Any Advice About Going to Work Full Time?

Hi E.,

In a nutshell, DON'T DO IT!! I'd like to offer you an alternative. Not for my sake but you children's. It is late, so I'm being lazy. If you could just click on Read More at the bottom of this response and get back to me if what I have to offer interests you I would be happy to share more with you. I am in a position to offer this wonderful opportunity to enable you to work from home and would feel guilty if I didn't.

Feel free to call me!
T.
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www.myparklane.com/tgreenwood

I will share my experience with you... I decided to stay home after the birth of my second son (my boys are 4 and 2) as I had HORRIBLE experiences with daycare after the birth of my first son. Financially we really shouldn't be doing it, but we make it work (and are doing okay!). However, last August I started to really freak out about money (and being out of the job world for so long) and decided to return to work full time. I knew it would be hard, but really was unprepared for how hard. I resented being there, I struggled with finding daycare for my younger son (due to the past issues with my older son), and truly missed my kids. It was awful, and I quit after two months. My husband hated me working (probably because I was not the happiest person :), and my kids suffered (4 yo started pooping in his pants at preschool - this had never occurred, even during potty training). I know financially I should be working, but we make it work, and I know that one day I will be back at work full time, and things will work themselves out. My husband and I are are committed to making it work no matter what for now (and he works his butt off to make it work!). Life is too short to regret spending time with your kids and seeing them grow up. I personally think is the best thing for them if you can do it (and I am not bashing anyone who works - I did it too after my first son was born as I had no option not too). Just wanted to share my experience with you - hope it helps!

I agree with Erin T about parenting and children's behavior 100% and about the quality of the daycare setting. However, I also lean toward the side of saying that it IS best for kids to be at home with one parent. It is a constant pull - I want to be a SAHM but I also want to continue my career. I was in grad school for all of my 20s and had my first child at 31 and went from full-time to part-time work, so my career is not exactly moving ahead at lightening speed.

So I am really torn. Part of me wants to say, stay at home and enjoy them while they are young. And part of totally understands your desire to work. Honestly, I guess you can take the job and see how it works for you. Mentally committ to some period of time, and at the end reevaluate - like six months.

It may be corney, but try making a list with what you want not just in terms of career fit and professional growth, but also child care, time off, benefits, and hours/schedule. See how this job matches up.

I am very lucky to have a great situation - I work 16 hours per week, some from home, in the field I was educated in. In all honesty, if my employer had not been agreeable when I pushed for it, I probably would have quit. But I had a newborn at the time, so my perspective is different.

Whatever you choose, good luck. Just remeber, no decision has to be forever - change jobs, go back to being a SAHM, change child care, whatever - there is no reason to feel trapped by any decision.

Hi E.,
I'll be returning to work full-time after being a SAHM for the last 7 years. My youngest is 20 mos. and I wrestled with whether or not I should return to work and putting her in daycare. I have enjoyed the years that i've been home raising my girls; but circumstances (major financial strain coupled with my desire to work) have dictated that I return. I understand your misgivings about daycare, i've also felt like the bad influence of other children would undo what i'm trying to instill---not to mention that I considered daycare centers as mosh-pits for germs!

Finding a quality daycare that has established AND enforced rules of behavior is possible. Yes, your children will pick-up on habits/behaviors in daycare, some good others not so much. The important thing to remember is your influence is paramount.

Is it possible to work part-time in the beginning until you feel comfortable enough to be away from your children for a full day? Whatever your decision, I hope you have peace about it. Happy Parenting!
~Jean~

Hi E.. This is tough, but I will tell you what my experience is as a working mother. My kids have both been in daycare since they were 4 mos old. I won't lie -- they get sick more than my neighbor's kids who stay home, but they are going to get sick when they start school anyway. I look it as building up immunities at a younger age. This way my kids won't miss as much school when the curriculum is more important, b/c they will have better resistence against the smaller bugs. You have to try and find the positives.

Additionally, my kids are not terrors. My daycare follows rules of discipline with which I am comfortable, and the children in our center are all well behaved. Your kids will be exposed to "terrors" one way or the other in their lives. In fact, my two best friends, who are also SAHMs, regularly tell me that my children are the most well-behaved children they know. I think it's more a matter of temperament than daycare vs being at home with them.

Finally, my children have recieved benefits in daycare that I am very happy about. My kids are both comfortable being around other people -- sitters, relatives they haven't seen in awhile, etc, b/c they are used to the caretakers and other children they meet in daycare. They learn a LOT from being in a more "educational" setting, and from being around other children. They get a lot of social stimulation that they wouldn't get if they were home with me all day. That is important to me, and if I had the opportunity to be a SAHM, I would probably still put them in daycare one or two days a week just to get that interaction.

