I usually love the holidays; the activities that cold weather brings; the closeness of family and friends and yes, the even going through the process of picking out that special gift for those who have some impact on my life. Again, my SO thinks I do the gift-thing through obligation. He doesn't understand that for me I always just loved the idea of making someone feel special by, hopefully, getting them a token of appreciation/love/affection/gratitude/etc. Another poster suggested that I do this to make myself feel better... I get where she/he might be coming from and I suppose feeling good myself is a by product of making/helping/giving to someone else - especially those who you care about. But my initial intent is never to make myself feel better. If it was then I would just save the time/energy/money and just get myself something. So here is the thing about this year that has got me feeling like "what's the point"...
We decided a few years ago to just do children only for xmas presents since our family is growing so large. That kind of made me sad because again - I do love trying to figure out what special-something to get/do for someone. Well this year I'm even more sad because I was informed that the only presents the other kids want is money. Each child is under the age of 10 - the youngest being 5. Again, I suppose I'm old fashion because the idea of giving a child money for Christmas seems so cold and impersonal. Thoughts? Opinions? Is this a sign that I am truly from a different generation? Or maybe I was just raised differently...or maybe I just need to accept that "money" is what would make them happy.
edit: I should add that I was raised to work and make my own money... not ask for other people to just give me money so I do bristle when I'm asked out right for money. And yes, I do realize some "gifts' get re-gifted or stored or trashed. Let me re-iterate that this is about kids... not adults. Personally I would rather an unwanted gift be re-gifted or giving as donation rather that just being asked for money. Surely there is a child out there that could use some clothes, toys, etc that some other family/child does not want.
@Sarah - love the piggy bank idea. I was actually thinking of getting the 10 year old a sweater and sticking a $5 in the pocket.
Kids 10 and under only want cash? I call BS and say the parents are the ones saying they want cash... A 5 year old asked for cash?? Come on. I think I'd ignore that request unless I really didn't like shopping for gifts (but you do) and get them something you think they will like. Include the gift receipt so if they really really want cash, they can at least get a credit somewhere. But I bet at least some of the gifts will be keepers.
I hear you on all of this. I enjoy picking things out for people as well. I wouldn't want to give money for Christmas, especially for kids that young. I would much rather buy a present than give money for many reasons. I would rather do a gift card over money too. But where is the excitement if you are getting the family together and none of the kids are opening presents?
I have had kids request cash, my reply, I guess you don't want a gift. Maybe I am mean but o well. I am not going to give you cash so you can buy little junk when the mood hits you. Heck, I doubt they would even remember when they are spending it on Taco Bell that it was a gift.
Now I have been told I want cash because I want to save for this big ticket item, that I have no problem with.
I think it kind of goes to my mom lecturing me on thank you notes after my first wedding. You pick an item you are going to buy. Anyone that gives you cash you saw thank you, I am going to put this towards or we are going to buy..... She said people want to know where their money went. She is right, otherwise wacky but her she is right. I give gifts, not pocket change.
Oddly as soon as I say not happening a list is produced within seconds.
It's OK to be different. But when you gift someone something that you would like to get them, rather than that which they state they prefer, it does become more about you.
Were it not that I am good about decluttering, I would have a closet full of "thoughtful" gifts that are not right for me.
That said, carry on being old fashioned if that is your preference. It's your gift to give, and on their part, they should "get what they get and not get upset."
Best,
F. B.
Wow, I'd almost be so appalled the parents have the nerve to tell you their little kids only want money, that I'd be tempted to just get them a card, or maybe a book. You say it's about kids, but good grief, it is the parents allowing their children to ask for money. Makes me cringe!!!
I would just give a card if their parents cannot think of a single gift suggestion for their young children.
It is not "old fashioned" to pick out gifts for loved ones. Gift cards are for teenagers meant to save aunties, uncles and grandparents who would def pick something gross, right? That's TEENAGERS not little kids and absolutely not adult family members.
There is no way in heck that five year old doesn't have a Christmas wish list. What in the world does a five year old need money for? I'm sorry but these people you keep posting about seem like real creeps.
If their children are really that cynical at such young ages I'm pretty sure I know who made them that way!
I would never give kids 10 and under cash!!!!! When they are teenagers like
16 and up it is different. They have expenses and appreciate cash or gift cards. You get what you want to give them. They don't like it, take it back and they get nothing.
I can understand both sides of the money issue. My kids have sooo much stuff, they get to the point of not appreciating any of it. But giving cash doesn't quite fit either (how do young kids appreciate cash??). Maybe you can get them piggy banks and put quarters inside. That way you can choose just the right one for each of them, they get the cash they asked for, and there's the little lesson of saving built right in.
