Am I the ONLY Mom Who Didn't Send Her 3Yo to Preschool?

Updated on September 06, 2013
M.C. asks from Louisville, KY
44 answers

Haha. It seems like everywhere I turn, all the 3 YOs are in preschool already. I have a LOT of friends and family back home with kids the same age as my DD, and every. single. one. of them are in preschool. I have actually gotten quite a few snarky comments from them when they find out my DD isn't. (Which immediately stopped when I posted a video of my DD reading a story by herself. Lol.)

Don't get me wrong... I think preschool is a great program, and I don't have anything against sending your younguns to school at this age... But as far as I always knew, preschool was for the year before starting kindergarten, so I never even really thought to look into getting my DD enrolled into one.

Of course, she gets plenty of learning opportunities at home. I looked online to see what is expected of kids starting kindergarten, and I don't think she would have any problem meeting the 'requirements' by the time she is old enough, so I'm not really too worried about it. Lol. My main purpose for preschool next year will be to give her a chance to learn how to behave in a classroom setting under the care of a teacher, and social interaction with her peers.

So, am I the only one with a 3yo NOT in preschool? :)

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answers from Chicago on

When all of my friends started putting their kids in preschool at 2, I thought they were nuts. it's funny, but a few of them have said to me, " I wish I would have kept them home longer, it goes by so fast."

you don't need preschool to have social interactions. This is what playgroups are for. You also don't need preschool to prepare you for school. In fact, research shows that only disadvantaged kids benefit from preschool. The rest? Middle and upper actually show more aggressive behaviors!

Really it's about moms wanting ME time, and then coming up with lots of reasons for why preschool is important. It isn't.

In short, no, I have my 3 year old at home, and my 5 year old!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

My two older ones started at 3 and did 2 years. It was more for social interaction and FUN for them than anything else.The youngest didn't have a ride to and from class unfortunately, but he was also in an in-home daycare versus my older two being home with my sister as their babysitter, so I felt like he got the same social interaction. For his 4 year old pre-k, he was able to get into the public program and went 5 days a week in the afternoon.

To each their own, but my kids went and LOVED it.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

There are pros and cons to it. If I'd been a stay at home mom, I probably would have kept her with me. As it was, I sent her to an in-home daycare that did some preschooly things, but also focused on just letting them be little kids.

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from San Francisco on

Well of course preschool is not totally necessary, but it's FUN for your kids, and it allows you a few hours to take care of business and be an adult (shop without baby talk, take an exercise class, join a book club, etc.)

6 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Of course do what you think is best for your daughter.

But as below posts mention, preschool can be lots of fun for a child, and, a bit of "mommy by herself" time can be lots of fun for mom! Preschool does not have to be every day like "real school"...just a nice activity.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Lancaster on

I started DD (now almost 14) in preschool at 3. She only went 2 mornings a week. Since she's an only child, I wanted to make sure she had a good measure of socialization. The next year, she went 3 mornings a week. She was on the very young side when she started kindergarten so I felt the time she spent in preschool was well spent. Do what works for you. PS - most people would probably agree that preschool is more about socialization and learning how to be part of a classroom than academics.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

To me Preschool is a great way to have your child play with peers without you having to set up play dates. If you have a child next door or a sibling close in age, lucky you, it's not needed! But when my kids were preschool age, all the nieghborhood kids were in daycare, so no one to play with!
Also Preschool is a great way to get your child used to the norms set up in school. For instance, there is a time for play, a time for listening quietly, a time for snack, a time for everything. It's too easy at home to let your child always set the schedule, unless there are many children.
Preschool is SO much more than learning letters and numbers. When I teach K, it is clear which kids went to a good preschool!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

My daughter went to preschool at age 3 but if my memory serves me...she was only there about 5 hours per week. I enrolled my daughter so she would have the opportunity to make friends and do fun crafts with other kids. She absolutely loved it so I would definitely recommend it. My daughter was reading chapter books by the time she went into kindergarten so I was not the least bit concerned with the academic portion of the program either.
Do what works for you and your family but you may want to consider it. It is really a lot of fun and my daughter made nice friends that we were able to do other things with (ie. go to the zoo, lunch dates, birthday parties etc)

