Am I Being Too Sensitive? - Orlando,FL

Updated on December 04, 2011
E.H. asks from Orlando, FL
37 answers

I invited a friend and her immediate family over for Thanksgiving dinner. I have been doing yard work and house chores for a couple days straight and I'm exhausted. I was famished too and I had just prepared dinner when the phone rang. I thought it was my husband, calling from the market, so I asked my daughter to answer the phone. She did and I heard her say, "Just a minute, okay?." She paused a moment and repeated the question again, paused and then said it again and I realized she was waiting for the caller to respond to her question.. Okay, whatever. Then she handed me the phone and it was my friend.

I said hello and we were chatting for a moment when my daughter picked up the extension, because she likes my friend and is excited about seeing her soon, and my daughter said, "Hello! Is this (insert my friend's name.)?" I didn't want to say anything because I thought my friend was going to respond back to her but instead there was silence. My daughter repeated the question and again, silence. My daughter gave me an odd look like 'How come she isn't saying anything?" My daughter repeated the question yet a third time and I was surprised that my friend, for the 3rd time didn't even respond to her. I simply said to my daughter, "I guess she doesn't want to say anything, please hang up the phone."

I know it wasn't the most polite thing for my child to pick up the extension, she, like all little ones' is learning her manners. Plus, it's not like we aren't amongst friends but strangers have treated my child more kindly.

My friend's behavior is not a total big deal, but it did reinforce my feelings that my child may as well be a pet rock. I notice that when my friend sees my child, she is very indifferent, doesn't show any interest in her whatsoever. Tonight, I'm a bit tired and grumpy and it actually pissed me off.

Then I began chatting to my friend and I was in the middle of a sentence and she just started talking to her daughter without saying to me, "Hold on." I was already irritated and tired so I just said abruptly, "Hey, thanks for calling! We're gonna eat now. See you soon."

But my question is, "Am I being too sensitive or would you be hurt/insulted if your friend or family member wouldn't respond to our child in a similar situation?"

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So What Happened?

My daughter isn't rude. She is generally quite well-mannered. But recently, like all children go through phases, she has begun picking up the extension. Many mom's talk on cell-phones exclusively and may not have to deal with this issue. My daughter will pick up the extension and I always correct her. So why didn't I correct her this time, you ask. Ahhh, good question. My friend has always been distant to my child. Originally I attributed it to her being a non-parent issue but when she had her child, hers' is like a little pot of gold--no problem-- but it is when sometimes I feel like that she treats my daughter like she is the weed that grows near the pot of gold. Poor analogy, perhaps. I'm still tired.

Once her daughter came over, my daughter was so happy to see her child that she gently hugged her and took her gently by the hand to show her our home. Mom yelled, "Hey, hey--give her space" and started waving her arms like her daughter needed a 3' air space. Odd, I thought but I attributed that to the new parent inexperience.

Anyway, as I was saying, because she basically "ignored" my daughter when my daughter kindly asked her to "Can you hold on?" and that had rritated me, when my daughter picked up the extension, instead of asking DD to hang up, I observed myself how she literally just ignored the question 3 times.

Look, she's my friend isn't Amy Vanderbilt and to just ignore my daughter was rude. My friend is not the bashful type so she would most easily say "Hang up the phone" but she didn't. She ignored her.

As far as interrupting the conversation immediately after her ignoring my daughter, no big deal at all. We're all mom's and how many times have we each had to speak to child first and then excuse the interruption after. I just was irritated because I felt she was dismissive to my child and then basically did the same thing. Plus, I was hungry and dinner smelled good. I felt like saying, "Dinner time" was my best move at that point.

Originally I thought her stand-off-ish behavior toward daughter was because she didn't know her. It's just weird. Like I said, complete strangers are kinder to my child !

It's unfortunate.

On a brighter note, HAPPY THANKSGIVING and let's thank our troops serving because we are all free because of them. We all have much to be grateful for...even the messes because it means we have a roof over our head !

Featured Answers



answers from Fort Myers on

That is weird. To find out what she thinks I would just say something like "Its so funny how she is excited when you called, she couldnt wait to talk to you." and see how she responds. If her response is something like "yeah whatever, anyway..." or "Oh i know it " and is giggling, it might open up the conversation to then ask, "how come you didnt say anything then?" ANOTHER Thought is sometimes when i call my friends or family and Im talking to them about something private/ adult, no little ears shoudl hear. If my daughter picks up at my moms house when im at work, i tell my daughter to hang up and I dont start talking to my mom again until I know she is off.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dayton on

I don't think you are being overly sensitive.
This seems to be a good time to reiterate about interupting...and to explain that some people will never have manners.
P.S. I get Sue's logic but 2 wrongs don't make a right. ;)

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers


answers from Seattle on

I would have said, "Hey Sarah! Did you hear my daughter's question?"

