Almost 9Yrs of marriage...is Time to Quit?-response to Y'all at the End..

The two of you have been through a lot these past 9-years and there appears to be a lot of hurt and possibly some misunderstanding festering between the two of you. I know it is hard to be in a relationship where you do not feel like you are loved, appreciated and connected with each other but, before you decide to pull the plug on your relationship, please try to give marriage counseling a try. For your son's sake and for yours. If, after counseling, you do decide that you and your husband are not able to salvage your marriage, at least you will have had a chance to process a lot of your inner turmoil and garbage so that you will face being single and possibily getting into a new relationship with a clearer head and a lot less emotional baggage.

Whew! You've got a lot going on. I think you should do what's best for you HOWEVER, please do not use your son in a game of tug of war with your husband. If you can come to an amicable agreement to end your marriage and then manage as friends with shared custody of your son, it might be better for everyone every which way around.

I'm glad you are off the meds and you are feeling so much better. Does that have to mean the end of your marriage? No.......but I would suggest that you both sit down and have a very long talk without Logan around. If you are good friends, then this talk should be honest and open. If you both want it to work, then see about getting counseling somewhere.....church, someone you trust or someone who has a degree with counseling.
Never stay in a marriage for the child. You will both be miserable......and the child will know it.
I hope you can work this out, but if you can't just remember you are strong and you will be fine either way. Take care and good luck.

Wow! If you both -and I really mean he has to be completely on board -want to try to save your marriage, then it sounds like you desperately need to see a counselor/therapist. Given his actions and what he's doing now, I'm not so sure you need to give your 30s to this guy. In a perfect world we would all stay together with the father of our children and be happy. The compromises we make wouldn't be soul-shattering and we would support one another through life's ups and downs. This isn't a perfect world!

If he agrees to go to a marriage counselor, he MUST quit talking to women (and possibly having sex with them) immediately! You need to stop as well if you're flirting online with ex boyfriends. I have to say -I see red flags all over this situation, and the biggest probably is how he handled your post-partum depression. It's bad enough for a spouse to say they're fed up and will divorce if things don't change, but we can all understand those situations -but to threaten you with never again seeing your child is cruel and mean-spirited. From what you're saying here, he sounds like a mean person. I have to ask -since you got pregnant after marriage -why did you get married? Was it the shared interest in drugs at the time? I'm not trying to be ugly -just curious since you now say you have no common interests. If you DID marry because you enjoyed doing drugs or drinking together, you certainly wouldn't be the first! However, marrying at such young ages and not having anything in common only gets worse as you get older and mature. You say it was a "once beautiful marriage" but it doesn't sound like it's been so great. I think you need to seek counseling on your own as well to help you with your self-esteem and realizing what you deserve and what a good relationship looks like.

I would never encourage you to submit to your husband in any way -I think women who buy into that are rather dumb creatures who are easily manipulated, but it's easy to let ourselves be manipulated in other ways. Don't do that. Given what you've said, I would say divorce him now -don't waste anymore time on him (and PLEASE, because it's VERY important -don't continue to let your boy get the message that this is the way a relationship works and that it's okay for the guy to be dimissive, inattentive and rude). Good luck with whatever you do -but please know - life can be a lot better!

You have a lot on your plate right now, to some degree everyone does, but you have some issues that need to be dealt with now and maybe with a third party like a counselor. Honestly the way your husband is acting is NOT like a husband OR a best friend. He seems to not respect your feelings and needs and does not support you in your ups and downs (which even a good friend let alone a best friend will do). You are right it is a two way street and if the other person is just done then maybe it is time to move on BUT for me that is always the last option (unless the husband is physically and mentally abusing you, which in that case get out now). Please try counseling, ask hubby to come along and at the very least go yourself (if you don't already) it will at least help get you in a good place and state of mind to make the important discussion of to move on from the marriage or to try some more.

Someone mentioned do no use your kid as a tug of war rope, and I agree. It does seem that both of you are talking about taking the child as a threat to get something out of the other... marriage counseling will help if you are both willing to go.