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Johnson City on

Nope. Neither of mine went to pre-school. In fact, my son is a 3rd grader and just started "regular" school this year. I home-schooled him for the first three years. I'm home-schooling my daughter in 1st grade this year. (She'll have a choice next year, but will probably opt to go to school with her brother.) My son started reading when he was 4 and my daughter told me she was ready to learn to read two months before she turned 4. Both of them are reading WELL above grade level. They got socialization through playdates with family and friends, church's children's classes, weekly trips to the library for Storytime, etc. Also, because we didn't have to worry about working around a school schedule, we were able to take them on a two-week mission trip to visit an orphanage in Bangladesh last year. Talk about an eye-opening field trip! If you are able to be home with your daughter, she's not going to miss out on anything if she doesn't step foot in a classroom before kindergarten (or even later if home-schooling is a viable option that you think would work for you).

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Both of my kids went to preschool starting at age 3, but honestly, it wasn't all for them. It was for ME!! 3 hours, 3x a week?? Heck yeah!!!!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

I'm sure you're not the only one, and the decision to do or not do pre-school is entirely up to you. If your way is working for you (and it apparently is working quite well), don't second-guess yourself.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

Pre-school stage of development starts around 2 and goes up to about 4-5. They have certain characteristics that help them absorb much knowledge during this time.

Then once they get to be around 5 they're school aged kiddo's. They start seeing thing more abstract, less concrete, they have different abilities completely.

Most people send their kiddo's to pre-school then pre-K then kindergarten.

If you don't want your child to go then just say you didn't want them gone to school during the day yet.

I can't imagine not having a couple hours or more to make OB/GYN appointments, go grocery shopping without "I want this" every 5 seconds. I enjoyed having a few hours a day to myself.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Grand Forks on

I was a SAHM and sent both of my kids to pre-school. The way pre-school works here is they start going at age three, two afternoons (or mornings) a week. When they are four they go three afternoons (or mornings) a week. Pre-school isn't really about the curriculum, but more about learning how to get along with other kids, follow directions from the teacher, sit in a circle, stand in a line and share. It is also a way to meet the other children in the neighbourhood. By the age of three my kids were really craving regular social interaction with other kids their own age. We did also go to playgroups, playgrounds, libraries and the YMCA where they could play with other kids, but the structure provided in pre-school was a little different and they really liked it. The kids they went to pre-school with have been their friends ever since, and they are now 8 and 11. Oh, yeah, I also got a break two afternoons a week. When my older son started pre-school my younger son was a newborn, so we had some bonding time and my older son got to be away from the baby. When my younger son went I had to whole afternoons to myself!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

No, you're not the only one! I was a stay-at-home mom and kept mine home as long as possible. BUT, I worked with them on my own and they were very ready to go when it was time. My son went early - at age four only because it involved speech therapy; my daughter went right into Kindergarten totally skipping any preschool.

I always took them out to story time, play dates, etc., so they knew early on how to act in social situations, have impeccable manners, etc.

By the way, they both have always been honor students taking advanced classes. My daughter is a Junior in high school; my son is a Freshmen in college for bio-medical engineering!!

My ONLY requirement with them is that they do their best; they've pushed themselves to be at the top of the class!! I couldn't be more proud of them!!

In my opinion, and I'm probably going to catch a lot of flack for saying this: a lot of kids go into preschool because it's easier and/or both parents are working and that sometimes is their only choice, or it's cheaper than daycare.

