ONE month ago, I planned a "family vacation trip" around a sports competition event, and I asked a good friend if she would watch my 3 dogs. She agreed. My husband isn't always able to go with us on trips so this trip is extra special because he's able to go. He is very much looking forward to spending time for 4 nights/5 days out of town. It's about a 6 hour drive.
ONE week before we are leaving my friend tells me that her son is going to the same competition. I thought that odd because she and her husband are not going. But she told me they have their son traveling with another family. She then told me that the family can't give her son a ride home and asked if her child could stay 2.5 days with us and then ride home with us.
I said no because we're traveling with a lot of gear and our vehicle is going to be crowded. She said "well then I can't watch your dogs." She then recanted that and said that she would watch my dogs for a fee. That's fine but she will be totally pissed at me because I really don't want her child to be on our family vacation. (Not to mention, 2 adults, 1 teen and two preteens with one bathroom sounds like a big pain to me.)
She's a dog breeder. She watches my 3 dogs when I periodically travel. She puts them in her garage, in a decent size kennel, and gives them food and water. She may, or may not, clean up their poo. I am only mentioning this to describe the level of care she provides. It's not incredibly significant or time-consuming for her. The dogs sleep on cedar bedding and she cares for them exactly as she does her dogs that she sells.
I would never ask another family to take care of my children on their trips. She is the opposite and has no problem with that.
She is angry at me unless I take her son for the last 60 hours of our family trip.
Am I just selfish and outta line? Or is she the one that puts people out?
IMO, she's being not only selfish but childish as well. I had a friend like that. She did me the same way, I don't consider her a friend anymore. I'd look into alternatives like a kennel, yes you'd hafta pay but you won't hafta deal with a selfish friend that makes you feel guilty for saying no. Good luck!
It's ok to want a family trip and take a family trip. You should not be obligated to bring anyone else along.
Your problem is that you should not ask friends to do what you'd normally pay a service to do with petsitting. That's the catch.... you "owe" her in her mind because she petsits for you. She's thinking tit for tat here and it's putting you in a bad spot.
House/pet sitters aren't cheap but well worth the money because it's never worth it to mix business with friends and family.
It sounds like you're not crazy about the care she gives your pets anyway. If I ever had a gut feeling that my dogs were not 100% safe and cared for, I wouldn't go.
My house/pet sitter stays at my house while I'm gone with my dogs. Depending on my time away, that usually runs me $100-$500 and worth every penny because she's focused on my house and my dogs.
This is your trip, your family time. Don't let someone steamroll you into taking on another kid unless you are truly open to that. NO it's not selfish.
Hire a pet sitter or put your pets in a reputable boarding place.
I would never allow her to petsit or do anything for me again.
Find someone else to watch your dogs. You don't need her crappy attitude. Your vacation should be stress free and you will probably be worrying about the dogs the whole time you are gone if she's watching them.
I don't blame her for being a little put out when she asked you for this favor and you refused. It sounds like she has been doing favors for you uncompensated. I get that taking care of a child is way different than taking care of dogs. I'm not saying that I would necessarily want another child tagging along on a family vacation, but I can understand why she feels upset.
It sounds like you have to some extent taken advantage on her generosity. You should really just find another place to keep your dogs.
You have damaged this friendship. According to what you wrote, you are a USER.
From your version it seems you think it is no big deal to ask someone to watch 3 dogs for 150 hours (you don't count the hours for this as you have for their son). As soon as she asks for a favor, you act as if she has some nerve. You act like since she is around dogs, 3 more should not be a big deal. Well she may feel since you are with kids what is one more. It is not like you are on a romantic get away. You are taking your kids to a sporting event, and the same one her kid is attending.
Her reaction from your version makes her sound immature. According to you, she said if you can't help me, you need to find a new dog watcher. For all I know her whole family, friends and therapist may have advised her to tell you off and she did just that.
To add insult to this, you act as if she is not caring 'that much' for your animals. Do you really think she does not clean up your dogs' poop for 5 days? Does she leave it in her garage, since you do not mention them being walked. I highly doubt she is as awful as you mention. You wrote here for a reason. Maybe hoping to feel you are right and she is wrong. Please, Please, Please read these comments and apologize to your friend. You are guilty of taking advantage of her.
I am writing to be helpful and not hurtful. I feel so sorry for this lady. She may have thought after all she has done for you, asking for a ride for her kid would not be a big deal.
