Anxiety-Please Read and Help!

Updated on April 29, 2010
K.I. asks from Lindenhurst, NY
14 answers

Hello ladies...

Here is the deal...I have severe anxiety. I am a mess. I have always been a very introverted person to say the least...even from the very beginning, very shy and anxious...I am a stress case person, always have been. I can literally feel my blood pressure rise in social situations, and anything new or different/change and I shake like no other. My stomach is always a mess and the stress and anxiety I feel absolutely effects my body...its just who/how I am. I have a very unhealthy fear of death and think about it on a daily basis. I had a less than ideal childhood with all kinds of stress which I am sure plays a big role in this. I come from a huge drug family and have always been afraid to take any type of prescription drugs that might make me dependent/addicted...However I am tired of living this way. My mother, sister and DH have all been trying to convince me to see a Dr. and I have always been unwilling for fear of all of it, the meds they might put me( I was proscribed zoloft after my 2nd and 3rd pregnancy to help with PPD but stopped taking them after a awhile, I do not like the idea of having to take meds every day) on to the counseling I should no doubt be receiving...but now I am ready. Do I see a Dr. first and just explain the situation ( I think I should start here and get a complete physical, I have only ever seen the Dr. who delivered my babies) or should I skip them all together and go see a shrink? If so what kind? Psychologist? Therapist? I do not know the difference. When I get there what do I tell them? That I am an emotional mess? I experience anxiety...I mean who doesn't, right? I know it is ignorant of me to feel ashamed to admit all this to a professional but I just am...I do not want to feel "crazy"...but when my family and I talked about it~because anyone who knows me knows that I have severe anxiety over just about everything and it effects my daily life~When my mom and my sister and I were talking about all our actual issues I told them my true feelings about all of it and what goes thru my head on a daily basis they both just looked at me with that "poor you" pity face and it made me feel very uncomfortable...It is not easy admitting all this stuff out loud and I am scared. I went to a shrink one time a few years back after my DH set me up an appointment without talking to me...and I sat down and he asked me a couple questions and I couldn't stop myself from crying...and I am NOT a crier...it was incredibly uncomfortable for me and I never went back.

I think I am ready to face some of these fears....I am almost 33 years old and just recently went and took the test to get my drivers license, which I have never had or even tried to get and it felt good to tackle that fear...I think I am strong enough to start really confronting my issues but am not sure how it will go and would love some insight from someone who has actually been thru this.
I would love to know what kind of medication is usually prescribed so i can look them up and know what the Dr.'s are talking about before they prescribe me something, which I know I need...I just want to be informed about what they might suggest.

Thank you!

Any information you ladies could give me would be appreciated...even herbal/natural products that might help? I am always more willing to try this route first, just don't really have the extra $ to spend on all that stuff, trying out a whole bunch and what not. I have pretty good insurance and have never used it except when I was pregnant.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Hi Karma, do you find comfort and getting it out even if it is in writing? Have you tried a journal to start, even if you write it and destroy the pages...no one needs to know your business if you don't want them to.

I don't like meds and think they would probably have to shoot any mood altering drug into my vein if it every came to it.

I used to be this way too. You don't always have to be an introvert. When I was younger I would rather pee my pants than ask a cashier where a restroom was. My sister had some sympathy and would ask, but I know I drove her nuts.

You can start with baby steps until you get the professional help you are seeking. Start with eye contact with people and smile. Generally they will smile back or give a nod of hello.

Have you checked with your insurance to see if they will cover a homeopathic doctor? Maybe they will. Maybe someone can suggest someone who is perhaps both so insurance will cover the bill and she can guide you into something natural.

How is your diet? Do you get the right amount of vitamins?

If you reach the meds point, check out this website: www.askapatient.com. Realize that everyones chemistry reacts differently to medications so not everyone will have he same effect. However, you will be wise to what could be.

Take care of yourself and do something that makes you feel good about you.

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N.B.

answers from Toledo on

Please, please go to your OB/GYN and ask for something. These drugs are miracles! After I started feeling overwhelmed by life during menopause, I started taking Zoloft and soon realized that I should've been on it years before. It made such a difference! I was a constant worrier, and always played the "what-if" game in the car-----what if that car blows a tire, what if that dog runs in front of me, what if that guy tries to jump in my car at the light, ----you get the idea(I bet you play,too). These drugs shut off that little voice and let you learn to relax. Then you can learn to cope with things in a calmer way.You may need more help, you may not. Have you ever heard the Serenity Prayer? It's beautiful, and simple. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." It really does say it all. Every time you're stressed out, ask yourself, " Can I do anything about this?" If not, relax.(Works GREAT in traffic!) Also, keep in mind that when you call yourself an introvert, you're saying, "All I can think about is me. My life is all about me--what will people think of me, do I look foolish, are my kids embarrassing me, ---- me, me, me." It really is selfish if you look at it like that. When you start to focus on others instead of yourself, you build your self-confidence, your self-respect, and your circle of friends. If you really don't want to try meds, St. John's Wort is over the counter, and has a calming effect similar to prescription meds. It takes about 3 weeks before you notice much with either, but please try something--- it will make a world of difference.There are several meds in this field, and your Dr. can discuss that with you based on your symptoms. I look at it this way, if it corrects a chemical imbalance in my brain and makes me feel "normal", why wouldn't I want to take it? Good luck, and keep us posted--we care.

