Am I Overreacting to Grandma Wanting to Take My 1 Year Old for 2 Nights?

Leaving the kids is a scary thought and your anxieties are valid. You may be right that you are having overly strong feelings about this as this would be her first time without both parents. I can't tell you what to do but I can offer a different point of view. This will only be two days. And it will be a great opportunity for your daughter to bond with her grandparents who I assume she doesn't get to see very often. I don't know about you but some of my fondest memories from childhood are of spending the weekend with my grandparents (no parents, grandparents lived two hours away). This is when kids get the most spoiled (as they should be by grandparents, its their job!), loved, adored, and pampered. Yes she may at first have difficulties not having you and your hubby around but I bet she would adapt much faster than you would think. This would be harder on you than her. Also, are you having some anxiety/guilt about not going on this trip yourself? Try to define your own emotions and talk to your mil about what her plans are for the two days she will care for your daughter. Give your mil tips on your daughters schedule and routines, what she likes to eat and not eat. Fave stories or toys. Maybe knowing what she will be doing will help ease your anxiety. Good luck!

My MIL is very demanding like that and I just do it right back like it is just second nature, as she does it. As she demands, "Bring that baby right to my house when you get here", just demand right back, "Oh no, that is not necessary we will keep our kids with us". I know easier said than done, but if she is like that your little girl will probably now want to stay with her. My daughter is very uncomfortable around my MIL and it shows. When she was a year old and eating Gerbers jarred chunky food, my MIL said I will feed her give her to me. I said I will do it, she said nonsense, I can feed her and walked over and took her. Well...little one was cranky and tired and Grandma took her in her lap, scooped up some mush and put it in front of the babies mouth and said some CHA CHA and my little girl flung the entire spoon out of her hand and food went all over my mother in laws face and all over the house. She was upset and said fine! And handed her back to me. We don't always get along as you can tell. But, what I am thinking is that your little girl may not allow dad to walk out of the house and leave her behind. She will already be cranky from traveling and be in a different place so that will make her more cranky. You can tell your MIL that too...it is a long trip and she needs dad for her visit away from home.

Best of luck however you handle it, but it is your child, so stand your ground.

C.

STICK to your stance. No, you are NOT over-reacting. Your Hubby NEEDS to be in agreement with you. He has to stand up to his Mom. Your MIL is not careful for one, not safe, not a good "supervisor" of kids... this is not good.

Just tell her that you/Hubby already made plans for your daughter.

Second, you girl has never been over-night, at anyone's home... PLUS she will be in a DIFFERENT locale, PLUS... she is only 1 year's old, PLUS, she will be away from her Daddy for 2 days at least. This will be a BIG deal to a little girl.

THIRD, there IS a choice here... it's not like you HAVE TO leave her at your MIL's house....or for an emergency that can't be avoided. You CAN avoid this.

FOURTH, is your MIL's house "child proofed?" It does not seem to be. A 1 year old child is very active, can choke, fall etc. Once, while my friend's Mother was baby-sitting her toddler son... he had "escaped" out the back door... and her Mom did NOT even know.. .her son was found outside in the driveway. When my friend asked her Mom about it, all her Mom said was "oh, I thought he was in the living room...." OOPS!

Mind you, this was at home when it happened... Grandma "lost" her boy, at home! Imagine now... if they were out in a public place... and her boy was lost because Grandma lost sight of him or could not keep up with him???? What then? My friend learned from this.. and now is very skeptical if having her Mom babysit. AND, what if your MIL takes your daughter out... in the car??? What then? Is your MIL a safe and good driver???
Think about all these things... I would.

FIFTH... your MIL has a habit of leaving medications and medical supplies laying around. OOPS! You must never overlook these "lapses" of judgment.

YOU are the Mom, and your Hubby NEEDS to see clearly on this... instead of everyone giving in to MIL. A Child's BEST interest should be FIRST and foremost. Not, pleasing a "careless" Grandma.

What does your Hubby say about all this? His daughter should come first... and her well being, and his Parenting.