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

It's weird, maybe that is her pet peeve? If it is a good enough friend to have over on turkey day, why not ask about it? I think sometimes little things like this build up and then one day down the line you have a big blow out over seemingly nothing but all these little irritations have just built up. I had this happen with a friend recently and now we aren't close at all where we once were almost like family. I think we both just let little things eat away at our friendship and didn't talk about them as they happened and one day it all hit the fan. So my advice is just to ask "hey, were you bothered by my daughter picking up the phone when we were talking?" Then see what she says and go from there. I think you will be happy to clear the air and in my experience 9 times out of 10 you will be surprised by a friend's response to something that seemed rude or like an offense. That is why communication in all relationships is paramount. Good luck and happy Thanksgiving :D

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Redding on

Sounds weird for sure, I dont think you are being overly sensitive and I think I would ask her next time I talked to her "by the way, howcome you didnt respond when Jane tried to talk to you on the phone the other day, it kind of hurt her feelings?" ... and see what she says.
She might have found it desrespectful that your child picked up the extension during the middle of your call, especially if your friend was talking and was interrupted. Still doesnt warrant her not acknowledging her tho... makes me scratch my head.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

I would be irritated by both of them. Your daughter does need to learn, when you are on the phone not to interrupt you unless she is bleeding or a part of her body has fallen off.

And your friend needs to act HER age and not pout because your child is acting like a child. She could have been polite to your daughter and did not need to make you all feel uncomfortable.

Give her a pass and assume she was also exhausted.. It is the time of the year.

I had a friend who always seemed to have a child interrupting our phone calls and I always wondered when on earth was she going to be able to teach them to wait patiently while mom was on the phone. They were 9 10 and 11.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I think I would be puzzled about the friend's behavior. Have you considered just asking her why she didn't answer your daughter?

Everybody's sense of proper behavior and good manners is different. Maybe she was brought up in a family where children would not be permitted to interrupt an adult conversation. It is a little ironic that she would allow her own daughter to interrupt.

But people mostly just do what they do, and few of us have the presence of mind to notice our own inconsistencies.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

There is nothing, nothing, nothing wrong with what your daughter did. It's assertive. It's a normal question. She has a right to ask your friend and her coming over friend a direct question and your 'friend' was rude not to respond. Your daughter has a right to have a voice!!!

Your friend is odd honey, just something not right about her ignoring a child and over protecting hers. I hope you see that and don't ever ignore your own daughter in front of her.

I hope you make it through this Thanksgiving without too much more of this bizarre behavior. Treat your daughter with respect in front of her.


4 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

take two aspirin & it'll all be right in the morning!

yes, it was rude for both your daughter & your friend. Don't let it bother you. Think of it as....their mutual disrespect cancels out each other's.....& move on.

Enjoy your day!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I've been in crazy moods where sometimes I just don't want to talk to a child on the phone. I do not, NOT say anything on the phone, but sometimes I get silently annoyed at my friend or sister for putting the child on the phone. I have to be all nice and wait until the child completes her sentence etc. I don't want to be impolite, but really I wasn't calling for the kid, I was calling to get quick answer from the mom. I'm also, not a phone person. I just want to say what I have to say and hang up.
As for your friend being distant to your daughter. If she's always like that, then ignore her. Since you have a good relationship then so be it. Leave it at that. You handled the situation very well.
have a Happy Thanks giving

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

Your friend is rude and doesnt know basic ettiquette

why have friends like are busting your butt to get your house in order for them for Thanksgiving and she forgets just basic social skills.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

If she has said over and over that she hates it when kids get on the phone and interrupt then she has said her peace. If she has never said anything and just acts like this then I would confront her after Thanksgiving when it happens again.

If my daughter said something that was directly to her and she ignored her I would stop whatever I was doing and say "Hey, XXX my daughter asked you XXXXXX are you going to ignore her again?". If she says "Yes" then ask her point blank "Why". Then proceed to find out what happened to make her think it was okay to speak to a member of your family in that manner.

If she acted like that to your husband he would say no way in &*(&* she would be coming to his house for a free dinner. It may be that she just has some issue that has not been addressed. Who knows.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Rochester on

Why in the world does your daughter like this friend? Why do you?

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Nashville on

I actually think you should not have said to your friend in front of your daughter as the adult "well I guess she doesn't want to say anything"..It would be the reverse for me. I would tell my daughter to hang up the phone, that is not your call.

