An Open Letter to the Moms Who Responded to My "Mom's Group Able to Devote 2 Hou

Updated on February 03, 2007
A.M. asks from Oklahoma City, OK
9 answers

I didn't know how to reply to the 6 negative reply's that I got and since it was said that I needed to reply publicly, I am, but didn't know how to do so without adding a new post so here goes. WOW, it seems that each of you have assumed things about me for whatever reason, and that's fine, but you know what they say about assuming. I have limited the parameters due to the SMALL size of my house where meetings may be held from time to time. So I'm not a RICH person who chooses to "discriminate" against others based on income. I have a masters degree, but I'm not working in that field at this time due to my parenting. I did not want single mothers in my group because I am in other groups which include single mothers and I wanted to be in a group with married mothers as well. To incinuate that I don't like single mothers or that $ 12 buys my friendship is ludicris and I would have thought that anyone with any intelligence would know that there is limited space to request what I am looking for. And I don't "lack friends" I lack close friendships in proximity to where I am. How many posts have there been on this site for moms groups and playgroups, all open all for anyone, great, but I want to have a group for mom's that are closer to my own personal struggles and life circumstances and I am critizied. Had I asked for a Baptist, Episcipal, Catholic, Wiccan, mom's group would I have been as critisized? There are groups EVERYWHERE for parents of the mentally ill (call NAMI for more information) and single moms (call mothers helping mothers) and even non traditional families (contact GLADD) but I want a group for married women and again I am criticized. I never said I had anything against single parents or when a child turns 12 they are kicked out, I wanted a group for older mothers with children of the same stages so that we could grow together, period. And diverse with parameters is NOT and OXYMORON. PARAMETERS are for limiting size, application is for limiting size. And exactly like I stated, if you don't fit in the parameters I set forth, then start your own group, maybe your house can hold several more people than 15, maybe you want only single mothers, I would have never read a post which requested specific parameters and taken offense, I would have been proud of those women for taking the inititive to start a group which could in whatever way assist them. If you don't like my post, no problem, but to attack me for taking inititive for myself and my friends and what we would like to have is so not right. I would hope you teach your children better than you have exibited yourselves. People are different, not everyone likes each other, there are groups they may not be a part of or feel like being a part of but that should then prompt them to fill the need which they have and create their own. And the $12 was going to be for a party or donation for a group we chose to support, but again, people assume things and take the negative road. I no longer feel bad for stating my needs and I feel good about the fact that I would like to have a moms group with married women who have some sort of spiritual center and children of the same age groups. I hope each of you who have had nothing but anger and negitivity find what it is you are looking for in life, and a group of people whom you feel kindred to because everyone deserves that.

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C.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I'm editing my previous response. Thank you Natalie for you post, it made me think about some things. I'm actually embarrassed that I've spent so much time on this, because I don't really care! A.'s letter irked me the wrong way, so does the 2nd one, and I have the personality where I'll say what's on my mind. That doesn't mean that's the best way to handle things that irritate me:). So I'm done, I will keep my mouth shut. Just wanted to clear the air:).

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W.F.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I am totally shocked at the drama that this has caused! I understand that people get their feelings hurt, but I think everyone also needs to understand that you are reading a post. You can't hear voice inflections or see the expression on a face of someone writing an e-mail or post. This website is not for inmature arguing from adults. It is a website to brings Moms of all shap, size, color, religion, social and economical status together as one. It is a place that we can all bring our care's and concerns to, to seek advice from other's that may be experiencing something similair. So please girls stop the drama!!!! Forgive one another as Jesus has forgiven you. Be proud Mom's and realize that we are equal because we are all Mom's and are striving for the same end result.

W.