Nope.
Not selfish at all.
Hire another dog sitter and don't use her services in the future.
My kids are not in travel teams/competitions, but I know that among families who are, it is very normal to carpool and have kids room-up. My best friend does take spare kids on her family trips that are combos like this.
What your friend asked you to do isn't weird, but that doesn't mean it works for you, and it was totally fine to say No.
That said, you've asked her to watch 3 dogs for 4/5 days and say she's done so periodically in the past. If you've never paid her for this, and haven't reciprocated in favors that are meaningful and helpful to her, then from her point-of-view her request would be a minor return favor.
She's angry now and you can't do what it would take to make her not angry. That means she's not an appropriate choice for your dogs care anymore. Find a kennel (or house & pet sitter) and pay for the service like you would otherwise have had to do. The time for asking favors from this particular friend is at an end.
Find another dog sitter pronto. Enjoy your vacation!
I don't think you're being selfish. She agreed to watch your dogs with no questions asked. And now she's attaching strings to the agreement. Watching three dogs is not the same thing as watching a child. Even if her child is exceptionally well behaved, bringing a child with you that isn't part of your nuclear family changes the dynamics of the vacation.
The question is what are you going to do about it. Even if she doesn't provide a really high level of care, her willingness to take care of them provides you with flexibility that you wouldn't normally have and saves you quite a bit of money. In her mind she probably feels that you should reciprocate. Except that you can't just put her child in a cage and give him food and water!
I don't think I'd pay her to watch the dogs, simply because that's not going to make her any less unhappy about the situation. She's using them to blackmail you into taking care of her child.
Your choices are to either kennel your dogs somewhere else, which will probably cost you several hundred dollars. Or take care of her child. How does your husband feel about it?
I see her point. She has done you this favour on more than one occasion, but you are unwilling to do a favour for her. If the child is old enough to be travelling for sports, then he is not a young child that requires a great deal of care. I would ask the child to bring money to cover his own restaurant meals, and provide him with the same level of care you provide your own children.
even if its family we compensate whomever watches our animals while we are away on vacation. i think you should pay her for pet sitting every time she does it
I'd probably find another option for your dogs at this point. When we go on our annual family vacation one of my hubby's friends comes in twice a day to take care of the dog and cat. I had a pet service do it the first year but they did a so so job (in my opinion) so we decided to throw a couple hundred dollars to the friend and he does a great job.
If it were me, I would say "Sorry this doesn't seem to be working out - I thought we had an agreement, and I don't feel we can change our plans just because yours have changed. We'll just find another dog care place."
As for accepting favors like this from a good friend, I think you do have to do something in return at some point for the friend. Sounds to me like a pretty big favor. My sister and her good friend alternate watching each other's pets. So it balances out.
Added: Read the responses from other moms, and some really good points. You do sound like you are brushing off the extent of how she's helped you out in the past. I would watch that. That's the part I find a bit 'selfish' (your question). Remember, another family is helping her out by taking her son to the competition. She may have not felt it was that big a deal to ask you. My sister often traveled with extra kids on her family vacations. For some people, this is the norm. I'm assuming your kids are friends. Just something to think about.
Wow, I don't think I would ever ask someone to watch 3 dogs free of charge for a nearly a week - let alone someone who basically raises dogs for a living. That really is taking advantage of someone. Then, your friend basically asks you to reciprocate by taking her son for only HALF of your trip . . . and you say no.
Personally, I think you are the one taking advantage, not her. It sounds like you were her LAST choice - after another family said they couldn't help her out after all.
Friends help each other out. However, you are kind of a one way street. Find someone else to watch your dogs and pay them the going rate (you will see exactly how much your friend was saving you) and tell your soon to be ex-friend you can't help her with her son.
Good luck!
Just/get/a/dog/sitter/or/board/your/dogs/while/you/travel./She/clearly/isn't/interested/in/helping/you/out/without/getting/something/in/return.
Personally/I/would/never/expect/anyone/to/watch/my/animals/free/of/charge,/breeder/or/not.
I wouldn't mix good friendships with dog boarding favors, that's the root of the whole issue here. I wouldn't over-analyze this. Call an actual kennel business to arrange for you dogs to be boarded, asap. Once that is secured, call your friend and tell her you've made other arrangements for your dogs, and that you are not able to care for her son on your family vacation. I wouldn't worry about whether or not she gets angry, that would be her problem.