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J.L.

answers from Dallas on

I would start with your obgyn so they can refer you to someone given they are familar with you and your history. Might make it less anxiety ridden for you as well to try and find someone on your own.

You need to accept that depression/anxiety etc... many times is not simply a feeling. It is your bodies inability to produce chemicals that regulate you at the right speed/dose etc... The medication is used to help your body regulate these chemicals. It is not something that you can control by simply wishing to be well. Just as diabetics require medication to control diabetes, many people require medications to control their brain and how it produces (or doesn't) the chemicals that regulate your system.

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A.A.

answers from Denver on

A couple of suggestions, having once been an anxiety monger myself.

Don't let yourself be too delayed over who to see first. Just schedule all of what you need as you reasonably can. Get the physical, get an appointment with a psychiatrist to talk about medication for anxiety, and get an appointment with a psychologist/therapist for some talk therapy. In any order, as you can, all of those are useful.

The difference between a psychologist/therapist and a Psychiatrist is that the later is an actual MD who can prescribe drugs, but most are not focused on extensive talk therapy once they understand the details well enough to prescribe. A psychologist or therapist are usually about talking through how you're coping with things and working out ways to express yourself better, handle your feelings better, etc.

As for what drugs are out there, too many to list them all sanely right here. My suggestion is that you talk to the psychiatrist and ask him the names of the drugs he is most interested in having you try, and why. And ask him to hold off sending it to the pharmacy for a day while you research them to make yourself comfortable. Confirm that it's okay to call the next day to get a script once you're comfortable starting one of them.

As for what to say, I find that starting out with something you wrote can help break the ice. I would take approximately what you said here in and just hand it to the psychiatrist and psychologists appointments. It gives you a place to start and they can then ask you some questions. It will be hard at first. It's okay, if it helps, to ask someone to go and hold your hand, if you feel comfortable talking honestly in front of them while they're there.

For me it works best just to start with saying "This is incredibly hard for me." And then proceed from there. They have some sense of that already with most people, but it makes it easier inside my head to preface it that way so they are likely to be gentle with me until I can handle more.

If you can journal, consider doing so about the feelings as they come up. One thing I did with my therapist was to have two diaries and each week I went, I gave her the one I had been writing in last week and she gave me back the one she'd been reading from the week before. It let me cover a lot more ground with her very quickly and let her come in with some questions about things she wanted to make sure I was working through from last week, each time.

You can get through this. It's very hard, but you're a remarkable person for tackling it and staying brave even through the tears!

Also, make sure you're eating a lot of uncooked plant material daily. It really made a difference for me to switch to organics and remove high flash point oils from my diet, stop consuming soda and High fructose corn syrup and un-natural additives and preservatives. And I stopped eating much if any fast food. It made a dramatic difference in my anxiety and depression and I was able to get off the meds for those problems because my system was regulating itself so much better when not bogged down with garbage.

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi there, I would get a physical because you haven't gotten one in some time just to make sure all is well with you physically (esp. if you're so worried about death, it'll be good to know you're A-OK in the health dept!). But you don't need to get the physical BEFORE your therapy. It sounds like you are definitely ready to confront your fears so act now before that resolve disappears! I personally suffer from social anxiety and have been told that CBT (cognitive behavioral therapist) is the way to go so maybe do some research on that type of therapy to see if it would suit you. If not, you could try "talk therapy" instead which is more of what you see on TV, just you talking and the therapist listening and helping you to probe deeper. I like the CBT better b/c it's more hands-on. You have homework assignments and you're more focused on things you can change instead of constnatly just looking at the past (though you do some of this as well). As for meds, Zoloft is supp. to be good for anxiety. I took it for awhile and it seemed to help and as long as you get to a good place and are doing regular therapy, you might not have to take it for the rest of your life. It might help to take it now though while you're starting out on this new adventure. Don't worry too much about getting hooked on it b/c it's not addictive at all. As for finding the therapist, do some searches online and/or contact your insurance company for suggestions. they may be able to help you find a CBT therapist or a normal therapist.

Congrats on this new step you're taking! It'll do wonders for your self-esteem, your marriage and your parenting. Your kids deserve the best version of you so I really commend you for taking the most important first step. Best of luck!

