skin, as it were, I have to examine why it's affecting me so. I have to ask myself if there is any truth to it and if I'm defensive because I'm denying it (sometimes yes, sometimes no, but it's worthwhile to check it out). I'm not saying that this is case for you. I'm suggesting that you ask yourself where your defensive feelings are coming from.

In other words, if you are truly at peace with your decision (any decision), others' opinions and "judgments" should not affect you at all. If you are affected, find out why.

I hope that helps!

Best,
Marji

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Q.F.

answers from New York on

i think when i had my daughter, i was harder on myself then anyone else was. i was determined to breastfeed (no matter how much it hurt) because i wanted my daughter to get the most important part of breastfeeding, the 1st couple days (that yellowy stuff) gives anti-bodies that help keep your kid from getting sick all the time. not only did i hear it, but i did "surveys" my brother was breastfed, i wasn't, i was sick ALL the time, yet he was only sick once (1 major sickness, and few colds here and there, while i had chronic illnesses). and asked other family and friends, and it all pointed to the fact that i SHOULD breastfeed, even if just for a couple months.

well, my daughter refused to latch on (because the stupid hospital didn't abide by my wishes, and gave her 2 bottles when they were instructed that she was to be STRICTLY BREASTFED!) but i wound up pumping for the 1st month, until i couldn't bare to pump anymore (not much came out because there was no breastfeeding at all).

now, NONE of my friends breastfed. so basically, i had the exact opposite problem then you, i had to justify with EVERYONE WHY i wanted to breastfeed when there were so many formulas out on the market! it should be YOUR choice. THAT IS IT. now, from my experience, with all my friends kids being formula fed, and ALWAYS SICK, and my daughter being formula fed AND having the 1st month of breast-milk thrown in, and only being sick maybe 2 times (and by this age, my friend's kids were sick at least 10 times) i would suggest that if you DON'T want to breastfeed. maybe just pump right away, getting the best part out and giving it to your child. unfortunately, i can't for the life of me think of what it's called, all i know is that it looked like a "snotty" kind of discharge, it was almost yellow AND give formula...just with this part of the breast-milk in between bottles. and then once you see that the breast-milk starts turning to look like skim milk, then just stop and go straight to formula.

once again, i am ONLY saying this because of my personal experience between my kid, and my friends' kids. i just wanted my child to be healthier then how i saw all my friends' kids. now, that's not to say that your son isn't healthy...and if he's healthy, and doesn't get sick that often, then i wouldn't even question what you did before.

THIS IS YOUR CHOICE, YOU CAN'T ALLOW OTHER'S OPINIONS TO UPSET YOU AND MAKE YOU THINK YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOTHER!!! LOOK AT YOUR SON, IF HE'S HAPPY AND HEALTHY, THEN WHAT YOU DID WAS RIGHT FOR THE BOTH OF YOU! but if you want to "see" if it's better to try breastfeeding, or try pumping for the 1st couple of weeks, then that's fine...who knows, you may enjoy it. or, it may be too much on you...IT'S YOUR CHOICE. just remember, you're their mother, not these other people who are making you feel bad, what's good for them may not be good for you. OH, 1 little extra thing...i was told that breastfeeding tightens the tummy...just 1 little extra plus that i personally saw.

sorry for the LONG RANT. i hope that i was able to ease your mind in even the slightest bit. good luck, and remember, YOU know what's right for YOUR kids! listen to the suggestions, just don't let them get to you, do what YOU feel is best, and if YOU don't want to, then you shouldn't! GOOD LUCK, AND CONGRATS ON THE NEW BABY COMING!

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J.L.

answers from New York on

As a new mother, I can definitely understand how you feel. When I first had my son I really wanted to try breastfeeding but had a horrible time with it. It was extremely painful and I was constantly stressed about whether or not he was getting enough food. I really wanted to give it up, but got sooo much pressure from my family and the doctors and nurses at the hospital. I began to feel like breastfeeding was like a cult. I mean entire generations of people have been raised on formula and were just fine. I definitely think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with.

That being said, I did stick with breastfeeding and am glad I did. It got much easier after the first week and now I really enjoy it. I like having that special time alone with my son and the convenience of not have to worry about bringing his food with us wherever we go.