Good luck!!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

None of my grandchildren (8 of them) have ever gone to preschool. They all do very well in school. I personally see no need to put a child in school at age 3 unless you need daycare. I agree that putting them in at age 4 to learn how to be in school is a good idea, but not necessarily necessary. If you supplement at home, your child will do just fine in K even without preschool.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Rockford on

My two boys did not go to preschool. They did go to my mom's home daycare, though. She did not have a structured academic program but had kids from babies to kindergarten, so they did get socialization. Not going to a formal preschool did not hurt them. They are both in college now, both with high ACT scores, thousands of dollars in academic scholarships, one is an AP Scholar, received a presidential academic award, and both had outstanding scholar athlete awards. Plus, both were recruited for sports in college. So, if you don't do preschool, don't listen to the nay-sayers and don't feel like you are doing the wrong thing. You know your child and it sounds like you are preparing her very well for school. Do what YOU think is best!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

oh, good for you!
i worked like a galley slave when my babies were young, so my kids were in daycare then preschool then before and after school care pretty much through elementary school ages. i'm not sure what we could have done differently but i wish there had been SOMETHING. one of my few regrets in life is how much time my little guys spent with other people.
i'm so glad you are letting your 3 year old spend these precious, formative years with YOU. the idea that parents cannot provide educational opportunities AND social opportunities is totally wack. so is the notion that tiny, tiny children have to be 'trained' to survive kindergarten by getting stuffed into a completely artificially-contrived 'educational setting' while they're still playing with magnet letters on the fridge.
she doesn't need to go next year either. it won't hurt her, but it's not necessary. seriously. for generations kids figured out how to sit at a desk and not whack their peers over the heads with their chalk tablets. yours will too.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

It really is up to the parent.
And also, what their child needs.
ie: I have 2 kids. My daughter, from 3 years old, was ASKING US, to go to Preschool. I shopped around for one, WITH my daughter, and found one that SHE loved, and I did too. She was happy. She LOVED going. It was fruitful for her. In many ways.
Then my son. He went to Preschool at 4 years old. Not 3. He was not ready. I knew him. He knew himself. We chatted about it etc.
Then when he was almost 4, HE started asking me to go to Preschool. HE was ready, HE wanted to go. I again, shopped around for one, WITH him. We went to many. THEN, at one of the preschools we went to, HE TOLD ME "Mommy, this is the one. I love it here." And it was, the one. The right one, for him. And fortunately, they had an opening for him. He loved it there. It was fruitful and very positive for him.
I did not send my kids to the SAME preschool. Because, they are 2 different individuals. That is my "job" to know that, to know my kids.
Both my kids, loved Preschool.
Then they both went to Kindergarten, at 4 then turned 5 later in the Fall. And they both made the cut offs to enter Kindergarten at their ages.
And they were ready, for Kindergarten.
Preschool is not just about "academics." Each Preschool, has its own objectives and approaches, per "Preschool." It is not always only academic or the kids having to behave like robots. It is about, child development, in a positive and playful manner. Which both my kids got at their Preschools. And, it was FUN for them. And it was not rigid at all.

I sent my kids to Preschool, per what my kids' needs were. And they, even ASKED me, if they could go.
Even my son, whom I almost did not send to Preschool. Because he is different than my daughter. BUT then, at almost 4 years old, HE told me he wanted to go. And I found one, that was just perfect, for HIM.
And he was happy and loved going everyday.
And thus, because my kids had a great fun experience in Preschool, they were excited... to go to Kindergarten. And both adjusted very well, to "school" as a Kindergartener in Elementary school.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Nope you are not the only one. My daughter is four and she just started last week. She is following the same path as my son. Start and four and then we only go part time, half days three days a week. They go to learn school protocol and to get some independent time. My choice was questioned all the time. And people still ask me why I don't send her full time. Or why I waited so late.

For me, I'll admit it, I am being selfish. Just not ready to be without my babies all day. There is plenty of that in kindergarten. My son did well in Kindergarten and is still thriving in second grade.

I know there are benefits to starting earlier and going to an all day program. But for my house, those benefits don't outweigh the cons. I also know that an early preschool program is simply fun for little ones. But we did plenty of fun stuff at home and had plenty of interaction with other kids too. My kids would have enjoyed it, but they also didn't know what they were "missing".

