Am I Right to Think

maybe no one knows where Montana is-so, they actually think it's a planet, and you are an alien! j/k!

Someone from CA can look like anything. So, that isn't it. I'd join a mom's club. I had a really hard time after my 1st baby. Gymboree was better than the mom's club. or a mother/child class that you are interested in.

I think you hit it with the word alien. When I moved here from another really big city, I thought, "OK, this is going to be like moving to another country. I'll have to learn the language and customs, etc. It will be different from what I know, but I will be able to pick it up. But upon arrival, I quickly realized that it is like moving to another planet, where you kind of have to figure out even more basic things like how to breathe the air (both literally and figuratively if you're from Montana:)) and how to get sustenance, that there really isn't a dictionary to learn the ways and you need xray glasses to see what is really going on anywhere.
This helps to remember in a light hearted way because it really is that drastic a transition in a lot of ways. But the key to becoming a part of the alien world is getting yourself into it.
You have to keep on shooting your webs out and creating your own network of connections and life support. And you have to keep on maintaining them. The good news is that there are lots and lots of people who have made the transition and still have their basic understanding of how the world works from their own planet which might seem more like home.
It is an impossible place where everything is more possible than anywhere else.
I'm in LA which is probably a bigger odyssey than San Pedro, but in either place going out rather than in is the answer.
I think church is a good start if that resonates for you, getting involved in classes and programs where you can meet other parents and scoping out the ones you connect with, maybe even finding places where people are doing things that are more of a grounded mind set that might be more of a Montanan mind set like a barn or a nature center or Sierra Club group, or a community garden could be an interesting approach. And perhaps there is a way to tap into an ex pat community through alumni organizations of Montana schools.

Regardless, know that it is a huge transition that you are making and it doesn't happen overnight, but it can start to feel like home if you make it your home. It takes at least two years for this to start feeling remotely like you might be able to keep your space helmet off permanently:)

Know what you are about and actively seek the people you connect with. They are out there. They probably are looking just as hard for you!

Good luck!

Church! Church friends are great!!! I am sorry you are getting wierd looks--- don't stay in your house--that lets the mean people win! You deserve to have nice, fun, happy people around you----what you project, you will get back too. Join a hobby group or host one if you can. Good luck!

M

If you were really in a foreign country - France, Italy, Japan - what would you do? You'd start to go out and about, and you'd start to learn the language and customs.

Right now you feel as though you might as well be in a foreign country, so do the same things. Get involved in something outside your home - something you like already. Join your church choir, the Y or a gym, a MOPS group, or volunteer at the hospital or the library. Make it something you're already interested in because you want to benefit from it no matter what other people do. Introduce yourself to the leaders; they will introduce you to others in the group.

You're feeling a little timid and insecure, but it could be that these neighbors, who seem to have it all together, are timid and insecure, too. Maybe they're wondering what this woman from, er, Montana - where did you say that was? - is like, and whether you would be nice to them if they spoke. Of course, some women never get past this, and that's where cliques come from, but you don't need absolutely everybody for a friend.

Take the initiative by smiling, by saying hello to people even if they don't respond, by doing the kind things that people do in Montana and the rest of the world. You can do those things expecting no return. If you accept yourself, one of these days (maybe a little longer than you'd prefer) some other women are going to like you. And you can write a blog about it later.

Wherever you go there you are.
What do you mean you do not "look like one of the people from California"? What do they look like? Perhaps your perception, your own ideas are reflected in your eyes/appearance when you go outside.
A., we reflect what is going on inside. If we feel unapproachable, we become unapproachable, if we feel love, we become love.
Go out, be love and you will get love in return.

B.
Family Success Coach

I don't know "what people from California look like" so I have no idea what you mean! People look like they look - right? Is the style of dress so incredibly different? If so, maybe a quick shopping trip will help!! Is it possible that your nervousness or shyness come off as being stand-offish or even unfriendly? You may have to make the first move. Definitely get involved in activities that will interest you - as others have suggested. Public libraries have story hours, there are Newcomers Clubs that have programs or organized play groups, most towns have recreation programs, the school may have some adult ed or volunteer projects, houses of worship have things going on, many places need volunteers, and so on. My local gym has great classes for women and child care available. I have met many terrific women this way. I also sing in a community chorus that takes music into nursing homes - great way to be of service and meet others. You could take a deep breath and actually go up to some of the moms you see at the park or the playground or the library, and ask them what activities they would recommend for a newcomer wanting to meet more people. You might be surprised that people open up. And if the first one doesn't, don't be discouraged. Don't let your depression or discouragement keep you in the house - make the first move, or the second, or even the third! You will find something!

