She was bullied and is very shy. She only warms up to people who like her. I have talked to her many times. Anything else I can do?
She needs to be in after school activities so she can meet more people.
Taekwondo or Girl Scouts would be good.
You can also model how you meet new people - you have to make friends in order to show her how it's done.
How about you take a cooking class together (or a craft or art class)?
You can develop an interest together and meet new people at the same time.
Ditto to what B said. Doing a group activity will give her a natural way of connecting with like-minded people. Also, taking Tae Kwon Do or Hapkido (a Korean martial art which teaches valuable self-defense skills) would help her self-confidence immensely AND put her in a community of people with whom she shares an activity. As my son's TKD teacher put it, knowing a martial art doesn't prevent bullying because you can beat someone up. It prevents it because you radiate a confidence which stops potential bullies from even starting to pick on you.
She needs something to talk about, not just people to talk to. So as others have said, she needs an activity that interests her regardless of whether she talks to people. Once they have something in common, the talking will flow, first about the shared activity and eventually (hopefully) about other things.
Some people are introverts. Don't push her if she is one. But if it's fear, then no amount of you talking to her will make a difference. By the teen years, kids really have to take on their own responsibility for their own lives. I know it's hard to back off, but other than providing some direction, you kind of have to at this point.
Something service oriented would be good because the focus is on others. And self defense/martial arts is about personal inner strength. Those are good choices. Something in the performing area (chorus? groups that perform in nursing homes or senior centers?) also build confidence by getting kids on stage and focused outward.
How old is she? Do you know what triggered the bullying?
She needs some involvement in more than just school such as a community activity church, scouts, martial arts, etc. It is important to have varied groups of friends so all friends or potential friends are not in the same group.
What are some things she likes to do? Start there with joining any club, etc.
I don't know her age but I know that Dale Carnegie classes help a lot. They do have courses that are not all adult. I went through the program when I started sales and it it helped me a lot. I ended up going back through 3 times as a graduate assistant in the program helping others. The growth you see in some people is just amazing. We had our daughter go through it when she was 17 just for experience. She was not shy but it does help with communication skills, etc. It is not cheap but I feel it is well worth the money and the time.
Good luck
most of us only warm up to people who like us.
help her find more people who like her. get her involved in volunteering or in clubs with activities that she enjoys.
don't expect her to have a wide circle of friends. many of us don't. one or two good friends may be just the ticket for her.
khairete
S.
Ask your daughter what she's interested in and sign her up for it. Sports and music were good for my shy kids who were bullied. I just told them the bullies were not as smart, and sometimes bullies have parents who are bullies, so that's where they learn it from. I hope this makes sense. My kids turned to books and just stayed shy for many years. Then, as they got older and saw how these bullies turned out, they gained confidence in themselves and are now more outgoing. It just takes time.
How about signing her up at the Boys & Girls Club, Girl Scouts, or a local teen club? They have other teens there and since they are in smaller groups and doing different activities, she might feel more comfortable. My daughter was also very shy but has surprised me lately by going to her summer camp and picking out the kids who were sitting alone or reading a book and approaching them to talk/ask them what they are reading, and taking it from there, rather than perhaps gravitating towards the popular kids or sitting alone. As a girl who has also been bullied for her weight and height and who would be afraid to even say hi to another unknown kid, it was very encouraging to see that confidence from her. She will talk to kids about anything, from video games (which is why I guess most of her friends are boys), to the newest sci-fi movie, to her favorite song that week, she will even dance or talk to some of the kids who have taken dance and ask them to show her some dance moves.
I don't know if you have this where you live but here, some weekends, some of the parks have nature exploration sessions for kids, so there are kids of all ages and they do things like teach them how to look for birds with binoculars, or kayak tours in groups. Is there anything like that you can sign her up for, where she might meet kids, especially kids who would most likely be introverted? A community center in your neighborhood? Kids in the neighborhood? How about going to a popular teen hangout like an arcade type of place where she can volunteer for games that require 2 players? Drama classes? Dance lessons? Group music lessons?
I am shy too. I had to learn how to be more outgoing.
I'm sorry she's been bullied. She needs help with her self esteem. Figure out if there's some activity or interest she could pursue that she would find rewarding, where she could meet girls/boys with similar passions (or at least stuff to talk about). Kids in a fun environment can be supportive.
As for learning how to be more outgoing herself - maybe phrase it so she could work on being more approachable. That's less daunting. Seeming friendly, eye contact, comfortable ... saying hello and having something to talk about is a good place to start. You can model this too - and work on it when you go out.
Have her be the one to talk to people in stores, restaurants, your friends, etc.
Just get her to be comfortable being assertive and being herself. It will give her confidence.
