Any Mother Who Has Had a Child in Juvenille Detention Center

Updated on July 17, 2012
R.D. asks from Barnegat, NJ
10 answers

My son just got put in juvenille detention center for how long not sure of yet,I feel so empty inside and all I do is cry he called today crying he is not eating and on suicide watch how do you deal with all the pain?

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answers from New York on

Get involved with a support group. Here in NY there is a group called
Family Tyes. You can call them and maybe they can refer you to some-
place in New Jersey. I do not have the number off hand but can get it if you
would like. Just send me a message.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Joplin on

my son is also 15 and just was in a juvenile detention center, he has also been in a mental ward for suicidal teens...prayer, getting help from professionals, a lot of counselling and just not giving up. I wish I had something more to tell you but that is about all there is. Get help for you too, its depressing, heart wrenching. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Scranton on

i was not a mother of a child. i was the child, i was 14 at the time, also found out that i was pregnant while i was there too. juvenile detention centers are not as bad as they are made out to be. they are very constructive. yes we were in our "cells" alot but it really gives you time think about the things that have happened. they don't treat you terribly there as long as you follow the guidelines. they have a PT class to get out energy and anger. where i was we were allowed books in our cells to read, also there was a movie night, if you did not get in trouble talk back ect you could stay up and watch it. i don't know how much your son has told you about this place but hopefully it this gives you some assurance that he is being cared for. my mother didnt cope with my situation very well, she turned to the bar. but try a workout class to relieve some of the stress of it all,. i heard zumba is great for that

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Salt Lake City on

I dont have a child there but my nephew has been in and out since the age of 12. I know my SIL found a counseling center that had a group for mothers she said it was really helpful because there is a lot of emotion - fear, sadness, guilt that the mother have to deal with. I am sorry for your hard time I have watched my SIL go through it my heart goes out to you.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

im going through the same thing . my son just came hiome from camp a different person. I too felt empty ans sad and cried daily. My son too was on suicide watch. Now he is home and all I do is cry cuz im confused and not sure how to talk to him. We had great relationship and i went too see him every week for 8 months. he actually got arrested for suicide , but because he tried to use a gun they just saw it as a minor in possesion with a gun. Never got a mental evaluationuntil two months before he was released.when i first spoke to the mental health worker they did not know he had attempted suicide. everyone was ignoring my request for a mental evaluation unril i continued to push the issue. The pain and saddness still haunts me.itoo am havig a hard time dealing with the pain I know your pain just pray to your higher power for me that is god. I will pray for you and you family. I dont know how many of you mother are from L os Angeles county ,but, I live in the county of LA and believe me they are not nice to these kids in camp. I have witnessed it with my own eys and ears. I am currently looking for a support group for mothers in our situation .

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I haven't had this situation, but I wish my sons problems had been dealt with when he was still a minor. Its heartbreaking because at the ery least we want our kids to be safe, and fed and not scared and I've spent nights wondering or even knowing he wasnt My only advice for you is a LOT of prayer. and I hope things get better.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

This may help you: Dear Lord, I'm worried and full of fear. Anxiety and apprehension fill my mind. Could it be that my love for Thee is weak and imperfect and as a result I am plagued by worry?
I have tried to reassure myself that there is nothing to worry about. But such reassurances do not seem to help. I know that I should just rest myself confidently upon Thy loving care and guidance. But I have been too nervous even to do that.
Touch me, Dear Lord, with Your peace and help my disturbed mind to know that You are God and that I need fear no evil. In Christ's name I offer this prayer. Amen



answers from Buffalo on

I know that this is an extremely hard thing for you right now, and I can't imagine the grief you must have. I have never had a child in a facility, but I did work at one in Maine. Please know the facilities are set up to HELP your child deal with whatever issues he/she may have. They have wonderful counselors, teachers, doctors and staff that work with the kids and help them to be better people, and find better ways of coping with life. As for yourself I can't stress the importance of self-care enough. Use your support systems of family and friends to lean on for help and support. I also highly recommend seeking professional counseling, or even a family counselor. Your son will not be in placement forever and it's very important that you have a set plan in place for when he returns so that you can deal with whatever happens in the future. I wish you the best of luck!



answers from Detroit on

I am sorry that I just came across your question. I have been searching all over the darn place for a support/understanding group of moms/dads, that have done a good job, but still have to deal with this horrid suffering. My son just got remanded back to juevenile again today, after going thru 7 mos. of intensive placement and one year sober. It never gets easier. Crying nonstop, becoming reclusive, and suffering "early empty nest" is NO FUN at all. I hope all has worked out for you. Feel free to mail me. I pray the best for you and for your child!



answers from St. Louis on

I have never had a kid in detention (as mine isn't born yet), but I do work as a counselor in a juvenile detention center with the kids who are placed on suicide watch. I have a feeling being in NJ, that your system is set up fairly similar to ours. The staff are very well trained in helping youth get through the time there. I meet with my kids regularly to provide therapy and counseling, a lot of which is specifically tailored to coping with detention. We always get notices on how much kids eat at dinner and such. I just wanted to reassure you a little bit that he is being taken care of, as scary as it may seem to both of you. They will be helping him as much as possible while he's there. I also encourage that you go to every visitation that you can. I have several kids who do not receive any visits from their parents and it is very distressing for them.

The most difficult part of juvenile detention I think is that it is a waiting game for everyone (kids, family, and even the workers). He hasn't been found guilty of anything yet so it is a lot of "I don't know what's going to happen" that gets thrown around and there are still a lot of possibilities. Find your own support system so that you can be your son's support system (because that is what he needs right now). Is there a friend that you can talk to who you are exceptionally close? Other family members? I hate to say this but from my own experience, most families seem to adjust. They are still saddened by the event, but they find their own resources and supports and kind of move on. I also find that for many it becomes easier after the initial Detention Hearings (it's like the equivalent of a "bond" setting in the adult system) because they get a better idea of how long, etc. Find the people in your life you can turn to and do it. If you think a counselor might help, then get one. I think right now it's just all about having people there that you can talk to.

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