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T.M.

answers from New York on

hi,
i am a 34 year old sahm and have a 2 1/2 year old son... i planned on formula feeding from the moment i got pregnant...and now my husband and i are ttc for another child. i have no intentions on breast feeding...it is a personal choice and no ones business. now a days with science and tecnology the formula is equal to or even better then breat milk. its not like 20 years ago...as long as your comfortable with your decision thats all that matters.

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J.P.

answers from New York on

Don't let the righteous moms get you down. I know a variety of moms on this issue. Some breastfed, some not. Some breastfeed in public, some not. Some are opinionated on the issue, some not. Me, I breastfed (with some formula to give me a break once in awhile) my twins for the first 4 months, but after that they were done with me. I really don't know why some moms go on and on about the joys of breastfeeding. I was happy when they rejected me. I try not to judge any of my friends' decisions. The only one I don't agree with in some way is the mom who is still breastfeeding (publically) her 2 1/2 year old son-enough already! You do what feels right for you and your kids. Forget what anyone else says. No two moms are going to agree on everything. -- J. P. Stanhope, NJ

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M.P.

answers from Albany on

Don't feel like you are a terrible mom, no matter what anyone else says to you. It is a totally personal choice. I have plenty of friends who feel the same way as you do. Personally, I chose to breastfeed because it was what was best for US. When I find out a mother is expecting or even when friends of mine who haven't had children and I talk, I am curious and ask why they didn't/won't choose to breastfeed, but it is just out of curiosity. I hope that I have not made them feel the same way that you are feeling! The doctors always say that breastfeeding is the best thing for the child to build up immunities, but these days formula is so filled with extra goodies for our babies, they can definitely be totally thriving without any mommy juice!! I would just say that you can explain that you chose not to breastfeed for personal reasons and anyone should take it at that. Good for you for choosing what YOU and your family are most comfortable with!! If you chose to try breastfeeding and were resentful about it, it really wouldn't be what is best for your baby.

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J.D.

answers from New York on

You have to do what you are comfortable with. Don't even discuss your choices with anyone else and if you find you are in a discussion and someone is pushing their opinion on you, then just firmly state that you have chosen to bottle feed and and that you no longer wish to continue the conversation. I started breast feeding my son. He is my first child. Without getting into all the details, I switched to a bottle and he has been strictly formula fed from that point on, so I feel that I can speak out for either side. I find that the breastfeeding topic is a debate like the stay at home/working mom topic, but it all comes down to you doing whats right for YOU and your baby. Others need to hold back on their opinions some, unless you are seeking them. Formula feeding your baby is not going to make you a horrible mother and you should not have to justify your decisions. Besides, it all goes out the window once you start feeding baby food anyway - have you seen some ingredients in that stuff. I often question that right now! ; ) hee hee. Look within yourself and make your decisions, then be confident in those decisions - as for everyone else, tell them you are not discussing it! Good luck!

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J.M.

answers from Syracuse on

those children are your children and no one make you do anything. i tried to breast feed both of my sons. the first one was over nine lbs. and would not wait until my milk came in, he ate like a horse. after two days i went to the bottle. my second son was almost nine lbs. and his mouth was too small, so every time i tried to nurse, i would bleed. no way, i was no going to deal with that continuous pain, especially just after giving birth. i think you should go right on and do whatever you feel better about. dont let anyone tell you all the bad things about bottle feeding, they are not you. raise your children your way, and that includes formula feeding.

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J.W.

answers from Hartford on

You mentioned wanting your body back. You might be interested to know that a study recently came out saying that breastfeeding does NOT make your breasts sag! Just a though if that is one of the reason you don't want to breastfeed.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21599854
Also the benefits of breastfeeding are long-term such as lower blood pressure and cholesterol when your baby reaches adulthood:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21639442/
But in the end if you have a "sever aversion" then your baby would probably sense that and it wouldn't be good for him/her either. But maybe if you tried you would find you would like it? Good luck!

