Anxiety at School

Hi,
My daughter would like to help you with this question. She's 8 YO.

Kacey suggests meeting up with one of his friends outside of the school and walking in together. At the begining of this yr. she had a similar situation with a friend of hers. He cried a lot when it was time to get on the bus and he was much better after she made friends with him (He was 1st gr she 2nd)

The only idea I have for eating is sending his favorite food.

Hope this helps,
H. and Kacey

Have you spoken to his teacher to determine how he is at school? The screaming may stop once you are gone. School is very structured. As you say, he is a rambunctious 3 yr. old. He may just want to do his own thing and doesn't like having to follow the rules of school. Perhaps the teacher can help him in some way, like trying to group him with a friend or perhaps give him a special chore that allows him to feel special. Does he have a particular thing that he is very interested in like dinosaurs or a particular movie? It may be that the teacher is also very familiar with that thing, and that they can share some time together discussing it (sharing that interest).

My neighbor's daugher loved kindergarten. When she went to first grade, she absolutely didn't want to go. They live a few houses away, and every morning I would hear the crying and screaming. I watched as dad carried up the street to the school as she screamed "no, daddy. I don't want to go." This, of course, occurred after mom had gotten worn out trying to wrestle her into her clothes, which could be heard throughout the neighborhood as well.

By the middle of first grade, I would see Christina walking up the street with a huge smile on her face. Suddenly she had realized school was fun and that mom and dad would be there when she got home.

Good luck.

Hi J.,
OOps. I either sent my answer or erased it half-way through. So here goes again, with my complete thoughts.

I think you have been receiving great responses regarding separation. 99% of the time it is accomplished through the parent demonstrating confidence that preschool is an appropriate choice, just saying "Yes, I am bringing you to school, and I will see you (when). No begging, persuading or cheerleading, as children are fearful when they sense doubt. Same with the food. It is an option, not to be over-discussed.

However 1% of the time separation is not appropriate. If your child is still upset all day long and not enjoying any part of the day, I would examine the situation. Is this child not yet ready? Do you have a mother's intuition that this setting is not a fit for your child? If so, then it is impossible for you to demonstrate confidence you do not feel, your child will sense it, and other options will need to be pursued.

With care, R

Hey J., I had a screamer too, mine would throw in some tears occasionally and the well placed, "but I just want to spend time with YOU mom!". A real knife to the heart. The teachers would even call a half hour into the day so I could hear him happily playing in the background. So long story short: drop-off drama is 5% real anxiety and 95% performance for you. Try to celebrate your little boy's flair for the dramatic! If you like the school and know he's safe, drop and drive to dunkins asap!
As for the eating, just keep sending healthy snacks and sandwiches with juice. Eating (or not eating) can be a power struggle, the more you fuss about it, the more he digs his heels in. If the food is there, eventually he will be more interested in eating than "winning". Good luck, this too shall pass! :)

He is to young to be at school it is seperation anxiety. I would take him out of school. If you want socialization find a play group where you are involved.

Hi J., I have a 3 year old daughter that goes to preshool. She was upset when I left her also. Everything was fine until her teacher opend the classroom door. She would start crying and cling to my leg. Her teacher had to pry her off me. I started talking to her about how fun school is and used reverse pshycology, saying, "My school, I am going to school". She would laugh and say, "no, my school". I found out from her teacher what the last activity of the day was, so I said to my daughter, "after snack, mommy comes and get's you". So, eventually, she stopped and right before she goes into her classroom, she says, "after snack, mommy comes and get's me!". When I pick her up she comes running out saying "I had fun at school!". Good luck!

Sometimes it is helpful to give the child a transitional object (something that the child connects with you). You would then ask the child to "hold" it for the day and when he's sad, he can hold it to confort himself.
D. Waters