All of the above said, I want to throw out the caveat that before taking the job and putting them in the provided daycare, I would make sure that you are comfortable with that particular daycare, the caretakers, and their methods of discipline. It's so important when you ARE handing your children over to someone else, to know that your children are in hands that you trust. If you feel that the daycare does not fit with your parenting ideals, I would weigh the cost of putting them into another center against the salary and benefits you would be recieving from the position.

Hi E.,
If your kids have always been with you and they are just now going into daycare, it will seem that they instantly become sick. Each time they are sick you will question your decision to return to work. Every Mom does. However, given time, it will get better. One thing that you might try is a trial day. The first week that we were transitioning ur center let us stop by and hang out for a few hours the first day. The next day we dropped him off from 9-12, then 1-4, then normal dropoff until 12, then a full day. My 2 kids have both been in daycare since 6 wks old. one is 7y and one is 18m. My son was sick while in daycare, but when he got to school, was hardly sick. However, the neighbor kid that stayed home with his mom all the time and had little interaction with other kids until he went to Kindergarten was out of school sick all the time. I enrolled my kids in an educational based center. They have/had time where they learned sounds, letters, writing, etc. but they also had playtime, and nap time. My husband and I aren't very social people, so I see daycare more as an opportunity for my kids to meet/play with other kids, while allowing me to get out of the house and earn a paycheck.
M.

My child is in daycare. Behavior issues have more to do with the parents and the children than with being in daycare.

My child likely gets sick more often for being in daycare, but that is because she is playing with other children. Still, other than sniffles, she might get sick once or twice a year. Not a big deal. Decent daycares don't allow sick children in the room and responsible parents don't send sick children to daycare.

Pick your daycare provider carefully and I don't expect you will have any regrets. My current daycare was my second one. I was displeased with the first and moved her after a few weeks. They did have misbehaving and sick children in the room.

Hello E.,

I understand completely. If you feel that being at home with your children is best, you should think about working at home so that you can be with them. I work at home part time and I love being home with my child. I also have a fulltime job and hopefully I will be working from permanently. I work for a Wellness Company that's been green for over 20 years. When you get a moment check out their website, www.melaleuca.com and takethe guided tour. Also, if you want to work at home and be with your children, visit www.workathomeunited.com/P. and take a look at the benefits of owning your own business. I look forward to hearing from you.

P.

I went back to work when my daughter was 8 weeks old. It was hard but I enjoyed being a work also. She loved her daycare-no bad experiences there and she was very well bahved. However when she was about 2 yeras old I started to realize how much of her life I had missed and how fast she was growing up. I ended up leaving my job and staying at home with her. I love being at home with her even though it was hard to leave a job that I loved for many years. I also found that it was hard to balance work and taking care of a family. Children do get sick a lot when they first start daycare and when I had to take off from work I felt guilty and if I had a grandparent watch her so I could go to work I felt guilty becuase I knew I should be taking care of her. I found that I am a lot less stressed out being at home with her and our household runs smoother.

I guess if you are already a SAHM then you don't have to have to the 2nd income so I would do whatever you feel is best for your children. Daycare can have its good and bad points like I said my daughter loved it. I personally would wait if you can. Your babies will only be little once and you can work anytime.

Best Wishes!

Hi E.,

I came across your request while I was looking through some older ones. I can only imagine the number of responses you must have received. So...did you go back to work? How are things? How are the kids, you and home?

Thanks for sharing.

Take Care,
N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys 12, 8 & 2 yrs old and married to my Mr. Wonderful for almost 15yrs. I love to help other moms, who want to become SAHMs, reach that goal!

E.- I struggled with this issue big time when the "perfect" job fell in my lap via email when I returned home from the hospital with my newborn. Most of your responses seem to be from SAHMs--which is wonderful. I'll share the other side with you from my experience. I ended up taking the job and am now sorting through the daycare issue myself after a year of wonderful care by a relative. Thoughts that are keeping me going: 1) You can always take the job and then quit. Yeah, it's mean, but better than feeling trapped and unhappy during what should be an exciting time. Only stay at a job you truly love and one that helps fulfill you, by extension making you a great mom. Most moms I know who went back just for the money were/are disappointed. But you won't know if you love the job until you do it for a little bit. 2) Your kids will always know you're their mom, and just that knowledge alone will make them more receptive to your influence than anyone else's, regardless of the amount of time they spend in daycare. 3) The illness thing is what it is. Do what you can to explore the daycare you're offered even more--take a tour, see what the situation is, what the caregivers are like, etc. I have friends who work/run "early learning centers" (unfortunately for me, out-of-state!) and I think what they offer children is enriching, and a good trade off for a few more colds a year. Good luck with whatever you decide; the choice is yours and I'm sure you'll make the right one.