The friend was being polite not to respond or hurt your feelings, because in the back of her mind she is probably thinking your daughter does these "rude" things a lot and doesn't like hanging around her - You should be sensitive to the fact that she thinks your daughter is rude and correct that..not be sensitive about your friend not responding to your child.

If your child is vivacious and over friendly, you can't change that, but she should know her place...talking from experience with friends like that!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

No, you're not being to sensitive. Don't know how long or well you know this person, but I get the impression she either doesn't like your daughter or she thinks it's rude for the child to talk to adults the way she does, questioning, picking up extension, etc. I think I'd try to get things straight with her. I wouldn't lilke it if my friend or family did this at all, but I also wouldn't like my child getting on the phone once I've started talking. She should have simply answered the child in the first place. She isn't acting like an adult about this.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

I guess before getting upset, let it go. I don't think she was dismissing your kid. I think she thought it was a discipline moment and was waiting for you to step in and talk to your daughter. More than anything, she's probably thinking or wondering why you didn't tell your daughter it's bad manners to get on the phone when adults are speaking...even if it is a family friend. It certainly is a bad habit if she's doing this all the time. I don't think most people would approve of their children doing this. I know I don't approve of this at my house when my children did this when they were younger. But I'm also the kind of person who won't carry on adult conversations (between my spouse or friends) with my kids in the room, and I make them address all adults as Mr. or Mrs. unless otherwise told. I think it's real important for them to understand, that it isn't always polite to interupt or listen in to topics that aren't meant for their ears. This includes fun and upbeat conversations over a board game with my dearest friends while the kids play elsewhere. If they start horning in and trying to join in the conversation without permission, they get a stern reminder that they're being rude.

So with your friend, maybe you're jumping to conclusions. I know I probably would have done what your friend did...assuming that you'd want to teach her proper phone ettiquette by gently teller her to get off the phone, as this is a private adult conversation for you and your friend, not her.

I as your friend wouldn't feel comfortable saying this as I'm not her parent and secondly, if I did answer, would wonder if I were encouraging her to do something you wouldn't approve of because for her to answer the phone and butt into a conversation is rude behavior that should be nipped.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

It sounds like she has a habit of being dismissive towards your DD & this was just the icing on the cake. If it were one instance, I would let it slide. If it becomes a pattern then you need to decide if you want to say something about it (and deal with whatever her response is) or distance yourself from her. Even if she starts to acknowledge your child after being called out on the ignoring, it most likely won't be genuine, but just to appease you.

Personally, I know that I couldn't be friends with a mom who treated my child my like that. It is our job as parents to make sure that the people we surround ourselves are respectful & kind to our children. I'm sure it makes your DD feel crappy & that she notices your friend's behavior.

To be honest, she sounds like she's not the greatest friend, in my opinion. I know that I probably wouldn't stay friends with someone like that. If you want to be friends with me, it includes treating my kid like a human being & not an inanimate object.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

Yes. Even if it IS a child, or rather, especially if it is a child, an ADULT should set the example of how to use good manners. She called your house. She doesn't get to choose who answers the phone. Your daughter spoke nicely and politely to her (from what you described) and your friend said NOTHING. That is very poor manners.

That all happened before your daughter picked up an extension and interrupted your call. Yes, that was not good, but all kids do that at some point. They are learning and most adults have enough manners to handle it appropriately. Maybe your friend was waiting for you to ask your daughter to hang up the extension. I might have hesitated a moment if I were her, not knowing how YOU were planning to handle the interruption. But the FIRST incidence, when your daughter answered the phone initially, she obviously should have responded to your daughter's question.

And her speaking to her child without an apology was not the best manners, but I can see how that would happen in the normal course of life.

So in situation 1) your friend maybe was annoyed to be answering your daughter, but she should have nonetheless.
In situation 2) your friend may have been waiting to see how you handled it before "overstepping" into a conversation with your daughter. (Although in light of situation 1, that was probably not her thought process).
In situation 3) your friend was probably as annoyed by her kid as you were by your friend's behavior. #3, I'd let go.

Take a couple of aspirin, a nice shower, and get some sleep. :)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

sounds like she doesn't have manners or cooth.

why are you friends with this person? What does she bring to your life? Any value? If she doesn't - then let her go.

While I try not to encourage children who pick up extensions when I'm having a conversation with their parent, I do acknowledge their presence. Hello Jane! This is Cheryl. how are you today? but then I try not to continue the conversation with the child but with the parent.

