Anger Outlets

Updated on December 08, 2011
K.R. asks from Baraboo, WI
10 answers

I cheated on my husband about 6 months ago. He graciously decided to give me a chance to make it better. I don't really want to go into detail about the whole thing just know that I am stupid and that he did not deserve (by far) anything that I did to him.he is one of those husbands that would make other women jealous. He held me on such a high pedistal I could see nothing but myself and I am pretty close to ruining everything. I did not deserve him, I know what I've done andwhat caused me to do what I did. My question is how do I help him coupe with all the anger I have caused? He has told me that " punching a pillow" is not going to help. Does anyone know of other anger outlets that may help

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answers from Kansas City on

counseling. if you don't belong to a church ask around and see if anyone's pastor would be willing to talk to you, if you're not financially able to pay for it. but mostly bend over backwards and make sure you are considering HIS feelings in every instance. i was on his side of it. you are very lucky he took you back. i hope my husband realizes how lucky he is that i took him back.

i'm sorry i'm not in a position to tell you "of course you deserve him!" no you really don't. you blew it. my husband didn't deserve me taking him back either...but both of you can strive to, and that's what makes the difference between fixing it and it falling apart.

make it your goal each day to deserve him. that's how you fix this. and realize that even years later the scars are still there. just because he forgives you doesn't mean he'll forget. it will take hard work and most of it will be on your end. and then, yes, you will deserve it.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Topeka on

I have been on your husbands' end of this....and I can tell you that the best thing is TIME. You need to show him everyday that you love him and are glad that you are his wife. Don't grovel...don't beg for have already done that and he says he has forgiven you. Let him know that you are available to talk and help him process things...but just be his wife...his friend..his lover. Be the things that you know that a couple partner would be. And give him time.
Is he into exercise? Are you? Maybe you could join a gym and exercise together...( or him go alone if you are like me and simply incapable of keeping up with Exercise is not only a good outlet but it releases all of those lovely hormones that are guaranteed to make you feel better!!! As Adansmama says...he has forgiven you but he hasn't FORGOTTEN yet...and he is worried...I know I matter how many times you say "I am sorry" matter how many times you say "I love you"...he is still worried that it might happen again. This is were TIME comes have to have a "track record" of committment and the only way you get that is by traveling the road of life and staying true to your husband and to your vows.
I also agree with Adansmama that you might look into some counseling. It would be a great way for him to be able to process some of the "stuff" that he is dealing with.
Good luck to both of you and God bless you.
If you need someone to just process things with..please feel free to message me...I don't claim to have any answers...but I do have a listening ear and a nice shoulder!!!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I would definitely get into counseling, he needs to process whatever feelings he is having (sadness, anger, distrust, etc...) then he needs to heal and needs to continue to work on rebuilding a healthy relationship/marriage with you. Don't sell yourself short, you need to be strong in this rebuilding if you're both going to be stronger coming out of this. My concern if he doesn't process in a healthy (unbiased) setting, he may confide in a friend or relative who may steer him wrong or fuel his anger. Good luck to your family.


I would definitely get into counseling, he needs to process whatever feelings he is having (sadness, anger, distrust, etc...) then he needs to heal and needs to continue to work on rebuilding a healthy relationship/marriage with you. Don't sell yourself short, you need to be strong in this rebuilding if you're both going to be stronger coming out of this. My concern if he doesn't process in a healthy (unbiased) setting, he may confide in a friend or relative who may steer him wrong or fuel his anger. Good luck to your family.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Marriage counseling for you both.
What would you do if he had cheated on you?
That kind of anger takes awhile to be processed and it will take a lot of work for that wound to heal, but it can be healed.
Something was/is lacking in your marriage.
Counseling will help you both figure out what happened and how not to do that again.
You are not stupid - maybe you were a bit selfish in not considering your husbands feelings.
And your husband's putting you on a pedestal did not cause you to seek something/one outside your marriage.
That almost sounds like you want to blame your husband and he's not the one who cheated.
Counseling will help you both a lot.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Medford on