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N.V.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Okay, I’m sure by submitting this post, I will be creating more controversy, but I feel compelled to defend A. on her attempt to create a group of happily married, educated moms. I have never met A.. I only know of her what she has posted on mamasource. I just don’t understand why some of you are being so harsh. Why is it WRONG to want to form a group of happily married moms with a high school education or above?! We all know that there are groups of all kinds, so why should this group be considered discriminatory? If an avid poker player tried to form a poker group, would you be offended because you didn’t play poker? If an overweight person tried to connect with other overweight moms, would you feel discriminated against because you were thin? If an Asian tried get together with other Asians because they have similar cultural backgrounds, would you feel excluded? If another mamasource mom tried to form a book club, would you feel left out and bitter because either you couldn’t read or your life circumstances didn’t allow you the time? If a widow tried to find support through other widows, would you feel excluded because you were not a widow? If moms of children with ADD wanted to form a group with other moms of children with ADD, are you being discriminated against? Come on people! What is wrong with a group of happily married, somewhat educated moms who live in the same area!? Maybe Angela’s choice of words were not ideal. Maybe she shouldn’t have used the word application. Maybe she should have indicated the first time that the $1/month would be for charitable purposes. Do you all really think she is charging for friendship? That is juvenile thinking. But why must you be so quick to judge? I personally do not have a Masters degree, but I never assumed she thought she was better than I because she does have a higher education. She probably worked hard for that degree and is simply proud of it….is that so wrong. Some of you posted about your involvement with groups that include people of all kinds, ages, etc. Well that is wonderful! That is what has worked for you. Is it right? Is it wrong? I don’t think either. Just because A. used technology and a web source to reach out to moms with similar lifestyles and wanted the members of the group to meet specific parameters, doesn’t make her a bad person. God Bless those who are able to devote their lives to the needy, the disabled. God Bless those who enjoy being a part of a very diverse group that does all kinds of activities with all ages, backgrounds etc. God Bless those that have lost loved ones due to illness and tragedy. God Bless those who are in abusive relationships or whose marriage has ended. God Bless those in their 20s and God Bless those in their 50s. God Bless the married, the single. God Bless A. because she is a human with needs and desires and feelings like all of us.

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J.K.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Hi A.,

I have to admit that your post rubbed me the wrong way at first because I am excluded, and then I realized I didn't want to be a part of your group anyway...I just don't like being excluded! I didn't respond but I noticed your letter today and I just wanted to let you know that you opened a door for me with four little letters...NAMI...I have been trying to find support and noone ever mentioned these guys at all! I have never ran across them in my searches for support and I just wanted to say thankyou for pointing out that resource...good luck with your group. I don't know why it offends people so much to be excluded but it does...obviously.

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C.L.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Susan,

What a great letter. I was one of those offended yesterday by the post, however, I have learned that life is just too short to have something like this bother me. Therefore I never replied. However, I just wanted to say great post Susan... it sounds like you have a great community of families and friend in Yukon!

I don't fit the parameters that A. wants. 6 years ago, I fit perfectly. I was the educated stay at home mom, with the perfect family, house, church, kids etc.... then cancer struck and life as I knew it ceased to exist. I am now a single/ONLY parent to two girls. I work out of the house and try my best to make their lives as normal as possible. We are slowly climbing out of the hole we found ourselves in when our lives came crashing down around us when their dad was diagnosed with cancer and couldn't work, and eventually passed away.

A.... I am sure you were trying your best not to offend people.. but you did. I do hope you find that perfect group you are looking for. I'm sure those people who that appealed to will email you directly. Good Luck... and I really hope that your glass house will never come crashing down around you, because with the type of friends you are requesting, they may not hang around to help pick up the pieces.

C.
[email protected]____.com

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K.

answers from Oklahoma City on

A.,
I commend you for stating exactly what you want/need. So many women don't. It's usually the ones that are not as educated or well grounded as you. I suggest that you not elaborate or justify what you are looking for. This is America and you have every right to express yourself. I look forward to you reading my information. If I am not selected, I promise I won't whine about it. Thanks and good luck girl!!!

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S.L.

answers from Oklahoma City on

A.,

I have no hatered feeling for you i really just think there are better ways to get your thoughts across without sounding like you are better than anyone else as we are all equals think about this

