Am I Worrying Too Much?

Updated on April 02, 2007
D.M. asks from Brackenridge, PA
7 answers

Right now my husband works 40 hours a week fulltime mon through friday daylight. I work 40 hours between wed and sat. I also do an overnight shift. I have a 4 year old little girl who I have in daycare 3 days a week. I am due with my second child in June. I am trying to think of which is the best option after I have the baby, but there are so many things to consider. My daughter wants to go to preschool, which isnt an all day thing. I dont really think I would be comfortable putting my baby in daycare. But we cannot afford to live on one income. If I stay where I am at now, the hours would suck and daycare for 2 children would be too expensive. If I would get a minimum wage daylight job, then I could qualify for daycare assistance. But then I am faced with putting the baby in daycare. If I work opposite shifts all week long as my husband then we dont have the family time that I would like. My husband is trying to find a new job because he wants me to stay home with the kids. But I dont see that happening anytime soon. I am already going to have to go unpaid with my maternity leave, which everyone keeps asking me when I am stopping work. I have no idea. My husband keeps telling me that I am stressing out too much about it, but how cant I? I am pretty sure that I made my mind up about not going back to my current job, it just isnt worth it. But then I am still faces with finding a new job and everything else. Does anyone have any ideas or their own stories?

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answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi I provide at home daycare for my nephews. There is a place called Child Care Information Services and they help pay for daycare whether it be a facility or have a family member do it. I dont believe in daycare either althoug I am sure there are some good ones out there. The place who pays me to watch my nephews actually pays pretty good. SO if you have a friend or family member who would be willing to help. I also pick my older nephew up from school . Hope this helps.



answers from Philadelphia on

When I had my first child, there was no question that I was going to work. I put her in a home daycare with a mother-daughter team who were wonderful. The problem was that they only kept the babies until they were two. When my daughter was approaching her second birthday, I started looking at centers. The only ones that were acceptable were very expensive.

I decided to stay home and start my own home daycare. I have been doing it for six years and now have three children of my own. I watch two children full time and two part time. I make more money each month than I made working as a school counselor with a Master's degree. Plus, I was paying for childcare. The best part, I put my daughter on the bus every morning and take my children to preschool. My kids have playdates, participate in sports and music lessons and enjoy down time at home. The daycare kids are an added bonus because there is always someone to play with and my children have made some really great friends. My oldest is still good friends with the first two children I started watching six years ago. They are all 8 years old now and live in three different counties but still get together for playdates.

I do not have the expense of daycare myself, I don't have to pay for gas to travel to work and I don't have to buy special clothes. I can write a portion of my household bills, grocery bills, cleaning supplies and toys purchased. I know several people who do this under-the-table but I wouldn't chance it myself. If you research what you can write-off and save receipts, claiming it isn't bad.

I have had many people ask me if I will go back to work when my three year old starts elementary school. There is no way I would even consider it. I want to be home after school, especially as my kids get older.



answers from York on


I can imagine the stress you're dealing with trying to think of how to make this all work. Take a deep breath and relax. ;)

Have you sat down with your husband to determine exactly what your expenses are? There are so many little changes you could make to help lessen the burden of many of the basic bills. It may or may not be entirely possible to be able to stay home. Your husband seems in favor of it, and I have found that husbands like that will do what they can to make it happen. Be proud of him for wanting to allow yo the luxury of being there for your little ones as they grow up.

This sounds like something you'll need to tackle now in order to get a good strong hold on your finances before you have to take that maternity leave. If you have a financial adviser, sit down with them and see what kind of manipulating can be done. If not, maybe asking around at church or among your friends to see if you can find one might be worth it.

You can also consider any work related skills you may have that might allow you to find a work from home opportunity.

I would be happy to offer you many suggestions, if you'd like. I have been a stay home mom since I was relieved of my job 4 months before my first child was born, while my husband was already on unemployment. We have since moved twice and my husband has changed jobs 3 times (looking for another change shortly). In that time he has had many extra jobs as well to make sure we always have what we need, and I have never returned to work outside of the occasional pizza delivery job for personal sanity... LOL! It can be done.

Wishing you the best!

Wife, Mother, Friend



answers from Philadelphia on

I was struggling with the same decision as you, and I decided that it made the most sense for me to stay at home. Although I'm in the process of starting my own pet sitting business, we still need to supplement our income in the meantime. I have started to babysit a little girl 4 days a week. Its extra income and I get to spend time with my children in my own home. Would this be a possibility for you? You would be surprised of how many people are looking for in-home daycare for their children.



answers from Philadelphia on


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answers from Reading on

I feel for you with the stress you are having right now. I too went through all those same decisions and the one I chose was to stay home with my youngest 2, and just struggle through until they went to school all day. Guess what! We got buried with our bills. We just couldn't do it because something extra always comes up like a sick kid who needs to see the dr and get prescription. There goes the already tight budget.
So I started to look into a business that I could do from home that did not tie me down and allow me to be flexable with my family's time.
I tried Mary Kay and Arbonne, and failed at both because I could not bring myself to ask other women to spend alot of money on skin care and make up.
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answers from Philadelphia on

Hi D.,
I know how you any decision is a lose/lose situation!
I work part time from home making full time money with a health and wellness company called Arbonne International. Arbonne is a network marketing company with some of the best products, and one of the most lucrative compensation plans in the industry. I truly love it, and am amazed that it can provide me the time and money freedom I desire. I am a single mom of a 6-year old girl, and I only wish I had started this when she was a baby, rather than struggle through those years! I've been doing Arbonne since August 2006.
Anyway, I don't know if something like this would be for you, but thought maybe you'd like to check it out...
And feel free to ask me any questions, or if you want more info I'd be happy to send you some.
Good luck! I really hope you find an answer!
Take care,
M. J

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