Plus, you MIL will NOT "know" your daughter well enough to know her routine, her personality, her "needs" either.

Me... I would not agree to this. My child would come first... and Daddy has to be on the same page.

You are the Mom... and Grandma does not know enough to handle the situation. She does not seem to know enough about how to handle the safety and emotional well being of a young child. PLUS, you will NOT be there to run interference.

A well meaning Grandma who does have other endearing qualities is one thing... BUT, leaving a child there, without her Parents in the care of a careless Grandma... is a mistake. REMEMBER... IT JUST TAKES A SPLIT SECOND FOR AN ACCIDENT TO HAPPEN... then what??? Does your MIL know CPR? Are her reactions and reflexes "quick?" Is her thinking Clear and cognizant in case there IS an accident???? Think about that....

I agree with you. Make sure Hubby is aware of all these aspects... not just the "emotional" obligation to his Mom or the guilt trip of "offending" her.

If anything... SHOW YOUR HUBBY THIS AND ALL THE RESPONSES YOU GET.

Good luck,
Susan

This is not an easy one considering your MIL has very strong ideas of how things will go. You won't enjoy yourself in anyway if you don't speak up, and use the pregnancy hormons/emotions in your favor. Your husband can explain to his mother that although we (he and you) appreciate her offer he and your daughter will both be staying at his sisters. Yep! She will most likely be very upset but you will be more upset if your daughter does not stay with your husband and his sister. If it is possible, invite her to stay with your husband and his sister. It is also a reasonable concern that you don't know how your daughter will feel staying in a place without either parent.

Regardless of what you decide, you and your husband need to be on a united front...and let him talk with his mother!

OK, if it were me there is no way I'd do it either. Go with your gut - your mama instinct is intact for a reason.

I would have issues too. It probably won't hurt- I am just a little bit of a control freak- and it is hard to tell your MIL what to do...your husband already knows her routines, etc. I don't know you'll have to leave her with someone sooner or later if you want to have a night with your husband alone...but she's just so far away! Good luck.

I don't tone hink you are over reacting, at one how well does she know them, when mine lids were one, I didn't leave them with anyone, grandparent or not. I say you are the mom, let your husband know how you feel, and go from there. J.

S.,

I don't think you're over reacting at all! I won't even let my 2 year old stay the night at my mom's house because she just moved (but we see her all the time!). I want him to spend the day with her first... get used to the roommates/new dog/new house. Then next time he'll stay the night. I can't imagine letting him stay the night across country with someone he barely knows! AAHHHH!

I would put my foot down if I were you and say "absolutely not!". If you don't think your wishes will be followed, then I say your daughter stays home with you. The family can see her at another time. That is a tough line to follow, but your wishes for your family are more important than pleasing the in-laws! Good luck!

While it's a kind gesture (start with a polite thank you, but no thanks...), I agree it's not the best idea given that neither parent will be around and she'll be left with a STRANGER (grandmom, who she rarely sees). To your baby, grandmom is a stranger.

That is the first strike, for me. The second MAJOR strike is that her house (I assume) is not baby-proofed. But before you go down that road (which might make her defensive) just stick with the "away from both parents" route.

The only real issue you will have is not with grandma being so insistent (pushy) but with the ability of your husband (her son) to stick to HIS guns and say, "no thanks, not this trip, perhaps another time."

He needs to be the one who is "the lion at the door" so to speak. You do not want it to appear like it's coming from you, because if she isn't a nice person, she may start to bad-mouth you. And that is completely uncalled for. Your instincts are spot on and it doesn't sound like a ding against your MIL.

You are not overreacting. You are not out of line. You are being a good mother, putting yourself in the position of your children, being in a new place without any familiar faces around. Does your mil know your daughter's routine? Can she come to her daughter's house to spend time with her granddaughter? Insisting your husband make a 2 hour drive, then leaving your daughter with her is out of line. Go with your gut, trust your instincts, and calmly, respectfully tell your mil that in the best interest of your daughter, she needs to have at least one parent with her. Good luck!

