Any Other Mommas W/bi-polar Type 2??? - Fort Worth,TX

First, I want to help people here understand what bipolar 2 is. It presents itself mainly as deep dark depressions that are debilitating. Secondly, our reaction to stress is to partake in risky behavior. Many of us have addiction problems (I smoke, not around the kids and not in the house). Focusing is difficult because of the rapid mood cycling, one minute I'm fine, the next minute I want to rip someone's head off. Also, the depression can present itself as irritability and anger, not always crying and sadness. We don't necessarily experience mania, we get hypomania, which is less severe, but causes us to fly off the handle and engage in these risk-taking behaviours. I used to leave the house and go drink myself to oblivion (among other things). After I was on meds, I stopped a lot of that behaviour, and I have to take Visteril for anxiety, because it's non-addictive.
Besides the meds, I watch my diet. I have to be careful about sugar, especially. I also DO have to walk outside and keep my mind busy, so I listen to a lot of podcasts. My therapist has helped me a lot to identify stress triggers and how to avoid them.

Remember that your disease is not YOU, it's something you have to manage, like someone with diabetes. I have to allow myself extra down time after a hectic day. It takes more time for me to process my day in my head, even if that kind of day may not seem stressful to someone else, it just takes me longer to "put all the pieces together", and I have to work hard to fight the feelings of "oh I shouldn't have said that" or " I can't believe I forgot to do X".

I make a lot of lists, I try really hard to be very organized and put aside time weekly to get my head in order for the week ahead. I let a lot of things go that others would feel necessary, like the dishes aren't always done at the end of the day, my "down time" at the end of the day is more important. My husband realizes that I both need a lot of time alone and some kind of socializing every week and has helped me find a good balance for that.

Because of my cycling moods, I have lost friends. But those that understand know not to take it personally, and have stuck it out with me. If I sound irritable over the phone, it's not them, and they know to give me some space or offer up some support.

The depressions are the WORST, but the meds have helped me so much. I still get depressed, but those times last a few hours at most now, not days and weeks. So I try to soldier on, for the sake of my kids and family. My oldest knows about my dx, and it's helped our relationship now that he understands that when I say "let me be alone right now" it's not because I don't want to spend time with him, but rather that I need to process things and feel better for his (their) sake.

Hang in there, I understand.

I do not have bipolar but my mother does. As the child of someone with bipolar, I wanted to offer a hug and say it is possible to be a great mom despite the ups and downs that bipolar brings. I think the biggest step you can take is keeping open communication with your dr. (hopefully a psychiatrist and not a regular m.d.), friends or family. With my mom, we got to where I could and still can notice the first signs, such as sleeping more, not talking as much and not wanting to go out, (she suffers mainly from depression) and I would let her know she might want to call her doctor for a check up and usually she would be receptive to that.

It took a long time to get my mom on medication that fit her just right and it still takes periodic adjusting but I feel very strongly that my mom did a great job raising me and my brother and that I am a stronger and more capable person because of her.

Hope this can offer some encouragement.

i have bipolar 1 so i know the feeling, i constantly feeling like i m obviously not smart enough to do anything right, i try to hid my pain from kids who are both under 2,

Yep. My meds make me tired but every time my psychiatrist has tried to adjust them to make me less tired I get manic. Things like not getting enough sleep can throw me off for days. Just a few weeks ago I went out with a friend for her birthday and then had to get up with my son the next morning (original plan was to have my husband get up with him but he ended up having to work) resulting in two hours of sleep. I slept for the better part of the next two days and then fought with a close friend. Also, PMS.
Those three things, no sleep, the argument and the PMS had me so on edge that I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and was taking Xanax every few hours just to get anywhere close to functional. I stayed like that for most of a week. Somehow I managed to go to work and take care of my son. (Not much else got done. HUGE piles of, at least clean, laundry in the living room and dishes in the sink.)
I've since made up with the friend (who I probably wouldn't have had such a huge fight with had I been well rested and hormonally stable) and gotten more sleep, but it KILLS me that, even though I've been doing so well for so long (I haven't been hospitalized in well over a year) little mistakes like not getting enough rest can throw me so far off.
I spent the first year of my son's life either in the hospital or heavily sedated and I feel like I have little in common with other mothers. My friends have babies and they go back to living life, sure it's different but they go out, they see people, they get things done. One of my coworkers has five month old twins and is training for a marathon. When my son was five months old I had just gotten out of the hospital and could barely stay awake I was so drugged. I had to have people come babysit ME for fear that I would pass out and hurt my baby by accident. I remember walking down the hall with him when he was very small and being so unsteady on my feet that I bumped his head into the wall. Fortunately my arm took most of the blow but still, there is no worse feeling than your child being hurt, especially when it's your fault.
But as fragile as I feel now I'm far better than I was. I see my psychiatrist every month or so (I'm not currently seeing a therapist) and take my medication like I'm supposed to. I exercise and eat well enough, although I could do better (I would like to be stronger and have more stamina). I don't feel like there are very many people who understand and it sucks.

Oh, how I identify with your feelings! You have stated some things that I feel all the time. It's good you're getting the help you need and deserve, because we all deserve to be happy. Actually you are motivating me to go ahead and see a dr, because I think I suffer from depression, esp since my mother does and deals with it every day, even on meds. So, here's a hug and and a thanks. I'm sure someone that has actually been diagnosed can help you further with more pointed experience and advice, but know you are not alone in your feelings, and I'm finding that out more and more. Sometimes we think we're the only ones hurting and scared, but we're not. It will be ok! Two things that help me is 1. talking to someone I trust (husband, mother) and 2. knowing that we were not created to feel sad and depressed, but God wants us to be happy. Take care, and thanks for sharing your story, it helps those that can relate.