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D.N.

answers from Chicago on

If you have not had a rael physical, get that done first. Tell your doc that you have extreme anxiety and see what he/she says. They could probably refer you to someone. You probably want to talk to someone that specializes in anxiety disorders. If you don't think you would be able to talk about what you feel, take a copy of this request with you. It can be hard to open up, especially with someone you do not know or are not on total comfort levels. I recently started taking 2 of my kids to therapy sessions and one of the therapists told me that the best way to get someone to really open up is to just talk and get to know each other. So if the first sessions don't seem like they are doing anything, wait a little longer before finding someone else to help you. The best part is that you know and want help. So far you have taken one step. If meds are prescribed, let the doc know that you are very concerned about addiction and such.

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Do what makes you feel comfortable. Maybe start slow by talking with SOMEONE, MIL, SIL, husband, OB, therapist, crisis line, SOMEONE. But hang in there mama! I’ve totally been there. I experienced Post Partum depression after my second daughter and have struggled with depression and anxiety (and a little OCD) since college. Here are some things that have helped me get through some of the rough times.
1. Yoga has been an incredible release for me. It is my time to relax and start over. I feel like I get a restart every time I go and I look forward to it. Check out www.corepoweryoga.com They have a work for trade program where you can clean the studio once a week for a couple hours in exchange for free, unlimited yoga.
2. Anti-depressants can help in the short-term to help you get back up on your feet, or long-term if you need them to maintain balance and stability in your life. Millions of people are on medications, so try to have judgment on yourself.
3. An alternative treatment for depression and anxiety is an herbal supplement called Luminex. Do some research and look into it further. It contains natural ingredients including St Johns Wart, griffonia seed, folate, and vitamin B12 that help with depression and anxiety. My husband and I both started taking it last month and we noticed a difference within a couple of days. Let me know if you are interested or have any questions.

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A.S.

answers from Dallas on

go to your obgyn and he/she can send you a referral. best of luck, seeking counseling will help you find ways to cope and medications helps as well because they really are treating a chemical imbalance. Just never quite taking a med without a dr's help on weaning, as it can be very dangerous and trigger horrible withdrawal symptoms.

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R.M.

answers from Nashville on

Oh honey, you do NOT have to live like this! I am glad to hear you are ready to get some help, because your life can be so much more than what it is.

I have anxiety issues and depression issues as well. You should start with your primary care doctor or Ob/Gyn if you dont have one. Depending on your insurance you might need the referral from them. The next step is to see a Psychiatrist. If your insurance doesn't require a referral, you might just be able to make an appointment for the psychiatrist, I am not sure about that part though. A psychiatrist is similar to a psychologist, but can prescribed medications. They are the therapist you need, they will discuss the course of your treatment with you. Drugs should only be a small part of it, and they will handle it all. When you go in, you tell them just what you've told us. Tell them how it makes you feel to be in a social situation, that you worry constantly about death, etc. They will see that you are not talking about normal nervousness and stress. If they don't, get another doctor. You definitely need to get some help.

The thing about depression and anxiety is that it is a chemical imbalance in your brain. You would not think anything was wrong with a diabetic for taking isulin to correct their chemical imbalance, would you? It is the SAME THING. Do not feel bad about taking medication if that's the route the doctor and you decide on. The drugs for depression and anxiety are also not habit forming. I understand your reluctance, but they are merely correcting an imbalance. Even if they were habit forming, they would not be in your body, because they would be fixing the imbalance. Just like ritalin for ADD children. Ritalin is speed, but thier bodies aren't affected by it the same way yours or mine would be.

I am not current on what drugs are available now, but they use the same drugs to treat both depression and anxiety, or did when I was taking them. It is very likely that you would have gotten relief from the zoloft for anxiety as well as your PPD if you had stayed on it. Drugs that will help are called SSRI's. There are probably others too, but these are the main ones, and they ones they will try first to help you. Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors. They work by helping your brain process seratonin correctly. That is a feel-good chemical that your brain is not producing and processing correctly.

Please keep in mind that finding the right course of treatment and drugs is different for every person and might take time. The first prescription may not be a good fit for you. You will have to give it time to work, then assess how it makes you feel. That is why the psychiatrist is important to monitor you during the process. It takes a month to reach full benefits so you can't judge how well it is going until that point. Please do not stop taking your medication suddenly, it can make you feel worse. Your doctor needs to be involved in any changes or stopping of meds that you do. For that matter, the first psychiatrist might not be a good fit. If you aren't comfortable with them, get a new one.

You are not ignorant, and you are not crazy. Part of this disorder is that you doubt yourself, and feel like you should be able to just feel better. Or that you will get better on your own. That is not true. You might be amazed at how differently you look at things once you are in therapy and medicated. I am all for natural when it is possible, but I still think you need to be under a doctor's care. Your situation is not something that a clerk at GNC is going to be able to help you with. If you can find a doctor who will advise you on natural, holistic remedies, great. But to think you can fix it yourself is not true, not from what you are describing. Please see a doctor and get help. You will be amazed how much happier your life can be! Good luck, and hugs to you!

