Alternative to Sleep Training

T.,
I am an Infant Sleep Trainer; it's what I do for a living. If you feel that you want a professional to help guide you in this sometimes frustrating but always 'worth it' endeavor, send me a note.

Good luck,
L.
www.NannyForNewborns.com
Newborn Specialist, Parenting Coach, Infant Sleep Trainer

To be honest, I think that it is fairly normal for a 4 month old to wake 2 or 3 times a night to eat. A couple of alternatives to cry it out sleep training are Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solutions and the Sleep Lady http://www.sleeplady.com/
Good luck!

Hi T.-
He is still only 4 months old. I know it can be frustrating not getting enough sleep. Honestly, both of my babies did not being sleeping through the night consistently until 6 months and even now my 8 month old still will wake up once/night. With my second baby I always just threw my baby in the bed with me and fed her so I could sleep, but I was more comfortable with doing that than with my first! :) I do recommend a book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution"--I found it helped with my first child.
Good Luck!
L.

Most of the sleep experts agree that babies need to know and need to be taught how to put themselves to sleep. It's the first step. There's no way he will put himself back to sleep when he wakes middle of the night if he doesn't know how. The first step is helping him learn to go to sleep on his own at night. (Calming him, doing the "routine," but no falling asleep while nursing or rocking). Other suggestions are the early bedtime (sleep begets sleep), a lovey that smells like you (wear in your bra), and a "signal" that it's really time to go to sleep (the same song, prayer, poem, etc.)

I was so there. with some differences of course (no two babies are alike :)

Our problem came (Sam is 17 mo) when he could put himself back to sleep but chose not to. Plus, I had a 10% weight baby so I felt like if he wanted to eat it was my obligation to feed (nurse) him. Basically at 7 months we had a major problem on our hands - a baby still waking 2-3 times a night wanting to eat. I could have strangled Mindell, Pantley - all those experts who said that if a baby knew how to put themselves to sleep they would eventually figure it out at night. I wish at 4 mo my Ped had suggested we try a little tough love. This is the first extremely painful and difficult step in being a parent. You have to give them what they need rather than what they want at some point. Looking back it was at 4 months that Sam would smile when I came into his room. Perfect sign that he was just looking for attention and was figuring out who was truly in charge. He wasn't starving. I know it's hard and many disagree, but it worked for us (finally at 7 months). I just wish I could have had those 3 months of sleep back! Try Dr. Weissbluth's book - very technicial with regards to sleep needs and sleep patterns, but very good. Yes, your baby may need one feeding a night now but not 3.

I had to quit breastfeeding when Sam was 6 months old, and I am a firm believer that nursing moms are more willing to keep the night feedings going on because it's just so much easier to slip out the boob (and stop the crying) than go to the kitchen & fix a bottle.

Good luck! You'll figure out what's right for you! But don't let anybody make you feel guilty for the choice you make. You know Aiden and his needs better than anyone! And you know when he's genuinely hungry and when he needs parenting.

It sounds like you are describing my son to the tee. 4 months, big for his age, snacker, and waking 2-3x per night. My son has been eating at 8pm and then waking up for a snack at 12, 3-4ish, and 5:30ish and eating again at 7am. When I asked my doctor he suggested picking one 6 hour stretch during the night and work towards that first.
At the 8pm feeding I gave as many solids as the baby would eat, followed by milk. I then "worked" towards the 2am goal. Allowing the baby to cry as much as I could handle inching the minutes towards 2am. Knowing that at 2am the crying would stop made the process a little more tollerable.

I then continued the "snacker" feedings as normal. It took about a week but eventually my son (and I) realized that a 6 hour stretch is doable and that the multiple feedings are out of habit not necessity (at 4 months). He now sleeps from 8 till 2 but still wakes for the other snack times. I am sure that the same process will work to further extend the 6 hour stretch. I feel so much more rested just having a slightly longer sleep time. Although it was hard, it worked a lot faster than I thought, and the baby doesn't seem to know anything different now.
I think trying to tackle a whole nights sleep can be overwhelming and discouraging. Try working on a full night's sleep in little increments. Good Luck!