Stop saying you dont deserve him. You deserve the best. You made a mistake but it doesnt mean you deserve any less. You can make the choice to not ever make that mistake again and you will both be better for it. So dont beat yourself up about it, and move on.
ok so, ideas to help with anger.
Biking, (uphill)
Any hard strenous exercise
Pull weeds
Singing really loud in the car until youre laughing hard and then crying
Screaming into the pillow
go dancing together. slow dancing, hold him tight, be romantic, sit silent in the dark holding eachother. I would think it would be difficult to stay angry with someone if you try some of this.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Milwaukee on

Counseling seperately for each of you and for the both of you together.



answers from Appleton on

You both need to get into counseling.

Your post says a lot about how you feel about yourself; you have very low self esteem. Counseling will help you to deal with your low self esteem issues. This is not a quick fix. This will take a lot of time and effort on your part but will help you so much in the long run. You need to deal with issues that probably come from childhood. You need to be able to pull them out look them over and eal with them and be able to go from there.



answers from Minneapolis on

I was told to start a journal and to just write... no editing, no need for being coherent, etc. just write your thoughts as they spill into your head. It was very therapeutic.

You also need to have 100% transparency - as in he has access to every e-mail account you have, any FB accounts, back or credit card statements, etc. He needs every pass code and password and you need to let him know he can check them at anytime.

You need to answer any and all questions he asks and with as much detail as possible. Don't lie or fudge the truth thinking you're keeping pain away from him... b/c it will backfire and he will loose what little hope for you two that he may have left.

One of my favorite quotes goes something like this " if you tell the truth, you never have to remember what you've said' ... be 100% truthful w/ him b/c he will ask the question in a different way to see if there is inconsistencies w/ your answer.

You also need to both go to counseling. The anger is only one phase... it's beyond devastating to be cheated on... it makes you feel as though every day you have lived w/ that person is a lie b/c you think if they can go to this level of selfishness and hurt then what else have they really been doing.

It take years to move past something like this and there will most likely still be times where situations/movies/etc. will get him very down. But most of all continue to say you're sorry, for doing it, for his pain, etc. You can never say you're sorry too many times for something this devastating. tell him every-time he's feeling down b/c as the person who has been devastated you often wonder (as time goes by) if the offender even gives it any thought anymore. Good luck.



answers from Rapid City on

Writing feelings down to work through them always seems to help me. What he really needs is someone to talk to that can handle it without the guilt so a minister or councilor would be the best choice. I know that marriages can make it through this and it is hard and different but it will be ok. Good luck and sending prayers your way



answers from Eau Claire on

I agree with many of the other mamas: Counseling. A few months ago I discovered my BF of almost 5 years had an emotional affair. I've since started counseling, but he won't go, which is VERY frustrating to me. It shows how committed you are to working things out. Get some relationship books to read. Whether he will read them with you or not is not as important as showing you are doing whatever you can. Unfortunately, you being the one who strayed, you may need to give him access to your email or FB, etc, this will show him you are hiding nothing. Make sure he gets space from you if he wants it, yet always keep in touch, letting him know where you are and what you are doing. The idea that he could find you or talk to you at any time will help him know you have nothing to hide. Getting out to do something physical helps a lot too, whatever it may be (gym, sledding, running, boxing... you get the drift). I personally clean a lot, tough scrubbing and stuff. It helps.

But the biggest things, also as others have already said, is TIME. If you can steadily reassure him of your love and committment, and find ways to reconnect positively, it will get better, but it will take time. He has to build up more positive and trusting memories with you again. I know I don't think of what my BF did every 5 mins anymore. It's more like 5-10 times a day now. It does slowly get better, but he won't forget. Forgive yourself and prove to him that you CAN be the person he thought you were. You made a mistake, but you can make things better. Some couples even end up stronger after things like this, but it takes a lot of time and struggle and love and patience and commitment. You CAN do it.

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