I don't think you're overreacting at all! I have never left my children overnight (except to go have another baby). When I did leave them, it was with my mother-in-law who sees our children once a week. I think that your daughter should be with her daddy when she's gone. Have you considered just keeping her home with you?

No I don't think you are over reacting. Is your husband aware of your feelings? If he is not, I would let him know asap, so that he can let his mother know. Just explain to him why this would not be a good situation. Has your daughter spend anytime with her grandma? If this is her first time, I wouldn't allow it. New place, new person can easily spell disaster. And if something happens, your husband will be 2 hours away.

My kids are 4, 2, and 9 months. The oldest have slept over at my parents house dozens of time, but that is because of the close bond and them being in their lives since the moment they were born. (Plus they live right next door, so that is nice too!) I will never let my kids spend the night at my husband's mom home. NEVER. (but that is a different and much longer story)

Talk to your husband and it since it was planned that your SIL was going to help watch your little one, then keep it that way. But you just have to be firm and just let him know your feelings. You should never go against a mother's intuition. :) Good luck

your not overreacting at all! i wouldnt allow it either! she doesnt seem capable to watch your child. i would fear that she would get hurt. if your husband cant see the red flags (ie the tylenol) then he is as oblivious to it as she is. i would talk to him and tell him that you do not want the baby being left there over night at all and that you would feel better if the baby stayed where he is staying at his sisters. i dont think your sounding negitive at all. your worried about your childs safety. man i dont even let my mil watch my daughter alone because she is an oblivious person and doesnt need to be left alone with her. good luck i hope you and your husband reach an aggrement!

I know you have already gotten many responses but I just wanted to write and say that I fully agree with you and would NOT let her stay with Grandma. Both sets of my children's grandparents are very mindful of things like choking hazards etc. and I am STILL too paranoid to let them stay the night in their home (and they are 3 and 4 which is much different than 1). Most likely I know that they would be fine but I would probably have a heart attack in the middle of the night just thinking about the "what ifs" while they were there. Its just not worth it if something were to happen. BTW, good luck on #3 - we are having our third lil one (and last! lol) on Tuesday. :)

You just answered your own question.. She leaves things on the floor and doesn't get it. Were not asking if she's endearing because I'm sure she is a lovely and wonderful woman and grandma. Sorry for the hassel this could cause. I feel your pain. Maybe someone has a creative idea on how to get out of it. Or hubby stay there also what ever the details are, just do your best to not to hurt her feelings. Good Luck

It is great that your mother-in-law loves your little one and wants to spend time with her, but if your child's safety may be compromised, you are absolutely right to be concerned.

What about a compromise? Can your mother-in-law come stay down at your sister-in-law's house so she can "help out" and get some quality time with your daughter but not be the sole person responsible for Mya's care?

And since you have never left your daughter alone with anyone else, it doesn't have to be that you are uncomfortable leaving Mya with your mother-in-law, but rather that you aren't comfortable leaving her without your husband or you there period.

Or better yet, you can say, "I don't think Mya is ready to have a few nights alone without one of us there." And you can then follow that up with, "But we'd love if you could come down and visit Mya while her dad and she are visiting and help take care of her; I know how much Mya loves you and would enjoy spending time with you".

Now you've proposed a viable solution that keeps your mind at ease, your daughter safe, and you've made your mother-in-law feel welcome, loved, and needed. It's amazing what a little flattery can do :)

Good luck!

S., you are the one to make the decision, so do not think you are over reacting! I would not allow her to stay with grandma. I am a grandma and I did daycare for 9 years, I know that you have to be an extremely responsible person to have children in your home and it sounds like her health issues are keeping her from being responsible. Have your husband take her for a visit but under no circumstances should he leave her for any period of time with grandma! Show him this, and tell him you cannot leave your daughter in the care of any person who first of all is diabetic, but because they have poor vision she may not even notice when she drops medication on the floor and all, ALL kids will put things in their mouths that look like candy!!!NO NO NO!!! Your daughter's life depends on it!