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K.K.

answers from New York on

Don't feel guilty, bad, or that you are a bad mom for NOT breastfeeding. I felt the same way from certain people, ads, magazine, etc. You would think that formula is poison the way some people carry on about it!!! Anyway, I can only vouch for my kids, but they are healthy, smart, and have not had an earache (they are 3 & 1), so there goes that theory that breastmilk is best to prevent sickness and ear aches. Everyone makes the best choice for her baby and for her family and for her life!!! Next time, don't get upset, just smile and know that you made the right decision for your own baby.

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A.E.

answers from Utica on

I chose to formula feed right from the start and never once felt guilty about it. I don't believe breastfeeding prevents them from getting sick or whatever. I believe each baby and mom is an individual and if babies are getting sick there are more factors at play than whether or not they are/were breastfed. I have a friend who breastfed for a long time and her baby got asthma and ear infections anyway. My son has only had an ear infection once in his 18 months and that's all so far. (Watch, now that I said that...;) ) Plus everyone has also commented on my son's laid back behavior, and appearance, and never once associated it with how he was fed. Now he's eating chicken nuggets without me having to break them up and he loves his whole milk! The bottom line is you have to do what is best for you. Your baby will be fine with formula. He won't get any sicker and he won't be any dumber. Don't let people bully you about it. (Some people are so pro-breastfeeding, they think it's their God-given right to push everyone else into it. These are the very judgmental people--steer clear of them.) Stand
strong. You're ok and so is your baby.

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J.H.

answers from New York on

D.,

The studies show that breastfeeding is better and that is the reasond everyone is pushing for you to do it, however, if it is not something that you chose it is your right and it does not make you a bad mother at all. Now they have formula that is pretty close to breast milk. You should not feel you have to defend yourself to anyone if you and your husband agree on formula that is all that matters.
When I was pregnant for my son I wanted to breastfeed and my mom talked me out of it and I now wish I had and with my daughter I tried but was not successful at it, but at least I gave it a shot, my point is I let someone talk me out of what I wanted for my baby and I felt bad, so do what you feel is right for your baby. Best of luck

J.

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E.S.

answers from Buffalo on

Your body, your baby! I am a firm belever that breast is best, but you are the mom and the one who will have to do what is best for you and your family.You can't force what you are uncomfortable with. Don't let others pressure you. You have to make the decision and feel good about what you choose. Good luck.

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L.L.

answers from New York on

Don't worry about what anyone else says. It's your body and your baby. If your child is healthy that is all that matters. I am a mom of 2 beautiful girls and I only breastfed for 3 weeks with my second. It's not for everyone. Don't let people get to you. It's nobody's business.

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D.G.

answers from New York on

What needs to be addressed is not what people say to you, but how you choose to react to it. If you are truly comfortable with your decision, others' opinions shouldn't matter one bit. So, maybe the questions should be: Are you truly comfortable with your decision? If the answer is 'yes', then who cares what other women think?

C.B.

answers from New York on

D., No doubt the comments are only trying to be helpful but it can hurt. Just know you are doing the right thing for your family. As long as you are giving your baby enough nutriants (no matter what form) you have done a good job!

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A.G.

answers from Syracuse on

I've gotten the same flack from people. My brother and I were never breast fed and neither was my son. I don't find it to be this wonderful bonding experience. As a matter of fact I felt and still feel that it wouldn't allow my husband and our son to bond. When I was in the hospital with my son I actually had a doctor tell my son that I was an awful mother because I wasn't going to breastfeed him, she said " isn't she awful, I tell I say the same thing about mothers who smoke". Now I know my son was only a couple of days old but my husband and I were furious. I did not nor would I ever have smoked while pregnant and to put me in that category because I didn't want to breastfeed, and then on top of it to say all this to my son! Never-the-less I still didn't breastfeed and now I'm pregnant withmy second child and I'm NOT breastfeeding with this one either. Who has the time for that anymore. I work full time, go to school, and take care of my household. Breastfeeding didn't and doesn't fit into my life style. I don't want to spen every waking moment pumping my breast, and ya know what some women can't. They just don't produce enough milk. In other words if you want to brestfeed great, but don't push it onto those of us who don't. Just tell people your not going to breastfeed end of discussion.

