Any One Use Love and Logic

YES YES YES! We too have had anger and behavioral issues with our 4 year old son who will be 5 in March. I meant to read it long before and I really wish I had. We took our son to a child psychologist; we've tried all sorts of different diet modifications and disciplinary strategies, but Love and Logic is the FIRST one that we have seen consistent improvement with! I do think a lot has to do with him maturing a little bit. He didn't really go through the "terrible twos" but he DID have the terrible threes and fours. For the past several months though, it has brought so much peace to our home. YES, we still have issues sometime, and sometimes we still lose it (as you can tell from the book -you have to also train yourselves!), but I am in love with the fact that not only is it working behaviorally, but it works to instill personal responsibility and confidence in decision making BEFORE the kid is in high school and college -when it's really too late for the most part without some really hard lessons.

We also have a 2 year old who it's working very well with. We implemented with our 4 year old pretty much by the book. Everything wasn't perfect from the start, but it started making a difference quickly. I have been very specific to spell out expectations for him -i.e. "In the mornings after you're dressed and your teeth are brushed, make sure your socks and shoes are on, the lights are out upstairs and if there's anything you want on the way to school -cereal, waffle, juice, Clif bar -then you need to get it and have it ready to go. Make sure your backpack and jacket are on and ready." This took a few times, but one of our biggest fight inducing, tantrum throwing nightmares has been getting out of the house in the morning -with both kids, work stuff, their school stuff, the fits as we pull out of the driveway because *I* didn't get him a snack, etc. Yes, he refused his jacket a few times and yes he was cold. I put mine on and told him I was glad I had it because it was really cold out there; he said he wouldn't get cold, but after the 2nd time he started meeting me at the bottom of the stairs with not only his jacket but his hat and gloves on! You'll get some looks too -like, "Why doesn't your kid have on a jacket?" -or whatever it is. I just calmly said -twice -when actually asked that he was almost 5, he knows when he's cold, and it was his choice to not wear one today. My favorite is telling either of the boys that they are welcome to continue their fits, screaming, ugly talking or whatnot up in their rooms alone, or they can be nice and continue to stay downstairs and do what they're doing. I'm shocked at how well it works! Good luck!

Hi A..

I've read chapters in the Love and Logic book. I think it's very useful in retraining our minds as parents to handle things differently with our kids. For me, I have tried using it to set better boundaries with our children. I also have tried to use it to establish consequences with regard to the kids behavior. I don't utilize everything from the book, mostly because i haven't read the whole thing, but I do think it has been a good lesson for me. I like the example that the author gives about allowing your child to decide not to wear a jacket outside if they don't want to wear one. The consequence will be that they will become cold and that is a natural consequence. I think it's helped me realize that I don't always have to hover over my son reminding him about potential consequences. If it's a safety issue, of course I still do, but if it's a basic life lesson, sometimes I just let my son experience it.

I found Love & Logic as a whole didn't work in my family although I adopted a few things from it. One thing I can say though is to buy the new edition, not the old one. There are some big differences. I found The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross Greene much more helpful. While my children still do a few weird things that L&L doesn't even cover (read my earlier posts) this given us a good structure to work with.

Another book that helped us for a while was Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Clinically Proven Five-Week Program for Parents of Two- to Six-Year-Olds. We were given that book in a parenting program we did and I really liked it. I think this one failed because my husband wasn't backing me up on it. Grrrr I was seeing improvement during the day but he was gone all day, would come home when they're hungry or tired and just see little butts so he refused to do the program after a couple of weeks. Sigh...

I know how hard this is. My oldest son is ODD, has developmental delays etc. This has been going on for over 5 years now so the majority if not all of his siblings lives he has been like this. It's all they know, and they've started copying him. >.< So it's great you're working trying to help your daughter now. The faster you can find out what's going on with her and help her, the less behavior you're little one will see to imitate. Do keep in mind though that it may not just be anger issues, there may be something more going on so if you decide to, it wouldn't hurt to have her evaluated. I just thought my son had anger issues too but my husbands parents insisted on having him evaluated and that's when we started finding out that more was going on. I'm glad they did because if they hadn't, I wouldn't have to good support system I have for him now and I'd be even more overwhelmed with his behavior than I already am.

Just remember, whatever parenting method you choose, keep in mind that it WILL get worse before it gets better so don't get discouraged over that. Good luck!

We've used Love and Logic for years (maybe 10 years or so) with both of our boys and have found it to be extremely helpful. It fit very well with our natural parenting style, so we didn't need to change much. Like Gamma G mentioned, we started offering choices more often especially when they were younger. It also helped us when we were trying to come up with consequences for bad choices. You can sign up for free weekly emails from them, too. I like reading them. Sometimes the are helpful, and sometimes they don't apply to our situation. They have different books for different age groups as well. Good luck!

You might call the person you took the classes from and talk to them about specifics. I always find that talking about it out loud with someone who's heard a lot and is very experienced in the classes can see the issue and come back with at least a couple of ideas.

If you really want to start simple start using this choice or that choice. When we go to Walmart it's "do you want to sit in the big part of the basket or the seat with the belt?" It's not "do you want in the basket?". It is the first step to me.

Giving 2 choices that are both fun and good choices instead of telling them what to do. Both choices have to be okay with you or it does not work.

I am happy for J to sit in either place int he basket but him walking is not a choice. So it is NEVER offered.

They need to be simple choices and easy for the kids to do.

You can actually contact the site and see if there are classes in your area. Also check out the library and see if they have L&L books. That'll help. Good luck!