I don't think you are being too sensitive. I think you have just realized that this person really isn't a friend, has no manners and brings nothing of value to your life.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

I'd be irritated too and probably would have done the same thing. SHE's the one without manners. Your daughter was fine. Have a happy thanksgiving!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Williamsport on

From just what you have written here, your friend has major issues. If your daughter has somehow been a HUGE pain in the butt in the past and your friend cant' STAND her and is trying to show it by giving her the cold shoulder....then not OK really. I have plenty of friends whose kids interrupt and don't have great manners, but I'm never rude to them or refuse to speak to them. It's none of my business and not my problem how they act. IF their mom is TELLING them not to interrupt, and they're still talking to me, I MIGHT give them the shoosh motion finger over my mouth with a SMILE to back up their mom and not reward the bad behvior, but if their mom isn't trying to stop them, I dive right into the free for all. I'm there to be their friend, not snub them to make a point to their mom. To me that is BIZARRE. I mean if your friend was "normal" I'd say, well, tell your daughter not to jump on the phone and interrupt" but the bigger problem here seems to be your friend. And YES, I would be EXTREMELY insulted and I would point blank say, "Are you having a problem with my daughter? What is it?"

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

NO, you're not being too sensitive and your friend needs to be kind with your children or she's outta there!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

i do think if it had been my child, after the first or S. awkward silence in response to your daughter asking who it was, i would have interjected. i wouldn't want my child to be looked on as rude like that. it WAS a teaching moment, and it seemed as though it was pretty obvious your friend thought she was being rude and wasn't impressed. so i would have stepped in, because technically, yes, your daughter was being impolite. especially if you had a hint that your friend wasn't too friendly towards her to start with (i will echo what someone else said, why again are you friends with someone who doesn't appreciate your child?)

for her end, YES it was rude. YES i would be offended if i were you. absolutely. i would not be friends with someone who obviously didn't care about my child. if you're MY friend, you care about MY family too. period.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I would be irritated. My daughter and now my granddaughter have done something similar and my friends have always answered. Then I've told them to hang up unless the friend continued the conversation.

I don't think your daughter was being rude at all. I suggest that it was your friend who was rude. First in not responding to your daughter and then in interrupting your conversation to talk with her daughter without saying something to you first.

However, I would remind myself to not make assumptions and I would ask my friend why she didn't answer your daughter. It's possible she was dealing with her daughter and didn't hear your daughter's question.
If she didn't respond because she thought it was rude, I'd make a mental note that she's sensitive and not feel irritated when she did such things.

Because your daughter answered the phone initially and had a conversation with your friend, I suggest that she was just continuing the contact. I definitely believe that it was OK for her to pick up the extension in this case.

If your friend did think she was rude then it would make sense for her to say something to that effect. She could calmly say, I'm talking with your Mom now. I'll see you tomorrow. Your daughter will only learn if she knows what to do. Not answering her gives you and your daughter no information upon which to adjust your behavior or even to know if you need to.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Her behavior was rude. You cant be friends with someone, especially if you are a mom yourself, without liking/caring about the friend's child. I take the stance: Love me, Love my child. If people dont seem to enjoy my children, I dont spend time with them.

My aunt and uncle are childless, and always seem put out and stressed by my toddlers' behavior. At my last visit, they seemed so cool towards my children that I decided I wouldnt go back until my children were old enough to sit quietly on a couch. And I havent been for a year.

Anyway - your friends behavior woudl have hurt my feelings and I think I would distance myself from her.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Miami on

Well honestly i wud be hurt too. and yes u should feel something and confront ur friend. if thats too much...simply take a stand for ur daughter and validate her feelings.. offer her a word of support and tell her u will do something abt this because u find this as nasty as she does. and yes tell ur friend u can see this and u wud either want her to change her attitude or u dont wanna be friends with her anymore.. in the end,.. u need to ask urself..who is more imp? ur friend or ur daughter.. and also PLEASE Understand ..she is indreictly insulting u because ur daughter is an extension or u.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Your "friend" is really rude, not your child. Your child got genuinely excited and happy to hear your friend on the phone, would it have killed her to acknowledge her and say hi. I couldn't be friends with someone who is rude to my child, she doesn't sound like a friend at all.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Allentown on

I think your friend is being weird. Even if your daughter was perceived as interrupting, it's strange to just ignore a direct question. I would probably have said, "(Friend's name), is something wrong with the line? (Daughter's name) is saying hello".

Now, if you had told your daughter not to interrupt, if I were your friend I would have been quiet and let you deal with it, or say "Yes it's me, but your mom doesn't want you to interrupt right now."