my children and i are equals i just have more experience at life my life is no More or LESS valuable than theirs due to education or lack there of we are equals as we are all people and i personally think that the earlier post and this one is saying that you are better than anyone else and yes i know about NAMI however i have started and continue to have regular support groups in yukon open to the whole community (as many places donate space for free) to deal with any issues parent may face such as special education to paying bills and budgeting and recreation and getting to know you nights we do not ask for dues we do help provide a meal and if they are able to drop in a donation that time great and if not oh well in the end we are usually ahead so we can buy supplies for a project we also break the ages up grand parents, parents, teens, tweens 9-13, and young children so we meet the needs of everyone not just the parents
there are married people and a singles group as well
issues faced are mental illness and the effects on the families and siblings also what to look for as each mental illness looks diffrent to each family member, we also look and discuss school issues and where to go and also childcare either private homes or childcare facilities and we have fun dates too we have gone to play lazer tag 1st time it was individual scores then it was children vs. parents (kids won by a long shot) and the winners only it was a blast and out of the torrent of every day life we have had a recipie swap and one of our mothers has just had a child so we did a diaper drive as they have most needed clothing and supplies for the child and well we could have got the layette we chose diapers as they are so expensive but with nearly 90 families involved now each of us spending 10 dollars or about there they made it okay and they were more greatful for the help just with diapers, we have played a parent vs. children softball game as well as football many of our kids are competitive so we sometimes compete to get more participation we also go to our communioty and ask for donations (have not been turned down yet) to have a bingo or bunco night, we have had campimg trips, we also have on occasion payed dues to scouts or other organizations like that and also sent children to camps during the summer and also set up retreat weekends with loads of activities again volenteered space to have families just get away from everyday life we have also helped families with bills and gas and perscriptions on occasion as needed the real reward is knowing we have made a diffrence in out community and A. no one is turned away and some of my very best friend come to this group no application nescesary free of a paid price however never turn away a donation from the donation being food cold hard cash searching for the next topic night to community service and helping enhance our community and helping in our schools so they know their backs are being watched and federal laws are being enforced for all our children mental health needs or gifted or not no DESCRIMINATION AT ALL PERIOD or course some families click better with others as do any groups so we are not offended when someone makes a date to hang with another mom we even go as far as to have a moms night and a dads night at times other times we have just a park night with a big box of chicken and many parents bring a side dish and a fishing pole or a basketball, baseball, football, swim suit (if those hours are open)ya see there are ways to have friends without having to buy them and with out having to make them live up to your standards and by the wayOUR GROUP HAS BEEN GOING STRONG FOR 3 YEARS NOW we turn no one away and may nights we have a voulenteer speaker as to what our parents need and want some want legal advice for schooling issues, some want to know about parenting trainings to learn diffrent theories (not always better just diffrent) to try usually free and on weekends so many parents can attend with out complications of a job interference, you see its about the group and friendships in the group not just about what you want... i learned in the early months in this type of group you have to be flexable as being rigid will usually provide fake relationships that are paid for when all we really need is to see other families are also in our shoes going to work coming home to all the "i wants" trying to fix a meal and get back out on the road to someones ball game or practice rushed to bathe and off to bed to realize we really did not get to really bond with our loved ones, we have also found out that friends need us no matter the time of day heck there have been several times i have had a call late at night just for a venting session and we have spoke from 2am until the sun rises in the morning are you willing to do that? i am and will do it for anyone no matter how big or small the issue why because i believe in the long run there will be a time when i need it myself and maybe not each of my friends can be the go to person but can maybe offer a suggestion from an objective point of veiw and give me an idea of who to call as there are many of us night owls as well as early risersits all abour teamwork in a support or friends group we all know each other and we all know the limitations set forth and we all respect the times when another family simply says i just can not handle this right now how about trying so and so we just talked about that a few weeks ao ya see the point i am making its the friEND that will be there in the END not the 2 hours or the 12 bucks or the 15 people or the education level or the religion level i hope i have given you some things to think about there are many hospitals here in OKC who offer meeting rooms for free and if someone wants to be a friend they will drive for it sometimes hundreds of miles away just for someone who is in their shoes and have someone to talk to share ideas with and care for them when they are down ,lift them up when they are up and stand beside them when needed not in front or behind them but truely with them all the way hands down no questions asked... now thats a friend wouldn't ya say that person is who i want in my corner night and day are you willing to provide that??? well guess what i do every day oras needed to my friends with no expectations of anything in return i hope they will do the same for me BUT it is not a requirement i do believe friends are really friends stay to the end no matter what aquaintences come and go and then people you would wonder how they were even planted on this road of life and they are still equal to you and i as they share a bond with everyone else here the word is called HUMAN and to be human is to be cautious concerened careful and someone to care for good or bad i am human i make mistakes and they are just life lessons not a setback but a lesson that i was intended to learn weather it be from family or my children as again we are equal all have blood and flesh and bone i just have more experience in life than my chidren do but i am no better or worse than them maybe you will read this and understand

S.

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A.W.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Yay!!! All moms groups have some sort of structure. I am glad to see that you posted this.

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D.K.

answers from Oklahoma City on

A.,
Maybe you should look at your first post to see why people were offended. I am not offended by your post, actually my husband and I had a great laugh over it. I do fit in your parameters. I have a BA and my husband has a law degree, happily married, two children in the age range and all that, but the fact that you will JUDGE me is amusing. I also hope that you teach your children better than you exibited.

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