I got married young and got pregnant early in marriage unexpected too (9 months into the marriage). I was 22 and hubby was 25 when married, we have now been married 5 1/2 years (so you two have a few years on us). After I had my little girl I was severely depressed (which I suffer mild depression off and on since high school) and I was on a low dose of medication to help me get out of the hole. Seems like the doctor diagnosed you incorrectly, usually shortly after having a child and you feel depressed they immediately thing postpartum depression before jumping to other diagnoses like Bipolar. My husband also pushed me to seek counseling/help to deal with the depression (no threatening of leaving, just wanted to help me the only way he knew how). After getting help I was taken off meds a year and a half of being on them and back to my "normal" self. It has been a struggle for us to get our marriage back on track, BUT what happened is we had fallen in a pattern of not respecting each other. SO I started doing everything I could to be polite and respectful of my husband (kiss, hug, talk about anything everyday, write little love notes, make his favorite dinner) and after awhile he started to feel more loved and treated me back with respect and love. Hubby and I have little in common but we love each other and we will ALWAYS do whatever it takes to keep your marriage strong. Going to Bible study together has really helped us :)

Good for you! You're off meds and it sounds like you are focusing on yourself after a really long time. Have you thought about going to counselling with your husband? I agree with Denise. Kids have a really good sense about their parents. In the long run, you don't want your son to be affected.

I'm trying to be objective with the information you've provided. Perhaps you had bad doctors. All those meds sound very dangerous. If you're bipolar, not having meds is dangerous.

The questions are:

Are you bipolar or not? You need a second opinion with a well-respected psychiatrist. If you have some area Bipolar Association, ask them who they recommend. (My step-daughter was mildly bipolar and when she was off her meds, she thought she was fine but she was far from it. She took one med that made her gain weight (Depakote I think) but then we switched it and she lost the weight immediately and took this other one that also treats epilepsy and it worked!

Do you have a great doctor/internist that can figure out your other health issues? Have you had a complete workup?

What kind of a person do you want to be? You aren't on illegal drugs now. If you want to be a great partner to anyone, what do you bring to the table? What are your interests? If you let yourself go and was never interested in makeup or hair, I think that it will take a very different kind of man to be attracted to you. And if he is that way too, would you remain attracted to him? Before you consider changing partners, be the best person you can be and face the fact that men are first attracted physically, then mentally and personality, then whatever else they deem important.

IF it is possible that you were a big mental and physical mess, why does anyone think your husband was mean? Maybe you were a pretty terrible mom during that time too. Give him a break. He's not trying to be attractive to you now or spark your interest. IF you don't really want to lose him until you see the best side of him again, then be your best self first. Looks like you're trying. But waking him up for sex? That wasn't thought out well. I just don't hear things bad enough about him to write him off yet.

Go get that marriage counselor/psychologist who is a relationship expert. Hopefully, one that is a behaviorist. For the children's said, agree to not flirt/take with former lovers or potential lovers during this time.

Why would you want to move the children away so that it would be hard for your children to have a relationship with their father? I hope it isn't because you are so dependent that you want someone else to support you so you can be your worst self. Take the consequences for some of your bad choices. Take responsibility for your mental and physical health. You can do this!!!

Then, if love is lost, separate under terms that are as good as you can get them for your children. Sober, both of you may not be compatible. If you are not meant for each other, then okay but do remember that he might fight for custody of the children. Based on your former issues, he might win. Keep that in mind. If you're not used to making big decisions and figuring out all the ramifications of it, that's another good reason for having a very good counselor. Show kindness and understanding of why he might have lost his love and it is natural for you to fall out of love if he is not being loving toward you. You are at a fork in the road. Make good choices from now on. Get pros to help you both. Then decide what is the right thing to do. I've been divorced to incompatible men and married to a wonderful man. It is really your decision. Just know that you do have responsibilities to first before you flip a coin.