I do not agree with sleep training. At four months old and being breastfed, I don't think your child is ready to sleep through the night. My mom didn' regularly for a few months after that. I got some good suggestions from the Dr. Sears website, www.askdrsears.com or you can by the Baby Sleep book. I would recommend maybe trying to take away one of the feedings and attempt to just snuggle or comfort. My son is two now and a wonderful sleeper and has been for a while. We never used cry it out or sleep training.

Hi T.,
I was deleting all of my old mamasource files and i came across your request and i don't know if you have resolved your issue or not but i think the best, best, resource for these questions is the doctor Sears website! He has written many books and you can email questions if you don't already see a similar question posted.

I agree that it's perfecty fine not all babies are instant all through the night sleepers. I do however suggest that you delay the feeding attempt to calm and get back to sleep without food and if food is still desired then give it, this way you know if it's due to need or habit ... good luck

Good for you for thinking about this now!
There's not really an alternative. If you don't start now, you'll still be sleepless when he's 5. You might start with his day time routine rather than night time. The routine that worked for us for sleep training was sleep, eat, play. You start by setting a first morning feeding to begin the cycle of sleep, eat, play. Then you make sure he stays awake after each feeding. Do what you can to keep him awake for even 10 minutes (30 min is better, but you can work up to it). Just focus on that for a while. Once you get the daytime routine straightened out, he may naturally fall into a better pattern at night so you can get some rest! The only time you DON'T keep him awake after a feeding is at night. At night you'll feed him, kiss him goodnight, and put him back in his bed. As long as you're not having diaper leaks, you might not even want to change his diaper.

Keep in mind that nursing does make things a little bit different. He may not be able to go more than 8 hours at night until you're done nursing, but he should easily be able to sleep for 6 hours (so, if bed time is 8, you might expect to feed him again at 2am, but he should go right back to sleep).

Establishing good sleep habits now means you're giving him a great skill for life! A well-rested child is more pleasant to be around, has a good metabolism, thinks more clearly, learns better, etc. It may be hard to be consistent, but you need to remind yourself that this is "short term pain for long term gain." Crying doesn't mean his feelings are hurt or that he's not loved or very well cared for. It's obvious from your post that he's a much loved baby. And he won't even remember this. He's not going to turn around one day when he's 10 and say to you, "I can't believe you sleep trained me when I was a baby. I hate you for my full night's sleep. I'd rather be over-tired and strung out."

Please read "Nightime parenting" by Dr. William Sears. I tried sleep training with my 2nd child and it was a disaster. I am following the suggestions of Dr. Sears with my 3rd child and life is so much better. She has terrible colic, but with his method, even my colicky baby is so happy and healthy. My 2nd child is now 3 years old and is still damaged emotionally from my leaving him to "cry it out."

At 4 months old, he is still very young, he's just spent 9 months with you all the time and now, he's not with you all the time and not getting constant nutrician. Remember breastmilk can digest in 2 hours, so he proably is hungry and you are providing him with the best thing in this world by nursing him!!!! Great Job!!!! Truthfully, who knows your baby best, you or your sons pedi? If you are not comfortable with it, you don't have to do it.

My daughter is about to be 14 months old and still wakes up once a night to nurse most nights (she just started solids a couple of weeks ago, so breastmilk is still her main food). What worked for us is co-sleeping, instead of me getting up, stumbling into her room, picking her up half asleep and nursing her, I roll over and get boobie out and she nurses, I go back to sleep and she's happy and goes back to sleep after she is done. I get my sleep and she gets to nurse in the middle of the night.

I am totally against "Cry It Out," we are actually following Attachment Parenting (AP). I believe that if a babies needs are met with affection when needed they will be happier and healthier, also more self confident due to they know someone will always be there for them.