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Providence on

Kids aren't perfect, and certainly it happens when they like to talk on the phone to people, just like us adults. I never had a friend that wouldn't laugh or talk back to my son if he interrupted the conversation. Some of my friends don't even have kids, and they still wouldn't ignore him like that. Maybe she thought you would answer her? I don't know. I think I would have said something like, Oh, he's asking you not me..etc. I wouldn't be hurt by it, but it would make me think twice about them. Especially since she has a kid herself, and she doesn't show much of an interest in your daughter. That wouldn't last very long for me.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

Your friend was rude, plain and simple. There was nothing wrong with what your daughter did.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

when my friend's kids get on the phone, (or yell into it for that matter), to speak to me in excitement. I am FLATTERED. It means that they are happy and excited to hear my voice or talk to me. :) I am always kind, and ENJOY talking to them as well. The ONLY time I have ever cut them short was when it was an emergency call, and I told them I was very sorry, but I REALLY needed to speak to Mommy because it was an emergency. They gave the phone up right away. Kids are people too, with feelings and when it's your child, it hurts. Good for you to go and enjoy dinner. I would start making it a point to speak to her child more and let her see how much of a fool she looks like. She will either change, or go away!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

Your friend was being completely rude and disrespectful. I don't think you daughter was being rude, she was just excited! Although, your friend may have thought your daughter to be rude or disrespectful, she STILL should have acknowledged her! You're not in the wrong to be mad.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Sarasota on

If that happened with my friend and it bothered me I would ask her about it. I would ask her if there was a reason she didn't say hello to your daughter. I wouldn't assume to figure out the reason. Sometimes we are quick to judge and assume another's motive or feelings. If you are wondering why she doesn't pay more attention to your daughter then ask her about it. You might be surprised by what she says and it may be something you or someone else hasn't considered. Or you might find that your friend does not have the same values you do. Either way, you will have the opportunity to come from a place of truth and not base your judgments and decisions on what you don't really know.


answers from Hartford on

This isn't by any means an excuse but perhaps an explanation. Yes, there's a difference. As much as we love our children, not everyone loves children. Before your friend had a child, she clearly didn't like kids or at least your daughter, for whatever reason and honestly that's all right. I don't like every single child I meet. I'm still kind to them, I just don't like all of them. But my point is that some people just are not "kid people" and do. not. like. children. They may love their own children and STILL not be a "kid person."

I know people like this. My BFF's sister is EXACTLY like this. She's not mean to children other than her own, but she's distant and kind of cold. She's like that with anyone that she's hasn't chosen to be her own BFF. She didn't even want her own children for the longest time. But now she has her own daughter and the sun and moon set on that little girl. She's not ever outright mean to other children, but that coldness is there. Hell, I have a SIL like this except her child is a boy. These women aren't maternal types either. They're good moms, they're good friends with those they choose, but they're not "kid people" and therefore not maternal.

That kind of sounds a lot like your friend.



answers from Tampa on

No you're not being too sensitive, if someone's words or actions make you feel hurt or uneasy, it's not you, always trust your gut...My best friend doesn't have or want children but still treats mine like she's my sister...She sends birthday/holiday gifts and when she comes to visit is so sweet and loving to them...She sounds very selfish and I would confront her if I was you..Especially if she has a child that your a kind to...If you don't, you will just continue to build up resentment and may end up causing allot of damage to your friendship. If she responds with sincerity and an apology then you know she's a friend..If not, lose her...



answers from New York on

I thinik it's a little wierd that she wouldn't reply at all, but maybe she was expecting you to tell your daughter to hang up, that you were talking now. I didn't see in your post the age of your daughter, but I have to be honest, if she's a very small kid, it was always a pet peeve of mine when people would allow very little kids to answer the phone or put their tiny kids on the phone to chat. I realize you didn't give the phone to your daughter, she picked it up on her own. Could your friend have not realized that your daughter was actually on the phone extension, and thought your daughter was right next to you, asking YOU if it was "Sally" calling?
Your friend, however, was rude to stop talking mid sentence and turn her attention elsewhere. My best friend from college does this sort of thing, any time we talk, she's busy having conversations with her kids, yelling at the dog or putting me on hold to take another call. I got to the point where I just hang up.



answers from Miami on

No something seriously wrong with the way she acted. Did you daughter do something to her kid? Even then being that she has agreed to come to your house for dinner why woud you say Hi to your daughter how are you. So its either your were she is an insensitive boob. I'd say probably a little of both because I cannot imagine anyone ignoring a child unless there is more the story. But then it begs to wonder why she agreed to have thanksgiving with you and your family knowing either she or your daughter will be there. Honestly either ask her directly or cancel their invitation.

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