Hang in there!! I have moved to a totally new local a few times in my life, and was totally alone as well each time. It just takes time. Finding your place and getting cozy there is a process, especially in a very different culture. It is kind of like starting from scratch. I agree that church would be an awesome place to go and meet some people. Also, how old are your child(ren)? I just joined a MOPS(mothers of preschoolers) group and I totally love it, that might be a good place to start and they have chapters all over. Most of all just accept that what you are doing is so hard. On one of my moves I went to another country. It was so weird bc I didn't speak the language and I knew no-one. Every day, I knew no-one would be calling me and there was no-one for me to call and calling home was too expensive and the world was not as wired as it is today, I felt utterly alone, I cried every night for awhile. Just give yourself the ok to grieve for a minute. Moving in itself is a big stressor let alone to a very different place. But do go out, very important. Smile at people at the grocery store, be pleasant to cashiers, just have an open heart, people sense that and it will help you feel better too. Everyone is into self preservation, and as much as it seems they are looking at you weird they are also protecting themselves from being judged by you as they don't know if you will accept them. At the end of the day everyone wants love and acceptance, as you show that you are an open hearted, loving person, you will start the process of plugging in to your area. Just give it time, in a couple years you will hardly believe you were ever uncomfortable. Hang in there!!

I live in Vegas and get the same thing when I go back to New Mexico. I have family in some rather rural areas. They like to refer to me as "from the city". I don't get it, but they do it. When I am there, I just smile and say hello to everyone. Some respond and some just look. I do admit, I dress in simple clothes to blend in otherwise I get some strange looks if I am too colorful.

Give it time, you will find the right mix to meet some great friends. If they are too hung up on your Montana persona, then they probably aren't worth being friends with.

I can only imagine what your going through. I suggest if you go to church and maybe start to volunteer you will make friends. I only moved two towns away and it took me a while until I got myself out there. Keep your head high and a smile on your face. Good luck!

I was born and raised in Orange County and I do not fit the typical California look by choice. I am jeans, t-shirts & Birkenstocks. I don't wear makeup and my hair is just that. I go everywhere and do everything with my kids. I'm sure I stick out like a sore thumb in places like Fashion Island or the like but I am who I am and happy with that. There are so many fun things to do in California and you should enjoy all of them. Do whatever makes you most comfortable. Life is way to short to worry about what other people are thinking. Be true to you and your family and nothing else matters. Any parent & me class is a great place to meet other parents/people. You'd be surprised about how many of "the other moms" are just like you and maybe just as nervous too. Welcome to California and I hope you have more encouraging experiences.

you know i grew up in so cal and lived here my whole life and i just started to think the same thing about myself! i have to tell myself to shut up sometimes and to not care about what other people think (i dont even know what they think!!)

it doesnt have anything to do with real situations, its all in your head! there is someone out there who is waiting to meet you and become your friend, you just have to find them!

dont change yourself for other people, just show them how awesome you already are!

A., I lived in Pedro (pronounced peedro)for 3 yrs also. It's a true Port city. If you have younger kids there are mommy and me classes that I used to go to right by Cabrillo Beach. Have faith, it's not you or being from out of state. It just takes time to find your groove with other women. Not everyone in Pedro has that Los Angeles look, either, so try not to feel like you don't fit in. Be yourself and stay positive. Join classes and do research-there are groups up in Palos Verdes which is just a few miles away. I used to live in Pedro and drive to PV because I joined Spectrum gym , which I loved. They had a great child care room, so my son would play with the other kids and I would get my workout in. I recruited my sitters from the child room, also. There's a Mops up there, also. Give yourself time, don't be discouraged, and try to join some organizations. By the way, I just looked at your profile pic and you are cute as a button!