You are NOT selfish or out of line about her son not riding or staying with you. But you should either pay her to board your dogs, or pay a vet. The upside to paying her is that it will lessen her irritation, and your dogs are less likely to catch kennel cough.
Ignore her issue with her son. Be matter-of-fact with her and business-like. Remember, you can hurt her business selling dogs if she abuses your dogs. I'm sure she knows that.
I don't think you are out of line, but I think you should think about this before getting angry. I DO think it was really rude of her to come back saying she cannot watch your dogs if you can't take her son (tit for tat). She felt like she is doing you a big favor, but that you cannot return the favor back to her. So, she was feeling like you are using her but not giving in return. I'm just saying this so you stop and think about it from her point of view. I have pets and I have a friend who is my dog sitter, and her being able to do this for me is very valuable. I watch her dog in return when she needs it. I would not want to lose this arrangement!!! My one dog who is left is elderly and it gives me peace of mind knowing she can go somewhere where she is comfortable and feels at home. If you do not want to lose her as a resource for watching your 3 dogs (3!!!) while you are out of town, then you might want to consider squeezing in an extra kid on your trip. If it were me I would consider doing this if I had no other dog sitters. OR...if you are done with her as a friend for being petty (her tit for tat thing) I would not use her any more as a dog sitter, and I would find someone else to watch the dogs.
So she does you a solid by watching your 3 dogs for FREE and when she asks for a favor back you say NO?
Guess what? You want someone to watch your pets you pay. It sounds like she wasn't going to charge you before but since you can't help her out she wants to get paid. I don't blame her!
Are you being selfish? Yes, but not for the reason you think. While you don't understand how someone can ask for their child to join them on the back end of a vacation, I don't understand someone who thinks its okay to ask a friend to care for three dogs and not compensate them. That is where you are wrong.
I would find other accommodations for your pets. I would decline taking her child on the back end of your vacation. I would also expect you to be one good friend short.
I wouldn't have a problem with a friend's child joining me on a family vacation. I think it's a little selfish of you BUT it is YOUR family's vacation. Just remind her that you are going on a vacation after the sports event and that you are traveling with that in mind.
If your friendship is one where it can't withstand this then I would think it's not much of a friendship but on the other hand friends do take care of each other when it's necessary. In this case I wouldn't mind another kid unless I really, really didn't like that kid.
Our vet boards our pets when we travel. They love on them more than we do. It also helps the pets when they go there for shots or anything else because they're friends with the staff and the docs. They have the shelter part built where it should withstand a tornado too. They have both a large and small animal area and lots of people leave animals with them when they need to. It's like a spa day/vacation for them.
Continue to say no if you want to keep your vacation as family only, and for this trip and from now on, arrange for your dog to stay at a kennel instead of with her.
This is a vacation for you and your family and as you stated, your husband rarely gets to go. It is not unreasonable that you wouldn't want an extra person tagging along. Also, it's odd that she didn't mention her son was going when you originally asked and that she arranged for her son to go with people who can't bring him home. Who does that?
She has kept the dogs in the past, so her asking for her son to impede on your family time is not an equal favor. If it were just a ride home, that would be fine, but he would be with you for half of your trip. At any rate, I would find somewhere else to take the dogs.
I say this as a mother who has taken MANY a trips with my kids to sporting events and has had to send my children with people there or home from sporting events.
I am a bit floored that you said you couldn't take her kid for a couple of days. I mean, she's watching your dogs for free.
But then she got cranky .....then you got cranky...and you are both being a bit immature.
I JUST went on a soccer "vacation" with my family. Which meant that I stayed at some dinners with the team, helped a sick teammate, drove kids to games or back to the hotel....that's just what you do.
Just say no, that you cannot accommodate her son because the car is full and so is the hotel, but don't expect her to watch your dogs either. Find a friend or family member that can house them, or put them in a kennel, like most people do. Why deal with her threats or blackmail? If she was expecting to be paid for dog-sitting, she should have mentioned that upfront, not now because you declined to care for her son at the last minute and she is wanting to get back at you. If she doesn't even provide quality care for your dogs, as you imply, why are you forcing the issue of wanting her to watch them? That alone would make me want to rethink asking her to watch my pets. Can you find a trusted neighborhood kid to go to your home and take them out for walks and feed them? My niece does this, and gets $20 a day.