To each his own. There is no right or wrong in this case. It's all about what works for each household.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I opted out of all preschool. As far as I'm concerned, preschool is structured day care for working moms, or moms of large families that need a break from their kids. If you don't need a break from your kid, then you don't need preschool. All this talk about getting your kids "classroom ready"! Is that really so important? More important than time with mom? More important than the lessons, values, and learning that come from one-on-one nurturing/ teaching from the one person who is more vested in the way you turn out than any other person on the planet?
Developmentally, a three-year-old can only go so far with their alphabet, numbers, and reading. And its nothing that mom can't handle at home.
I didn't give into the pressure to preschool, but I will affirm you that there is pressure out there to do this. In my heart I know my child is gaining more spending their days with me.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Burlington on

My kids never went to preschool, and neither did I. I figured it worked out fine for me, it'd probably be fine for them. My MIL watched them for us when we were working, so they got plenty of one-on-one time with her and then she also took them to ballet and gymnastics lessons, so they got the social interaction from that. They had no problems with kindergarten and are well adjusted 12 and 14 year olds now. Do what's best for you and your kids.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I was an elementary school teacher before I had kids...and I did NOT send my 3 kids to preschool. GASP!!

I am home full time. I didn't see a need to send my kids off at such a young age to do all the activities that I could provide. We sang songs, we read books, visited the zoo and museums, played with friends at the park, picnics, we joined mommy groups and they all were swimming before age 5. We attend church so they had weekly classes away from mommy and daddy where they learned the social graces of sitting quietly and raising a hand til called upon, lining up and keeping hands to one's self.

When my kids turned 4 then I found a group of moms and we started our own little pre school co op. This cost each mom about $40 a year...yes...a YEAR. (I could have the amount a little wrong..but it was cheap)

We rotated homes so each mom taught every 6 weeks for a month. The day was set up like a traditional preschool day and we used a purchased curriculum. I believe it was called "Mother Goose Time". Came with ready made lesson plans, craft ideas&supplies,puppets, maps, c.d's etc. It was awesome. A box came each month with what was needed for the month.

The kids were able to learn all the social,emotional and educational skills needed for the big wide world of kindergarten but in a small,comfortable and familiar setting...their friends' homes taught by their friend's mommy. This also gave each mom a break 2-3 times a week for 3 hours. We looked at it as a fun and educational play date.

Don't feel bullied into thinking every child needs preschool....because they don't. They don't even need it the year before kindergarten. So many parents are paying for their children to be "kindergarten ready" but really the children are filled with sadness, anxiety and depression because they are not emotionally ready for school. There is a reason that school begins at the age of 5-6. We don't push our kids to eat solids, walk or drive a car until the mind and body are ready for those emotional,physical and mental milestones.

Many kids can handle institutional preschool...but SOOOO many are not ready. Kids are crying daily for months and dreading going. Parents are feeling guilty but pressured into thinking if they don't send their kid then they are a neglectful parent dooming their child to failure in school. Not so. Studies show that past 3rd grade you can't even tell which child attended pre school.

Your child will be so confident going to preschool when she is ready...not when her extended family and mom's parents are ready :) Fill your days alongside your daughter with natural learning moments, lots of love and snuggles and traditions you make together. Teach her as you do your normal housework chores...get her involved. THAT will ensure a happy and natural transition into formal school...and it's FREE.

Good luck and best wishes!!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I've homeschooled my kids the whole way through, so I'm the other end of the spectrum, lol! My oldest just started community college today. He aced his SATs and assessments, and was totally comfortable and excited to start college. I don't have any regrets about homeschooling. It seems to have given them a fantastic start to life.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

No. My DD was not fully potty trained and I was able to be home with her. She did not start preschool til 4 and started K at just past 5. I think that it has it's place and some 3 yr olds benefit greatly from a more structured program. But preschool won't make a kid a supergenius. You're putting your DD into preschool next year for similar reasons to why I put my then-4 yr old DD into preschool. I think she will be fine.

A nice day in the park could be an adventure for you and DD. Look at different leaves (hey, science!), count birds (math), look at the fall or spring colors (art/colors), read a book about the season (reading skills), etc. My DD learned so much just by doing. Even in her play based preschool. Kids are sponges when they are presented the information right.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boise on

Not a single one of my 8 went. Well my second oldest went to a pilot program when she was 4. It combined typical children with non-typical children. The class was half and half.