Sorry, I'm no help. I can't get past the fact that such little ones only want money. It kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. What fun is that?
it's just how you're wired! nothing wrong with that.
it makes me sad when people tell others that they're selfish or wrong for this. so what if it makes you feel good? the 'love language' meme gets overworked, but that doesn't mean there's not something to it.
i myself am SO relieved that both families have agreed to pare down and simplify the gift part of the holidays (we all just do the sneaky santa thing, which is fun and fills the 'open the presents' itch without making me crazy or murdering the checkbook) but i know there are family members like you who wish wistfully they could spend more time picking out just the perfect thing for each family member.
i'm TOTALLY with you in giving money. blick. even gift cards squick me out, although sometimes they're the only practical thing to do. what's going to happen, everyone's just going to sit under the soft glow of the tree, open their wallets and exchange bills? i HATE it!
maybe you can soothe your inner gifter by doing a little judicious non-christmas shopping. just surprise your special giftees with a june or january prezzie.
:) khairete
S.
I used to over-give big time.. I say over, because that is what I did.. give give and give some more. I thought I was doing it for the sake of giving and making others happy..... for many years I thought this.. UNTIL.. I got into a 12 step program where I began to learn about monetary boundaries.. I began to see that in my case, I gave so much because I was taught as a child that ME alone wasn't good enough... so without my realizing it.. I gave to feel a part of , I gave to fit in , I gave to be liked.. I did all this giving under the guise of, oh I like giving.. NOW.. while I still enjoying giving, I have curbed it... I now only give presents to the kids in the family (we all agree that that is best) I do give money, but only to the teens who prefer as such... I buy actual gifts for anyone younger, as I do agree, surely a little kid could use clothes or a toy... so I am with you on that..
As for re-gifting.. not much I can do about that. I have a former friend who re-gifted things and gave used items... but I figure I don't have any control over that.. plus, i don't see her much anymore...
I think you have to find a balance that is right for you.... Money is impersonal.. but to older kids.. they want to buy something specific to their needs.. I think it's ok as long as you don't over do it..
good luck
Get your SO the book "the 5 Love Languages" and he will understand why gift giving (acts) is so important to you.
If you enjoy picking out the gifts then do not let people deter you from that. It is rude to demand money. I am with you that it is cold and impersonal. Part of the fun is sitting around and watching people unwrap presents. How stupid to sit around and watch everyone stash money in their pockets. Not quite the Christmas spirit.
I could have written your post. I feel the same way that you do. It once felt wonderful to select gifts for others. Nowadays though, it seems that everyone has so much "stuff" that gift giving has become lame. So, many people just prefer cash or gift cards to their favorite store.
Well, my parade got rained on yesterday. Here's my story:
Last week, I made a special trip to the Coach store to buy my daughter a new handbag. I spent a good amount of time selecting what I think is a great handbag, coin purse, and credit card holder. The salespeople were very nice and even provided me with gift boxes and tissue paper. I left that store on cloud 9. What a wonderful shopping trip. My daughter has absolutely no idea that I am getting her this handbag and the other accessories. This is MY special, quality gift for her. I wrapped it all up and I am anxiously awaiting Christmas.
Well, last night she texts me and asks for some other type of handbag. Really? Mind you, she has no idea that my gift to her for Christmas is this Coach handbag. Yeah, talk about me being deflated:( It's almost like being stabbed in the back. So, it looks like she gets two handbags:( I just hope she likes the one I chose especially for her better than the one she has picked out for herself.
This year, our family has decided that we are no longer buying for anyone other than our own children because of the drama.
I am with you as I am beginning to think that gift giving may be a thing of the past. Maybe volunteering at a soup kitchen will prove to be more meaningful at Christmastime. Anyways....
Merry Christmas to you! Enjoy the shopping:-)
I have to play devils advocate here but I have so many people that feel they need to pick out gifts for my kids that it is ridiculous. it used to be you got a gift from mom and dad, santa and maybe something small from grandma,
when did every aunt and uncle and neighbor and secretary at daddy's work, feel the need to drop $20 or more on gifts for the kids???
you are the aunt right, not the grandma?? and don't get me started on grandparents who think it's their right to outshine mom and dad.
whether you give a gift or get creative with giving the cash, is up to you. what ever makes you feel good.
but personally we have so many people feeling good about gifting to my kids that we would need an addition to our house to hold it all.
Maybe you could find an angel tree and pick a disadvantaged child and make their wishes come true.
Yes, that IS sad. What use is money to a young child?
Sounds like a materialistic bunch. Sorry :-(
I would not give kids that young cash unless there was a known request I wanted to support. "Tommy is saving up to buy a new bicycle" or "Sarah wants to get her room redecorated". I think a nice present to open - something you picked out for them would be more personal. They won't know in 5 days who gave them cash but might remember that you gave them a book or something for a special hobby. Or you could get them a little Christmas stocking and put in a roll of quarters or other coins.
Unless they flat out tell you that they do not want what you have to give, then you should gift people based on your relationships with them and what you truly believe that they will appreciate and enjoy. Period.
People who have so much that they don't want more need to say, "Thank you, but I have all the stuff that I need," and decline your offer altogether. What are they gonna do with the cash, anyway? Spend it, right? On stuff? The stuff that they have so much of that they can't be bothered to tell you about, when you are offering to spend your time and money on them? Hmph! I am over that.