Bootom line here is, my son is just as smart and active as the next kid. At 21 months he can work a DVD player, my parents can't even do that and they're in their late 50's. You know your first child is smart, strong and active and wasn't breastfed, guess what this one will be too. Your a great mother, because you love and care for your child, and you will be a great mother whether or not you breastfeed. In today's society with women working it's not practicle. Your husbands right, don't give it a second thought.

Ok I'm off my soap box now and I hope this helps you.

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A.M.

answers from Rochester on

Oh, do I know how you feel. My son is now 7. I DID NOT BREASTFEED and never even thought about it. I am still receiving flack for it...from some close friends. My son was somewhat sick as a child, but more because of what he picked up at daycare then from me not breastfeeding. I never thought about it and decided on formula for several different reasons, probably silly ones.
1. Wanted my husband, my son's father to be as involved as possible.
2. I knew I was going back to work 7 weeks after giving birth. In my workplace, there was and is still not a place where I could go to pump etc...(I know it is required...but I would not have felt comfortable.)
3. My family is also a very important part of our lives, including our extended family. I knew I would be having company from the minute I brought him home...I wanted everyone to be involved, which breastfeed would not have worked for in my opionon at least.
4. I was worried about weaning my child. I have a friend now that is expecting and talks about how she will have her baby with her 24/7 until 2 years old. OMG, I am sorry, but I need a break once in a while.
5. So pumping would have given my child some extra nutrients, but formula is fine.

Hope this helps.
Don't give it a second thought.
Feed your child formula its okay.

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T.H.

answers from Rochester on

I know exactly how you feel!!! I too have a very strong adversion to nursing. Which is really bizarre cause thats all I've ever known. My mom, my MIL, all their friends and families have all breastfed. I for one have no desire to do it. I know "breast is best", but I can't bring myself to do it. My first son did very well with formula as well as my second son. If and when I have another I will most likely bottlefeed as well. I think it's a personal choice each mother needs to make for herself and her child.

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T.N.

answers from New York on

Sorry you feel that way. Just stand your ground, this is your choice, no one elses...you are not a bad mom whatever your decision is. it is right for you...

and fyi..I was the opposite of you...i planned on breast feeding fromt he start, and did so for 1.5 years... and I got the opposite comments in favor of formula instead of breast milk.... Everyone thinks that their choice is the best way. Do what you want, tell everyone else to leave you alone.

T. N
Single mom of 3 yr old daughter

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D.S.

answers from New York on

Hi D., I never breastfeed and I never really gave it a thought with my first child. Many of my neighbors breastfed and you can feel intimidated. There is nothing wrong with formula and millions of people, like us, have been bottle fed and are all healthy. Breastfed babies are not necessarily healthier. I had two more children and contimplated breastfeeding but still felt for me in my life that the formula was what I wanted to do. I would totally not worry about other people's comments or thoughts. Formulas are so healthy for babies now with vitamins etc. You can always tell how much you baby has had and you can schedule them better. I think mothers that breastfeed feel it's easier..and I guess it is when it comes to preparing the formula but as far as "ALWAYS" being available to your child it can make your baby very dependant on you and make your life not as much your own. I know that breastfeeding mother's hair is probably standing on end with my comments. You have every right to want your body back, your aversion to the thought of breastfeeding is your own feeling and your have that right. I would not let women influence you because they think breastfeeding is better. If it was "SO" much better there wouldn't be so much formula and you would be advised against bottle feeding, right??? Formula feeding is fun for more then just you, other people who love your baby can feed the baby as well and we know that many people love that. Also, if you want to go out you aren't tramatizing your baby because your baby won't drink from a bottle. There are pro's and con's with both....but I as a Formula Mom wouldn't change it and higly suggest it. My daughter breastfed her three children but as each child came and grew the amount of time she breastfed was less and less. My other daughter bottle fed her baby and is having another baby and is going to bottle feed. I have 7 niece's that had babies and only 2 out of all of them and my daughter breastfed. So, please don't feel like a bad Mother. I'm sure you are a wonderful Mom and you have to do what you feel comfortable with and what works in your life doesn't necessarily work in someone elses life. Now that I've rambled on and on....good luck in what ever your decision is but you need to feel well about it!! D.

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