I'm not sure what someone from California is supposed to look like. Most people here are from somewhere else. We are also an incredibly diverse state, especially if you live in an urban/suburban area. To meet people, join a church, a gym or other organized group. Join a book club. Do things you like to do and you will meet people with whom you have something in common. You must be a mom so join your local moms group. There are "meet up" type groups that list outings to which everyone is welcome (not with kids). I can't think of the name of one of them right now but google "meet up" and see what you can find.

I moved from Oregon to CA and had some similar feelings. My wardrobe was not up to snuff. Slowly I adjusted and my wardrobe became less Oregon and more CA. Now I go to Oregon and look at the way they dress and wonder, whats up with these Oregonians? Ha Ha. don't stay in. Everyplace has a way of dressing. Its dictated a lot by weather, but there are also just regional ways of dressing. You'll catch on. I didn't feel like people were looking at me funny. I felt like they weren't looking at me at all! Buy yourself a couple new articles of clothing that you see commonly worn that appeal to you. As for fitting in, are you a church goer? I found woman's bible studies groups are awesome for getting close and a real mix of nonfashionistas and fashonistas alike. Coastal states tend to place fashion pretty high compared to the midwest states. Don't feel obligated to do it that way. But in time, you'll blend in.

I think you are being too self-conscious. You need to get out there and meet people. Why don't you check meetup.com and find some groups that share your hobbies.

Yikes, sorry this is happening to you. I would say jump on the computer and find maybe some play groups or someting ( if the kids are with you during the day) If you don't have any kids during the day or morning hours, maybe some kind of hobby that instrests you has a group during the day you can join Look in the local newspaper, or volunteer. If you go to activities that you enjoy, chances are you will hit it off with the people there, since you have something in common. Good Luck and chin up- don't let other people dictate how you feel and how you enjoy your time.

I used to live in SoCal when my first daughter was little. I think people in CA can seem unfriendly because they are so busy - most people work at least one job and commute quite a ways to do so. You did not say how old your kids are, but check around your neighborhood for a community center. I found them to be very active places, having gymnastics classes for one year olds and baby swim classes and gymboree classes and stuff like that. They are also relatively inexpensive to sign up for. If you are able to reach out to other moms in your area you will be able to make some friends. Just be your friendly self and start chatting with the other moms. I used to carry around little "business cards" with my picture and my baby's picture and our phone number and email address. If you meet someone that would be interested in going to the park for a few hours, you can give her your card, then write her number on the back of one for yourself. Don't stay locked in your house!! You will go nuts! Good luck

I have a sister who has lived in your area for 15 + years, she loves it for, as she puts it, how laid back it is. Maybe you are living in a move affluent part, not sure. Whatever the case you most certainly not doubt if you are doing something wrong; there are lots of organizations in your area consider joining something you are interested in or even better (if you have the time) volunteer. There are lots of seniors in your area and who better to tell you the ins and outs of your neighborhood. Good Luck and enjoy the best Cali has to offer you.

I'm new in my area too and have a hard time meeting people because I'm pretty shy. I've been using meetup.com to find people with similar interests. You can search for mom's groups, crafting or fitness groups, or search whatever your hobby is to find people with similar interests. Hang in there! : )

Do you go to a church??? Join a bible study or see if they have a Moms program! I met a ton of ladies when I attended a womens bible study.

Open the door and walk outside and be yourself and allow your inner beauty to radiate. We are all individuals and we all have our own style and yours is beautiful. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, that is their problem not yours. Hold onto that attitude and conquer the world, sister. This is a huge adjustment for you. Honor that and take it slow. Everything will fall into place.

Most towns/cities in California have "Mommy and Me" classes through city services... I'm assuming you have children that aren't in school yet. Shop around. If they are in school, volunteer in the classroom... I'm sure the teachers will be grateful. Come on now... 'man-up'... these women have their own fears and frustrations most of which are the same as yours. Don't let 'looks' you may be interpreting incorrectly lock you in... Another place to volunteer would be the public library, reading stories, sorting for the librarian, etc.. Check out after school activities (again the city parks and recreation) such as tennis lessons, soccer, T-ball, etc. You could take tennis lessons (or scrapebooking, etc.) yourself. The instructor would pair you up with someone on your level. From Montana, several cities in So.California are 'horse' towns... (San Juan Capistrano/Palos Verdes/Topanga). The stables can always use help.... Pick something you think you're good at and get into it... All kinds of ideas online as well...