Any Ideas on Unpleasant Chores to Give 6 Yr Old for Punishment?

Doing push ups will not get him to stop his behavior, but it will get him to hate doing push ups. I think it is good for his karate instructor, but not for home. You will have to find out what triggers him - find his buttons. This will take time & patience. Just remember, you are parent and he is the child. He is still at the age where he is testing boundaries and apparently he is winning. You need to take control back. Pick a punishment and be consistent - but NOT TIME OUTS (useless punishment IMO). Every time he is disrespectful you need to implement the punishment. If he continues, you remain calm and consistent (this is where the patience comes in). Do not engage in his banter - that is exactly what he wants you to do. He's only six, taking things away won't really do it either. A lot of people like Love & Logic. Maybe you could give that a try...

I know of a mom who makes her kids run laps around the house as discipline. Push ups sound like a good thing to me if they have been successful in his karate class.

I have used push-ups, sit-ups, and certain yoga poses for consequences to certain behaviors, but he is 10 and we have only been enforcing this for 2 years. It sounds like he may be a strong-willed child. If that's the case, they like to be in control of their circumstances, that's why they are so defiant to correction. So, in saying that (my son is strong-willed), at that age, I might enforce a punishment that he can pick. We had a jar filled with chores that were age appropriate of course, but were very unpleasant. Like, cleaning the toilet, or baseboards.. dirty jobs. And, whenever he would have a dirty attitude and be disrespectful, I would give him a warning. If he continued, then he had to pick a punishment. So, he would pick a slip of paper out of the jar. He felt like he was in more control of his punishments, instead of me dolling them out on him. We would tell him that he needed to "clean up" his attitude, so he could start with a chore. I hope this helps.

I don't view exercise as a punishment, but regular vigorous exercise can help behavior.

I have read some of your posts and I could be wrong, but do you think your child is just needing some extra love and attention? It sounds like with the ADHD and all that, behavior problems etc. have you tried just ignoring the bad and praising the good? I know that kids love to please their parents---they desperately want to. Please give your child every opportunity to start over and do good things. Instead of finding horrible chores for your 6 year old--how about some positive goals that he can work toward?

Ex. For the backtalking issue-- tell him you will not respond to him if he backtalks you.-then follow through. When he speaks kindly and nicely to you, immediately praise him (like complete overkill) but enough to get him excited about you being excited that he is speaking so nicely to you. It really works with kids who have a hard time with this.

When you use negative discipline, it doesn't really teach--it just makes them withdraw and keep their angry feelings inside. When you teach them how to behave and work towards positive goals, then they get excited and really want to please you and make you proud. Give him a chance to make you proud!!

I hope this helps---Good luck!

M

In a "martial" setting, pushups are reasonable and fitting enough – they are actually part of the "contract" the student has with the instructor. I have always believed that the consequences are best when they are as natural as possible. There is no logic that naturally connects sassing or refusing to cooperate with push-ups, or even with time-outs or withdrawing toys or privileges, for that matter.

I love the alternatives offered in the activity offered on this web page: http://topscience.org/books/peaceful63.html. They are positive and encourage the child to expand his point of view, respect for others, and self-respect.

Another wonderful resource is the wise, practical, and extremely doable book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. While we don't usually think about young children in these terms, they can be remarkable problem solvers, and are not infrequently "harder" on themselves than their parents are. Plus, kids are more invested in solutions they think of themselves, and are more likely to work at making them a success.

I don't know if this is your situation, but often parents who are extremely strict often incorporate a tone of voice on their kids that gets mirrored back as disrespect. Parents who use firm but polite language and non-strident tones with each other seldom produce children who sass and boss their parents. It can be shocking for some parents to actually listen to the way they speak to their kids – we just don't hear ourselves unless we're paying attention.

Get serious counseling for your family so you can ALL begin to form a solid family vs pitting one against the other.

A 6 yr old needs unconditional love, even when you (PARENT) do not fee like it. Man up, be the parent and get help for your family.

If you cannot afford services, go to the services offered by your school and community. This child needs a loving, stable home. Once that happens..... you might be amazed at how behavior is changed.......

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Get serious counseling for your family so you can ALL begin to form a solid family vs pitting one against the other.