Beyond that they were all home with me.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Nope. Neither of my kids started preschool until age 4.
I just didn't see a need for it.

The moms that I know that did, predominantly used it for childcare because they work. It wasn't about school.
We have a nanny, so I kept mine home until 4.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

No, my son didn't go to a preschool, but rather a daycare where the woman was VERY instructional and even did field trips. He went for about 4 hours a day. In addition, for about three months, he also attended a tiny tots in the park, it was mostly playtime but made for good interaction.. I didn't like traditional preschool because I didn't want my son there all day long, instead he went socialized and came home to what was then a super loving babysitter.

Having not gone to preschool, it's not affected my son's intelligence, he always gets As, although is 11, reads at a high school level. He knows math inside and out..

when so little such as three, what's most important is the kid knows they are loved and supported... teaching and interacting doesn't have to be in a formal setting, a nice day at the park is good enough..

but hey, that's my opinion

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Both of my kids were in a home daycare until they started kindergarten. My son is now in 4th grade and reads at a middle school level and does very well in school. My daughter is in first grade and also reads very well and does well overall. We did plenty of fun learning at home.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

No, you're not the only one.
My sibling & I did not go to preschool.
We were home w/our mom.
We did just fine.
I try to work with my child at home to help prepare him. He knows his
alphabet, can count to 100 & by tens, can write his name. I bought
classroom type stuff to teach him to write the alphabet upper & lower
case, print, cursive. A styrofoam clock you manipulate to tell time etc.
I do my very best to preview cartoons & only let him watch those that
I think just socializing them with other kids in your neighborhook/park &
teaching them basics yourself while staying home are helpful & they get
to remain home with those that are SAHMs.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Milwaukee on

Nope! Next year mine will do K4 for approx 3 hours each day. Once she starts then she will be in school for the next 18 years. I felt no need to rush it! You made the decision that works the best for your family, don't let the snarky comments get to you. No one else can know what is right for your family!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

No, M., you are not the only one, and you shouldn't be concerned about it. It doesn't mean that sending her to preschool is bad or good; it is what it is best. You do not have to do what others moms do whatever the reasons are. As a great mom you are, you do what works best for you, your kids, your family and mostly what your lifestyle, experiences and expectations, needs and goals allow you to do.
Have fun and keep using all the tools, resources you have to give your child an exceptional education with lots of fun, imagination, and love.
Have a nice day!
A. :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

I don't know about now, but I went through that same feeling when ours were that age. My son is 15 now and daughter is 12. They both were reading before they started K4 and both were enrolled in K4 pretty much for the reasons you stated: to learn how to be away from home away from me and how to ask other adults for what they needed, how to line up and raise their hands, etc..

It goes by so quickly. Enjoy another year with your daughter at home. She will be just fine. :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

Three year old preschool is good if they do not get any social interaction.
I am with you, I always liked my kids home. Four year old, they went 2 1/2 hours 3 days a week, which I thought was plenty. You are not alone. Enjoy your baby girl!

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answers from Spokane on

My oldest son went to 3 y/o pre-school but only b/c it was extremely convenient. My youngest son didn't go until 4.



answers from Chicago on

We just started this week, for the first time ever! My son is in Young Fives and my daughter is in four year old preschool. I wouldn't have her in that, honestly, but she and her brother do everything together and she would have been crushed if he went and she didn't. =)

I am now home with just our baby and she probably will only do Young Fives before starting Kindergarten.

It's a personal choice. This is what worked best for us and I'm so glad we waited. They were both SO ready for school and couldn't wait to go!


answers from Detroit on

Hey, it's even ok to wait till Kindergarten =). If I have to choose between waiting and not waiting based on maturity. I would choose to wait in a heartbeat.