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P.O.

answers from Jacksonville on

1. Each time your mind has it's dialogue and see images of death, literally move your mind focus to something else...Find something else to read/do to occupy your mind. It's working overtime focusing on that death subject, and you have to STOP it from going overboard...so change gears and fill it with a new topic. Keep doing that until you overcome it. It takes practice.

2. If it is fear of disease - and if you are like me - used to be afraid to go to the doctor because of the meds they would prescribe, side effects they might have and then worry if you did take one, if you messed up anything inyour body...then try to take action to make sure that you are physically, emotionally fit/healthy...my guess is you are, you're just obsessing over what if and what might be if it happens. Simply make sure you are rested, have your vitamins and take some time to relax, and read the facts about what you fear so you can feel it does not control you.

3. For the social aspect - remember everyone has faults, failures, imperfections. If you can envision the next person you meet as having an issue (which most of us do, just because we are all humans) then you will realize that they are not so bad. Tell yourself that every human bleeds, has to pass gas, has fears, and are just like you and you can overcome your fear of them. That person in the room, or that person you walk by is looking at you too wondering what you think about them and if they happen to be looking at you to find fault, look back at them and realize they are just like you.

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M.F.

answers from Austin on

I can relate to a lot of what you say. I also am not a big fan of meds. BUT, if you need medecine, you need it. If you had a problem with your kidney or your stomach, you would take the medecine you needed. I have heard really good things about an herbal med called Rescue Remedy for anxiety. But don't deny yourself medecine if that's what your body (brain) needs.

It sounds like some type of therapy would be really good for you -- the most important thing is to find somebody you trust and feel comfortable with. Give yourself permission to cry and be a mess in front of that person. It's OK -- we all need to be able to share the most fragile parts of ourselves.

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K.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

Get yourself a copy of Lucinda Bassett's book "From Panic to Power", read it, and see if it helps. It should. And if you still feel you need to see a professional after you read that, you'll be armed with knowledge, insight, specific questions, etc. It helped me tremendously with anxiety and panic attacks, helped me get off prescription anxiety meds. I found the book completely by accident - picked it up for 50 cents at the library before I learned Lucinda Bassett is well-known for her anxiety programs and has all sorts of infomercials for her program and such.

Please try the book before you try meds. I've been on several different kinds of antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. None of them really worked well, and some of them were downright frightening with their side effects. Some I didn't know if I would recover from. Thankfully I did after several months/years. I see many people telling you these drugs are like miracles, or that you need them because you have a "chemical imbalance". I personally don't believe in chemical imbalances, only nature being off-kilter, and it's not that hard to get back to feeling like a normal person once you're armed with the knowledge of how to do so. Most people don't really need meds, though pharmaceutical giants have convinced so many they do. A balanced diet, a little exercise, and learned coping/healing mechanisms go a long, long way.

Good luck, hon. I know how helpless and frightening anxiety feels, and I hope you won't have to deal with those feelings much longer. Be well :)

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Karma, you sound like a slightly more exaggerated version of myself. It is so hard taking care of yourself when you are afraid of the potential effects of anything you might need to do.

Do start with a complete physical, just to rule out any contributing factors, or if they are present, get whatever physical support you might need. That alone can be comforting.

And yes, the stress you experienced in childhood can be a big part of your current situation. Your body has learned stress as a way of life. Counseling can be a big help. Your doctor can probably make a recommendation, but I believe psychology will probable do more for you faster than psychiatry, because it deals more directly with your distressing symptoms.

Ask your doctor whether it is possible to use propranolol for occasional episodes of high blood pressure resulting from stress. It's a beta-blocker that will slow your heart down a bit when it's racing, and it has the additional off-label effect of calming the nervous system. In fact, it is being tested among soldiers who suffer from post-traumatic stress as a way to relieve their symptoms. I don't think doctors can prescribe it for specifically that use, but it might be worth talking over. I use it for high BP, and find it very calming.

If you really want to develop a new relationship with your life (and eventual death, which I have learned to understand as a good and necessary part of life), you might also want to develop a spiritual practice. For some people, religion works best. For others, it might be meditation, walks in nature, yoga….

My tender wishes for an easier future. It can happen!

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L.K.

answers from Sheboygan on

Just a thought: a lot of anxiety is diet-related...Sugar (even just a little) has been known to cause severe anxiety in certain people. Other things can cause anxiety as well: caffeine, food additives (there are over 6,000 FDA approved chemicals in the U.S.)...try eating "clean", all-natural whole foods (organic if possible) and see if you feel any better. :) Good luck!!

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