A 6 yr old needs unconditional love, even when you (PARENT) do not fee like it. Man up, be the parent and get help for your family.

If you cannot afford services, go to the services offered by your school and community. This child needs a loving, stable home. Once that happens..... you might be amazed at how behavior is changed.......

You might as well try it if it's working at karate. I don't see how it would effect him negatively. Worth a shot.

i don't believe it would work. unless there is something biologically off with the child, but you don't provide too much information. any 6 year old should be fine with (consistent) time outs and regular routines and stability. it's probably not him. forcing him to do pushups isn't going to solve the problem.

I use jumping jacks for a bad attitude. It tires her out & the bad attitude goes away.

If he is defiant in other areas he may be defiant in this too. You ask him to take out the trash and he refuses,, he won't do push ups either. There has to be some punishment that makes a difference to him to start with. "If you don't take out the trash you will get no dinner tonight" might work better. After a while you can say, do the push ups, and if he refuses you say, "do the push ups or there will be no dinner" and he will get the idea that doing what you ask is important. But the pushups won't be a big enough threat to him and he can just as easily shake his head no in defiance over that request too until he knows there's a punishment he won't want to suffer.

My friend was in the military and she is raising three boys by herself and they do push-ups. I would think it would work. Raising boys is hard and she seems to be fine.

Perhaps consider looking into positive discipline - putting you and him on the same team instead of in an adversarial position. There are some great resources if you google.

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Perhaps consider looking into positive discipline - putting you and him on the same team instead of in an adversarial position. There are some great resources if you google.

Please read "The Kadzin Method for Parenting Your Defiant Child" - it's a positive discipline approach and really works where punishment does not. It's based on lots and lots of solid research and uses basic behavioral modification principles, and there is nothing fuzzy about it - it's very literally step-by-step. You need to partner with your son on improving his behavior and stop from getting locked into a contest of wills, which you will never, ever win with an ADHD kid (ask me how I know lol). It seems like from this and other questions that you are seeking creative, outside of the box ways to handle your son's behavior and I give you credit for that, but upping the ante and escalating the punishments doesn't help. It just rachets the craziness up a notch and you will find yourself locked into a pattern of adversarial behavior between the two of you that just keeps spiraling upward in intensity. I really, really wish I knew about this book when my 13-year-old was younger, it would have helped out a lot.

http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Chi...

Good luck - I promise you that if you read the book thoroughly and try the method exactly as outlined, you will see some results and it will change the way you approach discipline. You can't punish an ADHD child, it simply doesn't work.

I don't think push ups are unpleasant enough to deter future bad behavior for 6. Same with time outs and toy removals. Those are great for teachers and schools who can't really discipline. It's great on the show because the kids are older and those aren't their parents. Firmer discipline at home in their early years could have prevented those teenage years.

Every episode of it I've seen (and every bad teen I've known) the kids had lenient parents, or one parent missing, or drug and alcohol issues with parents etc. Those consequences on that show are great for OLDER kids. As teenagers, their minds are different than at 6.

Firm up on him at this age, and also make sure he is getting more mature responsibilities and earning privileges in general, not just "getting them" and if dad's around, make sure he steps up to the plate on discipline. Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson is great for his age for disciplining a disrespectful attitude.

Just read your update--I also think washing the mouth out is silly and won't get rid of the disrespect. My kids would never get off that easy, and because of that, they are never disrespectful.

I am so sorry to read of your troubles with your son. I would definitely find counseling for him to help him deal with his frustrations. Children with ADHD do have trouble fitting in at school which can make them a target. So finding a counselor that can give him training on how to fit in and read social cues, may benefit him.

I have read that some foods may trigger aggression in boys, like food dyes. you may want to look it that as well.

It can get better. All the best for you two.

I don't agree with it. But my best friend does it and her 16 year old is very strong and pretty well behaved. He does not backtalk too much, otherwise he "drops and gives her 20". THe 10 year old too.
I don't think at 6 I would start with 20, her son can do alot more than 20 and will be told to do one more than dad, dad is a Marine and they have been doing this for a long time. ANyway, I would start with 5 or 6, because he's 6.

We use push ups for disrespect and back talk. We also make them run laps when they act out too much.Personally I think it works well and it benefits the kids in that it is physical activity and a way to release excess energy