I just didn't like mine enough to keep them at home (totally kidding). My first was hungry to learn so off she went at 3. She did act older that her age. (plus I was working then) My younger one had speech issues so she did have school since before 2.


answers from Chicago on

My son did not go until he was 4. Nope, not the only one.



answers from San Francisco on

I think two years of preschool is more common than one, at least where I live. I definitely know children who only did one year, but many more that did two.

In my opinion, preschool isn't at all about preparing your child academically for kindergarten. As you said, it's all about preparing them socially and emotionally. They learn how to interact with other children, follow rules, follow the structure of the day, sit quietly and listen, etc. They also learn how to express themselves and they learn through play.

It's also a way of giving parents a little bit of "me" time. My daughter is almost three and will be starting preschool next week. She will go Tues/Thurs from 9:00 - 11:30. Such a short time, but a nice break for me and a good way to prepare her for being away from me.

If one year of preschool is all you want, don't feel bad about it. It's totally fine and your daughter will definitely be ready for kinder the following year.



answers from Louisville on

Preschool is more like day care send her to head start when shes 4. Make sure shes spending LOTS of time with other kids my niece didnt and ohhhh boy.... Lol good luck


answers from Seattle on

Nope you're not!
My boys (who are now in elementary school) didn't go until the year before they went to Kindergarten. There was no reason to put them in at 3. I had them home with me, we went to story times and play times and hung out with our friends. They had plenty of socialization! I just put them in the year before "real" school so they could learn how to be in a classroom setting.
My daughter is only 2 1/2 right now, but she will not be doing preschool either until the year before Kindy. I just don't see the point.



answers from Chicago on

My son had issues so yes formal preschool it was. My daughter is 2 and her home daycare does preschool like items daily for all the kids there, so she is "going to preschool" but not completly. However, I work full time so this is what it is.

3 year old preschool was for those who work full time or had noticiable issues that were screened for when they turn 3.


answers from Chicago on

I sent my older two to 3 yr preschool, but not my youngest. He has an August birthday. I felt he was too young, practically still a baby. He wasn't potty trained anyway so he couldn't have gone if I'd wanted him to. I've never regretted that decision. Even though he is one of only a few in his class that didn't go to 3 yr, and went in not being able to write any letters, I haven't regretted it.



answers from Dallas on

I put my oldest son in a 3 day/week mother's day out program from 8:30-12, but it was because my youngest son was born a month after he turned 3 and I needed a little time to rest and spend with the newborn. He was social though and LOVED his program, and we made family friends with people from the program and that was nice.
My youngest son is nearly 4 now, and we have not put him in a preschool or care program yet. We stay very active with playdates, small fry club, storytime at the library, enrichment activities/events around the community, and Bible study where he gets to play with children his age. He's also in Awanas (a Bible club for his age) and plays at the gym while I work out. I'm just thinking that he, at 3, simply doesn't need to learn how to be in a classroom yet. Next year, yes, I'll have him in preschool at least part time, but more like you say, to practice more structured activity and time with peers that's more structured than just playing. Educationally, they don't really need it. We do that at home. :)



answers from Washington DC on

Be confident in your choice. But also do send her at age four. Because your reasons for sending her to preschool next year are all the right ones -- socialization, preparation for the classroom setting, learning to follow directions from an adult who is not mom or dad. Those are key reasons for preschool (and reasons why I feel all kids need it before kindergarten these days -- but not all kids need to do it for several years!). I would be sure to have plenty of play dates and take her to settings where she has to listen and change or end activities when told to do so (such as a library story and craft time, a recreation department mom and me class, etc.) if you want to ready her a little for preschool. But no, she does not HAVE to have it at age three unless she really had issues with listening and doing as she's told. Sounds like she's doing fine so just send her at four.

For full disclosure, my daughter started preschool a few months younger than three, but she was very, very social and very aware of and interested in the school setting -- and the preschool time was very limited and gradual: Just two mornings a week for the first school year, three mornings a week for the second year, then four mornings a week for the year before kindergarten. I would not thrust a three-year-old into a five-day-a-week preschool, myself. (Day care is not "preschool" necessarily-- do you have friends who actually are putting their kids into day care all day every day but it's called preschool?)

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