Am I Being Ungrateful or Just Missing Time W/ My Babies?

Updated on August 10, 2008
C._. asks from New York, NY
6 answers

I just went back to work after almost 8 years. Thank God! It has been such a wonderful blessing because these past three months we've had so many expenses (water heaters, floors, taxes, etc.) and we've had the money for it. my problem is perhaps my perspective. I don't feel a passion for what I'm doing. I think I would like to be in a different field or just back to being a SAHM. It's a great salary and it goes a long way towards helping my parents. I'm saddened everytime I have to tell my children that I'm busy working to come back later. On sunday my son told me that it felt like there was a huge wall between him and me and only a tiny door that only a mouse could get through. what a heartbreaker! He's only eight. Have I just gotten lazy? I find myself in front of the computer wishing I were doing the laundry, dishes, vacumming, etc. It is a great salary (not to brag but over $60K). Why do I feel like I'm being pull multiple ways? I used to volunteer at school. now I can't. Am I just looking at it from a negative perspective? what should I do? how do I change my perspective (and my kids')? any thoughts will be greatly appreciated. TIA! ~Carmen~

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your comforting words. I'll definitely try and balance time with my kids better.

More Answers



answers from Dallas on

It's a tough situation and I've been living it for 13 years. I love spending time with my kids, but if we didn't have dual salaries we couldn't afford so many of the things they enjoy. I'm not referring to material objects, either . . . more about vacations, music lessons and belonging to clubs and sports that they really love! I, too, am not passionate about my job, but I'm paid well so it supports a better lifestyle. It is probably tougher on your kids since you were a SAHM up to this point so it is a huge adjustment for them, while I've always worked so my kids are used to it (although they don't always like it!). I wish I had an easy answer for you. Mostly it's about reinforcing your love for them and using whatever free time you have to do things with them. And if there is any flexibility in your job, try to do one or two school volunteer activities. Good luck!

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answers from New York on

I feel your pain. Every morning I only having enought time to wake up my kids and get them dressed before racing out of the house, usually with my kids screaming b/c they don't want me to go. When I get home there is SO much to do, cook dinner, do laundry, walk the dog, ect. that I barely have time to spend with my kids. I feel like I am missing out on such a huge part of their lives right now, they are only 2.5 and 14 months old. It breaks my heart to leave them every day but I don't know what else to do. We are barely making it by on our two salaries and my husband is facing a lay off in August.

I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom, I just wanted you to know that your not alone.


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answers from New York on

Let's face it, very few of us like to work. However, it is necessary.

I think everyone has to find the right balance that works for their family. This is a BIG change for your entire family and it's going to take a lot of time to adjust. Give it awhile. When the kids are in school things may change? Then assess the situation. You've survived 8 years on one income, do you really need all that money. Would a part-time position be better?

As far as the children go, they understand schedules. Explain to them that during a certain time Mommy needs to work; during another time Mommy needs to do housework, and during another time Mommy can play with them. Explain that if they help you with the housework, you'll have more time to spend with them.

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answers from Syracuse on

Money isn't everything, but I would put it to good use...If you haven't already hire someone to clean your house and meals too if you want...that way when you are home you don't have to get that stuff done you can do the stuff you want with your family. As for helping at school, field trips are planned way ahead of time, so check with the teachers, find out the dates and take the day off so you can go on a couple of them...give everyone time to adjust and then in a couple of months if you are miserable, look for something else or quit...It's hard at first for everyone to adjust but plan out your time well and it shouldn't be too big of a struggle, they will be at school for most of the day soon...summer's the hardest part. Good luck!

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answers from New York on

I know exaclty how you fee. I have three children 15,9,and 4. I started my own home based business. Have you ever heard of Arbonne? It is an amazing home based health and wellness company! Because of Arbonne I am able to make it to all of my childrens events and work around their schedule while making a good income. I have time to voulnteer at my children's school. With out Arbonne I would not be able to do that! Check out my website I think this is what you may have been looking for.

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answers from New York on

I think by hiring someone to come one day (even 4-6 hours) a week, you will see a huge difference in the time you can spend. I have someone come from 9-1 on Fridays to clean, and help with whatever else (it only costs about $50-100 per week, depending on what you need done). That way on weekends and after school/camp, it is time for my daughter and only my daughter, and the house is already clean. Work does intrude sometimes, but I have been able to set up "rules" as to when it is Work time and Home time - and trust me my daughter will call me on it!

It is hard at first to find a home/work balance, especially if you do work from home. I work from home about 2-3 days a week and am in the office the other days. I also do work after my daughter goes to bed, if needed, so not to interupt her time. I learned not to try and work on anything except checking e-mail when she is home with me.

Unfortunately the guilt does not always go away and even though I love my job, I would rather do dishes than work some days.

Good Luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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